Robyn Hook
I could hear Em's intense breathing behind me as we ran back to my house. I could hear him asking questions, but I shook my head. I could barely breathe, let alone talk. All I could think was about my mother and why the hell my aunt decided to come back.
~~~
(flashbacks to what happened right before)
When I came back home, it was a pleasant surprise to see my mom out of bed and on the couch, appearing to be very sober as she watched the television. She was drinking from a teacup and was curled under a blanket. It was an image that I hadn't seen in while. The only thing that was missing was my dad. My chest hurt but I gulped and shoved the feeling down.
I closed the front door gently and smiled. "Mom!" I went over to her and tightly embraced her.
She seemed surprised, but still hugged me back. "My little Birdie. Hello, dear. How was your day?"
I sat next to her and shrugged. "Pretty decent, I guess. I did some homework I kinda procrastinated on, played some basketball with my friends, and got some much needed sleep. I'm glad to see you out of bed."
She grinned and exhaled. "Yeah, it was long overdue. I took a walk around the pond earlier to get some fresh air. I'm happy to hear that you're still focusing on your studies. Junior year is one of the most important years in high school. Sleep is important too." She gave me a concerned look. "Are you still having a hard time with it?"
Should I lie for her sake? She didn't need anymore on her plate, especially extra stress. Instead, I reassured her. "I've been getting enough sleep. It's not as bad as before. Don't worry, the Scott family has been a real help."
She nodded slowly. "That's a relief. Oh, speaking of the Scott family, how is Emerson?"
Just the mention of him made me automatically smile. "Still an angel. Did you know he's aspiring to be a pediatrician?"
My mother clasped her hands together. "No, but I can see it. I think it suits him well, that sounds wonderful. Emerson has always been so compassionate and good with children. He is truly an angel. He's an intelligent child, he can be anyone he wants to be. It's nice to know that he has his career planned out."
"I agree. He's always been that way."
"Prepared?" my mother slightly tilted her head.
"I meant, he has always been an angel."
That got my mom to laugh. "Do you have an angel?" Huh? She saw the confusion on my face. "You know, that special flower. Do you have a girlfriend, or someone you like?"
My palms become sweaty despite the feeling of all the blood rushing out my body. I didn't want to have this conversation. I wasn't ready. How to answer this question? And why was it so dang loaded? It made me question myself. Did I like someone? All the blood I felt leaving my body abruptly came back in waves as I remembered my weird reactions to Em. Surely I didn't have a crush on him. That was illegal. A bite from the forbidden fruit. Nope, no way. Nah.
I crossed my arms and adamantly shook my head. "Pfft, girls at this age aren't serious. Besides, I don't have the time to commit to anybody especially when I'm the basketball captain who is also focusing on my grades. That's too much."
My mother raised her eyebrow. "That doesn't mean you don't like somebody." Ugh. I really wanted to change the subject. I wanted to talk about something else entirely. Having a boyfriend was a touchy subject for the both of us and for different reasons. Every time she got herself one, it would end with heartbreak and alcohol. None of them were good enough for her, and that's their loss. But she'll never find anyone like dad, and she needs to accept it. I never wanted to mention anything about dad. Last time I did, she broke the mirror and cut herself on the glass. It was awful.
"Heh, I literally don't even have time to catch any feelings." And I left it at that. It was strange. We haven't had a normal conversation in a long time.
"Mm, whatever you say." She went back to watching the television and sipping on her tea, occasionally munching on her crackers. It was odd for everything to be this serene, this normal. Life had been a trainwreck ever since... the accident. If it didn't happen, everything would be the same, except my father would be sitting here with us.
I silently got up to do the laundry and was taken aback to see it empty. What? I popped my head into the kitchen to see the dishes were also washed, everything was clean! Now that I thought about it, I could even smell the new air fresheners. Was this a dream? The oven beeped, a sound I hadn't heard in so long, and it made me jump. Since when did she bake?! I pinched myself. Ouch. Mother walked into the kitchen and checked the food.
"Mom, did you clean the house?"
"No, Elsie did." What? "She's been coming here at night often, actually. Didn't you know?"
"No?" Since when?! "How come I didn't know of this?"
She took the tray of brownies and set it on the island counter to cool down, setting the oven mitts next to it. "She's very busy during the day, so it makes sense if you're at school and playing basketball. And that you're with Emerson a lot. Even though I haven't had the chance to talk to her that often, I really think she's making an effort!"
What. The. Hell... is going on?! My brain hurt because my mom is acting like she's been in a coma for a year and nothing happened. Is this a stage of denial? "Busy with what? What's her job?"
"I think she works at either a 24/7 pizza place or a bar, I forget," she said shrugging.
