Driving the coastal roads on the cliffs above where the yacht was moored, in the rented sports car, wasnât helping Jakeâs mood much. Despite the companionable silence between them, he was tense as hell.
He caught her looking his way a few times but ignored it, keeping his eyes on the winding road and handling the powerful car expertly. He had been using the quiet time to think things through and look for ways to fix this and other outcomes, yet he always came back to the same problem.
Emma just didnât feel the same way about him, and he had to accept it. Sighing to himself for the hundredth time, he focused on just the here and now of being with her and enjoying the beautiful scenery and the rest of their trip.
Feeling her eyes on him once more, he tried to lighten his mood, smiling her way softly, remembering a little too well what she had felt like in his arms. That soft mouth and smooth skin, that tongue of hers meeting with his, that body molded so seamlessly to his own.
If anything, he could imprint all of it to memory for a lifetime and never regret one second of it. To be able to kiss her so freely had been more than he had ever imagined it could be.
âSo? Are we literally just driving then?â she asked brightly, breaking the silence between them and looking his way openly, a small, subtle smile on show.
âNope,â he replied unemotionally and kept his gaze fixed on the crazy road to maneuver another dangerous narrow turn.
âNo clues?â She tried again with another look his way, a small hint of irritation. âNone!â Jake just answered in the same unemotional one-word way.
He didnât much feel like talking just yet. He had a scenic destination they were heading for that he could stop at.
âHow do you know Iâll like it?â She bit a little more aggressively, temper rising quickly in her. Emma was still hungover and easily irritated, but it only grated on his already fragile mood. He shrugged in response.
âItâs not fun, is it?â he responded dryly, unable to keep a curb on the emotions building up inside him now that they were nearing the lookout point where he intended to stop. His own hangover was biting and emotions were fragile.
âWhat?â she snapped back, catching his face turned her way for a second, and both eyes narrowed at each other. âBeing closed out.â
He tried for nonchalance, but emotion betrayed his words; he just sounded sarcastic and knew he was being an asshole, but he couldnât help it. Getting closer to stopping and talking was no doubt getting closer to Emma telling him this would always be a boss and PA relationship, and he was hurting like hell.
âWhat does it take, Emma?â he asked impulsively, wanting to know what he had to do to get her to look at him the way he looked at her. He shifted gear, eyes back on the road, and his whole body tense as hell while he waited on her response.
He was driving a little faster, and his heart was beating louder. He knew he was working himself up into this frenzy of a bad mood and had little control over it.
âJake, please ⦠what are you talking about?â Emma shifted awkwardly in her seat, fixing her seat belt as though the speed was making her nervous, and he eased his foot on the gas a little, slowing down to round another turn.
âYouâre not even going to mention last night? Is that another conversation over?â he snapped at her as emotion overtook him, and he regretted it almost immediately. ~Cool the fuck down, Carrero.~
âYou didnât mention it either.â She spat a little too aggressively back at him, riled by his moodâobviously changing the whole tone of how he had intended this conversation to go. âI was waiting to see if you would.â
He tried to keep control of his tone this time, trying to defuse the anger and talk. He wasnât doing a good job at all, and every word out of his mouth sounded snarky. âWhy?â she snapped, still pissed, and he could only shrug.
He had wanted her to broach the subject, acknowledge last night in some way because it fucking hurt him that she hadnât. That it had been nothing to her except a drunken mistake. âJake, it shouldnât have happened. We crossed a line.â
She glanced his way, softening her tone the way she did at work when trying to soothe a bad mood over some shitty business meeting. She was pandering to him, and he couldnât fucking stand it over this. He lost the last ounces of control over his temper.
âAnd there she is! Right back to square one.â The sarcasm was thick in his tone. His body stiffened in his seat with sheer anger and heartbreakâfighting each other for control.
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â She turned at him angrily.
âOver!â He barked at her, letting his anger looseâunable to stop the infernal ache in his gut from leaking out.
âWhat?â She hissed with a sarcastic laugh. âThatâs being closed off?â She turned away, anger flaming her face, body seething with rage, and he wanted to punch the goddamn windscreen so badly.
âI donât think there was any doubt about it last night. Itâs not the issue ⦠itâs the afterward, Emma.â His voice was laced with venom, anger seething from every pore, his body tense.
He had never been on this side of it before; women had always wanted more from him, and he hadnât felt anything. Knowing that was now Emmaâs stance got to him more than anything ever had in his life, knowing what she was probably thinking right now because he had been that same cold bastard so many times.
