Somehow, I manage to inhale a breath, so my lungs inflate and push my shattered, fractured bones back together enough to heal again.
But that internal energy I could feel building suddenly encases me fully with every step it takes toward me.
My anger knows no bounds anymore, and I focus on a rage comparable to the fiery depths of hell right at that monstrous asshat.
Itâs around me, shrouding me like a veil I can almost see, translucent, yet itâs tingling my skin, urging me to wrap it up and pull it in. Feed on it and use it.
I canât explain it, but itâs like the air becomes a thin fabric of something tangible and touchable, something I want to grab and take in my hands.
The bear moves in at me, growling and wailing high into the sky with a wave of bloodcurdling anger that probably translates to âdie bitch,â and I struggle to get up.
Iâm still recovering, still dazed, with this milky, not entirely clear, air invading my space.
Without understanding the why, not questioning where the idea comes from but having a second of panic action as he makes a final death lunge at me, I grab it from mid-air.
Iâm surprised to get a physical handful, like a hot, hard bowling ball in my palm, and I impulsively throw it at the bear.
I donât know what I thought I would achieve, and honestly, I didnât have time to ponder either the science or the stupidity, but I throw air at a bear to save my hide.
Then I groan as logic slaps me in the head for being an idiot.
Like something out of a Hollywood movie, I watch in wide-eyed disbelief as an almost invisible force hits the bear and ripples the air around it.
It sends the milky veil into a shimmering, flowing movement, like mesmerizing water after a rock is thrown in.
It makes its body indent crazily like I just rammed it with a truck at high speed, and for a millisecond, time slows down as I take this all in.
The bear is thrown back over three times in the distance it threw me, flying high in an arc through the clearing, and lands spectacularly with a shuddering thud on the floor below the tree line.
I swear the ground quakes with force and reverberates through my healing body, bringing a calm to the forest that was not there before.
Thereâs complete silence as everything stops, and all of nature pauses to say, âWhat in the hell was that?â
The air pulsates around it silently, the veil moving over and away like I blew a candle, and the smoke disperses in the waves of breath into nothingness.
With an erratic heartbeat, Iâm panting, hunched up in my poised pose but dumbstruck and blinking at it.
It disappears like it never was, and Iâm as shocked as the damn bear at what I just did, sitting stupefied, watching in complete disbelief.
It seems stunned, rolls, crawls to its trembling legs, blinking my way, and then turns and takes off at a prolonged speed, no longer willing to combat whatever I just did.
Itâs not recovered, though; itâs clumsy, swaying, and crashing into the undergrowth.
As I watch from my perched semi-kneeling position, it doesnât get very far.
It staggers sideways, then slows to a bumbling uncoordinated mess of a stop, falls over its own feet, and slumps face down on the ground.
Itâs like it is drunk, and as it lets out a long, noisy, groaning exhale, I pull myself to my feet and watch as it falls completely silent.
I can hear a heartbeat in the air, so suddenly it makes me jump; slow, laboredâone⦠two⦠three⦠and stop.
Iâm shocked that it was so clear while so far away. It couldnât have been its heartbeat, surely?
It had to be mine, but I canât hear it anymore, and I check my pulse to be sure Iâm not dead and already crossed over to the other side.
Nope, still beating as I press my clawed paw to my breast and snort out a thankful half growl.
I blow out a lungful of air and give myself a few seconds to fully heal every single tiny injury it inflicted, stretching out my ribs to be sure.
I stay in wolf form and slowly edge forward to see if itâs still alive, trying to recover my wits and focus for a second attack.
Iâm surprised to see my fire and food were free from our thrashing around and are still smoking away gently, untouched.
It smells pretty good too, and my mouth waters with how hungry this has suddenly made me. Weird.
My bag is kicked to one side, but nothing looks ripped, and I catch sight of the T-shirt still sticking out, bringing a sense of calm to my internal rage, which had still been simmering away all on its own.
I pass it and come up at the bear from the side, veering left cautiously and keeping my distance in case this is a ploy to get me close.
The bear has its eyes wide open, glassy, tongue hanging from an open mouth, framed with teeth, eliciting no breath, and blood streams from both nostrils.
Itâs vacant, staring at nothing, and I realize whatever I did, it messed the bear up inside, and itâs dead. I can tell without touching it that its life force and aura are entirely gone.
My senses are tuning in and finding nothing.
I did that. I killed the bear with whatever I threw that I couldnât see.
I donât know whether to feel relieved, proud, or devastated because I did that alone. I pulled some weird power out of my gut and took down a bear with nothing more than air.
My heart constricts, my gut twists, and I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to throw up as human emotions kick in and slight shock takes over.
I begin to tremble, heart pounding against my chest wall, mind racing because I just had my second ever, real full-on battle with something capable of killing me.
And this time, I didnât almost die at his handsâum, paws.
I didnât need Colton to save me, either. Heâd be proud, not that it matters or that I care what he thinks.
I push my paws out in front of me, moving to stand on my hind legs and stare at them, unsure how to feel about it.
Iâm just gawking at these strange clawed, fur-covered, rather blood-soaked weapons of destruction I never knew I possessed.
Of course, I knew I had paws, but these did something weirdly special that I canât explain. They also look⦠whiter?!
Yes, under the mess, grime, and red stains, but maybe I never really noticed how pale they were before. I was sure they were grayer when I first turned.
I try to muster that sensation again, that physical veil thing that I could touch, hold, and see, but nothing happens, no matter how many weird grunts, noises, and odd faces I pull.