If she had a job, then where's the rent?? I wanted so many answers. I wanted to find out where she goes for the majority of the day and confront her. There was something fishy going on here. Well, there was only one pizza place I knew that was open 24/7 and there weren't that many bars. "Huh. Do you guys at least text each other?"
"Sure, when she's not busy and when I'm not sleeping." But, that was almost always. "Hey, want to try these brownies?" She put a few on a plate and pushed it towards me with a curious look. I can't remember the last time she baked, so I prayed in my mind she didn't lose her touch.
I secretly crossed my fingers and took an edge piece. "Thanks, Mom." I closed my eyes and bit into it. Oh thank goodness. "Wow, Mom, this tastes great!" Am I having a fever dream? Maybe my insomnia is making me hallucinate.
"I'm glad, honey. Recipes on Pinterest make baking easy nowadays. Back when your grandmother baked, she would do it all from her head and eyeball it, somehow making it perfectly. I want to bake more, since I am a tad bit rusty. What do you want?"
"Uhh..." I didn't eat sweets as often as I wanted before, especially with Coach Mendoza constantly preaching about my health, being the captain and blah blah blah. Which I get, now. "Maybe some classic cheesecake." That was Em's favorite dessert at least.
"That sounds delicious! Maybe I'll head to the grocery store later and buy some ingredients. Why are there so many expired foods?" She said as she laughed.
"Are you sure you're okay enough to drive?" Was she sober enough?
My mother wiped the sweat off her forehead. Something was wrong here. She was obviously fiddling with her fingers. "Of course! Driving a car is like riding a bike. Once you learn, you never forget!" I think not. Her happiness seemed faked. I would know. Her facade was gradually crumbling. "I'm feeling a little tired though. It's been a while since I have been this active and it's really draining. I wish I could spend more time with you, but I feel like you seem busy." She tried to smile, but her eyebrow only twitched.
I put my hand on her shoulder. "Sure, get some rest. You deserve it. I'm proud of you, mom. Are you sure you're okay?"
My mother shrugged and turned to cover the tray of brownies to avoid looking at me. "Yes! Of course, I have been sober for quite a while now. It's... just that I'm a little fatigued. That's all. I am sure that some water and sleep will do the trick." She laughed again, a very forced chortle coming out of her grimace.
Before she went upstairs, I called out to my mom. "Mom?"
"Yes, sweetie?"
"I want to talk about something. It's, uh, about Em."
"Oh?" She was rapidly tapping her foot against the floor. Maybe it wasn't the best time to bring up the subject of Em moving in. How did her mood change so fast? In a couple of minutes, she took a complete one-eighty.
"Is it okay if he stays over?"
She smiled briefly. "Of course. You're almost an adult, you don't need to ask me permission for a little sleepover."
"Ah, yeah. I just figured to ask you just in case, you know?"
"Mhmm. Now, my head is killing me so I'll go to sleep. See you later honey." She hugged me and trudged up the stairs.
I ran my hand down my face and exhaled. That didn't go as planned. But what else did I expect? Of course everything wouldn't be fixed as soon as she stopped drinking. There was withdrawal and emotional baggage to still deal with. And my aunt. She was still a huge problem.
I went to the fridge to see what expired foods she was talking about. As soon as I opened it, I gagged. "Ugh!" It smelled putrid, despite half of it being emptied. In the middle sat a weird concoction in a bowl, presumably made by my mom in an attempt to absorb the pungent smell. I briefly glanced at the trash to see it filled to the brim. I guess she threw out the expired products, thank goodness. But my stomach started to feel uneasy. Oh, I hope to everything above that she used safe ingredients.
After I cleaned up the fridge a bit more, I made a small list of groceries. As I leaned against the island counter, tapping the pen against the counter, my mind drifted to my aunt as my eyes caught the photo frame of her and my mom together. They were both smiling widely because it was my mom's wedding. Again, my chest started to hurt just thinking about my dad. I strided to the photo and gently placed it face-down.
My legs carried me upstairs, and before I knew it, I was standing right outside my aunt's room. Inhaling deeply, I opened the door. I hadn't been in it for at least a year, so I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Before, it was a completely empty room that our family never had the time to furnish, so it was originally used as a storage room. As I stood in it, half of the room was occupied by boxes upon boxes. More than I remembered. The only inhabitable portion of the room was almost claustrophobic. Instead of a bed, there was a futon with a comforter and two pillows on top of it. Next to it, was a makeshift vanity using a box and a handheld mirror propped up against the wall. Her small collection of makeup and accessories were either in a box, or in a clear container. And her clothes were nowhere to be found.
