Robyn Hook
"Rise and shine," I sang to Em like Kylie Jenner. It was already eight, which was late for Em, the early-riser. I usually wake up before him, but for the most part, that was usually at ass o' clock, before even Em woke up at six, that naturally early-riser. If I didn't have insomnia, I'd gladly sleep for twelve hours straight. "Wake up sleeping beauty~" I sing-songed to Em, who had his arm around my torso and one leg haphazardly thrown over mine. His breathing was even and I could make out his slightly-smiling face. Must be a good dream. I had a pretty decent sleep, but that's usually a given every time I sleep with Emerson. It was slightly dim in the tent, the sun just barely peeking from the horizon. It was odd that he still hadn't woken up after my gentle attempts. Was he really that tired? I nudged him and he stirred, hugging me closer to him.
As much as I would love to stay there for an eternity, I don't think my heart could handle it. Every point our bodies met, touched, or even grazed, burned to the touch, sending tremors to my hands and shivers down my spine. There was a pit in my stomach, dropping like I was on the Tower of Terror. That falling pit, almost making me nauseous, is what people would describe as butterflies. Why do they call it butterflies? Like something fluttering? It was more like a kick to the gut, a kick full of affection, longing, and desire to be with Em, with a dash of pain, knowing that there was only a slim chance of my feelings being reciprocated. I shouldn't be thinking about it. Don't even try. It's not worth getting your heart broken, Robyn. But what if...
I was always trapezing on a thin line. Sure I flirted, but they were under the guise of jests, mocks, and jabs. Em never took them seriously. I never meant them seriously. But what if I started now? Would he even notice? I mean, surely not. He always thinks I'm trolling. Then, maybe I shouldn't. He never reacted well whenever he got hit on. Granted, the majority of them were creeps, but he couldn't even take a simple compliment without blushing.
I blinked away the tears that had the audacity to spill out. Shit, get back in there, tears. Channel your inner Officer Earl. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about him. We're just friends, nothing has changed for the past decade. What makes me think anything would change now? But I wanted him so bad, it was always torture, self-inflicted as a double-edged sword. Yeah, I could cuddle him. And sure, I could kiss him on the cheek. But as friends. Best friends. No further. Whoever ends up as Em's significant other would end up as the luckiest bastard in the universe, but I couldn't imagine anyone even remotely worthy of that position. This back and forth conflict in my head continued when I shakily exhaled and saw Em squinting.
"Welcome to the land of the living, Em." He rubbed his eyes and rolled over to his back. My left side immediately felt cold. "It's a little past eight already. Had a nice dream? You were smiling."
"Oh, geez. Eight? I woke up late... Wait, I was smiling?"
"Well, yeah. Pleasant dream?"
"I guess. I don't remember that much. Just roses."
"Roses?"
"Yeah, I don't know, it was nothing special."
"What color were the roses?"
"Why?"
"Don't know, maybe they mean something. You know, like, flower language."
"I mean I have heard of flower language, but how would my brain give me subconscious clues and meanings if I don't know the correlation between the colors and their meanings in the first place? You know what I mean?" Dang smartass.
"I guess, but what's the color?" I was trying to be attentive, hoping he'd notice, and lay it on him gently. But it's pretty obvious he's as dense as bricks when it comes to stuff like this.
"I think yellow roses with red tips. That's about it, no other colors or flowers. Since when did you know flower language?"
I shrugged. "I don't. But I want to look it up."
"Oh. Well, if you find out, make sure to tell me," he said absentmindedly as he shrugged on a light jacket.
I gave him the okay gesture and smelled some fire. "I didn't know they knew how to start a fire," I said, hearing Oliver and Nathan's voices, quiet enough that I couldn't make out what they were saying. As if they were whispering to not disturb us.
We both got out of the tent to find Nathan sitting on a foldable chair with a fleece blanket around his shoulders, a decently sized fire raging in the pit. Oliver was cooking something on the grill, which honestly surprised me greatly.
"Smells good!" Em exclaimed, peering into the pan to find eggs and bacon. "Ooh nice. I still want to make some French toast after you, by the way."
"Alright," he said, scraping the skillet. "It's gonna be a little crunchy."
"I don't care, as long as I eat," I said, almost drooling at the smell of the smoked bacon.
Nathan sighed. "Hot chocolate would be nice right about now."
Em tapped his chin. "I mean, if you really want hot chocolate, the closest diner is five miles away. Not that far, but that would take away from the camping experience, you know."
Nathan shifted. "I get it. I can live without it."
"I'll get it for you if you want." Oliver offered, starting a new batch of eggs and bacon.
"I'm feeling generous as a birthday boy. I'll let you drive my van," I said. "Only if you get some hot chocolate for the rest of us."
"Oh, deal!" Nathan interjected for Oliver. "I'll go with Ollie, you two better have some French toast ready." He latched onto Ollie's arm.
"Babe, please let me finish cooking then you can touch me however you want." Ugh, gag, make me feel single in front of my crush that I'll never get with. After all this time of suffering through their annoying ass fights and drama all these years, their honeymoon phase is just as obnoxious.
Nathan squeaked and immediately kept his arms to himself. "B-babe?"
"You call me that. Unless you want me to call you something else. Honey? Sweetheart? Darling?" Nathan groaned, tucking the fleece blanket over his head. "Too cheesy, then how about Daddy?" Nathan kicked the dirt because if it were Oliver, he'd be unconscious.
"You have no shame! Just 'Nate' is fine, if you don't stop acting like this I'm revoking your Babe privileges." He took the keys to my van and sat in the passenger's seat.
I audibly gagged, rolling my eyes. "You guys make me want to commit homophobia and I thought I was the gayest one here."
Oliver shrugged. "Oh, come on. I'm not that bad. Right?" He turned to Em for support but he shook his head with a tight-lipped grimace. Hah, that's my boy.
"No. You're awful. I like reading cheesy stories, but even this is like a bag of bricks 24/7. Like, we get it. You're dating, no need to rub it in."
"Ooh, Emerson I thought I could smell the ocean, turns out it's just you being salty," he joked.
I frowned. "Don't pick on him, you're just insufferable and that says a lot coming from me."
"How ironic." Em didn't take offense to Oliver's comments and just ignored it, used to my jesting jabs. "I think you're overwhelming Nathan. I think even your own boyfriend needs a fresh breath of air, you know." Em said without hesitation. How tactless of him. But it's very much true.
"I know it's your first time being in a relationship with a guy, but it's also Nathan's. Maybe you could tone it down a little, Chad. Like maybe take it slow? We're only juniors in high school. There's still so much time left in life, you know." I mean, yeah, before Nathan, he always did irritatingly boast about all his ex-girlfriends, but this was that but genuine and amplified by Nathan.
Oliver's face was serious now. Almost downcast, a complete one-eighty from his trolling face. "That's the thing. I don't know if we'll be together after high school."
Em furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait, what do you mean by that? "
"It's true that we love each other."
"But?" Em probed.
"But... It's his parents. My parents. His dad is the scariest one. His mother is too caught up with political stuff to know what's going on..." He glanced in Nathan's direction. "You know, I'll let him tell it when he's ready. It's not my place, but I thought I'd be realistic with you guys. I want to be with him as long as possible, but it's scary thinking what his father would do if he ever found out we were dating. He's rich. His dad could send him to the other side of the country if he wanted to. Even to Europe. I'm living everyday with him like it's my last," Oliver said with conviction. I'd never seen him so serious with anybody he ever dated before Nathan. I'd never seen him this serious, period.
"Oh," Em said, speechless. "If you ever need help we're here with open arms. Even if you guys are on different sides of the world you guys will find a way."
"Thanks for being the optimist, Emerson," Oliver said with a small smile. "You guys want marshmallows or whip cream with your hot chocolate," he said while resting his right hand on the nape of his neck.
"Yes!" Em said at the same time I did.
"Thanks bro."
"No problem," He winked, wiggling his eyebrows between me and Em. Uh excuse me. Oh ho, I know what he's doing here. Leaving him alone with Nathan. Particularly, me alone with Em.
"Ollie, if you crash my van or even put so much as a dent, you're paying for all of it, none of Nathan's money. Got it?"
He flippantly waved. "Why would I put my Treasure in danger? Even if we are in a trash van." Blegh, the pet names, I swear.
