[EDIT; 3/2014]:Â Whether you're re-reader or a first time reader, I just want to formally apologize to you before you continue on with this story. Unlike the first five chapters, the rest of the story has not been edited. So, please keep in mind that I was thirteen when I wrote this. Forgive me, lovelies. I want to finish this story before I edit all of it.
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At times like these, I wished I had karate classes.
Not that I never asked.
But I knew in the process of learning, Iâd be attacking myself rather than anyone else on more than just a few occasions. I wasnât exactly the most coordinated person in the world, but with objects of some sort, I would do wondersâ¦
After school, I made only small conversation with Katrina â afraid that my attitude would snap at anything, especially a simple âhelloâ â and went to the library. For what? I had no idea.
Maybe I needed some insight on how to kill someone, but I doubted I would get far on research with the computers there. Since the librarians watch everything. And itâs not everyday you see a girl searching ways to hide a dead body.
I flinched. That was about the second time I thought like that. Hurting Jesse would be delightful, but killing him? He probably didnât deserve such punishment. Or maybe he did, and I havenât been watching him at all.
My hand skidded across numbers of books, before I found one that caught my eye. The carpet was a good place to sit, considering I might make faces throughout my stay here â and I highly presumed that people would be staring if I sat at a table. To be honest, the book itself didnât fascinate me â it was just the words that described the being of anger or pain that kept me in a daze. So I had no idea that there were two girls my age, peeking their heads in through the side of the aisle â staring at me.
I slammed the book shut and shot them looks. âMay I help you?â
One of them, dressed in what seemed to be a uniform, stepped forward. âWe need your help with something.â
I gave them both a questioning look. âDo I look like I work here?â
The other girl, who looked about on the shorter side, laughed behind her. But the main one shook her head and continued walking up to me. âI mean about Jesse.â
My eyes widened. âI donât know who youâre talking about.â
Maybe they were mad because I was talking to him. Boys like him are always bound to be bad news. Just looking at him could get me shot.
âWeâve seen you with himâ¦and maybe, we thought thatââ
I stood up and put the book away, interrupting her. âIâm not dating him â and to be honest, I donât plan on it. You can have him; heâs all yours. But keep in mind that he has a girlfriend â for right now at least.â
I had left before they had another chance at talking, and slipped through the back of the library unscathed. The wind attacked me as I got in my car, and during the drive, I couldnât help but wonder what they wanted.
I meanâ¦for all I know, they could want to make him scream â like a girlâ¦
That would be funâ¦
I opened the door to the house, and walked in â this time, tossing my bag near the stairs and walking into the living room. My dad was there again, eating chips and watching law shows.
I hopped over the back of the couch and joined him, snatching his chips away.
âHow was school?â He asked, staring intently at TV.
âSame as yesterday.â
He snatched the bag back, and made a shocked face when one of the characters said a cop died â only to gawk when someone started a shootout.
âWhereâs mom?â I asked slowly, worrying that he was watching these shows for far too long.
âOn her way by now, she was shopping forâ¦somethingâ¦â He drifted off, jumping in his seat when yet another cop died.
I cautiously got up and went toward the stairs. âGoodnight dad.â
He waved his hand toward me, ushering me away. With a stifle of a laugh, I picked up my bag and went upstairs.
The desk chair swung back and forth as I sat on it, making awkward creaking noises â that would sure alert my dad if he checked on me. Nevertheless, that had not been what I was thinking about.
Even with a massive science book in front of me â begging me to finish the assigned homework â I couldnât help but think about how much I enjoyed hitting him. I had to admit, high school was much easier when my brother was there. He wasnât always protective, but heâd know what a boy was thinking when they looked at me. Only the heavens knew what Jesse was thinkingâ¦
I flinched.
My eyes had started drooping, and I didnât notice I had fallen asleep until I saw the morning sun through the windows.
I had realized a way to stop a throbbing headache, is to stop thinking about the person causing it â which was tougher than I thought. At school, it felt as if someone thumped my head with a hammer, something only the thought of Jesse would cause. My assumption hadnât prevailed â yet. Lauren was still with Jesse, which sickened me â for obvious reasons.
While shifting through my locker, I started to imagine attacking Jesseâ¦or possibly running him over with an eighteen-wheelerâ¦that would be enjoyableâ¦
And quite amusing to recordâ¦
âCarson!â
I jumped, dropping my stuff and looking at Katrina wide-eyed. âWhat!â
She smiled nervously, picking up my books. âYou seem jumpy today.â
âWellâ¦you seem loud today.â
With a scoff, she handed them to me. âTouché.â
Something â or someone, possibly â made Katrina freeze in her place, while I put my books away. I turned to her, seeing that her eyes were fixed on someone on the other side of me. My mood went plunging down again.
Staring at him as if I hated him more than ever before, I said my words with more revulsion than necessary. âI thought I told you to stay the hell away.â
He shrugged, leaning against the lockers. âYouâre too entertaining to stay away from. Besides, whatâs the worst you could do? Hit me with another soccer ball?â
âIâm sure I can get my hands on a tazer.â
Katrina nudged me, laughing. âWe should go.â
Jesse heard that immediately, and took a step toward me â making me incline my head backwards from the proximity. âWell, if you donât mindâ¦we do have the same class â maybe I could walk you.â
âNo thanksââ
My best friend interrupted me â setting a five-minute death sentence with just four small words. âThat would be great.â
The image of him getting tazed was what kept me sane, while he picked up my bag from the floor and shut my locker for me.
âDonât you have a girlfriend to talk to?â
He smiled, glancing at Katrina and then back to me. âIâm sure sheâll live.â
To think that I was going to let this slideâ¦
âIâm not injured, I can carry that by myself.â
His eyes met mine, before his eyebrows pulled together in frustration. Katrina was all the while standing towards the back, confused. âWhy is it, that I get the feeling that you donât like me much?â
âDo you really want me to explain what youâve done to me so far, again?â
He set my stuff down, standing in front of me â almost challenging me. âWhat if I didnât do those things to annoy you, or to flirt with you, or even to get you jealous?â
âYouâre really going to lie to my face?â
âIf thatâs what it takes with you, then yes.â
I tilted my head, knowing by instinct that I would win this whether it killed me or not. âSo youâre admitting that you were flirting with me?â
He smiled, and nodded in agreement. Behind him, Katrinaâs eyes had widened. âThen I suggest you stop, since youâre wasting your time.â
I passed him, hitting his shoulder with mine â and picked up my stuff from the floor. My hands were clenched, so much so that my fists were turning white from the pressure. All I did was walk to class â to be honest, I couldnât care less if Katrina followed or not.
I didnât get to see him when he walked into class, since I was too busy drawing stick figures of him â mostly ones where I either kicked him off a cliff or shoved him out a window. I had to admit, I was slowly losing my mind.