I stood there, dumbfounded and lost in thought. As I stared into space, I saw something peeking out from under the pillow, like the corner of a piece of paper. My morals were telling me to leave it be, but seeing as she was still leeching off of us, it wouldn't hurt. I crept to the bedside and took out the sheet of paper. But it wasn't a piece of paper, it was a photo. I gasped.
It was Elsa and her baby.
"Robyn?" I froze in place, totally caught red-handed. Speak of the devil. My aunt stood at the doorway, her expression cold. In a blink of an eye she was directly in front of me, and snatched the photo. It was recently taken, I could see the date. Only a few months ago. "What are you doing here?"
I towered over her, but she didn't seem intimidated. "It's my house, if you didn't know."
"You should know better than to snoop through people's things." She pocketed the photo and scowled at me.
"You should know better than to be a parasite and mooch off of people. Where have you been? Have you brought back the rent for the past year? I didn't think so." Ugh, having pleasantries with her was impossible. It was always immediately bickering the second I saw her puckered face.
She clenched her jaw. "You don't understand my situation."
"That baby." Elsa huffed out air. "That's yours, isn't it? Mom and I thought you aborted her like you said she would. So that's what you've been doing this whole time? You should have told us. We would have helped you take care of the baby."
"How is that any of your business? It was my choice, my problem to deal with. You won't have to deal with me soon. I'm moving out." She briskly walked past me, not missing the chance to shove her shoulder into my side. She began to sweep her belongings into the container.
"So that's it? You're leaving just like that? Does my mom know?"
"I don't know why you're still asking questions. The way I see it, it's a win-win situation. I don't have to deal with your annoying-ass, and you'll never have to see my face again."
"Actually, you have some explaining to do." She side-eyed the door and made a beeline towards it. I blocked it first and stood with my arms crossed as she grunted. "Nuh-uh, I think you owe us some money. Do you know how difficult it is to take care of my mom alone? With the money left by my father, it's hard. No thanks to you. I had to juggle school and basketball, not to mention. And all this time you had the nerve to hide the fact that you had a whole ass baby. No wonder why you were gone constantly."
"My baby has nothing to do with her. She doesn't have to concern you. I finally found a home for the both of us. And I have just enough money to sustain us. I don't need any of your help." She had the audacity to act like she was above us.
I snorted. "A high school dropout finding a job? You did so poorly in school I bet that McDonalds wouldn't even hire you. What are you, a stripper?" I bent over to her level.
She hissed at me and raised her hand. "AAGH!" I caught her wrist before she could hit me. "You absolute, asshat! You don't know anything. You're a child yourself! Shut up and let me go."
"I'm almost your age. You are barely able to drink," I said, rolling my eyes. She's twenty-two, not my mom's age. So she had no right bossing me around. "Where's your baby, anyways? I don't know much about parenting, but I'm pretty sure you aren't just supposed to leave it alone."
"Ever heard of a babysitter? Ugh, you're unbelievably aggravating!" She attempted to push me away, to no avail of course. I had a good whole foot of height and basketball training over her. I didn't budge even a centimeter. "Move the f*ck away!"
"You're gonna raise your daughter with that mouth?" Her eye twitched and she used her other hand to pinch me. "OUCH! You, b*tch!"
"Hypocrite! Let it go already!"
Before I could retort, I heard a loud crashing sound in the direction of my mother's room. My blood instantly ran cold. Elsa took that chance to shove me aside and run first. I followed behind her.
"Mom!" I couldn't handle any more shocks. I collapsed on my knees as my eyes fell upon my mother.
Elsa had her hand over mouth in shock as my mother was on her knees, vomiting. My mom was sweating immensely and trembling, especially her hands. "Piper, hang in there. Robyn, call 911!"
My hands could barely grip my phone as I dialed the ambulance. I broke into a cold sweat as my voice shakily told them the whole situation. "It will take almost an hour, we live in the middle of nowhere. She needs water, grab the trash can!"
Elsa scrambled to the bathroom and placed the waste bin next to my mother. Mom grabbed the sides of it and heaved into it. "What's wrong with her?! Did she eat something bad or is she sick?"
I shook my head and managed to croak out, "It's alcohol withdrawal." Her breathing was harsh and rapid. "Slowly, Mom, deep breaths." She was dry heaving and coughing.
"Ugh, my head is killing me." My mom hissed in pain, attempting to massage her head, but her hands were too weak. She squinted up at Elsa. "Elsie, is that you?"
"Yes, Piper. I'm right here. Please, stay with us."
"Elsie, stay away. I don't want you to see me like this."
"It's okay, sis. You've seen me and helped me at my lowest point. So I'll be here for you."