"Say that one more time!" She wasn't the prettiest, but she held a lot of memories and was mainly mother's van.
"Your van is kinda sh*t." How dare he?
Offended, I was tempted to throw my slipper at him. "Okay that's it, Nathan's driving, and I'm not letting you ride on my motorcycle."
"You can ride a motorcycle??" Nathan asked, going from the passenger's seat to the driver's side. As they passed each other, Oliver smacked Nathan's butt. Nathan gave him the side-eye.
"Soon, but I have one in my garage and you're definitely not even gonna get to lay a finger on it," I said, directing my speech to Oliver.
"Oh noo, so tragic. I'm gonna be sad now." Before Nathan drove off, Oliver and I mutually flipped each other off. I snorted to myself and turned to Em.
"Well, I say that went swimmingly," Em said with a dubious expression.
I leaned over and hooked my arm around him. "Heyy, it's just me and you, baby." He ducked under my arms and pushed me away.
"Yeah, no, Birthday Boy. I've gotta make some French toast." He beelined it to the cooler and the soccer mom snack bag to pull out the ingredients.
I pouted and kicked the dirt. "I hope things turn out for the better for those too." As much as Oliver and I 'clashed heads' it was all in banter. No one deserves to be treated the way they are by their parents, I couldn't even come out to my own motherâand if I put myself in their shoesâmuch less their influential parents.
For context, Nathan's mother is a political figure. Right now she's the governor of our state, but she plans to campaign to become the president in the future, building up repertoire and traveling often. From what I heard, she's almost never home and the maids mainly take care of the house.
As for Nathan's father, he is an enterprise architecture manager (whatever the hell that means). I just know he makes a lot of cash doing it, but he is home half the time cooped up in his office. I'd rather be poor than have a father like him though, he just disgusts me. Every part of his homophobic, abusive, and dumpster-fire self.
Oliver's parents work with the media. His dad is the manager of two huge music artists and his mom manages a famous social influencer. She's the reason why he has a lot of connections with famous people. Like Cleo Valentine, for example.
"Same. They need a happy ending, I can just imagine if that were us and we weren't allowed to be friends anymore. I know it's not the same... But like, you know what I mean? Even after everything they've been through they can't even have some peace, geez. Homophobia in this day and age." He rolled his eyes while ranting, making large gestures to accentuate his points.
"Em, your French toast is burning."
"Ah shoot!" He frantically went to grab a paper plate and scrape the French toast onto it. He sighed. "Well, this batch is going to be slightly crunchy."
I raised a challenging eyebrow at the clumps of scrambled French toast. "Slightly?" He would be eaten alive if Oliver found out he was clowned by someone who made French toast that looked like that.
"Third time's the charm?" He placed the third and fourth pieces of toast on the pan and paid more attention to it, using the spatula to check underneath to ensure the perfect golden-crisp toast.
"It's just French toast, it's not like you're making it for Marie Antoinette." I made the head-slicing hand-motion and stuck out my tongue.
"Yeah, but we're here to celebrate your birthday." Which was technically tomorrow at 5:43 a.m. to be exact. "And Nathan and Oliver shouldn't eat something burnt for once,'' he said slightly shadily as quickly glanced at the shriveled bacon eggs, and checked the French toast for the third time in the past thirty seconds.
"Yay, happy birthday to me. If only you paid as much attention to me as you do to that French toast." I pouted and gave Em the puppy-eyes.
Immune, he rolled his eyes. "As if my family doesn't smother you enough as is.'
"What can I say? I'm an attention whore."
"Clearly."
I took the initiative to set up the picnic table, glad that the wind was calm enough to not blow all the cutlery and paper plates away. The air was so fresh here and the leaves lightly whirled in circles in the dirt in a flurry of browns, burnt umbers, crimson reds, and tangerines. November was a beautiful time to go camping for the scenery.
"What's on the itinerary for today?"
"After we eat, we're gonna do a two hour hike to see the Trinity Waterfalls. I heard they're beautiful to take photos of around this time of year. After that we hike down to the river and we kayak. We're going to do that for a while and have a late lunch back here at camp, but we're definitely bringing snacks in our backpack. After we eat, we're going to go horseback riding for another two hours."
"Huh, you really planned this out."
He smiled, his eyes squinting upwards. "Yeah, so don't say I don't give you enough attention." He finished up cooking and cleaned up everything, putting the trash into the nearby bin and hoping raccoons didn't come to ravage everything. The park would fine campers for leaving a mess, and that wouldn't be a nice birthday present.
It wasn't too long after that the van pulled up with some steaming hot cocoa. Oliver was carrying the tray and I noticed one of the cups was larger than the others, which was the one he handed to me. I looked at it confused and he shrugged. "They gave you some extra chocolate chips on top of your whip cream and marshmallows when we said it was your birthday, then gave us a free sundae because apparently they do that for 'early risers' on the weekdays before nine." He pointed with his thumb to Nathan. "He has it, take it away, Birthday Boy."
"Cool! Thanks bros," I said, taking my spoils to the picnic table where the rest of the food sat. "What are y'all waiting for? Let's dig in, the food will get cold pretty fast."
~~~
Emerson was panting heavily, silently groaning to himself as we climbed a really steep hill of mud. To get to the waterfalls you had to cross a stream, meaning we had to get our shoes wet in the cold water, then proceed to follow a mud-turned dirt path from previous hikers who had crossed that same creek. Even I had to admit it was a little strenuous for me, the basketball captain.
"I'm at a disadvantage here," he barely managed through breaths. "Y'all have way longer limbs that can reach up, and I'm not nearly as athletic." When he said that, he immediately slid down a few feet, grasping on two tree roots. He groaned in frustration. "I need help," he sighed defeatedly.
I held out my hand to him and smirked at his misfortunes, as best friends should when they fall down. Little perfect Em, not being able to climb up this mountain.
"You think it'll be worth it?" I asked him as he put all his weight in my arm and hoisted himself next to me. I supported him on my right knee.
"Definitely. It's a nice day and it's not foggy. The photos of the scenery better come out perfect."
Oliver and Nathan definitely weren't struggling nearly as much as Em, being in sync and easily helping each other up the hill. We caught up to them to a non-muddy, but rocky, spot to catch our breaths. Em took a sip from his water bottle.
"Should we race to the top?" Oliver proposed.
"That wouldn't be fair," Em said. "Whatever team I'm on will be at a disadvantage."
"Nonsense," I said, already smirking in anticipation.
"So is that a yes?" Oliver asked.
"Emerson, you don't need to if you really want. I don't even feel like participating. Better to stop and smell the roses, I mean we're pretty high up," Nathan said in consideration.
"Thanks, Nathan. Someone with common sense." Em looked at me. "Where are you guys racing? You do know that the top of this mountain isn't where the waterfalls are, right? There's still almost an hour left of hiking. Wouldn't it be better to conserve your energy? If you're tired, we're going downhill and it's just as steep. If you're not careful, it will throw you down and you'll topple all the way to the bottom and there's no guarantee that emergency services can reach you here."
"You sound like those parents who constantly tell off their kids by scaring them to ward them off."
"For a good reason, but don't involve me in your race."
"How about a bet?" Oliver offered with a sly grin.
"Go on?" I urged him.
"Loser has to share the shower with whoever the winner picks for them."
I scrunched my face, wondering how that would benefit me if I won. Sure if Oliver won, he'd make me shower with Nathan or Em, and I'm ninety-nine percent sure he wouldn't let me shower with his boyfriend unless he wanted to be yeeted off the side of this mountain by said boyfriend. So, in this case, I would rather lose because there is no way in hell I'm letting Oliver shower with Em, and I'm sure he and Nathan would share the shower anyways, like how everyone does in the gym locker rooms. Maybe this was his way of trying to make this Rem thing happen?
I opened my mouth to respond, but I was cut off by Em's hand slapping over my mouth. "Wait a damn minute." He probably figured it out. "You're just going to make me shower with Robyn!" He said with an accusatory finger pointed at Oliver. "I literally just said that I didn't want to be involved!" I licked his hand and he gave me a disgusted nose-scrunch while he wiped his hand on the front of my coat.
"That hurts, Em. Is there something you don't want to see in the shower?"
Oliver smirked and shrugged. "Hey, it's the Birthday Boy's choice. Better give him an incentive to win then."
