Chapter 41: Epilogue

"It's not my fault we ran out of time."

"Oh, I'm Jesse, and I'm so innocent. I had no idea—"

"Okay, smartass, staying with me was your idea."

I reared back, eyes narrowed sharply. "I stayed to help you. Least you could've done is keep track of how long it was going to take."

"Alright then, correction." He straightened up dramatically. "It's not my fault that I lose track of time when you're around."

I snorted, but I don't justify his response with an answer. Only because there was a truth behind the joking manner that blossoms a familiar feeling of warmth in my chest.

But instead of allowing myself to display what I'm feeling where he could see it, I lean forward from where I'm sat cross legged on the hood of his Camaro, my eyes directed down the road for any sign of cars driving by.

"They should be coming back any time now," I said.

Jesse was looking down the road, too. At my words, his arms rose to cross over his chest, and he walked back to the car and leaned against the side, right beside where I was sitting. "Anything I should expect?"

There was a hint of nervousness in his voice that I had to smile at. "You don't have to expect much from Darry. He's just...unhinged."

"Well, it's a good thing I have experience with that kind of behavior."

I shot him a look, one that ignited a fit of laughs from him. "You calling me crazy?"

"I wouldn't exactly call you sane," he countered.

"What a shame," I said wistfully. "And here I was falling so deeply in love with you."

The flicker of emotion that crossed Jesse's face was unmistakable, but he retained his playful smile, leaning over the car where I sat. "I'd believe you. Why else would you bring me to have dinner with you and your family?"

"I would say that you're reaching too far, as always."

"Am I?"

We stared at each other, and it wasn't long after that I felt the prickles of electricity spark fire in my veins. I'm reminded of the words I almost said on the pier weeks ago—the same words that I'd almost said countless times for days now. Even today, within the walls of his bedroom, losing track of time as I helped him study for an exam for one of his classes.

I blinked. "Jess—"

The sound of screeching breaks sounded, and Jesse and I instantly broke apart, turning to look at the car coasting to a stop on the road.

All too soon, my older brother burst from the backseat, arms spread out to the sky, head tilted back. "I'm home!" he hollered.

I glanced uneasily at Jesse.

"My God, Darren, keep it down," my mom chastised, glancing around as she climbed out of the car.

"Why should I? I'm the best damn thing to happen to this town."

My mom looked over to my dad for support, but he was too busy smiling widely at my brother, too amused to care about the attention we were drawing from the neighbors.

Darry's head lowered back down, his gaze falling onto Jesse and I still staring at him. With a curious look in his eyes, he began to saunter forward with the grace of a newborn horse.

"Carson," he said once he was standing in front of us.

"Darren."

"How is sweet Katrina doing? Did she miss me terribly?"

"She missed you about as much as I did."

His expression soured. "Lovely as always. Thanks for coming to pick me up from the airport with the family, by the way, you ungrateful lunch box."

I smiled sweetly. "I didn't want to overcrowd the car."

"Really? Cause it seems to me that you'd rather spend more time with your boyfriend." The words wiped the smile off my face. My mouth popped open to say something, but Darry's attention had already left me. He shot a hand out. "I'm Darren. You're Jesus, aren't you?"

"His name is Jesse, you expired pretzel."

"Now, now," my mom chided in, coming to stand beside Darry. "It's nice to see you, Jesse, how are you?"

My mom's question seemed to shake Jesse out of whatever trance had possessed him the moment my brother dove out of the car. He blinked a few times, mouth parting as he drew in a breath. When he breathed out, his hand rose to meet my brother's.

"I'm Jesse," he said to Darry, and then turned to my mom. "I'm doing great. I'm sorry for bringing Carson back late. I really meant to keep track of the time, but we got distracted."

"Doing what?" Darry asked.

I looked at him, fingers aching to slam a punch into his arm. "We were studying."

"Is that what they call it nowadays?"

"You son of a—"

"I hope you guys are hungry!" my dad chimed in, wrapping an arm around Darry's shoulder. "Big dinner planned today."

"You are staying right, Jesse?" my mom asked.

Jesse had only began nodding, but before he could say anything, Darry cut him off, his eyes on the car I was sitting on. "That's not a Mustang." He turned to my dad, visibly confused. "You said it was a Mustang."

"I said it was a Camaro."

Darry turned back to Jesse. "You know, I've played Need for Speed on my PlayStation before—"

"Alright, alright, we can talk about this inside," my mom said, offering me a sympathetic look. "C'mon, guys."

My dad steered my brother inside, heads huddled together, arguing in hushed tones about car brands.

My mom began following them inside, but not before glancing back at Jesse and I. "Dinner should be ready soon."

I nodded. She smiled reassuringly at Jesse before disappearing inside the house.

Once the door closed behind them all, Jesse turned to me. "He really is quite the character."

"He's demented."

Jesse chuckled, blue eyes sparkling under the sunlight. He took a step toward the house, only to hesitate when he noticed that I wasn't moving to follow. "We going in?"

"We'll give them a minute to settle in."

"I already kept you from your family long enough."

"Oh, why look at you," I teased. "A perfect gentleman."

He didn't protest more, instead displaying a charming smile as he made his way back to the car. "Have I not always aimed to please?"

"It is a quality of yours that you're proud of."

"You love it about me."

I watched him carefully. "It's not the only thing."

While I hadn't said anything outright, the response made the lighthearted expression on his face blend into one of surprise.