I shake my hands away, feeling stupid for not knowing how to control something I can do.
My legs shake, and I can already feel my energy waning and signaling Iâll return to human form soon if I donât hurry. I donât know if I could do this as a person, and Iâm not ready to forget it.
I forget the bear, forget the battle, the shock, the pride, and walk back to the clearing, extending my hands and trying to grasp at the air again, to no avail.
Iâm so focused on this that nothing else registers in my brain about what just went down.
Whatever that was, I have to figure out how to do it at will. I have to understand how to conjure it and make it appear like that so I know how to use it again or perfect it.
This is like the day I shattered everything in the house. It happened when I got mad and⦠I got mad!
The thought hits me like a slap as my brain clicks into place, and I recall how crazy angry with Colton I was right before I did that.
It was just like I was a mass of seething fire, sweat, and disdain with this idiot grizzly. That has to be the key to what I did at the house and now this.
I donât think it was the same as this, though. He proved it was an absorption gift, mainly when he tested himself against it.
I definitely did not have Coltonâs strength, speed, and power this time, or the bear would have been toast in seconds.
I saw what he did to the vampire that night. So I did absorb and deflect his gifts.
This isnât something else unless that bear had weird powers and was some sort of shapeshifter and not a regular black bear at all.
I glance back at its lifeless form with a hint of apprehension and circling questions. I shake my head, removing that doubt completely.
Shifters would revert to a person after death, and itâs still a pretty sizable black fur rug over there, creating a dark mass against the trees.
I felt anger and rage, and instead of fear, I wanted to exert my dominance.
I instinctively protected myself with something I conjured up, and I havenât come in contact with anything like this that I can ever recall.
Not recently enough to absorb anyway, and I know it wouldnât have stayed with me. Absorption doesnât last like it hasnât with Coltonâs gifts.
I look down at my hands once more, weighing it up in my mind, and realize that itâs exactly how I did it.
Raging with Colton, like I was with the bear, must be the source of harnessing it. I need to learn to use my rage to control my gift.
Not that it will be hard to find a reason to be mad. I just need to remember the pain of four days after leaving, and bingo, I could fuel rage for eternity while cursing his âskanky, puta assâ name.
If I leave the self-pity aside and remind myself that on the full moon a few days after that, I felt no new agony⦠so no new betrayal, then I know the answer.
He must have marked her before the turning ceremony once he was sure I was long gone. Out of sight, out of mind. He didnât even wait.
I sat up that whole night waiting and watching the moon and felt nothing. Slimy dog.
It ignites rage, but I donât know what to do with it. I stare at my limp hands, slowly turning back to human, failing to conjure the milky mist and give up.
I guess without something to direct the rage or have something threatening me somehow, I have no idea how to conjure it up properly. Maybe if Colton was standing in front of meâ¦
My head falls back as I sigh up at the sky and exhale heavily. Standing in the wood naked, and my brain jumps back to reality. I have an opportunity here if I put gifts and rage aside.
I just killed a bear, a big one, and his fur shouldnât go to waste when Iâm trying to make rural survival more bearable. I was aching for some home comforts and a soft bed.
That fat, chunky ass has a perfectly thick piece of warmth going to waste now.
I need to remember what my father told me about off-grid survival, that itâs essential to utilize everything you can at any given opportunity.
I turn my attention back to the beast.
A sliver of guilt finally cuts into my heart a tad painfully, reminding me I am, in fact, human as I watch its still, pathetic pose and try not to fall back into a weak girl with too much empathy.
Iâve had to do this a lot these past days when hunting for food, and I need to accept that life can be cruel, and in nature, itâs eat or be eaten.
I ignore the growing knot in my heart and chest, push away the thoughts, and find inner grit.
I pull out my pocket knife from my backpack and flip out the blade, gleaming in the sun, hitting the clearing and shining back at me.
Iâve been using this to skin rabbits and such for days, but itâs small and not the sharpest, even though I have tried to use flint rocks to keep it so. It will take a month to skin that damn bear.
I extend my hand, stretch it out, and turn it to my wolf paw.
Lycanthrope can use their paws like hands or feet, and I extend my claws fully, measuring up mentally the size and sharpness, knowing I have the only tools I need right here.
I donât bother dressing, as Iâm filthy after that little battle and about to be more so. Dried blood from my now healed body and the bearâs wounds covers my skin in disgusting patterns and smear marks.
I probably look as feral as this makes me feel. Iâll need to bathe before dressing, and this is going to get messy.
I cover the ground between us and close the gap with the bear, extending my claws fully, with my mind set on a stomach-churning task.
Iâm leaning in to salvage what fur I can and maybe a trophy claw as a reminder that I just earned my first warrior stripe.
I push down the urge to vomit and suck up the sudden surge of emotion that makes me feel slightly vulnerable as I stand over my kill and survey what Iâm about to do.
I donât even know if bear meat tastes good; it might when cooked, and I guess Iâm about to find out.
Itâs the first day in the last eleven that the sadness and hopelessness abate, and I feel like I might just learn how to get through this in one piece with a little more resolve than the last two weeks.
I might learn how to grow and be strong if I give myself more time and some faith. If I can take on a bear, maybe I can take on something paler, faster, deadlier, with bloodlust, should I happen upon one.
I need to figure out how to unleash my potential, and for the first time, I wonder if Colton saw it before I did.
Could he see through what everyone else did and catch a hint of a spark when he got closer to me? Maybe I am special.
Wolves canât throw air.