Em sputtered in bewilderment, at the sheer ridiculousness of this whole situation. He looked at Nathan for a last-ditch effort for help, with his eyes screaming 'what the actual hell.'
"Sorry, Emerson. Can't do anything about it. It's not the worst thing. I'm sure for as long as you two have known each other, surely you guys must've shared a shower before. We're all men after all." Wow, is he in on it too?
"This is more of a punishment for me than anything. What did I do to deserve this?" Em groaned. "Yeah we shared a shower, like when we were in elementary school once. But that's it."
Oliver crossed his arms. "What was so bad the first time that you had such a reaction?" He teased with his eyes flitting between our facial expressions.
"Look, I'm not going to get into the details, but just know Robyn is awful to shower with," Em sighed through his nose.
"I almost always shower in the locker room and no one ever comments on it," I said in an attempt to defend myself.
Nathan snorted. "Yeah because we're either all too busy tackling each other or slapping each other's backs and legs with towels. Ain't nobody trying to look at you shower, Cap." He had a point, the locker rooms were always chaotic. There were a million things happening at once.
Em crossed his arms and leaned back. "Ugh, I'm already so done with this conversation. Y'all want me to count down or something?"
I patted his shoulder. "Sure, that would be greatly appreciated," I said while winking.
He rolled his eyes and stood next to Nathan. Oliver and I aligned ourselves on the edge of the rock. "Three, two, one, go." As we bolted up the mountain, I could hear Em yell behind us, "I hope you slip and fall on your asses!"
"Woah it's like Emerson wants to shower with you," Oliver taunted. We were basically neck and neck. I got one up on him with a tree branch I used to help climb like a rope. Damn, uphill like this was pretty difficult, especially with the added weight of my backpack, but I guess this was a pretty good workout.
Oliver caught up pretty fast, since he was more agile. He was only an inch taller than meâNathan was also the same height as himâbut I doubt that single inch would be an advantage. Since we weren't taking our time, we didn't care about the mud that covered everywhere from the knees down, with a few specks of dirt on the back of my pants, my backpack, and the bottom of my sleeves.
"Where is the top of this mountain?" I grunted.
"Let's just say it's that striped tree," he pointed, climbing faster.
"Hey!" That wasn't fair, although we should've marked an endpoint before the race.
Oliver ended up winning since he cut directly through to the top rather than following the winding path. "You crazy bastard," I laughed, fist-bumping with him. He was now covered in twigs, brittle leaves, and dirt, on top of the mud from earlier.
"You're welcome." He chugged the rest of his water and pulled out a granola bar while we waited for Em and Nathan to catch up. "I'm still curious. What happened in elementary school?"
"When we showered together?" He nodded. "Funny enough, it was also on a camping trip. It was me and the Scott family. His mom said we had to shower in pairs if we wanted the warm water to last, and it was pretty obvious I wasn't going to shower with baby Emily or his mom, so Em it was. I thought it'd be funny to prank him, so I bought a toad hidden in my towel and released it to wreak some havoc. I thought it was funny, but he screamed and almost accidentally killed the poor thing. I never told him I brought the toad in, but when he was running around the wet shower, he fell right on his ass and I laughed at him, naturally. So, yeah. I think he has a grudge."
"How cute," Oliver said with a raised eyebrow.
When the other two caught up, Em crossed his arms. "So," he sighed, "who won?"
"Guess," I smiled.
"I don't like that look on your face. I think you lost. That means..."
"Yep, Robyn took the L, so he has to take a shower with you, Emerson. Have fun," Oliver said while Nathan was brushing off the dirt and sticks out of his clothes.
"Well, if you really think about it, it's the best case scenario."
Em flicked my forehead. "No, idiot, best case scenario would've been you not doing the bet at all, then I could take a shower on my own, in peace."
I rubbed at the sore spot on my forehead. "What happened to treating me like a King for my birthday?"
"It's not technically your birthday just yet."
"In Asia it is."
Em rolled his eyes. "Nope, try again." As tiring as going up an incline is, downhill sucks when your legs are already tired because it forces your legs to go forward. I was half-tempted to just roll. Hopefully he'll be in a better mood when we arrive at the triple waterfall spectacle.
~~~
"If there's supposed to be three waterfalls, why is there two?" Oliver said, unimpressed.
By the name, you'd think it'd be a spectacular three, but there's really one big one with a smaller one to the left. "What about the one on the right?" I asked, squinting at the scenery.
Em, the smart, rational one, had a sensible explanation. "Hmm, considering it rained a few days ago, there might've been a flash flood that carried debris to block the waterfall on the right. If you look up photos on the internet it's not supposed to be like that."
"I think that makes sense," I said, crossing my arms. I looked at Em and I could tell that he was disappointed. "It still looks beautiful. You're right, we picked a good time to look at it." The sun was very bright and the sky so blue, at least I could see the whole scenery rather than it being foggy or dreary. It'd still make a nice photo, just probably not the one he had hoped for. "We can go there and take some photos," I said, pointing to a bridge overlooking the place from a higher vantage point.
I looped my arm around Em's neck. "My legs are tired, can you carry me?" He didn't push me away this time (progress), but he wrinkled his nose and turned his head.
"I was tired after a little bit of hiking, aren't you supposed to be the basketball captain, the all-star here? You really think I can carry you?"
I sighed, "Well, it was worth asking."
"Try harder, Robyn. You'll never get anywhere at this rate," Oliver said. How is it that literally every person we interact with just somehow knows, but Emâthe one that's supposed to be the big brain in this relationshipâcan't take a hint if it crash-landed on him, threw him into the ocean, and nuked him?! It was just tragic at this point. It made me want to hit him so bad... with affection. Whack-a-mole it with a sledgehammer.
Em missed the memo, no surprise as the densest one here, and thought Oliver was referring to my physical incapability of just walking up to the bridge. "See, I told you not to waste your energy. We've still got a long day ahead of us." I just groaned, too tired for this. "Come on, slowpoke," he said while tugging on my arm.
I relished in the physical contact, but agonized at his obliviousness. We arrived at the balcony before the other two. I looked behind my back to see them taking their own photos first. "Aww," Em said, also looking at them. He continued to hold onto my arm. "Let the lovebirds be on their own. Come on, let's take some now," he said, taking out his phone. He leaned closer to me and threw a peace-sign up for the camera, but then he frowned. "Robyn, you're too dang tall, is there a way you could bend your knees. And no, I'm not giving you my phone. Not after last time."
I smiled at the thought of the aforementioned "last time." Last time we took a selfie, he complained about my height, figures, and I offered to take a photo, in which he gave me his phone. Afterwards, he demanded that I give it back, but I just ran away and led him on a wild goose chase and took a bunch of wacky photos, some with even random strangers. He acts mad about it, but I know he never deleted any of those photos.
"I have a solution," I proposed with a smirk.
"I don't like that look on yOURâAHH!" I hoisted him on my back so that he was piggy-back riding me. "Put me down! How can I take a photo like this?" He was lightly punching my back, but making no actual effort in getting down. I rolled my eyes and just tightened my arms around his legs and he let out an 'eep.' He knew it was futile and merely sighed.
"It's not that hard, just stick out your arm and take a photo."
"Mm, okay but it'll be a little shaky."
He raised his arm and tapped the screen open. I interrupted him with, "Hold up, before you take a pic, you need to be happy!"
"I am smiling?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Would you say you're at the top of the world right now?"
Em looked more confused by the second. "I know we're generally high in terms of elevation, but it's not like we're on Mount Everestâ"
"Stop being a smartass."
Em scoffed, offended. "I don't see what this has to do withâ"
"Look," I tilted my head at the beautiful scenery. The few clouds that lightly drifted along with the breeze framed the sun just right so that its rays shone like it was straight out of a Renaissance painting. "Okay, maybe literally you're not on top of the world, but do you feel like you're on the top of your world?"
He took a deep breath, appreciating the dreamy landscape with me. "Yeah I guess I do," he lightly grinned. Dang if I had my phone out right now, his smile would be the one thing I'd take a photo of , because that's the real work of art.
"Then I guess, I'm your world. Because you're on top of me right now." Smooth like butter.
He simultaneously dropped his arm that was holding his phone to his side and laid his head on my shoulder. "Who said you could be like that?"
