I feel terrible for what I said to Arch. But itâs almost like he needed to hear it too? I donât know. I probably overstepped my boundaries. Iâm guessing no one talks to Arch like that. Heâs the privileged eldest son of an esteemed family and in everyoneâs eyes, heâs untouchable. Inhuman.
But he is human. He hurts and bleeds like the rest of us. He also has faults. No one is perfect, least of all him.
I wanted to share with him that I go through struggles when it comes to school, and I ended up talking down to him and calling him out for his faults instead. Probably wasnât the best approach to take with the only person on this campus who talks to me, but I couldnât help it.
He needs to realize that to everyone else, he looks like heâs living a perfect life. And if heâs not?
I wish he would tell me. Share his secrets. His hopes and his fears. Though I need to do the same. Iâve barely told him anything.
Yet it feels like heâs got me all figured out.
It killed me to see him sitting with Cadence and her hand on his arm like she owns him. He was kissing me only an hour ago. Devouring my mouth like he was starving and oh God, it woke up all sorts of unfamiliar feelings buried deep inside me. He didnât even touch me. Just his hungry mouth on mine, kissing me so thoroughly I could barely breathe.
Hot. The man knows how to heat me up and make me want more.
More, more, more.
When he left the dining hall and traced a line across my shoulders, I almost melted with relief. It was a reminder that just because Cadence had her hands on him, he still wanted to put his hands on me.
Or maybe Iâm sick and twisted and completely wrong. Why would I be glad a boy let another girl touch him before he touched me? After he kissed me? I should be angry.
Instead, I feel bad.
Sixth period and I canât pay attention to what Mrs. Nelson is saying, no matter how hard I try. I think about the boy who highlighted his favorite parts in my book. Who was it? Does he know who the book belongs to? I doubt it. If he did, he wouldnât keep up this conversation with me. No boy is interested in me. Not until Arch.
And he wouldnât do something like this. This isnât his style.
I wish I knew who it was.
Courage gathering within me, I grab a piece of paper and start writing. I donât stop until I get it all out, my every request. I read over what I wrote only once, telling myself I canât regret it.
I just need to do it.
I want to know who you are. You might be disappointed in me and maybe you will be when you see itâs me, but I want to meet.
After your class. Right after school. Wait outside of Nelsonâs classroom. Please? Itâs my birthday tomorrow andâ¦I just want to know who you are.
Maybe we can be friends. I donât have a lot of friends here and Iâm always open to making a new one. Besides, I canât stand the suspense any longer.
I need to know your name.
I fold the note and stuff it in the desk, my heart racing wildly. If itâs JJ, I will die. But I know itâs not JJ. The possibilities of who it might be are endless. There are a lot of guys in my class who Iâve never spoken to before. Nice boys who come from good families. Rich boys with impeccable genes and pleasant smiles. Overachievers who might be intimidated by a girl whoâs considered smarter than them. A quiet girl whoâs too shy to talk to anyone, let alone a boy she doesnât know.
Inhaling deeply, I hold my breath for only a moment before I let it all out in a shuddery, agitated exhale. Mrs. Nelson catches me, her brows lowering in concern, but I flash her a quick smile, letting her know Iâm okay.
Everythingâs going to be all right.
I know it is.
I feel like Iâm going to throw up.
Thank God it was quiet in my last class. Advanced physics, which is such a difficult subject. Our teacher gave us free time to catch up on our assignments and ask him any questions we might have. Which was nice. I appreciated the catch-up period but oh my God, it also left me with way too much idle time on my hands and all I can think about is whatâs about to unfold.
Right now.
My feet feel like I have lead weights on them as I head for Mrs. Nelsonâs class. The halls are mostly empty, everyone having taken off and headed back to the dorms or theyâve gone outside or to whatever practice they need to attend.
I have nowhere to go. Well, except Iâm about to meet the person who was highlighting the sexy parts in my book.
I spot Mrs. Nelsonâs door, which is closed, and I stop in the middle of the hall to catch my breath, resting my hand on my stomach. It twists and turns, like I could throw up at any second and I swallow hard, trying to regain control.
This is the moment and Iâm acting like Iâm walking to the death chamber. Itâs not going to be so bad.
Itâs not.
Taking a deep breath, I drop my hand and march toward the door, looking around. I told him to wait outside but thereâs no one here.
Not a single soul.
I open the classroom door, and not even Nelson is inside, which is unusual. My gaze goes to my deskâhis deskâbut itâs empty.
