Chapter 43: Time: Part 3

He faces all these paths and possibilities, and even if he chooses me over all of them, he has two main fears.

Either his father will take me from him—and I don’t doubt he would—or I’ll be so damaged by life as his luna that he’ll scar my mind in the process and lose me in other ways.

I need to face facts. Seeing how Juan’s been treating his kind these past days has sickened me to my stomach, and I need to start putting myself first.

Colton won’t endanger me with the possibility his father will snatch me from him.

I think he has more faith in my ability to be mentally strong, although it’s not that clear cut in his head, and I don’t doubt he isn’t aware of it.

Colton is fated to lead his people. He’s known it since birth. He’ll do what his father wants because his hands are tied.

He can’t run from that, and his father holds all the ropes where he’s concerned. He’s bound, unable to free himself no matter which way he turns, and his future has never been his to command.

Colton is going to betray the bond out of love for me. As crazy as that sounds, it’s evident in his behavior and how he shut me off again.

He’s trying to make it easier because he knows what he must do. He knows that if we continued to stay close, he would keep fighting for us and not fully submit to what his father wants.

I can’t keep being mad that our bond should be stronger because I know this isn’t about that.

The bond is strong. It’s solid in a way; it’s what keeps pulling him to me, fighting his willpower, and messing with his head repeatedly.

It’s what’ll push him to mark her, hoping to break me free and keep me safe from harm—his need to protect me.

The only problem is that I shouldn’t be here once he marks her.

I may still have a link that endangers his life, but without his heart and eye on me the way it is now, Juan might make a move and take me away, anyway.

I bet Colton hasn’t even factored that in because he doesn’t want to see his father as that wolf. Juan may still make me disappear and go wherever Colton’s mother is to ensure his son doesn’t get tempted.

I’m the enemy in Juan’s eyes. Nothing changes that, not even his marking.

I just wish I knew why he hated my kind with this force of passion. We were all the same once upon a time. It’s not my fault my family died. It’s his.

“I wish I could argue, but the last few days, Cole being like this, I don’t think there is. I know him, chica. His mind is set. He thinks he’s protecting you,” Meadow says.

She sits up entirely, hugging her legs as tears mist her eyes, and she reaches out and strokes my hair. Her desperation rises as she, too, accepts that this is how it is.

Neither of us has wanted to say it in the last few days, but the tides are changing; we can feel it in the air. Our people are perched on a cliff, and change is coming, whether we want it or not.

The threat thickens the atmosphere, and we both know this is futile.

“I need to accept it before then. Just not let Colton factor into my plans and focus on doing what’s right for me.” My voice is strong, my words direct, but my heart wavers in blinding agony.

A burning pain spreads through every vein because I know what I must do.

Meadow begins to cry softly, pretty droplets rolling down her flawless skin, and I can tell she knows where this is heading. Her silence is her agreement. Her sorrow is her blessing.

“You’ll always be my pack. No matter where you are. I love you like blood. You were meant to find me, mi hermana, and I’ll never stop caring about you.”

Her statement tells me she knows and will not argue about it. She’s a realist and knows my life won’t improve when Colton marks Carmen.

I’ll be this problematic issue stuck in the way of Carmen’s “happy ever after,” and we both know she’s too spiteful to let that fly.

“I know what I must do to ensure my safety and future. I love you too, Meds. I’m sorry.”

I guess deep down, I’ve been churning this over for days, knowing it’s where I was heading, but I didn’t want to face it or say the words until now.

I’ve pulled my head apart and churned my mind in circles over this, and it all kept coming to the same blank spot I didn’t want to fill in.

You have to cut the roots to let the grass fly free and find its place to seed and grow.

Meadow’s soft tears turn to fat, shuddering ones, and she scrunches her body into a ball.

She cuddles tighter to console herself, so we won’t draw the attention of the sub-pack who are racing around the run track nearby, chasing one another in high spirits for once.

“I wish there was another way, but I know what you’re saying is true. You were never welcomed, and there’s a chance the marking will completely sever your bond and leave you as Juan’s prey.

“He won’t leave loose ends to come back and mess with what he wants.”

If Colton marking Carmen does sever my tie to him, Juan will kill me and burn my body with the rest of my rejects. That’s how little I mean to him.