"Like what?"
"Cheesy..." He groaned into my shoulder.
"Are you blushing right now?" Am I getting through to him or is he just embarrassed? If anything, I should be the flustered one here.
"I'm just blushing from fatigue of your stupid jokes. Let's just take the photo," he raised his arm again and tried to adjust the photo, but it kept on defocusing. "Come on stupid thing," he muttered, tapping it vigorously.
Thud.
"Shit," we said at the same time. Em immediately hopped down and picked up the phone that had fallen face down onto the pavement. He performed a little prayer and took a deep breath. He flipped it over andâ
"Oh thank goodness," he sighed in relief. "No cracks. Barely visible scratches, but I think I'll live."
Oliver and Nathan came to us, giggling to themselves. "You guys take some good pics?"
Em and I looked at each other. "Well," he started while I also said, "You see..." We gotta stop talking over each other.
"I'll take you two's photos," Nathan offered.
Em gave him his phone. "Thanks, Nathan." He walked back over to me and put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. "Now, you, Robbie, stand here."
"Demanding much?" He still held onto my shoulder, but was I going to say anything about it? Hell no. Instead, I let my arm snake around his waist. I let my fingers ever so lightly curve around his hip. It felt so natural.
"Say cheese! These photos look great. We should do a group one now. Ollie, come here." From left to right, it was me, Em, Nathan, and Oliver. "From this angle, it makes sense for Robyn to take the pic." Nathan started to hand Em's phone to me, but he intercepted it.
"How about your camera, Nathan? I think it's the nicest and mine just got dropped." I laughed through my nose.
Nathan shrugged. "Sure. Here, Robyn."
"Thanks, dude. Everyone needs to squeeze in more if you want the background. Oliver, come forward a little bit. Okay good. One, two, three..." I spammed the button a bit and gave Nathan his phone back.
"I'll send these to the group chat. Where next?"
~~~
Emerson and I were soaking, dripping wet. We had flipped over in our kayak and his teeth were chattering while I was equally just as cold and shivering. I don't really know how we ended up like that. Water was slowly seeping into the kayak and Em got a little spookedâdon't ask him how, it totally wasn't meâand we flipped. It would've been funny if it was like that video of Max falling out of the kayak, slowly sinking, but this straight up became miserable. Made slightly better by the fact that Em is suffering with me.
"Shit, this water is really cold."
Oliver laughed at us as he and Nathan witnessed the whole thing. "Maybe that's a sign that that's enough kayaking for now. I'm starving." We all started dragging our kayaks to the nearest rental shack.
Em checked the time on his watch. "Huh. It is lunch time already. Okay, I guess we'll have to start heading back. Burgers or hotdogs?" He asked me.
"Burgers, please."
"Okay," he shivered. Since I was such a chivalrous gentleman, I offered my coat.
"I have a spare coat in my backpack, you want it?"
Em's eyes lit up like a light bulb, so I was ready to give my coat, well, except for the glaring fact that he declined. "Actually, that reminds me, I also have a spare coat. But thanks anyways, Robyn. Use it for yourself, your lips are turning blue." Well that backfired. So much for y/n wattpad moments.
"Another layer won't hurt, seriously take it." I already began to unzip my own backpack.
"You without another layer will hurt, seriously. Keep it, and don't say you're fine. We can't have our Birthday Boy catch a cold tomorrow." Damn Em for being such a smartass. Couldn't argue with that logic. So I grumbled and shrugged on the coat. Albeit, reluctantly.
"Aww how sweet you two," Oliver mocked with a sarcastically sweet tone of voice. To further mock us, he turned to Nathan and said, "Babe, I'm feeling pretty cold. Could you spare lil ol' me a coat?"
"You're cold?" Nathan asked, to which Oliver nodded like a little kid. "Too bad I can't control the weather, Goldilocks," Nathan said while patting Oliver's blonde hair.
Pain. That's all I felt. Pain. Disgust. "Please," I pleaded with my palm out. "Stop, I get it." So that's how it is to them, huh. I am actually trying here. Do they have no sympathy?
They laughed at my misery as we made our way back to the camp, which was faster than coming here. Can't stop a group of ravenous teenage boys. We took less pictures and less breaks, there were even times I insisted on carrying Em. Of course he denied, but we eventually got there, starving and drooling at the mere thought of food. These were the times when fast metabolism was a curse.
"While I start cooking these burgers, you guys can snack on the chips I've brought," Em said, already taking the ingredients out of the cooler.
"Actually, I was thinking Oliver and I would start cooking while y'all change out of your wet clothes," Nathan offered.
"Are you sure?" Em asked. "It's pretty much dried up now."
The corner of my mouth quirked up. "I don't know about you, but my wet socks tell me otherwise."
"You first." He tried to shoo me away.
"Did you already forget the bet made between Oliver and I?"
He groaned, turning slightly pink. "Of course not! But I'm not going to take a shower just yet. After we eat, I still plan on going horseback riding. That means I would have to shower again. So, you know, l-later. Right before we go to bed."
"Does that mean you're actually agreeing to the bet?" I looked incredulously at him.
"No, you're crazy," he snorted, turning his back to me. "Hurry and change." He shooed me away once and for all, busying himself with the others.
While I was changing in the tent, I could clearly hear their conversations. "A bet is a bet," Oliver said. "Robyn told me why you don't want to shower with him so desperately." Snitch.
"Oh yeah? What exactly did he say?"
I stripped all three layers of my jacket, flannel, and tee and listened intently. I swore, if Oliver dared to clown meâ "He played a prank on you and now you have trust issues. But wasn't that years ago when he was a kid?"
"Pfft, you know Robyn. He still acts like a kid," Nathan snorted. Thanks a lot, bro. "But I'm sure he'd be fine now, after years of being a basketball captain, he's gotten a lot of karma over the years in the locker room." Ain't that the damn truth. One time they stuck a soggy snickers bar into my basketball shoes. Jun and Erwin felt bad so they helped pitch in some money with Em to get me a new pair. Another time I trash-talked the twins and they threw a whole bucket of ice water while I was in a stall. They've done a few more things since then, but now I try to minimize pissing them off to only at least once a week. That was a feat in itself. I traded my slightly wet cargo pants into some jeans I deemed good enough for horseback riding.
"Mm. Fine, I'm not gonna be a party pooper." I rushed to change my socks and practically tumbled out of the tent.
"Did I hear that right?" I rubbed the inside of my ear. "You know if you're not comfortable, you really don't have to. You deserve some privacy," I said sincerely.
"It's fine. Like Nathan said, we're men after all. Just think of it as saving water," he winked brushing past me. "I"m gonna go change now," he quickly muttered, not even bothering to look back at my frozen self. My feet were stuck in the ground. What. Was. That?!
With a slackened jaw and in a stiff motion, I painstakingly glanced towards the other two to see if they just heard what I heard. If they just saw what I saw. I might be delusional, hearing things I want to hear.
Oliver had a shit-eating grin. Nathan almost dropped his water bottle choking on his water. We all started whispering-screaming. "DID HE JUST WINK AT YOU?!" Nathan 'yelled' with exaggerated mouth movements.
"BRO THAT WAS A HUNDRED PERCENT FLIRTING!"
"YOU THINK?!"
"NO SHIT, YOU THINK HIS EYELID TWITCHED OR SOMETHING? YOU'RE TRIPPING," Oliver rasped out.
I braced the sides of my head with my hands. "What do I do?"
"This is the dictionary, textbook definition of gay panic," Oliver snickered. I flipped him off. "I don't get gay panic, I give it." He winked at Nathan. Nathan laughed, slamming his water bottle onto the picnic table.
"Really now? Aight, bet." He smiled, licking his teeth and stalked towards Oliver with power steps. He untied his hair tie that was holding his braids back and ran his hands through them. Oliver whistled and I felt like I really didn't need to be here. Nathan leaned close, his left hand tracing Oliver's neck and whispered something in his ear. Oliver's face was blank for a split second before he turned his head and covered his mouth with his hand. "Got 'em," Nathan smirked.
"That was hot," I joked, and laughed at Oliver's expense.
"Uh, what did I just walk out to?" Em was halfway out the tent when he witnessed this and had a look of complete and utter confusion, which slowly morphed into slightly uncomfortable.
"Gay panic," I snickered.
