Chapter 20: What Now: Part 2

“That’s because I’m the mate you were meant for… not that reject. Just remember that it’s me you loved first and me that’s made for you in all of this. You betrayed me, and I have every right to be mad about that.”

Her tone is more pained sadness than rage now, but he misses it entirely. I stand here, mutely uncomfortable, trying not to feel anything at all.

“Actually, I think if anyone should be mad, it’s Lorey. I denied the Fates and abandoned her to take my place with a chick the Fates didn’t pick.

“How about you go be mad at them for not agreeing that you were ~made for me~, ” he spits it at her, emphasizing her own words mockingly, and her instant gawking, shock, and sharp inhale make me wince.

That had to sting. I mean, it made me cringe, and it wasn’t even about me.

Colton is pissed. Majorly so. I mean, to say something as hurtful as that to the girl he’s supposedly repairing his bond with.

I grab on to the fact my mouth is sagging open, and I quickly shut it and turn inside, trying to yank the door with me, sighing with relief when he realizes he is still jamming it open and lets it go.

“Screw you, Colton,” she screams at him, that piercing, high-pitched sound that sends me into a slumping cringe as I grab my ears and attempt to keep the pain out.

I sync with Colton’s pain, crumbling in the same kind of agony, and know she’s just used her gift as an effective weapon against us once more. She likes to throw that around the way a toddler throws tantrums.

It stops as quickly as it starts, and then an eerie silence. I pick myself up from the floor, push the bathroom door to click fully closed with my foot, and hurry to pull his clothes on.

I’m shaking from that assault and hoping to God she’s run off to carry on her hysterics where her screams can’t rupture my eardrums.

~“You okay? Carmen needs to control her gift when she’s mad. That girl gives me major headaches,”~ he links me from the other side of the door.

I nod, stupidly forgetting he can’t see me. Not that it matters; his voice is tense, and I pick up on the frustration and turmoil in his emotions, wondering if it’s why I feel so tetchy too.

There’s a profound irritation rising in me, and I assume it’s what he’s feeling and I’m absorbing. There’s a burning ember of “grrr” growing in my belly, and I can’t pinpoint why.

Maybe it’s fallout from my trauma, and the anger and aggression coursing slowly through my veins is some kind of temporary PTSD.

I push it aside and focus on getting these sweats on and tying them tight enough so they don’t slide down. He’s so much bigger than me, and they swamp me.

~“I shouldn’t have said that to her. She just makes me crazy lately. It’s like I have no patience for her and no real guilt over what we did. ~

~“I know that makes me shitty, but we are bonded, and she has no idea how hard fighting that is. In my head, we did nothing wrong, even though I know, technically, I cheated on my girlfriend. ~

~“But she wasn’t anymore. I mean… we imprinted! And that pretty much meant you were my mate from that second on, and it blanked out all other feelings for her. What we did was what we were meant to do.”~

He stops, and I inhale heavily, guilt instantly thudding down on top of me from my own heart and not his, pushing my irritation button all the more, and I answer abruptly.

I’m not sure I want to be the one he pours all his Carmen issues out on. I mean, this alone is making me feel sick with the stabbing pain it’s inflicting on my heart.

I still feel the same way about him, so I don’t know why he’s trying to talk to me about her.

~“You don’t need to explain this to me.”~ In other words, I don’t want to hear this.

~“I know. It’s just this whole thing sucks. It’s a mess, and despite her being the one I’m supposed to be working things out with, I never stop thinking about you.”~

I inhale sharply, and tears instantly sting my eyes that I try to shake away. We went through this already, and it’s futile talking about it again.

I know what we are and that there is nothing we can do about it. This is pointless and only drags out the agony of knowing so.

He walked away and left me alone for these past weeks to let that hit home. This, now, it’s all just fallout from something more significant than this mess.

The attack brought him to me and nothing else. His survival rests on mine, too.

~“Please don’t.”~ I try to shake him out of my head, but I’m too tired to close the link when he is this close.

~“I know. I made my bed, right? I chose. And it’s not like this could ever work. My father would never allow it. ~

~“I just don’t get why the Fates would throw us together like this if we can’t ever be together. They’re meant to be the all-seeing power, and every choice has a reason. ~

~“What reason did they have to do this to us?”~ His angst is evident.

I agree, but the way he’s rambling makes me lose all patience with him, burned with my pain, frustrated with all this Carmen bullshit he’s throwing at me, and now this.

It sounds like regret and wishful thinking and questioning our entire belief system as though he had no hand in this at all.

Wolves are superstitious as hell, and condemning the Fates is like breaking a mirror, crossing the path of a black cat, or worse!

They always taught us never to question the powers that be, and this kind of crap could have all sorts of consequences for him. Not to mention, he’s getting me mad.

It’s like he isn’t listening to the words coming out of his mouth, and his utter Prince Santo privilege just plain pisses me off. He has no idea.