It’s all the confirmation I need as a plan clicks into place, and she verbalizes the fear that’s been gnawing at me.

“No one will notice if I go, and maybe Colton will question it in a few days, but the full moon will swoop in, and he’ll do what he has to.”

His avoidance has meant he hasn’t linked in any way, doesn’t come by my room, and avoids any interaction. Besides Meadow, he’s the only one who would care if I didn’t show up for training.

“Don’t make me say goodbye or tell me when. I don’t think I can handle knowing I would stop you. I don’t want to keep that kind of secret from Cesar. He would know.

“I can’t lie to him.” Meadow sniffs from within her body cocoon, desperation all around her as her heart bleeds.

I understand, and I reach out and touch her gently on her knee, my own eyes misting over, the pain just as bad, but I hold myself together, apprehension circling in my gut.

But my focus is clear, and I’ve made up my mind.

“Sisters, don’t say goodbye. They say laters, chica. I have things to figure out and plan, so I’m going upstairs,” I say, using Meadow’s pet name.

Our eyes meet as we smile, damp emotional smiles, and in that instance, I know a love that I’ve needed for the past eight years—a true friend—and it kills me that I’ve found it only to leave it behind.

I’m going to miss those blue eyes and that sassy spunk of my beautiful wild femme sister.

I pull myself to my feet, head determined and surprisingly free of tears, despite her breaking heart and crying floods as she watches me move.

She stays immobile, like she’s stuck on the grass, unable to do anything else for now.

It hurts more than anything in the world, not too dissimilar a pain to having Colton reject me, but there’s something inside me pushing on and keeping me calm.

I can’t sit here and wait for the inevitable and then cry when it all goes how I expect it to. I need to take control of my own life and do what I always intended. I had a plan! A chosen path before I imprinted.

It was to leave Radstone and the Santos behind and make it on my own. If the Fates wanted me to be mated and stay, they wouldn’t have made me his.

They knew this would happen—they know everything—and yet, they threw dynamite in the fishpond and sat back as chaos ensued.

“If he asks, tell him I don’t want to see him for a few days, that I need headspace, and I don’t want to train. I’ll leave sometime within that, so you don’t know.

“Give me a couple of days after I don’t show up for meals in the mess hall before you tell him I’m gone. My scent has to have faded before he finds out.”

I don’t want anyone tracking me, especially not him, and as our scent fades fast, I need at least twenty-four hours to get far away from here before he finds out I’m gone.

Of course, I’m terrified. I mean, over the last few days, I’ve become marginally better at turning at will.

My fitness has improved, but I haven’t perfected anything and haven’t come to grips with my gifts or how to use them.

I’m going out there with no experience or skills to keep me safe, but I have to. It’s safer than what I can feel is coming.

I grew up taking care of myself and knowing the basics to get by. My father taught me to camp, hunt in human form, and cook; even if I was a little kid, I still remember.

He taught me how to make fires and fish… it was his favorite pastime.

Going rural as a human and living off the land was something he liked to do with Jasper and me, daddy time with his children.

I can’t have forgotten ~all~ of that.

Now I have the bonus of being able to turn. I can hunt for food that way, eat like a wolf, and nourish my body with things a human couldn’t digest, like raw meat.

I can sleep anywhere I find shelter because we don’t feel the cold, get sick from the elements, or die of exposure. I can keep moving until I find somewhere to stop.

I don’t mind being alone. I’m not afraid to be isolated from others and do it myself. I’ve felt that way for ten years—until Colton.

If I have to venture into the human world to get a job or somewhere to settle, then I’m sure it can’t be that hard. I’m hardly a vulnerable, weak girl with no way to care for herself.

I have my senses, strength, speed, and inner wolf to protect me, even in human form. I can heal when I get sick or injured. I just need to find my courage and go.

Time will do nothing in this situation anymore, and as much as leaving him will kill me, it will also set me free.

It will set us both so. He to focus on his responsibility and lead his people, and me to hope that our bond will fade or die in time, that I may never forget him, but that I may learn how to live without him.

Despite what I said to Meadow about needing a few days, I don’t. I’ve already decided to leave at dusk; I just couldn’t tell her that.

I need to move before dark, as no one wants to be out there while our enemy can move around. I have time to run far and find shelter before the sun fully sets, and I’m done wasting time with this.