Emerson wrinkled his nose and put a hand up to his eyebrow. "Guys, please, y'all getting way too comfortable. Get a room or help with cooking." I don't know how this trip would've gone without Em here.
Oliver suggestively raised his eyebrows at Nathan. Nathan just shook his head and laughed. "Nah, I'm done. I was just playing with you. No, don't look at me like that," he said, pushing Oliver's face away.
"Robyn, the burgers are gonna turn into charcoal! Pay attention," he reprimanded before scurrying over to flip the burgers. "Just set up the table, Robbie."
"You guys still feel like going horseback riding?" Oliver asked. His head was propped on his palm, probably salty he just got hot and bothered for nothing. "I want to take a nap after eating and then watch a movie."
I didn't want to offend Em since this was his itinerary and he really liked to stick to stuff like that. He's obviously not the spontaneous type. But to my surprise he was lenient. "That's okay, we can do it another time. It's really up to Birthday Boy. A movie sounds nice as well."
"That mean I get the first pick?" I asked, even though they already knew exactly what I wanted.
Em held up his hand. "Stop, before you even say anything. It's between Shrek 2, Coraline, or Kung Fu Panda."
"As much as they are all superior, top tier movies, this time around I think we should watch a non-animated one. Or you know, a non-kids movie."
"It's shocking you said that, Robyn," Nathan said. "But I feel like your go-to non-animated movie is The Notebook."
"Wrong, actually it's Daddy Daycare."
Nathan hummed. "Yeah, still not all that surprising."
Oliver asked, "What TV show do you watch a lot these days?"
"Guess."
"Umbrella Academy?"
"Sometimes. But I really don't come back to it a lot, I watched each season in one sitting."
"Friends?"
"I'm white, but not that white. One more guess, go wild."
"Why do I feel like you'd watch the Bachelor to sh*t on all the contestants?"
I chuckled at the fact that yes, I totally would. "Try RuPaul's drag race."
Emerson clapped his hands together. "We can discuss this as we eat, but as of now, the burgers are ready. All the toppings and veggies are in the cooler, just use the tongs to grab them."
"Thanks, Em.
Oliver was bewildered, "I did not see that coming."
"What?"
"You watching RuPaul's Drag Race. I would think you would at least pick up some vocabulary."
"You don't have to be a flamboyant gay to watch RuPaul. Also, if I talked the way they did in the show literally no one would understand a thing I'm saying. Our school is pretty open-minded, but imagine me clicking my tongue every two seconds, that would get annoying real quick. Em can vouch for that. Sometimes he watches it with me, but we usually can't because of Emily. Wouldn't want her running around the house yelling the c-word thinking it meant charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent."
Em nodded along with what I was saying. "Yeah, the show is hilarious, mainly because of the Queens. Sometimes it's rigged and the challenges suck a lot, but there are a lot of internet memes born from that gem of crackhead show. Personally, the costumes fascinate me, but Robyn likes the drama."
"If you want to learn how to read someone, that's the right place."
"Read someone?" Nathan asked, his baffled expression mirroring his boyfriend's.
"Roasting someone to filth. It's great. I feel like it'd be a show Oliver would enjoy because of the lip-sync competitions." Not many people knew this, but Oliver had a dance background, which he only quit because basketball occupied too much of his time. Sometimes he dances for special school occasions, but I bet he misses it. Even for a middle schooler, back then he was pretty good.
"Then again, Oliver is one of those people who complain they have nothing to watch, but then you recommend something to him and he will never get around to watching it," Nathan said, showing a perfect example of a read.
"Damn, I'd be hurt but it's too true."
Em asked while stuffing his burger with a bunch of lettuce, "So... is there a movie you have decided on?"
I shrugged. "Eh, but we still got some time before sundown. Maybe I'll have one in mind by the time we're done setting up."
"No pressure, Birthday Boy."
~~~
After we had eaten, we began to set up our DIY cinema. Nathan brought his portable projector we could hook up to any of our phones. The screen was really just a white bed sheet tied onto a few PVC pipes with some zip ties. A small portable speaker was placed next to the screen. We had placed it in front of the treeline, in between our tents. With a tarp laid out, we intended to pile our pillows and blankets to sit on for later.
We stepped back to admire our makeshift theater. "It's not dark enough just yet to turn on a movie. We still have a few hours," Em observed.
Oliver yawned and tucked his arms behind his head. "I think I'll take a nap. Care to join me, Nathan?"
Nathan smiled, "Sure, wouldn't want to third wheel these two anyways." He stood up to join Oliver.
"Excuse me?" Em remarked at the same time I said, "Us third-wheeling you two horny bastards, more like." And it's my birthday.
The two just laughed at us and went inside their fancy tent. Em sighed and looked at me. "How do you plan on killing time?"
"Cloud watching?" I offered. We did it a lot as kids. Back then we would lay in the grass in either of our backyards and spent a lot of time just interpreting and debating cloud shapes. I felt like I had changed so much since then, despite Em saying I still act like a kid. Which may or may not be true, but I know myself better now. My feelings for Em... "How about it?" It felt like a cheesy scene in a romcom movie now, gosh.
I thought he'd make a teasing comment, but instead, he plopped down on his back and looked up at me with a smile. "Why not?" God was testing me. It took everything in my willpower to not stare, mouth gaped, at how gorgeous he looked under the sun. To kiss every mole, to trace each and every single one with my finger. Yes, I was jealous of Nathan and Oliver. I want what they have. Except I'm a coward.
I laid next to Em, not quite touching him, and pointed up at a cloud. "That one looks like CatDog from that one show."
Em squinted. "I see a sailboat. Where do you see their legs?"
"Eh, those wisps kind of look like it, but now that I'm looking at it changing, it looks like a plate of spaghetti."
Em tilted his head. "I don't see it."
"It takes a creative genius, Em. I'm sorry to say."
"Shut up," he giggled. He nudged my side, scooting closer so there was virtually no space between us. Our shoulders were pressed against each other, our legs were as well, but not our hands. I had rested mine atop of my chest, as if it was going to calm down my heart palpitations.
"That one looks like cotton candy."
"Technically all clouds look like cotton candy, Robyn."
"No, like, legitimately."
"Mmm, it's more triangular like a pine tree."
I pointed to our right. "What do you think about that one?"
He tilted his head to the right, then to the left closer to me. I gulped. "Aww, a cute little octopus saying 'hi' with its tentacle."
"You're right, I do see that." Em had a smug face before I started talking again. "Buut, I also see an elephant stretching on the ground with its trunk waving."
"Always something to counteract me, huh," he rolled his eyes. "How about those taller ones near the sun?"
I scrutinized those cloud formations. "A ballerina chasing a little boy."
"Or a boy twirling an umbrella."
"But you see it, right?" I asked.
"Yeah of course, but isn't the whole point of cloud watching is to share what you see? It's like abstract art, you see different things."
"True," I sighed.
"Are you having fun?" Em asked worriedly.
"What kind of question is that? Of course I am. I'd much rather be here than spend my birthday fretting over my mother and dealing with my aunt. Why'd you ask me?"
"I don't know, you seem different." He told me this the other day.
"How?"
"I feel like we don't have as much skinship as before." Really? Em noticed something like that?
"You sound like a clingy boyfriend." I said that, but it made my chest feel like it was getting squeezed. I subconsciously clenched my fist.
"What, like this?" He asked, grabbing a hold of my hand. It was so warm. "Wow, your hand is cold." I didn't want to retract my hand, because it felt so good. But if I tasted too much, I would get hungry, greedy for more. I tightened my grip on his hand. No, this is enough for now. It was tranquil, but not completely quiet. The calm to juxtapose the torrent of emotions inside me that, fortunately, no one could hear. "Is this okay?"
Always so gentle. "Of course," I murmured, barely audible among the sough of the leaves bristling from the wind. I closed my eyes.
"Are you trying to take a nap?" Em asked. I couldn't see him, but I could hear his warm timbre."It doesn't seem like the most comfortable place to take a nap."
"Will you let me use your lap as a pillow?"
"Sure." He positioned himself so that his upper body would block the sun from being on my face and I nuzzled my head into his lap. This was nice. Then he started to comb his fingers through my hair. What was next, kissing my forehead?
