Chapter 24: Cold Departure

Jake headed up on deck looking for Emma half an hour later, changed into a black fitted shirt and jeans, his usual ~ready-to-party~ look. With shades on, a grim expression on his face, and a mood to match.

He saw her lounging with Leila and called her over, pushing down the ache inside at the sight of her. “Emma, I need you for a second.”

His tone was emotionless and borderline pissed. Guilt tried to push into his mood, but he stuffed it back down, knowing he had to stay in this frame of mind to do this.

He gestured for her to follow him as he turned and headed away from prying eyes. She followed obediently, and he tried to ignore every part of his heart, trying to soften at her mere presence.

~No more of this wimpy shit, Carrero.~

They walked down to the lower floor of the boat. He could feel Emma behind him, tense, quiet, and uncertain, but he had to do this for his own sanity.

He had to maintain this anger and mood and leave. Leave her and this stupid infatuation behind so he could go back to just working with her.

“I’m leaving for a couple of days. I’ve left you a credit card in your room in case you want to go out. There’s a car on shore that will take you anywhere you want to go.”

His voice was flat, devoid of emotion, and he tried so hard to avoid looking at those wounded baby blues that could unravel him in seconds. From the corner of his eye, he saw her head snap up, and her eyes searched his face. He got a punch-in-the-gut feeling of regret, but he clenched his fists in defiance and gritted his teeth against it.

“Where are you going? We cleared your schedule for two weeks, so you wouldn’t need to go anywhere.”

She sounded shocked, her voice slightly higher and faster than normal. He could feel the tension and fear coming from her that he was leaving her alone with these people, but he knew Leila would take care of her, and Hunter was back tonight and had sworn to watch over her with his life.

To make sure no one else tried anything and that she had a relaxing end to the trip. He felt like an asshole for leaving her, though; he had promised he would take care of her, and he was being a dickhead by not doing that.

She had to know this was the best for both of them. “Change of plan… try to relax and have fun, if you can,” he said angrily, at himself, not her.

She looked at him more and more like she was about to cry, and he felt like punching himself in the face. Anger ripped through him at a hundred miles an hour and worsened his mood. ~I’m sorry, bambina.~

“Do you need me to come?” she replied coolly in her PA tone. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it made this easier on him, closing her out. Taking the feeling out of the conversation, it just reminded him of the fact that this would always be her. She would never love him.

“No, I don’t,” he replied coldly, fully resigned that what he was doing was right.

“Jake, you pay me to be at your beck and call and go with you at a moment’s notice,” she retorted haughtily, mannerisms back and the tight lift of that defiant chin. He took a moment to look at that face as a reminder that he would never cross this line again.

Every part of him hurt to the point he felt desolation again. “I don’t pay you to watch me fuck other women, Emma,” he snarled at her nastily, frustration making him react. He regretted it as soon as it was out of his mouth but was unwilling to apologize over this and show any weakness.

If he wanted professionalism back, he had to make her hate him a little bit, even if it killed him. Emma looked shocked and a little hurt, and the urge to take it all back hit him harder, only giving him more resolve to be harsher to kill this friendship the coldest way and be done with it.

He looked away from those endless sea eyes that ripped his heart from his chest and hardened his face. “I’m redefining the boundaries of our relationship—uncrossing the line. That’s what you called it, right?” He tossed back casually, avoiding looking at that beautiful face.

He couldn’t keep this up with her so close. ~Please don’t hate me, Miele.~ ~Just understand this is for the best.~

“You think going off to screw someone will uncross that line?” Her words sounded pained and quiet; for a moment, Jake doubted all of it. Doubted her feelings and questioned his whole stupid plan.

The urge to tell her he didn’t mean anything, to turn and wrap his arms around her and beg forgiveness for being a jerk, was strong. He would call Brianne in a second and cancel if he thought Emma would love him back for one moment.

He turned and saw only cool PA facing him, hands clasped at her waist and a raised brow that contradicted everything. “It’s a start.”

He turned away in disappointment, heart hitting the floor again as he led her into his room and pulled a case from the cupboard. He had packed a flight bag already and needed only a few clothes. “Got over your little break, I see.”

She sounded cold, reminding him of admitting to a lack of sex at that charity dance. “I think that’s probably the reason for the latest tension; I need to go let off steam.”

He smirked icily, glad to have an excuse to cool things between them if he was being honest. He couldn’t, in all honesty, keep doing this to himself anymore.

His body wasn’t built for long periods of celibacy, and his shitty moods and fuzzy head might improve. She was watching him with a cool expression, poised and motionless as though observing a naughty child carrying out a punishment, that whole schoolmarm thing going on.

He tried not to look at her. He didn’t want to remember her this way anymore. Soft hair and pretty dresses, tanned and beautiful. He would see her back at work, in tight tailoring and her no-nonsense mask on, and take it from there. “Enjoy yourself.”

She turned on her heel, a slightly pinched expression that only riled him more but didn’t leave. “Don’t miss me while I’m gone, ~Tesoro Mio~.”