I swallowed down the lump growing in my throat and sat up straighter. Staring at him with the words bubbling in my mouth felt a lot like standing on an empty stage for millions to see. I felt so exposed and bare, but there was a comfort in the way he stared at me that made me feel confident with what I was about to say.

"Jess..." I started slowly. "I know this probably isn't the right time, but—"

His head was shaking. "Carson—"

"I could've probably told you when were actually alone, but..." My heart was beating a hole in my chest. Was it normal to feel this nervous? "We haven't really talked about it, and I know I already said it before, but I'm sorry. About Kale and—"

Jesse was right in front of me, hands pressed down onto the hood of the car right where I sat. I felt his fingers slide up against the fabric of my jeans. His head was still shaking, but there was a warm smile on his face as he grew closer. "I don't care, Carson," he whispered.

"But I just want—"

I'm cut off by his hands, soft fingers bracketed on either side of my face. A hot blush spread across my skin, and I couldn't help but wonder if he could feel it, too. "You don't have to apologize for him anymore," he said.

"But—"

"It's over. I have you now and that's all that matters to me." He waited a beat, and then continued in a lower tone. "Even if all we are is just friends."

"That's the thing—"

"But I'm okay with it if that's how you want it to be—"

"Don't," I said, my voice taut like a balloon that was about to burst. I met his eyes, recollecting my thoughts before I lost the nerve to go on. "Jesse, I'm trying to tell you that I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I've told you so many times already that I am, too."

My heart was still beating hard in my chest, bleeding warmth that I could feel all the way down to my toes. I tasted the words I wanted to say on my tongue, and even though they triggered this surreal feeling of uncertainty, it didn't feel so unfamiliar to me anymore.

I cleared my throat, reaching my hands up to pry his away from me. "I'm trying to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened because I don't want you to think I'm saying this because I feel guilty."

"Saying what?"

"I..." My lips pursed. "I think I might be falling in love with you."

Jesse drew away, eyes wide.

"And I know how that must sound," I went on, a bit too hastily. "Even I'm not sure what it really feels like, but all I know is that I missed you that week you were gone and I still miss you now—even when you're right here. And it doesn't make any sense to me. It's like I'm not myself when you're not around. And that sounds like a load of bullshit, because it's not like I can't function when you're not with me, but you just make the world so much brighter—and I—I just—" I drew in a shaky breath. "I'm fucking this up, aren't I?"

Jesse was still quiet, eyes skirting along the ground.

I swallowed. "I didn't mean to throw this all on you before going in, but you don't need to say anything back. I know I didn't when you first said it, but—"

"If..." Jesse murmured. He moved closer, where I could hear his whispers perfectly. "If your family wasn't crowded at the window, I don't think I'd be able to stop myself."

I sat up, immediately turning to look at the front of the house. Within a second, I saw the curtain fling around, my brothers head of hair unmistakable.

"That rat," I snarled.

"You really picked the perfect time to rile me up, didn't you?"

I looked back in front of me. "I'd consider it more a spur of the moment type of thing."

"At least I gave you the privacy to react to when I said it without an audience."

"Those are fighting words, Jesse."

"I'm in a fighting kind of mood, Carson."

"After everything I just said?" I asked, my voice incredulous.

Jesse's voice lowered an octave. "Try wanting to make out with you while your entire family watches."

That brought me up short, but before I could offer a response, the front door of the house opened. Jesse leaned away, and when I turned to the source of noise, my brother's head peeked out from around the doorframe. "You guys okay out here?" he asked innocently.

"I'm going to kill him," I growled under my breath.

Jesse laughed, reaching over to grab my hands. I allowed him to guide me off the hood of the car. When my feet touched the ground, he turned to my brother still watching us. "We're coming in."

"Good," Darry said, walking back inside. And then in an even brighter tone, "I love being the buzzkill."

Jesse and I were walking up the front steps, his hand enclosed over one of mine. A shadow fell over the entrance of the doorway, but just as we were about to head inside, Jesse stopped, secure enough in the blind side of the windows and the cracked door to spin around and capture my lips with his own.

I fell into the kiss in a spiral. A flurry of heat filled me up, making me feel as if I could've melted then and there.

But all too soon, Jesse pulled away a fraction. "We will talk about this later," he whispered, just as breathless as I was.

"Right."

"After dinner."

"Okay."

"That window of yours still unlocked?"

The front door opened wider, revealing both my dad and my brother. Before they could see how close Jesse was though, he straightened up, innocent to the blush still coloring my face.

My dad greeted us by saying the PlayStation was set up, as per my brother's orders. And with a wireless controller in his hands, Jesse and I were ushered inside, into the living room with my brother while my dad helped my mom prepare dinner.

As laughter filled the air as the sun went down, it was getting harder and harder to hide the knowing looks. Dinner came and gone, and when nightfall blanketed the sky as I waited by my bedroom window, I stared down at my hands, bewitched by the memories that overtook me as I sat there.

I thought of the first time I'd ever saw Jesse face to face, and every encounter then on that led me to Farrah and Kale. I thought of Katrina, and of the misunderstandings that inevitably tilted my entire world on its side.

I thought of everything I'd ever said before that led up until this moment. Of all of the times I could've opened up in the past, but failed at my inability to voice what I was feeling. And the truth was that I often said things I meant, just as much as I said things I didn't mean. But there was nothing that felt more loyal to what I felt, and nothing that felt more right than this: I'm glad he didn't give up on me when I kept asking him to.

Then, almost a whisper in the silence: knock, knock.

I smiled.

〰️

the end.

( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

or is it????

jk that's it lol

thank you for reading.

♡