âLetâs get to it at first light. We can split up and project in small groups at a time. Let them pass it on. Wonât take long to cover the entire pack and spread the memories.
âThat gives us the whole day to get through them, but we should all sleep right now. Weâve had a long night, and the new patrols are doing the walks already. We need rest,â Meadow says.
She claps her hands to get everyone up. The heavy mood and simmering anger at the lies they were drip-fed their whole lives hang like smog in the air.
Itâs so thick and dense you could cut it with a knife.
The subs are angry, hurt, and confused, but one thing is clear, it didnât change the loyalty or love within any of them.
And through all the emotions swirling in this room, one stands out the strongest: their unity and devotion to one another.
The sense of solidarity that shows every one of them is 100 percent behind Colton with whatever he wants to do.
Thatâs a real pack, thatâs the bond of family, and I know Iâm not officially one of them, but they make me feel as though I am. Theyâre my pack.
No matter what happens with Colton, theyâre not going to lose me a second time. I need these people.
One by one, they stand and shuffle out of the room, some of them stopping to fist bump Colton in that same bro way they have with one another and then wave my way.
I sit up properly, pulling myself to the edge of the bed to stand and find out where I should go, but Coltonâs voice in my head stills me.
~âStay put. You look beat and need the rest. This room is fine, and no one will come in here without my say-so.â~
His voice inside my head is always that aching wave of intimacy yet sorrow, and all I can do is nod his way and avoid direct eye contact.
Iâm too exhausted for any more emotional head mess, and I can still feel his lips lingering on mine from his kiss earlier, tingling softly, reminding me that for him, Iâm stupidly weak, especially when Iâm this tired.
I flop back down, glad I donât have to find the energy to go anywhere, but at the same time, I feel a little disoriented at the thought of staying here by myself.
Iâve been alone for weeks, knowing only solitude, sounds of nature, and the wilds.
Now, here I am, thrust back into civilization and tossed around for the last twenty-four hours in bizarre and noisy chaos, and I havenât had a moment to re-acclimatize or even catch my breath.
Itâs all a chaotic mess of craziness, and now, with the opportunity to lie back and let it sink in, it seems terrifying.
I depend on their company to keep me sane and stop my mind wandering, and Iâm not sure I want to be alone anymore.
I think I had my fill of it in the forests. I stop him from leaving as Iâm reminded of the never-ending loneliness I experienced.
âWhere will you be?â I sound as desperate as I feel, blurting out a delaying tactic, and I scold myself for the neediness.
Having no answers and direction other than just waiting is like pulling the rug out from under you.
It doesnât feel very good, and heâs been the constant, stable, wise words in all of this, right from day one, and at the moment, I need it.
I guess I feel out of whack and set adrift now that all my plans were upended, and life got utterly sidetracked.
âAcross the hall in the infirmary with my mom. You can have this room until we figure things out. If you need me, link me, and Iâll come back,â Colton says.
He throws me that sexy, genuine smile, his voice low and fading because he, too, is exhausted.
âThis is your room?â I blanch, wondering why the alpha of the pack isnât upstairs in a grand suite as is standard within a pack manor.
Now I also feel guilty that Iâm taking his bed when he needs it and also a little worried that heâs setting me up in his room because he might think he can wear me down and start something in time.
âYeah, space is at a premium. With many families needing bigger rooms, it wouldnât have been right to monopolize one when I can put a bed in here and double up the communal and my room.
âItâs not like I sleep in here much. Plus, with all the building work outback as they construct small homes, weâll soon move a lot of the pack out into the forest weâre clearing behind us.
âThis is all temporary while we prepare this place for our permanent home. You need it more than I do.â
It all sounds so plausible and logical, and I canât help gazing at who heâs become, somehow seeing him in a new light.
In just a few weeks, heâs grown so much, and the needs of his people have taken the forefront of his priorities, as they should.
Thereâs a new level of seriousness and command to him, a hint of maturity beyond his years, and all it does is weigh me down heavily, liking this about him, but that just makes it hurt more.
Colton is everything I would ever want in a mate, and it just kills me, ripping my insides apart, that he gave up on me.
I glance at the window as though trying to see out into the darkness at the building work being carried out, but really, itâs an excuse to break away from the way his eyes are holding me hostage.
Suddenly, Iâm on the verge of stupid tears. Their burning intensity is pooling in my eyes, and I have to swallow hard and blink them away to regain control.
That same lingering need coming from him gnaws at my soul constantly, and I lose my courage, sounding feeble as I utter a few words breathlessly.
âI could use something to sleep in.â I hesitate, knowing itâs a lie and I could just strip down, but something in me doesnât want him to leave yet, even if it prolongs the agony and makes me feel worse.
Since I came back, we havenât separated properly for any length of time, and now Iâm experiencing some crazy anxiety about him leaving when I feel like thereâs still so much left unsaid, unresolved.
Heâs the anchor in my boat, and Iâm on a stormy sea. I need to break this dependency on him if Iâm to survive here from now on.
The whole Carmen thing, saying he still wants us, kissing me outside, Sierra, the doctor⦠the future, itâs too big for me to handle or think about.
Iâm scared that letting him leave will open a dam in my brain that I have no energy to deal with. He already has me teetering on an emotional breakdown with tears threatening to spill out.
âThe middle cupboard has everything you need. I wasnât about to leave any part of you behind because I wouldnât rest until we found you. Sweet dreams, baby.â
What he says confuses me enough to distract me completely, and I screw my face up in confusion as he walks out the door.
Iâm too focused on discovering and already climbing off the bed to open the oversized wooden cabinet to see what he meant.
Much to my shock, every item I left in my room at the pack house is folded neatly, stacked up, and waiting for me to reclaim it, from clothing to shoes to my boxes of sentimental items and keepsakes.
All has its place and fits neatly, taking over an entire cupboard in Coltonâs room.
My hands tremble as I reach out and touch the first of my sweaters, my legs turning to Jell-O, and a wave of lightheadedness because of my extreme reaction to something so basic.
A lump forms in my throat that almost chokes me, tears sting my eyes with venom, and I know I wonât be able to hold them back for long.
My emotions suddenly nosedive, and I cough on a sob trying to escape my throat.
I donât know why this gets to me so badly, but it does. He took care of my things, hoping he would bring me back here one day.
He took the time to pack up everything that was mine so carefully and brought it when they all left the pack house together.
They must have had limited time to pack, considering they were going under hostile terms and had to get out, yet he made sure he left nothing of mine in that place.
Itâs all here. Every single thing that I never knew I missed until now. All clean pressed and set in here with almost military precision.