Chapter 13: Rejection: Part 4

Anger overtakes me as jealousy twists my heart around at the mention of her name, the words coming from his mouth making me irrationally furious at him once more.

Heartbreak and sheer hatred for this situation are coming out of every pore.

“Just let me go. This is pointless, and you telling me these things doesn’t help. Just go away and leave me alone. I don’t want you near me ever again.

“I get it… reject me, say it, and be done with it.

“Save your precious pack and your honor, and go to hell. I was never one of you, anyway!” I snarl at him and wipe the soggy mess from my face with the back of my hand aggressively.

It’s full-on faux bravado, and I put on the tough girl act as best I can.

Swallowing my tears and gagging on the acid rising in my throat, I stand up to tower over him in his crouched position, adopting an air of “I don’t care anymore” and will him to be done already.

“I didn’t want this either. I was leaving. I had a plan, and it was thousands of miles away from all of you. Especially your kind. Santo!

“You’ve despised us for a decade, treated us with disdain, and shunned us to the shadows of that damn orphanage. I spit on your family and all they are.

“You’re the last person in this world I would ever want to imprint on, so go… go mark your mate and follow your destiny because it sure isn’t me.

“Be with your chosen one and leave me to find one of my own. My heart will heal from whatever this was faster than you can imagine, and you can stop pretending you don’t want her.

“I don’t want you either!” I say in anger and heartbreak, and I can’t conceal how much pain is ripping through me anymore.

All my energy is going into pulling on this hard outer shell and showing him I don’t give a crap anymore.

I turn, this time to walk away slowly, too exhausted for anything else and unable to maintain a run as fatigue overtakes me.

“I love you. No matter what I do to try to break it, I can’t stop, and the thought of you being with another kills me. There is no her anymore, Lorey. There’s just us.

“We imprinted and got to know each other in a split second, the way a lifetime of being together would. I feel like I’ve loved you that long, no matter how insane that sounds,” he says.

His words stop me in my tracks, and I inhale sharply, stunned that he came out and said it, but saddened that he verbalized what the agony I have been suffering is called—love!

This is why it feels like he’s been in my heart since the day I was born. Imprinting royally messes you up.

It made me love my mate as soon as it happened because it makes you relive every second that came before, in your head, within your memories, with that person’s entwined even though they don’t belong to you.

I have his life in my head; therefore, I’ve known him intimately for that long. It’s insane, and he’s right. We can’t break it because we were never in control of it.

Fate did this, dealt us a hand and a cruel joke, and fate doesn’t like defiance. Knowing he feels as I do doesn’t make it any easier, though. It doesn’t change a thing.

“It doesn’t mean anything. Your father was right when he told us to stay away and break the link. I can’t ever be what your father and the pack need, and you can’t ever be the mate I need.

“So, we shouldn’t do this again. It’s only torturing us more than we are already. Just say the damn words already. I don’t care,” I say.

I don’t know where this is coming from, this detached, cold bitch, as words spill out of my mouth.

It’s the exact opposite of what my heart craves, and I turn to face him to drive it further home that I’m not playing, wiping my expression as clean as I can to show him nothing of how this is killing me.

My words die on my lips when our eyes meet, and Colton looks as openly broken and disheveled as I am.

“You can’t lie to your mate, Lorey. I can feel you, even if what you’re saying sounds honest. I am what you need, and you’re what I need. Fate made it so.

“When you strip everything else away, it’s just us, here and now, with no one else to think about.

“We need each other to feel sane, to stop this eternal agony and emptiness we’re both harboring. We don’t need to pretend it’s any other way. There should never be lies between us.”

We both stand in hopeless silence as he gets up to stand, too, towering over me by at least a foot, yet we’re still at least three apart.

He doesn’t hesitate and closes the gap, pulling me to him by the waist gently, his touch searing my skin through my clothes, and I can’t deny that I do need him. I can’t fight it.

Bringing his forehead to mine, he places us together so his breath fans my face impulsively. I close my eyes and inhale his scent.

Our connection only drives home that we are meant to be like this. It’s familiar, safe, and home.

Where skin touches, amazing things happen, and the energy which sizzles between us is incomparable, lighting my body on fire.

I burn to be joined entirely to him, aching with a need that makes my legs turn weak.

For the first time since this began, I’m at peace instantly, and every pain and torment, all the confusion I’ve been through, quiets to absolutely nothing.

It’s just him and me, and a sharing of every feeling, highlighting the peace we can find in touch.

We both let go of our held breath and exhale in unison, as though finally finding where we need to be for a moment of serenity, a second of calm in the stormy sea that has been thrashing us around since I awakened.

Colton lifts his hand slowly, strokes a finger across my cheek, brushes away my hair, and tucks it behind my ear, leaving a hot, tingling path where he connects with me.

The heat draws down deep inside my soul to bring warmth to the coldness dwelling within.

“I want nothing more right now than to unify our bond and mark you.

“Believe me when I tell you that if I were anyone else’s son, you would already bear my mark and know what it feels like to have me inside you. The union would be complete.

“I love you, Lorey, in ways I didn’t know I could love anyone. I thought I knew what it was to commit my soul to my mate, but I was wrong.

“I need you to know this isn’t what I want… that I’m sorry… but I have no other choice. I have to reject…” Colton falters, his raw croaking tone breaking.

Then he swallows hard, bringing back all the anguish from before, and a solitary tear rolls down his cheek and drips onto mine to continue its painful journey, wounding me with its searing burn.

