I'm stronger
'cause you fill me up
But when the fear comes and
I drift towards the ground...
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Chimdi woke up with the sun, and a raging headache that could last her a lifetime.
Her hurting eyes tried to adjust to the sunlight streaming in through the glass window. An all too familiar scent filled her nostrils and making her aware of her surrounding. Only one person smelt that way. Like fresh air, neat laundry and the natural intoxicating scent of masculinity.
Immediately, she felt her pulse quicken as the memory of what had taken place last night came down in full force. Her mind replayed all that had happened.
She felt her body being carried and dropped on the soft mattress. Her eyes immediately opened, staring into his tired ones.
"Uh- what are you doing?" She'd stuttered, leaning away from him.
He'd rolled his eyes, laying a comforter over her half dressed body.
"I'm trying to steal your bed, what do you think."
"Ha ha! smartass." She snorted, sleepy.
He'd only chuckled at her weak attempt to shoo him away, before tucking her to bed, looking as tired as she was.
"Try to get some sleep okay." He'd tried to go away but she'd held him back, feeling her heart beat in staccatoed tune.
"Don't go yet," she'd whispered, startling them both.
And the rest was history.
She dug her head into her into her pillow, screaming profanities into them.
But her mind wasn't done with the tormenting session yet.
"Sing me a lullaby."
Seriously Chimdi? She groaned.
Lullaby for real? just kill me!
She stayed there for a while, feeling every shade of embarrassed till she decided she needed to get on with her morning. She reeked of sweat and her stomach began seeking for attention.
She rushed to the bathroom, taking the longest bath in the history of baths. Now, she found herself in the walk-in closet, looking for comfortable clothing while feeling an unexplainable kind of energy enveloping her.
When she walked out, the sight before her had her screaming.
TJ was sitting on the window seal, looking fresh and comfortable on a black chase deer and brown combat shorts. His eyes fixed on his cellphone. And when he had her scream, he found himself skin to surface, against the hard tiled floor.
"Why the fuck did you just imitate a banshee!" He almost screamed, feeling his pulse quicken as he picked himself from the floor. Hands massaging his elbow.
She glared at him. "You are the one to blame!"
"Oh really? Was I the one who was screaming like she'd been mugged minutes ago?"
"Seriously? You just had to sneak up on me! You made my heart skip ten years in a minute."
He eyes sparkled with mischief as he drew near. "I really made your heart skip?"
"Of course! You just have to get everything twisted!" She huffed, breezing pass him, as she made to the vanity to curl the edges of her hair.
He grinned as he followed her. "Aww, c'mon. This wasn't how I envisioned this morning to be. Not even a good morning kiss for me?"
She rolled her eyes, ignoring him as she used her finger to wipe off a smudge of hair wax from her forehead.
"You're really not going to talk to me?" He pouted childishly, staring at her through the oval mirror before them.
Yet she ignored him.
"Alright I'm sorry for startling you," his pout became more prominent.
The band holding her full hair in place wasn't doing a great job. He reached for it, tightening it's hold on her hair. While she glared at him through the mirror, trying to stop the smile breaking through.
He was so cute without lifting a finger.
"All done." He declared, using his hand to smooth out stray strands.
She left him standing there as she straightened her tussled bedsheet.
"Are you really mad at me? It was a mistake I swear." He reached for her, but she backed away, glaring daggers at him.
"What do you want?"
His smile stretched to a full out grin. "A good morning kiss and your forgiveness. Can that be fulfilled?"
She shook her head in disbelief. "You're not serious."
"Oh. I am more than," he replied, stalking close. Causing her to retrace her steps.
"Stand back Kodiri." He was an arm's length away from her. "I'm serious!"
In a swift moment, he had her caged in his arms, practically carrying her to the window seal. Her initial annoyance giving way to a shocked expression. She felt the heat of his body against hers, while screaming at him to let her go.
"Shey you know you're annoying?" His legs were crossed together, hindering her from escaping.
He shrugged, a victorious smile playing on his lips. "And you're the most difficult girl to walk Earth's surface. A pain in ass, in the making."
"You're a fucking piece of work! It isn't my fault that you bring out the worst in me." She threw back, watching him fake a broken heart.
"Ouch Chimdi, way to break a Man's heart."
She raised a sarcastic brow. Giving him a once over, before looking around the room. "Man? Which man are we talking about again?"
His eyes narrowed in slit at her and she flashed him an innocent grin, with a shrug of her shoulder.
His eyes turned serious as he took her in. "How are you feeling?"
She offered him a small smile, trying not to relieve all that had happened yesterday. It wasn't only one of her darkest days but also one of the most embarrassing.
"I'm good. I just have a little headache that's all."
His hands immediately made to her forehead, before feeling her neck. "Shit! Your body's heating up." He cursed, causing an eye roll from her.