"No, no, no... I'm fine, I'm just a little under the weather. I don't need to go to the hospital." Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear it through the raspiness of her throat. My aunt gave her some water.
Aunt Elsa shook her head adamantly. "Too late. You need medical attention because you're definitely not fine."
My mother paled even more. "I'll go get help," I said, sprinting out of the room.
The first person that came into mind I knew who remotely had any medical knowledge was Em. He read up on a lot of books and I knew his memory was better than most. It was stupid how far the 'nearest' hospital was from us. Nothing ever happened in this isolated town, it was almost always uneventful and quaint. Yet it felt like my world was falling apart by the second.
Without even thinking, I let my legs carry me down the few blocks towards Em's house. The adrenaline was pumping through my blood like crazy, I felt like I was flying. I bolted down the sidewalk, perspiring profusely. Using the back of my hand, I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I reached his house and went for the front door. I knocked on it and tested out the handle. It was open? I busted in and called out to Em.
My breathing was so heavy I could barely get any words to come out of my mouth, as if there was cotton in it. I swallowed thickly, gasping for air, when my legs suddenly gave out. Thankfully, Em was there to catch me. My hearing was ringing, so I could barely hear what he was telling me. He laid me on the couch and I slid my hands down my sweaty face.
Wheezing, I said, "Help, mother.. She... come to my house. My aunt came back." I squinted up at Em's concerned face. I needed to get back. Shakily, I somehow stood up. I weakly gestured for him to follow me and ran out the front door once again.
I could hear Em's intense breathing behind me as we ran back to my house. I could hear him asking questions, but I shook my head. I could barely breathe, let alone talk. All I could think was about my mother and why the hell my aunt decided to come back. It was all awful, ill-timing. So many things were racing through my mind.
Em and I entered the house to find my aunt had moved herself and my mom to the living room, which was much more open. My mother sat on the couch, with a trash can in her lap. At least she was still conscious. Elsa had a cup of water and a bottle of Gatorade nearby, but my mom couldn't stomach any of it.
"Mom, please drink the water. You lost a lot of fluids."
She shook her head. "I feel like I'll throw up again." She gagged and coughed.
"What's wrong?" Em asked. He cautiously knelt next down to my mom and furrowed his eyebrows in observation. He felt her forehead. "Sweating, tremors, hard breathing, nausea, vomiting, and being pale are all the symptoms I see so far."
I offered what I had researched prior. "I think it's alcohol withdrawal. What do you think?"
"Has she had mood swings lately?"
"Yeah."
"I agree. It seems highly likely. Besides being sick, it makes the most sense because of her known history with drinking."
"What can you do?" I asked Emerson, playing with my sweaty fingers.
He crossed his arms. "These are some pretty severe reactions. It's not like a simple flu where she'll get better in a few days after we treat her here. She has been drinking for a long time and abruptly stopping will mess with the body's independence on alcohol. It's a total shock and these are the effects. I'm assuming you've called an ambulance?" He silently side-eyed my aunt, briefly acknowledging her with a nod.
I sighed, pinching my nose bridge. "Of course, but it will still take half an hour since we live in the middle of the freaking Land of Oz."
"Yeah, I guessed so. She will probably need to stay in a hospital for a while. They might give her a sedative for the first few days because the pain will only get worse. Then there's medications, and they need to monitor her vitals and keep her from having dehydration." Listing all of this just added up to confusion, hurting my brain. This seemed way too pricey. We didn't have enough money. Screw expensive healthcare. I groaned. Em continued talking. "After she's discharged, I'm sure they'll inform you of the proper treatment, but they'll prescribe you some medicine. And tell you the obvious like getting sleep, eating healthy, taking warm showers, boosting electrolytes. Maybe some breathing exercises and yoga. For now, all we can do is watch over her and make sure she doesn't swallow her own vomit."
Elsa was begging her to drink water. "Please, big sis. You need to stay hydrated or you'll faint. At least drink the water."
"I'll try." Elsa held the cup of water to Mom's mouth. She drank very slowly, half of it spilling onto her clothes. "Sorry."
Elsa stood up. "I'll get more." She went into the kitchen while Em got up to stand next to me.
Emerson took my by the arm and led me to the couch. We both sat down and my vision blurred. "Are you okay?"
I shook my head. "Not really," I sighed.
"That's to be expected."
"For what it's worth, I think you'll be the best doctor ever."
Em shrugged. "I hope so. All I want to do is help people, especially you."
"Have I ever told you how indebted I am to you?"
"No, because you're not." Em shook his head.
"But I am," I insisted. "You've done so much for me. And what have I done in return?"
"You'll never be in debt to me because you are always enough for me. Anything you need, I'm here. Because you're all I need."