His pain is evident, and for a second, his anguish and confusion flow through my soul, too, telling me he can’t do it alone.

My heart is already turning to ash as he destroys me with his words, but we have to be stronger.

I know what he has to say, that it has to be done. Know why. It’s how it is. We can’t change, fight, or do this any other way; hearing it may kill me, but I have to let him do it.

There’s no alternative, and as much as I want to scream and stop this, I understand. I can’t hate him for it.

I’m no luna. I’m a Whyte wolf from the family Dennison, a shamed bloodline who all fell in battle, and we don’t have a right to stand up by an alpha’s side to tar his name.

I don’t have it in me to lead, and I’ll be nothing but a weight of shame hanging around his neck, his weakness in battle, and the demise of his bloodline.

I can’t be the reason he loses the respect of the packs and upturns his entire life.

I say nothing, stay deathly still, silent tears escaping from my closed eyes as they begin to pour down my face, warm, bitter, stinging rivulets of despair.

He can feel me and hear my thoughts, so he knows my acceptance is in my silence. My pain is his. My distraught agony in knowing this is over before it began is all around and in between us.

He knows what to do. His breathing gets heavier, labored, as he struggles to compose himself and push the last of the words out in a voice I barely recognize—low and strained, ravaged and hoarse.

He clears his throat and swallows loudly as though to pull himself together.

“I… Colton Juan Santo, son of the alpha of the reigning Santo pack, and future alpha of Mount Radstone… I’m sorry, baby, don’t hate me for this… reject you as my chosen mate and deny the bond of imprinting.

“I set you free… to…” He swallows hard again, voice wavering, choking on his tears, pulling me into his embrace, crushing me with strong arms to find the will to carry on.

He wraps me up in his body as though he wants to shield me from what he is doing and memorize the feel of me for eternity.

I can feel everything, know his emotions as if they are my own, and it kills me. I can feel his regret, anguish, and overwhelm at the pain of being the one who delivers the wounding blow to my heart.

“…find a chosen mate as you see fit, as will I, with no interference, even if it causes pain. My word cannot and will not be broken, and I will not intervene should you find your path.

“This cannot be undone. I set you free, for now, and for all eternity. May the Fates be kind and give you a pass to a better future.”

His words are barely audible, his voice so much lower, breathless, as he binds me against him almost cruelly, with the force of his passion.

The sound of blood rushing through my ears blots the world out as I spiral into a complete emotional breakdown, tearing my mind to shreds.

~“Finish it!”~ I blurt through the mind-link, knowing he has to. I can’t stand this any longer. I need the words to stop, for it to be over, and for this to be done. His touch is my torture, and his voice my final blow.

Colton shudders in my arms, his face wet too, and he buries a hand in the back of my hair as he cradles me against him tightly, almost like he can stop it hurting me if he crushes me to him and melts our bodies to one form.

“After today, the link will be closed, our bond ignored, and we should never cross paths again. That is my command. It’s done. We’re done. Forgive me, Lorey. I’m sorry. I love you, and I wish this could be different.”

The final words deliver the crushing blow I knew they would, and I feel like my heart is giving out and refusing to beat.

My mind blanks, my tears still with shocked numbness, too much heartbreak for my mind to deal with anymore.

The Fates will pay no heed to his request, but I’m no longer his mate or bound to be by wolf law. His father will rejoice when he tells him.

He’s set me free, and we’ve chosen to live with the pain of severance against the imprinting, no matter how much it hurts.

We stand for what feels like the longest minute, holding each other, broken inside, and crying silently in our own and combined personal hell.

My face is buried against his shoulder, and his face is in my hair, arms entangled and fully fitted frontally, so every curve and line meets right down to our ankles.

We inhale, casting each other’s scent to memory.

And when I don’t think I have the strength to let go, he finally leans back and lifts my chin to his, pushing me to open my tear-flooded eyes, so I fall into those chocolate browns for the last time.

“I love you,” he utters hopelessly, anguish in his stare, the tensing of that square jawline, and yet all I hear is goodbye.

It’s a raspy farewell, one I will never erase from my memory or how he looks while saying it to me. He’s too beautiful for words.

“I love you too,” I mutter so quietly it’s not even a whisper, but it’s impulsive, raw, and honest.

He leans in and gently kisses me on my lips, so softly it’s feather-light, but it ignites that all-consuming agony that only he can cause.

It’s so perfect it hurts, a brushing of warm damp softness that destroys what little is left of me, and tears unleash with enthusiasm once again.

As though casting my face to memory, he stares at me long and hard, pain etched on his face and his own eyes wet with the evidence of his regret.

He kisses me one last time, on my forehead, tenderly, holding there a moment and fighting all the need and desire inside of us. The fire is burning despite us denying it.

He lets me go, backs up several steps, and then turns on his heel and runs.

No looking back for a second time, no torturing himself with one last lingering look, leaving the heavy air of sorrow floating between us.

He makes it only a few feet before he jumps a log turns in mid-air, his clothes disintegrating into wispy pieces of fabric floating down to earth, so silently destroyed.

That flash of midnight black wolf, so beautiful and strong, and a sight to behold.

He’s gone at the speed of light, leaving me standing alone in the forest, abandoned and lonely, unwanted.

I break down and crumble into a pit of despair and racking sobs into the moss under my feet, no longer wary of my surroundings as a broken heart consumes me.

The sounds of a distant, painful wolf howling, pulling me to stare up into the emptiness of where he was, fills the forest air with the wails of his misery and despair.

It’s the worst noise in the world.