Jake smiled in full Casanova charm. He all but winked at her, laying it on thick. “I’m sure you’ll find something exciting to do.”

He was back to focusing on packing, but his voice was flat and emotionless. The cruel and harsh words had been deliberate. He was severing more than unrequited love, severing friendship and placing Emma back on the employee list with everyone else at Carrero Corp. He was done.

“When shall I expect you back, Mr. Carrero?” She seemed to get with the program, returning to her business-like manner and tone. His insides bristled with the change in her but finally accepted what he had chosen. This was the future for Jake and Emma.

He should never have ventured down this path to feelings and emotions. “When I’m done … hard to say … it’s been a while,” he sneered without looking up, twisting the knife to ensure he had sealed their relationship’s fate.

In turn, he was twisting it in his chest and repulsed at how he was treating her and being with her. If any other guy had dared to be this way to her, he would have broken their neck.

He could see Emma smile his way in her fake office face, the one she used to greet business acquaintances, and was distracted by his phone vibrating in his pocket. Swiping it out, he saw Brianne’s name on the screen and hesitated.

Old Jake had openly dated in front of Emma, had openly had women in the same hotel suites, and if he wanted to go back to that, then he had to ignore how sick to his stomach answering this call in front of her was making him feel and get back to being that guy.

He hesitated as his conscience tried to get the better of him, quickly making a decision he hated. He swiped it and pressed the screen. “Hi,” he answered without looking her way, ignoring the nerves ripping through him and the way his hand started trembling with the effort.

He lacked his cocky confidence in answering because, right now, he felt anything but. “Hi, baby, it’s me again. Just checking if you had left yet as I might meet you at the airport instead.”

Brianne was trying for sexy and soft, and it only irritated him. Emma’s eyes were boring into him, making him feel about a foot tall. He cursed her internally and wished he had ignored the phone. “I’ll be leaving soon.”

Jake didn’t want to have a conversation right now, and he hoped his tone conveyed that to Brianne. “Oh, do you have company and can’t talk? Sorry, I just missed your voice, it’s beyond sexy, and I am so excited about seeing you.”

She purred irritatingly, and Jake had to steel the urge to tell her to forget all of this. “Yeah, I missed you too, ~bambina~,” he said flatly, still feeling Emma’s presence burning into him like rays from the sun.

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He wanted to curl up and die about now. “Okay, well, my flight gets in around four, so I may hang around at the airfield for you if that’s okay?”

“I’ll meet you there,” Jake said quickly. He didn’t wait for her reply, just hung up quickly to stop the way his throat was trying to strangle him to death with guilt.

He slid his phone back into his pocket and couldn’t look at her. Every part of him felt like a complete shithead, as though he was openly cheating on her.

In his head, he was, and he had the ability to stop it all if he let it. ~Fuck.~ “Who?” Emma blurted out and caused another slice to his heart.

He couldn’t tell her it was the girl he used to replace so many times when she started working for him. Brianne was small, blonde, and could have been Emma’s sister to look at, but she didn’t need to know that. “No one you know. An old flame.”

He closed his case, throwing her a fiery look, willing her to back off and not pursue this agony. “If that will be all, Mr. Carrero, I’ll leave you to it,” Emma said icily and threw him a look that translated to nothing at all, completely deadpan.

She was stiff and devoid of emotion. Sad that he had made it happen this way, pushed her to this version of her that she hadn’t been since the first week he had known her, but this is who he needed to see from now on.

“Tell the others, after I’m gone, I had to go away for a couple of days.” He was picking up his case, his body stiff with tension, and he just had to get out.

He couldn’t breathe now it was getting closer to leaving her. He was slowly suffocating and on the verge of some sort of anxiety attack. “What reason shall I give?” She was painfully polite and factual.

Another nail in the coffin of his heart. “I don’t give a shit, Emma … the truth for all I care.” He flexed his eyebrows sardonically at her, really completely done.

Jake lifted his bags and strolled out purposely past her, not looking her way again and determined to go and be done with it. The sooner he put distance between them, the sooner he would be able to think straight and start rationalizing all of this.

He could begin to move on and no longer initiate anything nonbusiness related with her. He felt her follow him down the hall and willed her not to … to stay back and give his heart a chance at letting go of her.

He was weakening with every step toward the back of the boat, doubts flooding in, and that inner part of him that eternally wanted to protect her clawing him back. To stop, to go back and get on his knees and beg her to forgive him for being an asshole, but he couldn’t.

He knew all it would take was her following him here, and one sad look, one sad fucking set of baby blues his way, and he would bail on all of this because, like it or not, he fucking loved her. The last thing he wanted to do right now was leave her for anything in the world.

It took all his strength to walk the last steps and hand his bag to the waiting crewman he had told to get the boat ready. If she came out now, he was done for; he knew how weak he was when it came to her, but she didn’t.

She had retreated before he hit the open air and had probably gone back on deck. She had let him go because she had never loved him, and as much as he hated himself for doing this, it had never been so fucking right.

She had made it clear, and he loved her enough to let her fucking go. He needed to find his own sanity again, and if he could do that between Brianne’s legs, it would be a goddamn start.