"I'm okay worrywart. I'll take pain relievers once we go downstairs. Are Nene and Lara here already?"
He nodded, his fingers playing with her curls. Battling with his thoughts on what steps to take next.
He couldn't have a good night's sleep last night. Not with his thoughts drifting to her between seconds. All he could see were her lifeless eyes, staring him straight in the soul, spewing words that slowly slashed his heart.
"Antni used to love me a lot." She'd whispered last night, hands clasped around his. "She'd always sing me to sleep with mum's favorite song every night. And she'd tell me about mum."
Her words tugged at his chest, the raw emotions behind each word that left her mouth, piercing his heart. He didn't know how much of her soul bearing sessions he was ready to handle for the night.
"Will you sing it please?"
He smiled down at her, as much as he loved this side of her. He couldn't help but feel sad. When he thought he was a step away from solving the puzzle that she was, a new clue makes an appearance.
"What's the name?"
" 'Ain't no sunshine'. She'd always said, death has never been the best option," she shook her head, snuggling close to the pillow. "But she's wrong," her voice broke. "So wrong-"
He felt his heart shatter in tiny pieces.
She noticed his hesitation and the way he avoided her gaze. The sun capturing his expression.
He looked troubled, quite a rare sight on him if she was asked. She couldn't help but feel dread fill her.
"What's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
She glared at him, looking far from convinced. "Try again."
His smile came out small and some-what sad, as he trailed his fingers along her high cheekbones, causing her to draw in a breath. The reaction, dragging him down memory lane.
"I never want to see you sad." He whispered, as if in pain.
His dark eyes held her in place, taking in her face. Mistrustful eyes stared at him behind a sheen of worry and panic. Golden skin that could give sun a run for her money, glowing under the streaming sunlight. His hands skimmed the surface of her skin like a feather-like trail, tracing the plumpness of her lips, as his eyes took in the colour of it -- a dusty pink that drew him in.
His breath hitched at the sight before him and God, she was so beautiful it hurt to stare.
Her long lashes fluttered shut. Enjoying the feeling of his hands right on her, lighting her up just with a light touch against her skin.
"God you're so breathtaking," he groaned, nuzzling her neck. And setting her insides on fire.
She was putty in his hands.
"Is it weird that I've not been able to get the feeling of your lips out of my mind?"
With his confession, a shy smile lit up her face. Her thoughts mirroring his.
He drew back, so that he was staring at her face. His eyes conveying all his heart longed to say. "I've never been short of words before." He said, a shy smile playing on his lips. "I swear this is a first."
She chuckled, not helping herself at how cute and flustered he looked all together.
This time, hearing her laugh didn't help his predicament. He had to let it all out before he started questioning his sanity.
"You're scaring me, what's the problem?"
"Trust me, it's no problem it's more like a confession." He stuttered, rubbing his hand at the back of his neck.
Her heart took the off tone route at his words.
She may or may not have an idea of what he was about to say. God, she could see it clear in his face-- in the soft look he had in his gaze. The way he looked at her, like she was mother nature's gift to mankind. She knew if she asked him to hand her the moon and stars at the moment, he wouldn't hesitate for a second. And she'd be a bloody liar if she said she didn't feel same way.
But there came panic, whispering it's threats into her ears. Stilling her at the spot.
She had to tell him, she'd slacked off enough.
"Umm- I have something to say myself." She breathed out, taking a step away from him when he let his guard down.
"Okay... Why don't you go first."
She began to pace the peach themed room which had automatically become hers, after she'd spent the long vacation with Jiki and Aaliyah four years ago. Her eyes trailed to the only picture hanging on the glitter bathed wall.
Family.
It was a picture of her, with her friends, TJ excluded. They were all wearing happy smiles, all looking carefree and happy, while trying to fit into a selfie.
She turned to him, while he stared back, waiting for her to speak up. Confusion making a home between the lines on his forehead. "Okay, whatever I'm about to tell you shouldn't make you freak out," she breathed out.
Her fingers knotted together, increasing her nervousness in folds.
"Okay..." He drawled out, urging her on. Not liking the suspense one bit.
She let out a breath. "My Mum kinda did a background check on you-"
"Okay?"
She stared at him, brows knitted together in confusion. "Okay? Is that all you have to say? She actually stalked you, dug into your life without your own permission TJ! As long as I'm aware, that's infringement of personal right!"
Silence ensured, before stretching out to what looked like hours. When in reality, it wasn't up to a minute.
"Is that all?" He asked calmly. Wincing at the glare she aimed at him.
"That's all you have to say? Aren't you going to make a fuss. This is invasion of privacy we're talking about here."
He sighed, not getting why she was getting so worked up over a minor case. "What do you want me to do? File a lawsuit against your own mother when she's only trying to look out for you?"
She fought back an eye roll. Lookout my ass.