"E-Em," I choked out. I suddenly got emotional and my eyes became filled with tears. "I don't deserve you."
"I've heard that one already," he laughed quietly. He then pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around my neck. I sobbed into his shoulder, my own shaking like never before. "Aww, Robbie you got snot on my shirt. Shh, it's okay. I'm here." He rubbed circles onto my back while whispering comforting, hushed words into my ears. I never wanted to leave his embrace of warmth, something that I had been deprived of from my mother. He sloppily kissed me on the cheek and waves of heat flared in my body. It had been a while since he did that. This time it ignited a feeling I had pushed down. "That's for the snot, ya big softie." He pinched my already blazing cheeks.
I pulled back before I didn't anything rash. My aunt was silently watching us with pursed lips. She pointed to a glass of water she set next to me. "You should drink some too."
I drank from it when Em pinched my ear, whispering, "You don't have to be this rude!" He then directed his speech to Elsa. "Thank you."
"It's nothing," she replied quietly, her attention more focused on my mom. "Piper, how're you feeling now?"
"Mm, a little better after the Gatorade. Do I really have to go to the hospital?"
Em got up to talk to my mom. "Hello, Piper." He took my mother's hand into his. I never thought I'd be jealous of my mother. Wait. That's totally wrong, scratch that. "It's been a while. I'm sorry to say, you need medical attention from real doctors and nurses. They'll take care of you, so there's nothing to worry about. Don't stress yourself anymore than you have to." He smiled at her.
My mother patted him weakly on the head. "You are an angel like Robyn said. You have a bright future ahead of you, child." Yeah, go expose me like that mom. I stared at the ground as my cheeks felt prickly with heat. I don't think they ever cooled down this whole time.
I cleared my throat. "Ahem, actually, theâ" I was abruptly cut off by knocking on the door. All of us quickly scrambled to the door.
A group of first responders came into the house with a stretcher. We let them do their thing and I stood back behind Elsa, who was being questioned. "Who's gonna go with her?" Emerson asked.
"I'll go," I offered. "I'm her son after all. You have a daughter to take care of. I thought you wanted to cut off ties with us?"
She rolled her eyes. "Like I said before, I have a babysitter. She's my sister, of course I want to be there for her. I've known her longer."
One of the EMS personnels cleared their throat. "We'd prefer a responsible adult or guardian to come accompany us."
Elsa looked up at me smugly. "Guess I'll be going. He's still a minor." Sure, she was an adult, but just barely. Besides, she didn't meet the 'responsible' part of the criteria. She was just as mature as a regular high-schooler. She didn't have that many years on me pfft.
Before I knew it, they had cleared out the room and my aunt was nowhere to be seen. I could hear the ambulance siren slowly fading in the distance. It happened so fast. Em stood next to me and held my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "It's okay, Robbie. I'll be here with you. I'm gonna be living with you, right?" He ran his thumb back and forth across mine. Just being near Em made me feel more secure, even in my own house.
"Uhm, yeah." I was dazed, my heart pounding a million miles a minute.
"Robyn?"
"Huh?"
"Look at me," Em said with a smile. I hadn't realized I wasn't looking at his eyes, but his lips. Bile was stuck in my throat as I tried to swallow thickly. My eyes slowly drifted up to meet his beautifully colored orbs of green and hazel. If we were in the sun right now, they'd glow a bewitching shade of gold.
"I am."
"I mean it, Robbie. It will get better. Your mom is one of the strongest women I know. She can overcome this." His sympathetic smile turned into a smirk that made me feel a certain way. "So what was that about me being an angel?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I scoffed. "Isn't hallucinating a symptom of alcohol withdrawal? My mom is wrong."
Em pouted. "Oh, so I'm not an angel?"
Huh. "What?! Wait, no. I mean, yes, I mean, ugh. Yeah, of course you're an angel!"
He hugged my whole arm, leaning into me. "That's what I thought!" The fact that he still managed to stay positive and make me smile through all of this is a testament to him being an angel. "You know, I love you, Robyn. You're my family. You're not just my best friend, you're a brother to me," he said with rosy cheeks.
Yeah... a brother. "Love you too, Em." I laughed, despite a heavy feeling settling in my chest. He told me he loved me, so why wasn't I completely happy about it? That's okay, though. As long as I had Em, I'd be happy to stay strictly platonic.
~~~
That night, Em decided to shoot a quick text to his parents saying that he would spend the night at my place. It was dark outside, but I hadn't heard a word from my aunt or my mom. They didn't return any of my calls or texts. I was worrying my ass off when Em startled me.
He quickly removed his hand off my back. "Woah, calm down. It's just me, Robyn."
I scratched the nape of my neck. "Sorry, Em. I'm just really high-strung right now after everything that has happened."