"I'll wake you up a little bit before sundown." I made a sound of acknowledgement and he hummed quietly. That was assuming I'd be able to fall asleep like this. Be careful, Em. Your kindness and gentleness may be taken the wrong way.
~~~
Em was waving at me with a wide smile. I ran to him and stopped right in front of him. But it was like he didn't see me at all. He walked straight through me, not even looking at me. Like I wasn't even there.
I turned around to see who he was waving to instead and it was the silhouette of some guy who wasn't me.
I couldn't stand being ignored like this, it brought me back to when my father died. My mom occupied herself with rebounds of other men and alcohol. For the first few months, I even shut out people who wanted to help, like Em and his family. I never wanted to feel that helplessness ever again, being invisible to those close to me. Even though I knew Em would be the one person I know with my whole heart that would never abandon me.
Emerson hooked his arm with the stranger and they walked slowly and painstakingly away from me and I could do nothing about it. I couldn't walk, much less move my legs. I couldn't speak. It's like I didn't exist. I frustratedly looked down at my feet that felt superglued to the ground. But in the place of the chains I expected were delicate roses and camellias, pretty much two of the few flowers I recognized. Stupid flowers.
No matter how much I clawed at these flowers they didn't budge.
A firm, tender hand gripped my shoulder that I would never mistake. No, it wasn't Em.
My head whipped up. "Dad?" I mouthed, momentarily glad I didn't have a voice. It would've broken, cracked, with emotion.
It was really him, how I last remembered him.
"Hi, Son." He leaned to hug me and I was so overwhelmed I dragged him down, hugging each other on our knees. There were so many things I wanted to ask, wanted to know. Even if I knew deep down this wasn't real. "I hope you're feeling better. I've been watching you. You've been happy lately. That's nice." He paused, even though he knew I couldn't respond. He sighed, looking down at the floor before looking up with his wrinkled eyes. "Your mother... I also hope she's doing better." He patted the top of my head, the same way he did when I was in elementary school, and smiled. His dimples showed. Even though we shared the same nameâTrent was his first name, my middle nameâwe didn't look that much alike. The only things I got from him were my freckles, my height, and hair color. Other than that, our faces didn't look too much alike.
"It hasn't been too long." Yes it has. It has been an eternity without him. "But you've matured so much since then." He squeezed my arms. "You're a young man now." No, in front of him I felt like a kid again. In front of others, I acted like an immature child. Why was I even here? Stop talking like an uncle I hadn't seen in five years.
What really happened? What went wrong? What was the point of seeing him again if I couldn't even speak a word?
"It's ok, Son , I'm fine. Don't be upset. Don't be sad. I just wanted to say happy birthday." He patted my head once more and smiled. The way he did in the photos that sat in the living room. "Wake up, Son. Go enjoy your birthday. Wake up, Robyn."
"Wake up, Robyn.
Hey, Robyn, wake up. It's time to watch the movie." I blinked my eyes open to see that the sky was much darker, and red, with no sun in sight. The treelines became shadows of black, silhouettes that swayed in the breeze. Em sat next to me, our pillows and blankets now on the tarp. There was a handheld lamp near us in the dimmest setting.
"Where are the other two?" I asked, still shaken of what I just dreamt. It was dark enough that we could barely make out each other's expressions, fortunately.
Em put his hand on my shoulder. "Wait, before you call them. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why would you ask that?"
"You were groaning in your sleep. You didn't say anything in particular and you barely moved, but I thought you were uncomfortable. Wanna talk about it?" He asked gently.
Now wasn't really the time. I didn't want to bring down the mood talking about my deceased father right before my birthday. I decided to play dumb and shrugged. "Huh, that's weird because I can't remember my dream. Probably something irrelevant." I brushed it off, hoping Em would take the hint and move on.
"Okay. Decide on a movie then?"
"Yeah."
"And that would be..."
"The Emoji Movie."
"Robynâ"
"Nah, just kidding. I want to try a horror movie."
"Oh."
I raised an eyebrow. "How do you feel about that?" Em wasn't someone particularly fond of horror, especially when living in a household with Emily who liked to watch Barbie movies, these were far from it. We hadn't watched a horror movie together in a long time. Last time we did, he hid under the blanket, stealing popcorn from time to time.
"It's your pick. I just am... surprised you didn't pick something more lighthearted. How bad can it be anyways? I'm sure it won't be that scary with you guys. I have a feeling Oliver is the type to mock and criticize the movie as we watch it, it'll be funny."
"Cool, then you won't mind watching Annabelle?"
"Uh.."
"Actually, I'm not really sure which horror movie to choose. There are satirical comedy ones, psychological ones, and slashers. What to choose?"
"Maybe we should ask the other two so we don't watch one they've recently watched."
"I don't want to wake them up."
"You think I do?" Em asked.
"Well I don't want to walk in on something I'll regret for the rest of my life."
"I doubt they're doing anything you're thinking of, they're probably still sleeping. You know how those two like to wake up really early for the morning jog. Just wake them up, Cap."
"Fine," I said, begrudgingly standing up from the comfortable recesses of our pillows and blankets. I slowly walked to their tent, hoping that I don't hear, much less see, anything I'd be intruding on. It was pretty quiet, so I inhaled and called out to them. "Wake up, lovebirds, it's time to watch a movie!"
I heard some rustling and the tent unzipped. I took a step back and it was Nathan who got out of the tent first. "Morning," I joked.
"Ugh, I'm cold now," he shivered.
"Any sign of life from Oliver?"
Nathan looked back. "He just swore he was going to get up," he sighed. "Be right back," he muttered, re-entering the tent.
I glanced at Em, who waved his arms at me, since I couldn't see his face that well, and I shrugged exaggeratedly as a response. About a minute later, they both came out. Oliver was wearing a scarf and Nathan put on another coat, holding their blue striped blanket in his hands. "I want to watch a horror movie, but I can't decide on which. Should we go comedy, or truly horrific nightmare fuel?"
"Slasher," Nathan said at the same time Oliver mentioned, "Comedy."
"You guys are so helpful."
"Well, if you want Emerson to throw himself at you and hide behind you, do your worst. We're just trying to be your wingmen," Nathan rationalized.
"It's a lost cause, Nate. No amount of wing-manning will bring these two together unless Robyn is honest straight up." Oliver paused. "Well, not straight," he chuckled at his own lame joke.
"Shut up. We're just best friends."
They both snorted and scoffed at me. "Yeah, me and Nate are 'just best friends.'" He emphasized with air-quotations.
Em had turned on the projector and connected his phone, already taking the initiative to pull up his Netflix. "Took you guys long enough." The sun had completely set by now and it was around seven pm.
"You know the movie, Train to Busan?"
"Is that what we're watching?"
"No, there's a sequel that came out, The Peninsula. The first movie came out a while ago, but you don't really have to watch the first to watch the sequel. I haven't gotten around to watching it. Is that good?" These were both Korean movies, but I was getting sick of Hollywood. These were phenomenal anyways, after Parasite, I binge-watched a ton of Korean horror films.
"Sounds good to me," Oliver said, throwing himself onto the tarp.
Nathan sat cross-legged next to him. "Oh, I watched Train to Busan with Nathan and some of our teammates a couple years ago. It was really good, but they were so annoying. They wouldn't shut up when that one guy died."
"I wasn't invited?!" I exclaimed, offended.
"No, dude. You were, but you were on a vacay to Canada with the Scotts." It was common for my family and the Scotts to go on vacations together until it was just me in the past few years. Now everyone was busy, so it had been a while.
"Ohh... so it has been that long, huh."
"There, I got it pulled up," Em said. "Anyone want some snacks?"
Oliver yawned. "I got y'all." He pulled a big bag of spicy Funyuns from his jacket.
Nathan withheld his laughter. "When and where did you get that?"
Oliver held his index finger to his mouth. "A magician never reveals his secrets."
~~~
As much as I would like to say Emerson seeked safety by my side, clutching my arm in fear as he peeked over my shoulder with one eye, he kept a good three inches between us, sitting rigid as he stared at the movie, making very expressive faces. His body barely moved throughout the entirety of the movie, and since I was so hyper aware of any contactâpossible or currentâbetween Em and I, I had a difficult time keeping my attention on the screen, anxiously munching on the Funyuns. Which, by the way, made Oliver slightly peeved that I ate half the bag.