Someoneâa male someoneâclears his throat, and I turn around, the shock and relief I feel when I see Arch standing in the doorway nearly has me sagging.
âYouâre kind of pushy.â This is all he says to me.
Then he holds up the note. My note.
âItâs you?â I breathe, staring at him in disbelief.
âYeah. It was me.â He carefully refolds the note and stashes it in his pocket as he strides inside the room. I can see by the guarded look on his face that heâs still wary with me.
âIâm sorry for what I said earlier.â I throw it out there before he can say anything. I donât want us to argue. âIt was uncalled for.â
He shoves his hands in his pockets. âYou were right.â
My mouth pops open. âHuh?â
âYou were right,â he repeats. âI deserve to be called out for my shit. No one ever does that.â
I snap my lips together, listening.
âThings do come easy for me, but not everything, Daze. My life isnât sunshine and roses. Youâre the one who acts like youâre a Disney princess.â
âWith a tragic backstory,â I mutter.
âYeah. About that. You should share some of those details. If you ever want to,â he tacks on.
I should. I need to. But not right now. âWhy didnât you tell me you were the one highlighting my book?â
âI liked the mystery of it.â He shrugs. âPlus, it was a great way to pick your brain.â
âPick my brain?â
âAnd see what you like.â The knowing look on his face has me blushing.
Profusely.
Arch starts walking, until heâs standing directly in front of me. He reaches out, his fingers slipping beneath my chin, tilting my face up to his. His thumb streaks back and forth along my jaw. Down my throat. Making my stomach flutter with nerves. And something else.
Desire.
âYouâre kinkier than I thought,â he drawls, and if my cheeks could catch fire, they would be doing exactly that right now.
âI am not kinky,â I insist, my protest weak.
âYou like the dirty stuff though. Which is surprising.â
âItâs easier to admit when itâs done anonymously.â My breath hitches when he continues to stroke my throat with his fingers. âYou like dirty stuff too.â
âOf course, I do. What guy doesnât want to shove his cock down his girlâs throat?â He says the words so matter-of-factly, but my brain is still stuck on the last part of the sentence: his girlâs throat.
Itâs not even the mention of cock that has me all fluttery and weak.
Itâs the way he said his girl. As if thatâs what I am to him.
Before I even realize what heâs doing, he grabs my hand, tugging me closer, our bodies colliding, sparks seeming to light up between us. It is such a complete relief that weâre on good terms once again that Iâm tempted to melt into him and beg him to never let me go.
But I donât. Itâs still so hard for me to admit I have feelings for himâfeelings that I donât even fully understand.
Feelings Iâve never confessed to anyone before. What we share isâ¦special. Overwhelming.
Does he feel the same way? About me?
âI want to give you an early birthday present,â he announces with a smirk.
I tilt my head back, smiling up at him. âWhat do you want to give me?â
He tilts his head close to mine, his mouth brushing my ear as he whispers, âAn orgasm.â
Giving in to my urges, I lean into him, tilting my head to the side, wishing heâd keep talking.
âHave you made yourself come before, Daze?â
I close my eyes, trembling. This is even harder to admit than how I feel about him.
âYou can tell me,â he reassures. âItâll be our secret.â
Slowly, I nod. I can feel him smile and sort of want to die.
âWith your fingers?â
âYes.â I swallow hard.
âWhat if I said I wanted to give you one with my fingers.â Those same fingers are streaking down my side, toying with the hem of my skirt.
âNot here,â I whisper.
âDefinitely not here.â His mouth finds my neck, his lips warm and soft and I tilt my head back on a sigh. âThereâs somewhere I want to take you.â
âWhere?â
âDo you trust me?â
I shouldnât. I absolutely, one hundred percent should not trust this boy as far as I can throw him. I will end up giving my entire heart and soul to him and he will hurt me. That much is guaranteed.
âYes,â I whisper like the fool that I am.
He pulls away so he can look me in the eyes and all I see is lust. He wants me. Maybe as badly as I want him, and I donât think I ever believed Iâd see someone like Arch Lancaster looking at me like this.
Wanting me like this.
âReady to go?â he asks, his brows shooting up.
âRight now?â
âYeah.â His smile is faint.
âShould we change?â Iâm always eager to get out of this uniform by the end of the day and put on something more comfortable.
âNo.â He tugs on my hand, leading me toward the door. âThe skirt will give me better access.â