~“You know better than to question the Fates, Colton. Don’t tempt a curse. We shouldn’t question.”~ I try a diplomatic, please shut up in a stern tone, but he misses it entirely.

~“Why the fuck not? They gave me you and an inability to do anything about it. ~

~“They made us love each other in a way that nothing will ever be able to kill, and then they ensured we couldn’t act on it. ~

~“This is a curse! I can’t even be around you without someone busting my ass, let alone touch you.”~

I fall silent as I pull on the last item from the pile, gritting my teeth at his pigheaded denseness as that ember erupts into a little flame, pushing my nerves taut.

It’s a small candle-sized one that hits in the dark recess, instantly glows, and grows to a full flame of epic proportions that moves me to dress faster with a hostile last tug to secure my pants.

My blood is boiling as it overtakes me, and I sweep my hair back with sass and angrily grab the door handle.

Yanking the door open, I’m surprised to come face-to-face with him as he’s leaning his forehead against the door, and I almost headbutt him full-on.

His eyes glow with the turmoil of his emotions, but it does little to dampen mine. It only clicks my inner fury up another notch.

They meet mine and lock on in that unique way we have whenever our eyes connect—the sizzle, the connection—but he isn’t expecting the response from me.

Nor the rage, that little burning flame of crazy that explodes at the sight of him.

“You didn’t even like me before that night! You didn’t know me. This, us, it’s not real. It’s something implanted inside of us by something up there.” I point skyward, aggressively glaring at him.

“We would never have fallen for each other, never have crossed paths, in any kind of way, if it wasn’t for the Fates. I wasn’t on your radar, and to be honest, I didn’t like you either.”

I shove him back out of my space with a push to his abs, so he clears the doorway, and he just gawks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

Maybe I have!

“You don’t even remember me, do you, before that night? I didn’t think so! You need to pull your head out of your ass and remember that.

“Carmen was the woman you loved and planned a life with, and you chose her—loud and painfully clear! You said the words to me, and this is done.

“The Fates didn’t stop us, Colton. ~You did,~ and your family and everyone else in this hellhole that confined my kind to a dark hole on the outskirts and left us there to die.

“So don’t you dare tell me how awful this is for you because you have no fucking idea what awful is until you’ve walked in my shoes for the last ten years.

“You have Carmen, and you have a pack, a home, and a fucking choice in all of this. I never did! The Fates didn’t punish you with this.

“They probably expected you to man up and do what they told you to do; for whatever reason, they decided on us! ~You~ did this to ~us~! ~You~ did ~this~ to ~me~! Suck it up and shut the fuck up!”

I have no idea where this angry outburst comes from, but I deliver it in a raspy, accusatory tone right in his face.

There is no fear or withering wallflower cowering in front of an alpha of the pack. Just an angry girl faced with a stupid boy who bruised her heart and is pissing her off by denying his part in it.

A powerful frustration-fueled lecture with snarls and throaty growls included. I lock a penetrating gaze on him, pinning him where he stands as though I could impale him with looks alone.

It’s true, though. He can stand making speeches and regretful apologies from now until eternity, but the simple fact is Colton had a choice, and this is what he chose.

He doesn’t get to whine like some spoiled pup about it now. He’s an alpha, for God’s sake, and he needs to own it.

Not act like some overdramatic teen whose parents are being lame and stopping him from doing something superficial.

He stares back at me in utter shock, rendered mute at my outburst and unsure how to respond. Even his mind-link is silent.

I don’t think any wolf this far below his station has ever talked to him like that, and he doesn’t seem like he knows quite how to respond.

If I were anyone else, he probably would have me pinned to the floor by the throat and remind me who the alpha is. Instead, he’s silently shocked that I even had it in me.

I “arghh” at him and shove him back abruptly, marching past, simmering with this sudden newfound rage, and I know it can only be some sort of delayed reaction to what happened tonight.

I’m angry, seething, bubbling away inside at him, at them, at life, at the goddamn Fates.

Most of all, I’m angry at myself for being this weak, stupid girl who wasn’t good enough to keep and too useless and vulnerable to save her friends and family.

I’m not myself.

I don’t feel like I’m really here, and to be honest, this whole Carmen-Colton-vampires bullshit and being brought to the home of the people who made my last decade worthless is all a little too much for me right now.

I lost everything and almost died, terrified inside, deep down, like a churning pit of foreboding that shadows me, of the monsters I knew only from stories.

The ones who jumped out of the fables and threw me out of my bedroom window.

Knowing they are out there and close enough to devastate our kind is enough to make me cower for the rest of my life.

They had a weapon, a sound that, much like Carmen’s, could hurt us and render us unable to turn. That means we’re no longer the stronger in this newfound war, and we can all be killed.

I have bigger things in my head right now than love confessions and pining assholes trying to mess with my head while arguing with his mate.