I'm from the bottom
of the bottom,
check your sources, baby...
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It took a good six hours for Chimdi to be done with both cloth-fitting and photo shoot.
The make-up and cloth fitting involved lots of wiping and retouching. Indecision to choose the perfect cloth that wouldn't have her looking like an infant whore and the urge to keep herself from slugging her designer were all energy and time consuming.
Besides, she thought, as she made her way to Antni's office after having a warm bath to wash off the uncomfortable make-up -- if she didn't attend to the tasks at hand, there'd be a crazy pressuring from her Mother.
Ginika Gentry had no patient bone in her. And the skinny girl didn't like pressuring, not when something as crucial as the ANTT award was involved.
The Africa's Next Top Talent award, always got hosted at the end of every year. Honouring celebrated Africans in the entertainment world. It was to all and sundry under the bright African sky, an honorable event and being anything less than perfectly prepared was considered a failure to Ginika.
A week after the list of nominated candidates got aired, Chimdi felt the presence of her Mother more than ever, even in her absence.
New fan pages got created, as per her Mother's orders. Pages designed to hand out giveaways to her starstruck fans and several advertisements got aired.
It was a little bit cringe worthy to Chimdi, but she was thankful to be an invincible part of the team. She just had the duty of sitting pretty, get her face all glammed up and the rest would be taken care of.
She knew how important the award was to her mother, being recognized equated more contracts which definitely added more figures to her Mother's account.
The door shut gently as Chimdi entered Antni's office. Her eyes immediately caught the white book bookshelf, which looked like a giant picture displayer, housing all the magazines the agency's models had featured in and several other fashion magazines.
Antni sat on a pink chair, hands propped on the translucent desk housing the agency's logo, a desktop, a colourful penholder beside a glass bowl filled with mentholated candies and a discarded blunt on a little glass ashtray, unaware of another presence.
Themed pink and white with little bits of tye and dye to give it a less superficial look, Chimdi felt herself walk into what looked like a world brightness. The burst of pink and white had her feeling like she were at a playground.
Sensing a foreign presence other than hers, Antni looked up, a smile adorned her face as she took in her goddaughter.
"You done already?"
Chimdi nodded, settling down. The strong scent of the older woman's perfume making breathing a hard task for her.
"You ever feel suffocated in here?" She asked Antni.
"No darling, why should I?" Antni inhaled the air surrounding her. "It's calming in here."
Chimdi sighed, fighting back a snort. "Yeah right, I forgot you love stressing yourself."
She gave her Aunt a once-over. Heavily beaded orange lace hung on her body like a tunic, completed with a blue turban and gold loops. One, way too heavy to fit an average humans' ear.
Antni grinned, the dark matte red lipstick which coated her lips, whitened her teeth. "Depends on what you call stress. I'm totally comfortable."
She accessed the skinny girl's frame. "Sometimes I feel all the designer brands I gift you are just meant for your box? Do you ever think of wearing them?"
Chimdi looked at the red flower themed gown she had on. To her, fashion was looking good and comfortable same time. She wasn't complaining. "Trust me, my box deserves them more."
Antni smiled, shaking her head before leaning back on her seat. "You've never been short of a witty retort."
The skinny girl reciprocated the action. The humor making her eyes glow. "The world would be a dull place if I lose my wit Aunt."
She responded to Antni's laughter with a sincere grin of hers. Sometimes, she forgot what it felt like in her godmother's company. Antni was as happy as a lark. Free spirited and jaunty. One of the countless reasons that skyrocketed her success in the world of glitz and glamour.
"I miss this." The older woman said, the gold bracelets on her wrist clanging together as she moved her hands. "Us together, free and happy. It's been a while."
Chimdi looked away, the glimmer in her eyes fading instantly. Willing herself to forget all that had happened and move on.
But it was too hard an act to do. Forgiving was one thing, forgetting was another. She could forgive, but forgetting was like erasing or deleting an unwanted picture or data. Forgetting it ever was in existence, which was next to impossible.
She was nothing but human.
She felt her whole being go stiff as Antni touched her hand motherly.
"Can we start over? I know I can't undo all that has happened." Antni's voice was pained. Her smile came and went quickly, as she took her goddaughter's hands into hers. "But I swear Dee, if I have the power to let everything go away. I will."
Chimdi looked up at her with pale, lifeless eyes behind a sheen of unshed tears. "Would you tell me why you kept mute if I asked?"