He stood up, walking to where she stood. "You don't get it do you?" He ran his hand through his hair, looking for the right words. "Acting up will only hurt you."
Chimdi stared back, getting confused too. "What do you mean?"
"Going to war against your mother is same as going to way against you. And I never want to see you get hurt." He shut his eyes, as if he was warding off his pain. "The mere thought of you getting hurt doesn't sit well with my sanity. It's like, I'm sharing in your pain -- getting slashed in the heart..."
She sucked in a breath. Suddenly wishing she was seated instead. The sincerity reflecting in his dark orbs wasn't helping her one bit.
TJ shut his eyes in embarrassment, letting out strings of curses.
"I'm sorry that came out the wrong way. But it's the truth." He whispered, searching her eyes. "Last night- last night was all it took for me to really seal the deal of what I really feel. I know I might be scaring the hell out of you at the moment. But I think about you, have been since the moment I saw you sprawled on the cold floor of your dressing room, back at the agency and no, it wasn't sympathy I felt," he reached her, taking her stupefied face into his palms. "It was absolute rage and fear that consumed me. I don't know, it wasn't explainable at the moment. All I knew was that I had a strong pull towards you which excited and scared the shit out me,"
Her skin was adorned with goosebumps, her heart beating too fast. She swallowed, before finding her voice. "TJ-"
"I'm serious Chimdi, I don't know how and when it happened. Maybe it was the first time I saw you hanging on that bridge when I first came here," he let out a low chuckle.
"God, the image haunted me for weeks. But I've never gotten you out of my head. And God, you'd stared at me with those ancient eyes of yours, rendering me breathless. I've never felt same ever since. But last night had been clarion clear with it's message. It made me realize that you've got a strong grip on me. If I've never been sure of anything in my life before, I'm sure of this." He placed his palm on his chest, where his heart beat fast and sure. "I'm completely knee deep in my feelings for you- Chimdi."
Chimdi's heart bloomed with joy, followed by a messy mix of dread and doubt.
She'd been sure he felt something for her, never in a million years did she think he'd feel something this deep for her.
And then, there was the tangled web that was her life. How would he keep up with her tantrums, how would he handle her breakdown sessions. She knew he was nothing but human and that the thrill would flicker out like a dying flame when he'd had enough.
On their own volition, her legs took hurried steps away from him. "I'm sorry." She couldn't do this to him. She couldn't let him in, only to frustrate him in the long run.
What the hell is wrong with you! Her subconscious chastised.
You've dreamt of this day for so long. Then why are you being a complete coward!
She shook her head. But not like this! He doesn't even know the real me!
After all, everyone she'd let in had always ran for the nearest exit when things got complicated. And there was her baggage full of issues. He'd run for the hills if he really knew who she was -- what she'd done.
He's still here after last night, isn't he?
She shook the thought away. Last night and other days were just a tip of the iceberg.
Her heart broke at the heartbroken look on his face at her action.
She shook her head, the tears streamed down as she pleaded silently with his soul, walking to the large window. The air coming in through them, not in anyway calming. "Please," she pleaded, thinking she was saving him in advance. "I don't want you to be."
His voice came out pained and broken. "Why don't you?"
She wiped the tears off her cheeks. Trying to look strong and convincing. "Because I'm a mess TJ. I come with enough baggage, what happens when it out-weighs you?"
"Then we drop a few and travel light." Came his sure response.
He took slow steps to where she stood, his eyes holding a thousand and more promises. And when he reached her, he cradled her smooth face into his hands, bringing her close against him.
"It's always easy to say." Her voice came out weak.
"I know you're scared Chimdi," his fingers traced the wonder that was her face, drawing a breath out of her. "Look at me, please."
She shook her head, feeling her heart hurting in more ways than she expected.
"What's life without a challenge?" He asked, his nose rubbing against hers, while his fingers got rid of the stray teardrop running down. "We'd cross that bridge when we get there okay. I'm not going to force you to say the words back yet. Take your time, I'll be waiting. But one thing is certain, I want all out with you-"
His words were digging into the roots of the doubt holding her captive, slowly weakening it's hold on her. "I want the cheesy dates and texting. I want to share in your joy, help sooth your pain if you'd let me Chimdi-" he shook his head. "I don't only want friendship with you, I want more."
She sighed, leaning into his touch. Tired of fighting him off.
She knew what her heart really wanted without the doubts and dread lurking their ugly heads around. "I don't even know what I want anymore TJ." She confessed, giving in. "I haven't done this before. Haven't been in a relationship before, I haven't even explored the light sides of emotions."
Seemed like he loved her response, because his face blossomed into a smile, lighting her insides up. He gently placed his lips against hers, loving the velvety softness that came with kissing her.
"We'll take it slow then. First things first, the first rule of being in a relationship," he cruised into the kiss, floating in the magic that was kissing her.
"Kissing is the easy part."
He deepened the kiss, rocking her world.
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