As for the movie, it was pretty good. I had been resolute to not get attached to any characters since I knew how these Korean horror movies go. Someone could die just like that. But still, that ending scene would've made me on the edge of my seat if I was sitting on the seat. The climax was so intense it even shut Oliver up. Em was totally right about the part that Oliver is the type of person to try to criticize the movie at any given chance like CinemaSins. However, Em was wrong with the fact that his commentary made it funny, it was just distracting. I was glad we were watching with subtitles, because if I had chosen an English film, there would've been no way in hell to catch everything they said. Even Nathan almost suffocated him with a pillow.
After Em cleaned up the tarp and threw our blankets and pillows back into the tent, Em yawned. "I think I'm going to go shower now."
"Alone or?" I trailed off.
Em ran a hand down his face. "Let's get this over with."
"I promise I won't do anything weird," I offered as comfort.
"That sounds like you do plan on doing something weird," he said while looking at me skeptically.
"Come on, the faster we get in and out, the faster we can get to bed. I know you're tired and I am too. Besides, it's cold. Wouldn't want to stay there too long."
"Sure. Hurry up, get your stuff. Don't forget your toothbrush and towel." Okay, Soccer Mom.
~~~
"How far away are the showers?" I asked. It must've been a good ten minutes of walking by now. We combined our things into one of the duffle bags to make the trip easier, which I held, while Em held the towels. I also held a flashlight so bright it hurt to look into and would make a suburban dad swoon over.
Em had screenshotted a map of the camp from the park's website, like the prepared dork he is, and zoomed in on our location. "I'm pretty sure we're walking along this road. We should be there any minute."
"That's what you said three minutes ago."
Em shrugged. "I'm not a GPS. Maybe if we were using a car, which, to be fair, we totally should've used, we would've been there by now. But it didn't look too far on the map."
"Famous last words." There was a faint glow of yellow lights I hoped wasn't another camp. "You think that's it?"
"It might just be," Em shivered, picking up the pace that wasn't too difficult to match.
Once we saw a slightly shabby looking brick-shelter, we knew it was it. All the heavy-duty doors with chipping red paint read vacant. I sighed in relief.
"Nice, it's heated."
"Don't get your hopes up," Em started. He peeked through the first door to see if it was sanitary enough and not moldy. "Just because the shower rooms are warm, doesn't mean the water is warm. It's cruel, but it has happened before. Ooh this one even has a metal seat and a couple of shelves."
"Fancy. Let's just take this one." I internally prayed it wouldn't be cold. I may need the karma, but Em certainly doesn't deserve it.
Respectfully, I turned so that my back was facing to Em, as if we hadn't been the closest best friends for the past almost-decade. I started to strip myself of my clothes, quickly removing all the layers. "Hey, Em, are you here to take a shower, or ogle at the tiles?"
I could practically hear his eye roll. "Let me take the toiletries out first, geez." I heard him turn on the squeaky shower handle. "Please have hot water," he pleaded.
I skillfully placed my towel around my waist and threw my soiled clothes into a plastic bag. It's funny how Em was so uptight about this situation, while I am the one who should be having gay panic of all people. Me being shirtless isn't a big deal, and shouldn't since I took my shirt off all the time for basketball practice or if I was lounging around in my room or Em's room, which was often, especially in the summer. But with Em, it was a once in a blue moon type of deal. Even when we went swimming at the pool, he avoided exposing basically any part of his torso because he was super cautious about his skin. He wore that surfing, speedo shirt whether it be the pool or beach. Ironically, even though I had lighter skin and he had some Italian genes. Of course he was all like 'skin cancer doesn't discriminate.' Oh, my train of thought completely veered off in a weird direction. Ahem. Point was, he was shy, showing a little skin. I didn't want him to be too uncomfortable.
"Is the water warm?" I turned to see Em also wearing my haute couture towel-around-the-waist look. I didn't try to stare, I'm not a creep, but he had moles that littered his chest and his waist to his ribs. If it weren't for these nasty-ass public shower floors, I would've gotten on my knees and worshipped this Greek god before me. Too much? Maybe... I'm glad no one can hear these stupid thoughts. I sound like the biggest simp of all time.
"Warm enough." He crossed his arms. "How is this going to work?" Wasn't he the one who teased me for not knowing what Rube Goldburger machineâor whatever it's calledâwas?
I threw my towel on a metal bar and jumped right under the water. "Use the water while it's still warm!"
I heard Em mutter something, but not make out the exact words because of the water streaming into my ears. But it was probably a jab.
From the corner of my eye, I saw he joined my side, rinsing his hair and lathering himself in soap. Don't look, Robyn. Respect his boundaries because he's clearly uncomfortable-- "Ack," Emerson hissed under his breath.
Upon reflex, I looked to my right in concern. "What happened?" NOPE, abort. I immediately swiveled my head in the opposite direction, with the force that would have snapped my neck.
"I'm fine, I just have shampoo in my eye," he grumbled. "It happens all the time, you'd think I'd be used to it by now. Can you get my towel?" He started to splash water onto his face.
"Sure." I gave him his green and pink pin-striped towel. "Here."
"Thanks, Robyn."
"See, not so bad showering with me."
"Nuh-uh this is a one time thing. This showerhead's water pressure sucks, too. It's obviously not made to accommodate two people. Why was this even a part of the bet?" He vigorously massaged the shampoo in his hair.
"Hey, I didn't propose the bet. I don't know what he's thinking."
"You know what I don't want to think about?" Em asked.
"What?"
"What Nathan and Oliver are doing alone at the camp."
"By saying that, doesn't that mean you are thinking about them?"
"Fair point," he tilted his head. "Are you almost done? It's getting late."
"Yeah, you can turn the shower off." Truth be told, my showers were very short, like ten minutes, max. But it would've been awkward if I had finished first and waited in the corner. What would I do? Casual conversation? I don't know if I could keep that up without being hyper aware of everything I did. So I had taken my sweet time.
He turned the knob off and immediately wrapped his towel around himself. "Gosh, it's freezing." Seeing that it was a November night, we were both painfully aware of just how cold it was, especially since we were dripping wet. It would be more of a punch in the face rather than the cherry on top if either of us were to catch a cold or hypothermia.
"You know what we could do to warm up?" I asked the ever-oblivious Em in a jesting tone.
I had my shirt over my eyes as I pulled it over. I couldn't see his face, but I could hear his skepticism. "What?"
"Race back to camp. No showering at stakes, no bet. Just get back as fast as possible."
"Sounds fishy."
"Fishy? If you were Oliver, I'd bet on skinny-dipping in the pond near our camp."
Em shook his head, disappointed, but not surprised. "What's up with you and water and stripping?"
"The basketball team does it all the time we're at Nathan's house. These stupid bets, I mean."
"When Nathan already has a perfectly fine, indoor, heated pool?" He had an incredulous look on his face. "I'll never understand some of y'all. At least you're self-aware. But I guess you're having fun. Let it out of your system."
I slipped on my slides while Em handed me the last of our soiled clothing and toiletries. I put them into the backpack and slung it over my shoulder, waiting for Em to finish changing. "Are you done chastising me?"
"Yeah, yeah." He brushed past my side, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Come on, Robbie. Birthday Boy needs to catch some sleep before tomorrow. And no more racing." He smiled up at me and continued walking, the leaves and gravel crunching under the weight of his footsteps. I bit my lip and sighed. The tingling sensation in my stomach settled longer than I wanted it to.
His smile was so alluring. From the way the corners softly lifted to show his teeth, the way his pink lips curled, the way he had a tiny little mole right under his bottom lip. Something you wouldn't notice unless you were really close to him. Oh, the things I'd do just to steal a sweet kiss from his mouth. Yes, I'm completely, unabashedly gay for Emerson, and so what? If you saw him, you would be too.
"Robyn!" Em called out to me, snapping me out of my trance. "I need your flashlight."
I picked up my pace to catch up with him. "Aww, and not my wonderful company?"
"Please, I get enough of your company everyday."
"I see when I'm not wanted, you made it very clear," I said, pretending to be casted away and falling behind in steps.
"No, no. Come here," he back-tracked. He grabbed my hand with his, clasping it.
"Why is your hand so cold? Aww are you afraid of the dark?" I was teasing him, but in contrast my hand was sweating, burning under his touch. It sent chills down my spine, but my hand tingled. I was going through it.