Antni, blown by the direct question stared back, unable to help herself. She let the girl's hand slip out just like she'd let her slip from her life all those years.
"Listen Dee," how would she answer her, in her naive state. "Things are better left the way they are." She made for her hands, but like a lightning bolt, the skinny girl drew back.
Antni's heart broke. "In time Dee, in time. You'll get to understand why I made such rash decision."
"This is bullshit!" Chimdi lashed out, a single teardrop rolled down her scrubbed face. She cursed herself for being so weak.
"Mind the language you use!"
"Would that make you feel less guilty?"
Antni recoiled. "Every waking moment, every breath I take reminds me of what a horrible person I am. Do you think I need a drive to feel less guilty? I feel like I'm surrounded by high grey walls...shackled..." her voice broke as she looked away. "The pain is too engraved. It feels suffocating every damn time I think about how much I've failed you."
"You deserve every bit of whatever you're experiencing!" Chimdi shot back, wiping furiously as the tears trickled down. "You think guilt is a good enough punishment and pain? I'm the one getting the brunt of everything! The false life I'm living, the secrets I hide like a secret stash! Wait no," she let out a pained laugh, wiping furiously at her face.
"Should I start with how I hide the real me from my friends. Those people, they love and care for me, they share their darkest secrets with me. They confide in me, guess how I repay them? by lying to them every fucking second! Tell me what supercedes such pain?"
Antni stared, too numb to form coherent words. The revelation sipped through her skin, rendering her numb. "Dee," she wiped her cheeks carefully, trying not to mare her perfect face-beat as stray tears trickled down.
"I'm sorry." She croaked out.
At the moment, she was short on words of consolation.
Chimdi let the tears run down, hot and stinging they continued. Her chest ached, her eyes burned, while her nose freely joined in the cry fest, as she joined the older woman.
A while later, Chimdi's tears seized, her nerves smoothed out. "Let's forget about what's lost and not retrievable Aunty. I know you called me here for a reason."
Going with instinct, Antni nodded, handing a box of wet wipes to her. "The eyeliner is kinda messy."
She took the pack, taking out one, she wiped at her eyes groaning in frustration. A shower wasn't enough to wash out the heavy makeup that was dumped on her face for the shoot.
"How were the dresses?" Antni began when the skinny girl was done wiping at her face. "Cecil said you chose Atafo's newest piece."
"Yeah it was the most comfortable."
The older woman let out a nervous laugh. "G said you'll choose the sunset yellow mui mui."
Chimdi rolled her eyes. "Of course, she'd say such. She has my life all planned out."
"No, come on that's not how it is." Antni let out another nervous chuckle. "She thought you would love it 'cos you know... You love yellow."
Chimdi tried to calm her nerves. It hurt so much that the woman who bore her didn't even know her.
She smiled. The faux one that she'd mastered and perfected. Her weapon of deception.
"That's okay, I like what I chose. Tell her the sunset yellow was too bold and uncomfortable too. I prefer to feel comfortable."
"That's good." Antni waited for a beat. "I'm so proud of you Dee," she began in all sincerity, while Chimdi rolled her eyes, impatient. She needed to leave the space. So much memories tucked away, buried even, were being dug out. "You've achieved a lot this year and you've handled yourself."
"I know right," the skinny girl's voice came out bored.
"Are you in a hurry?" Antni asked, when she sensed the girl's impatience.
Chimdi nodded. "I'd like to get back to my friends if we're done here. We were actually unto a lot before I got your call."
"Just friends?" Antni raised a perfectly drawn brow.
"Yes. Or did you expect some other answer from me?"
Antni leaned back on her seat, a pink ball-pen twirled between her digits. "I don't know Dee, is there something you are keeping from me?"
"Is there something you want me to keep from you?" Casually, Chimdi picked a candy out of the several flavors on the table. "Why would I, when you and mum have my life all planned out?"
It seemed like her jibe didn't faze the older woman. Antni with a smile still playing on her lips, opened her single drawer. And out she brought a white envelope, a stacked one at that, and dropped it before Chimdi.
Chimdi stared at her before reaching for the white paper when Antni urged her on.
On the envelope was nothing but a single word that had the skinny girl narrowing her eyes in suspicion.
Confidential.
And so she tore open the white paper. Pictures, pictures, pictures and more pictures stared back.
What they captured had her gasping out in shock.
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