"It's fine. I called the hospital. Elsa is staying with your mom right now. It's not that severe overall, but they did put her under sedatives for now."
"Oh, thank goodness," I sighed in relief.
"Look at the time, Robyn it's time to go to bed. You need the rest."
"You can take a shower first. I'm going to do something."
Em smiled at me. "Let me know if you need something."
"Mhmm."Â Em went upstairs towards my room while I went to Elsa's.
I wanted to clean up what was left of her things and pack them up for good. Of course, I let my nosiness get the best of me and rummaged through some of the bins. There was nothing besides her clothes and other junk. Nothing like the photo to make revelations. I would kill to see what the father of the baby looked like. Elsa never brought any of her boyfriends home, so I never saw what they looked like. Unlike mom. Ugh. I hope she's through that phase.
Eventually Em and I settled down. But like clockwork, I had a difficult time falling asleep. It was different in my room. And uncharacteristically quiet. I could tell Em wasn't asleep either.
"Hey, Em you still awake?"
"Yeah."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing much. It's just been a while since I've stayed in your house. And there's nobody except us, this time."
I shifted in bed and folded my hand atop of my chest. Us alone.. In a bed. I wanted to slap myself. Nope, we're not going there, Robyn. Keep yourself together. Thankfully, it was dark so he couldn't see how red my face was. "Yeah. So... We should sleep now."
"Yeah." He pulled the sheets up higher and turned to his side to look at me, using his arm as a cushion under his head. "Good night, Robyn."
"Good night, Em." He kissed my forehead and buried his head in my chest. I was screeching in my own head. He could probably hear how fast my heart was beating, because the pounding was the only thing I could hear.
~~~
Nathan
Are you up?
me
What if I say n o
Nathan
Please I have no one else to talk to...
me
Huh,, okay it's not like I ever sleep anyways
What do u need
Nathan
Actually...
Can we meet up somewhere? It's really serious.
I could tell, if he was using punctuation, it must be. He usually never texts me anyways, since we talk face-to-face most of the time. If we text, it's to share homework answers or send dumb memes.
me
Where would there be a non-suspicious place to meet up at 2am and not make it seem like a drug deal
Nathan
There's a lake behind my house. We can meet up at the gazebo.
me
got it
I had to brace myself for more drama, however, because I had a feeling this had something to do with Oliver. Why else would he have texted me? I checked to see if Emerson was awake. Of course he wasn't. I stealthily got out of bed with minimal noise.
I grabbed a warm coat and scarf and prepared to open the window as quietly as possible. It was one of the most difficult things I had to do in my life and that says something because I have to interact with melodrama almost every second of my life. The window squeaked more than a mouse trying to outrun a cat. I gritted my teeth and slowly let out an exhale when I finally got it open just enough to slip out.
Since I knew the van would make a lot of noise, I decided to finally put my bike to use. Sure, it hadn't been used since middle school, but at least I stored it in the shed. It wasn't rusty, yet it squeaked a bunch when I adjusted the seat higher. And that squeaking noise continued as I pedaled. At least it wasn't as loud as the car. It was annoying, though.
I biked all the way around to his backyard, making sure not to trigger any of the lights or camera systems. I could spot a giant light across his lake emitting from the gazebo and a small figure gazing at the scenery. The closer I came to Nathan, I could see that he was spacing out and staring down at the water. He didn't even notice my presence until I said his name.
"Nathan?" I reached out my hand to put on his shoulder.
He flinched, appearing very startled. "Ah, you scared me. Thanks for coming. I need to have this talk or I don't know what else to do. I'm so lost and the one person I thought would stay by my side no matter what hardship I'd go through is yet somehow the very reason for all this pain." I guessed right. Of course it's about Oliver. I could hear his voice strain and he spoke very quietly, as if he was on the verge of tears. He was still looking at the water with a melancholic expression.
He ran his hand down his face. "Maybe this was a mistake... I'm sorry I called you out so earlyâ"
"No, stop. It's fine. I can't sleep in the first place and I'm glad to listen to you, especially if it helps."
Nathan finally looked up at me and tears started falling out his eyes. It seemed like even he didn't expect it as his eyes widened. He started to wipe his eyes, but ended up giving up and let all the tears stream down his face. He continued to cry and in between sobs he said, "I miss him." I hugged him because that's what Em would do and he whimpered into my shoulder.
I was rubbing circles into his back and comforting him. "Shh, it's okay. We can fix this." We could try.
"D-did Emerson tell you what happened?"
"The fight or the kiss?" I felt him tense up. "I know about both. We talked about it. Is Oliver two-timing you?"