"Of course it's cold because it's cold outside and it was wet, isn't that pretty obvious? I should've brought my gloves," he said in between shivers.
"Not if you run."
"There's no way I'm running. If I'm running it's either the end of the world or I'm getting chased."
"Really?" I retracted my hand and came up with a genius idea. I started picking up the pace and Em complained.
"Robyn, light?"
I swiveled and stuck my tongue out, momentarily blinding him with my flashlight. "Catch me if you can!"
"WHAT THE HELL?!" I heard him scream behind me. "This is not the end of the world!" he cried out.
"Then you can get back to camp in like ten minutes, bye!" My fast jogging equated to a good deal of physical exertion on his end, practically sprinting for his short legs.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" He screamed behind me.
I just laughed. "Okay, Jason Voorhees, do it then. Tell everyone in a mile radius your crimes!"
He groaned in frustration and I looked behind me. He was catching up. Frick. But I could see our tents in the distance. It really wasn't as far as we thought, and we should've taken a car, but this was absolutely worth it.
I was laughing loudly, completely ignorant that it was the time that everyone was asleep. But it was just too entertaining.
"You're trapped now," Em panted in between breaths, hands on his knees. We were standing next to our tent and the grill.
"What're you gonna do?"
He laughed, sliding his hand down his face. "This is ridiculous. It's so late already. What are we doing?"
"Are you cold now?"
"Honestly, no." He checked his phone. "Huh it's almost midnight." He hesitated for a moment before pushing me towards the tent. "Wait inside the tent and close your eyes, don't peek. I have a surprise for you."
"Or what?"
"Can you just listen to me just this once? Don't make me blindfold you."
"Kinky."
Em gave me an unimpressed look. "Go." He shooed me away after shoving me.
"Fine, no need to be rough."
He zipped up the tent behind me and I silently sat criss-cross applesauce on the mattress. Of course I didn't actually close my eyes, it was already dark as hell in the tent since Em took the flashlight to do whatever he's doing.
"Robyn?"
"Still closing my eyes," I lied until I heard the tent unzip, then I actually did. I felt Em's hands clasp over my eyes as his weight shifted the mattress. I could hear my heartbeat in my head. Or was that Em's wrist?
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
"Ten, nine, eight," he started to countdown. Oh yeah, it's going to be my birthday. "Seven, six, five." Another year gone in a flash, I can't believe it. Another year without my dad. "Four," Another year that Em isn't mine. Sure, I didn't realize my feelings until recently, but wow it sure does feel like there's been no progress.
"Three." I'm scared. There would be no going back once I confessed. I don't know if I could even do it.
"Two." He means too much to me to lose.
"One." Another year of 'what ifs' and 'could be' and 'maybes.' Scenarios that will never play out, dreams that will never be reached. Constant pining, longing, turmoil.
But...
But, what if... there was that slim chance. I don't want to live the rest of my life regretting and looking back. Because I was a coward. No, no more running away. I have to get over this hurdle before high school ends. I can't be stuck in a useless childhood crush in my adulthood, it's stupid. It's childish.
"Happy Birthday, Robyn!" Em let his hands fall. In this cozy tent, the dim light from the candles lightly illuminated Em's face. There was a small box with an even smaller cake on it. Two candles. Seventeen. "Hurry! Blow it out before the wax gets on the cake. Don't forget to make a wish."
Do I really believe in that kind of thing? No, not really. But it didn't hurt to try. "Okay." I closed my eyes. I don't ask for much. Even if my life is in complete shambles, I hope that Em will never leave my side. I hope I will wake up every morning to his face after it being the last thing I see when I close my eyes. I hope we grow old together. I hope... I could call him mine. Is that greedy?
I fluttered my eyes open and blew the candles. It was pitch dark before he turned on the lantern that was hanging inside the tent overhead. It was hard to look him in the eyes. It's not like he could read thoughts, but still.
"What are you waiting for?"
I rubbed at the corner of my eye, surprised to feel something wet. "What flavor?"
"Strawberry shortcake. Here, you can start eating it." He handed me a fork, my skin tingling when my fingers touched his.
"You left Nathan and Oliver out of this?"
"Shh, this is just you and me. Tomorrow there's a bigger cookie cake I made with Emily in the cooler. We can all share that one when they wake up."
I took the first bite, and against my will, I started crying. My tears gently rolled down my face. "F*ck."
Em wiped them away with his thumb. "Huh, didn't know this cake was that good."
"Ugh, I can't control it." My voice became increasingly shakier. " Thank you."
"Chew properly or you'll choke. Sheesh, you're seventeen and you can't even eat cake properly," he said all in jest. He wiped the icing off the corner of my mouth. "Come here." He leaned over the cake and wrapped his arms around my neck.
"E-Em?"
"You looked like you needed a hug." He lightly kissed the top of my head. "For someone who owns a motorcycle and a bunch of leather jackets, you sure do cry a lot."
"Shut up." I took some icing off the top and put a dab of it on his nose.
"If it wasn't your birthday..." He wiped it off his nose and licked it. "Hmm, it is pretty good. No wonder you cried. Let's take a photo before you finish all the cake."
He positioned his phone so that I held up the cake with my hand between us, holding a peace sign up with the other. Our faces were close enough I could count his eyelashes. After taking a few, I took a larger dollop of icing and swiped it across his right cheek.
"Robyn!" He gasped, completely taken aback. In retaliation, he took an even bigger glob with some cake chunks and threw it smack dab on the middle of my face.
"So it's like that?" It escalated to the point where there was virtually no cake left, smeared on our faces, or clothes, and the sleeping bag.
Emerson giggled, throwing his head back as I had him cornered with his hands up. "I let you off the first time, but I couldn't easily forgive you, now look at the mess!"
"Don't lie, you enjoyed it."
"Fine, maybe I did. But how are we supposed to sleep now? Are you fine with ants crawling up on you while we sleep?"
I grabbed a towel and threw it to him. "It's not that big of a deal. This is the last night here anyways, just wipe your face and the sleeping bag."
"Sure, but don't be surprised if a raccoon makes its way in here," he snorted.
When we got everything cleaned upâmostlyâwe had turned off the lantern and laid under our shared blanket. Just like the night before, the sounds of nature were so loud. But not as loud as my thoughts, which were running miles a minute, not as fast as my heart rate.
My hand found his and I gripped it.
"Trouble sleeping?" He asked.
"You're asking an insomniac that?"
"Well, I thought you were getting better." Only when I'm with you.
"Eh, I guess. It depends, really."
He started to stroke his thumb along the side of my hand and there were the butterfliesâcorrection, the Tower of Terror. Why did physical affection have to come so easy for him? Why did I have to be affected by every little thing he does?
I looked to my side, barely making out his facial features. I squeezed my eyes shut. If my wish could be granted for even one more night, I could be happy.
Seeing his face before I closed my eyes, was something I'd never get tired of. And I hoped it was also the first thing I saw when I opened them.
Maybe I didn't want to be complacent. Honestly, I didn't
want to stay strictly platonic anymore.
~~~
guess who's back, back again, fluffie's back, tell a friend ð
Hey,, how y'all doin? This might've been one of the longest periods in between my chapter uploads and I'm sorry, but I hope this almost 14k word count of Robyn's POV more than makes up for it. We're still not done with his birthday celebration, though there's still one more thing that needs to happen. I wanted to write it in Robyn's POV, but I think I need to focus on Em more. (Like come on babe, where's the progress) Honestly I felt so burnt out writing this and I was well aware it's writers block. It's just so hard to balance life while also not knowing true loveâyeah I'm kinda dead inside whaddya knowâanyways especially someone who hasn't experienced feelings on this level, much less of the same gender. It's just hard all around, but my intent of this story was to make others feel comfortable in their own skin as they read these characters go through similar struggles and grow into maturity. This is a safe place if anything, so welcome.
BTW!! If this story gets 30k reads and 1k votes by my birthday, August 26, then I will write a fantasy AU chapter of Rem (possibly Nathan and Oliver) but you can suggest fantasy plots if you want!
I hope you enjoyed this, even though it's rough around the edges (I'll come back and refine and edit this ASAP, but I'm publishing it for y'all bc I felt bad I've made you guys wait for so long) See you soon! ðð