âI was drunk ⦠being stupid; anyone can make a mistake!â She huffed and stayed looking away from him, shifting herself away so she could turn her body from him toward the door.
Jake felt that surge of complete ache hit him hard, rage kicking in, and he slammed the car to a halt with his foot hitting the floor on the brake pedal, uncontainable pain oozing from every pore.
This wasnât her ⦠his Emma was not this cold-hearted, unfeeling bitch who just slammed sex like that; who dismissed last night as a drunken mistake not worth mentioning. Everything loose in the car flew around them dramatically, but he didnât care.
He needed to get out and away from her before he ripped the goddamn steering wheel off and used it to smash the windscreen out. He felt her looking his way as he hauled off his belt and got out of the car.
Stalking far away from it and leaving the door wide open, he walked to the cliff edge to try to regain some control over the huge swarm of painful emotions consuming him right now. For a second, he had the urge to jump off the fucking cliff so it would stop.
He dragged in a few deep breaths to cool his jets and simmer his mood until he had control once more. His pain dulled down as sheer anger overtook himâanger that she would be this way about last night.
Anger that despite knowing it would turn out this way, he had still gone down this fucking route. Anger that he hadnât just left it alone and enjoyed a day on the beach with her doing anything except this shit. He was a fucking moron.
Calmer, he turned back and slid into the car once more, swallowing it down, breathing hard. He knew there was no way of coming out of this conversation now, and he had to do this for his own sanity, if nothing more.
Things between them couldnât keep going on this way, and last night had been a final line for him. He couldnât stay loving a girl who only wanted friendship.
âItâs not about sex, Emma,â he said quietly, putting his hands back on the steering wheel to give him a point of focus, but he didnât start the car. âItâs about this eternal need in you to stay in full control. Never letting anyone in, never letting yourself enjoy anything, and letting your guard down.â
It was about her inability to love him the way he loved her, and as much as he tried to skirt around the issue, there was no getting away from it anymore. It was make-or-break time. âThatâs not true,â she replied defensively, looking at him like a wounded rabbit caught in headlights.
His gut was aching again that he was doing this to her right now. âIâve seen just about every version of you there is⦠Tired, grumpy, bossy, happy, PMSing like fuck.â
He was calmer, her sad expression simmering the heat of his temper, but his voice was strained, the edge of his tone hinting at anger bristling below the surface. âIâve seen vulnerable only briefly.â He glanced at her, and she looked away a little too quickly.
âYou donât need anyone, but itâs not who you are⦠and itâs not true.â He didnât want it to be true. He wanted her to need him.
âYes, it is. Do you ever think that maybe you overthink it and try to see stuff that isnât there?â she spat angrily, turning to him frostily and glaring him down in that way she intimidated people at work.
He didnât even blink at it. He knew this look on her was nothing more than a defense mechanism to make people back off. âI think I know you better than most people.â He sighed, knowing this was going nowhere that he wanted it to.
He did know her, knew that he was fighting a losing battle, and he no longer knew why he was even trying.
âWhat if I donât know how else to be, Jake?â she turned to him accusingly.
âYou keep pushing ⦠keep telling me to let go, but what if I canât? What if this is me ⦠this is all I know ⦠Iâm not capable of doing it any other way because I donât know how.â
She started yelling at him, eyes brimming with emotion, and he couldnât help but ache.
Even mad, she was too beautiful for words, angry and closing him down little by little.
All he was ever going to get was last night, the memory of a kiss he wanted one more time.
Throwing caution to the wind and knowing this would probably make her madder than hell, he thought, âfuck it,â and threw his lips against hers.
Without hesitation, his mouth molded to hers, and his lips searched hungrily for the feeling of completion she gave him.
He was surprised when she responded to his kiss and opened her mouth to meet his.
Jake felt every part of him sag into her, his hands finding their way into that soft hair, tangling his fingers, and pulling that sweet mouth closer.
Tongues gliding against one another, lips perfectly connected, and the easy motion of two people so right to kiss each other that it made him die a little inside.
He felt her fingers travel up his chest and tangle in his shirt collar, tugging him toward her, and his heart soared.
~Maybe he had been wrong about this, and she was finally letting go.~
Tilting her head more to accommodate his mouth on hers, giving as much to him as he was to her, not breaking the embrace but pushing it higher and hotter.
Breathing heavily and getting lost in the sensation of the kiss equally.
They both moaned lightly as the kiss deepened, soft lips and intense feeling pushing him on. He wanted her closer.