"I don't know." He started crying again. "I don't know what our relationship is. Are we even best friends anymore? I was so scared. Iâ if our parents found out, I'd be kicked to the curb and disowned. I could imagine the same for Oliver."
"Tell me the whole story. How did it start?"
Nathan smiled wryly and wiped his tears. He walked over to the edge of the gazebo and looked out. "It actually started here. Once I invited him to my house to hang out. He convinced me to sneak some alcohol from the bar and we drank here at the gazebo. Before I knew it, we were making out. I had never kissed someone in that way, It tasted so sweet and it felt like I was on fire. None of the girls I've been with felt like that. It was like I felt sparks, I thought there was a connection. Apparently he did too, so we continued somewhat like friends with benefits for a while. It was an unspoken thing, but we knew.
"Every time we hung out together alone it would somehow escalate to Oliver pushing me up against the wall. And we kissed and kissed. I loved the feeling it gave me, my heart was racing and it was exhilarating. I honestly don't know how we didn't get caught until recently. We were getting too careless. I really liked him. Like no one else." He started to get choked up and he gulped. "Then he got a girlfriend and didn't tell me. We told each other everything. We were supposed to at least. It usually wasn't a big deal, but it really hurt me. He started pushing me away more and more. But other times he still kissed me. Initially, I thought he wasn't in the best mood because his grandmother had died recently. I was greedy and wanted it to continue. Yet, I could still see him drifting away from me increasingly. And when I confronted him, h-he told me it was just a phase and I was confused." He broke into tears again. "I know in my heart that it wasn't just some fling. I love him, Robyn. I love him so much it hurts." He dissolved into complete incoherency and fell to his knees.
I squatted next to him and rested my hand on his shoulder. I let him cry for a while until he quieted down. "Have you told him that?"
"Huh?" he choked out.
"Have you told him you love him?"
He sniffled, not being able to make eye-contact with me. "I-I can't. How can I? When every time I look at him, it feels like my heart is being torn up into two. He doesn't love me the same way. What's the point? We'll never be together." He sounded utterly defeated. "I want to run away from it all."
"You know it's not that easy. Everyone wants to run away from their problems, but it's not gonna solve anything. You can stop your tears now, nothing is your fault. You can't blame yourself for your feelings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you liking a guy."
"You're fine with me being... not straight?" Duh.
I cleared my throat. Oh boy. "Straight, gay, bi, ace, pan, whatever the hell you want and are, I'll be fine because you are my friend. That's a part of you." Should I tell him? Ah, heck he's told me his whole life story at this point, why not? "Besides, why would I discriminate against my own kind? We need to stick together."
Nathan's eyes snapped up and I met his wide-eyed stare with a reassuring smile. "Wait. Are youâ"
"Yeah. I'm gay, Nathan." I said it as nonchalantly as possible, like with Em. I crossed my arms and stood up against one of the poles.
I could practically see the cogs turning in his head. "Yo... I honestly couldn't tell."
I snorted. "Yeah, that's the point. It's supposed to be on the down-low."
"Since when..."
"Since I was born dummy," I said as I punched him on the shoulder lightly.
"Who else knows?"
"Besides you, Em of course. I trust you with this like how you trust me. I'm not ready to come out yet."
"Of course, bro. I understand that completely." We laughed the tension off and it became quiet for a moment. I could hear birds chirping in the distance. "So, have you ever dealt with something like this before?"
"Pfft, I'm glad I haven't." Okay maybe that was a bit insensitive. "But don't worry, Em and I will support you. Not gonna lie, Oliver is being a huge douche. We're on your side. What he's doing is not right and all the homophobia is uncalled for."
"I don't want sides. I want him. He needs to face reality too. He's leading on that poor girl." And he was leading on poor Nathan too. "I just want it to go back to the way it was. At least friends."
"You have to confront him. Talk it out thoroughly. Communication is best, but maybe you should wait a little. After all, time heals wounds. I will try to talk to him too, but it's best for you to properly sort this out. In my opinion, you deserve someone better. Someone who treats you right. Who am I to judge, though?" I shrugged.
Nathan shook his head. "He's not a bad person. He's just confused and his parents are, well... difficult. Ollie is in a tough situation. I can bear with it. But not him. His grandmother's death was the last straw. It really broke him. I wanna be there for him." I made a mental note that we needed to talk about Nathan's bruises at some point. Someday. Taking drama one step at a time.
The birds that were chirping from earlier were louder. "Hey, the sun is rising. We should probably head back." I didn't realize we had talked for so long.
"Oh, wow. It felt like time flew by so fast. I'm sorry I prevented you from getting sleep just so I could vent and cry all over you."
"It's fine, bro. How many times do I have to tell you? I think it's healthy to talk and sort out your feelings. Sometimes I wish I had asked for advice for some of the things I went through. And I regret keeping my mouth shut. It really sucks that society frowns upon men who share their feelings, thoughts, and emotions. That's on toxic masculinity." Nathan silently nodded his head, keeping his gaze directed towards the lake. "Hey, Nathan?"
"Yes, Robyn?"
"You're a really good friend. Oliver is really missing out. Em and I got your back, okay?"
Nathan hugged me. "Thank you."
We pulled away and we started walking back. "I was about to say see you at basketball practice, but I forgot you were still grounded. Uh, sorry."
"It's fine, dude." Nathan shrugged. "Sure, I love basketball, but it's not gonna be my career, ya know? I'm not as talented as you. There's no way my parents would let me have sports as my career anyways. They probably won't let me come back until next year, but maybe it's for the best."
"That's too bad. You're a really good player, for what it's worth. The team is kinda sucking ass right now. No one is that motivated. Coach is beyond pissed."
"What about Ollie?" He was shy about it. I could tell because his voice was quiet as he stared at his feet as if they were the most interesting thing here.
"Could be better. He is going through his 'ball hogging' phase. Most of us have learned to get used to it, but teamwork has gone basically back to square one. It's really sad."
"Oh," he said dejectedly. "It's my fault he's like this. Maybe if I had acted like nothing happened, our team wouldn't be the butt of the joke."
"I'm gonna have to stop you there. First of all, it's not your fault that Oliver can't sort out his feelings in a healthy way. That guy has some serious issues, no offense. And second, our team wasn't that good to begin with. Long gone are the days back when Mendoza played in one of the most coveted teams. We were already short on teammates, but some guys somehow managed to injure themselves."
Nathan shrugged. "Mm. I don't know. We did pretty good when the whole team was getting along. Maybe a year ago was when we peaked?"
"Haha, yeah. I can't wait to leave this school, honestly. College will really open your mind and have endless opportunities, especially after leaving this town. You can make new friends who don't just see you as a piggy bank. I hope you'll thrive without your parents breathing down your neck."
"Ha, I wish. Thanks, Robyn. Em is really lucky to have a friend like you."
I scoffed. "Are you kidding me? I'm the blessed one here. The world doesn't deserve Em. I really hit the jackpot with him."
Nathan laughed dryly. "Ironically, I'm still unhappy even though I have this extravagant house and all these riches. My parents aren't divorced and I have so many friends. Objectively, it would seem like I had hit the jackpot. I could literally have anything I want, but I can't seem to get Oliver. Why does that sound so selfish?" He exhaled shakily and paused. "Ha, sorry. I might cry again." He buried his face in his hands. "So pathetic."
"No you're not," I insisted.
He sighed. I bet he was tired. "Sorry, I'm just so stressed out right now."
I patted him on the back for the umpteenth time today. "It's fine, buddy. I understand what you mean. Wealth doesn't buy happiness." My phone's screen lit up with a phone call. I smiled. "Speaking of Em, he's calling me. I really have to go. Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow at school, bye!"
We quickly did our handshake and Nathan waved at me. "See ya, Robyn."
I dashed to my bike and answered my phone as I pedaled back home. "Good morning, Em. What's up?"
"You're fridge stinks but there's nothing but five towers of sauces! We need to go grocery shopping ASAP."
"It's Sunday. There's gonna be a lot of people. Besides, I think you've done enough grocery shopping. We could just eat out while we wait for my mom to recover. My aunt is definitely not coming back here anytime soon, especially to eat."
"Huh? You're aunt isn't gonna live there anymore?"
"Long story short, Elsa had a baby and she found somewhere to live away from us."
"HUH? Hurry up and come back! You need to spill the tea and grab some breakfast. I assume you haven't had breakfast, right?"
I nodded as if he could see me. "No, I haven't had breakfast."
"Hey, where are you anyways? I woke up briefly at 3am and I didn't see you."
"I had a really deep conversation with Nathan at ass o' clock. It was about Oliver and all that stuff... I guess I do have a lot of stuff to talk about."
"We can talk over a nice, hot cup of coffee, bacon, and scrambled eggs. How does that sound?"
"Can cuddling be added onto that?"
"Haha, of course Robbie."
~~~
*shields self* please don't hate me for all the angst, I promise for more fluffier chapters. Maybe I'll make another one shot. For now, I'll take a little break and dig through some of old drafts because I have a pretty good idea of a BTS ff I wanna execute but haven't properly outlined it
I'd like to thank @HatanakeTheShipper for being an amazing follower!! <3
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AND LYDIA IF YOU SEE THIS, HIII <3 I MISS YOU