In order to prove yourself that you're not in love with someone, you have to admit to yourself that you had some kind of ambiguous feelings towards them. Because you cannot know whether something is or isn't if you didn't even understand it in the first place.
One thing I knew for sure was that the girl who stood in front of me, whoever she might've been, wasn't invited by Blake.
In last few days, all Blake did was either work, sleep or annoy me for twenty-four seven. He also wasn't at his home for two days and for some reason, I took that girl to be the one he scre- shagged. The one Alfred and Melissa complained about.
"Now, who the hell are you? Where is Blake?" she asked me, anger dripping her voice. I took it had hints of . . . What, jealousy? I took my time staring at her perfectly shaped nose, wondering if it was natural. My first instincts were to get rid of her. Why didn't I have a nose like that? How come I'm a blonde and not as sexy as her? Am I still stuck in the growing phase? Should I drink more milk?
For better or worse, I think I knew what to do in order to find out the truth.
"Who am I? And who the hell are you?" Seriously, I'm not the one half-naked in another person's room, why was she like that? How did she get inside? No one was at home!
"I'm Blake's girlfriend, and sorry if he brought you here for one-night stand, he's quite the player" she giggled, I tried to hide my glare and it was already pretty obvious that she was lying. And come on, his girlfriend badmouthing him?
I remember Melissa complaining to me that Blake was as "single as fudge." Her words, not mine, so I was sure that she was lying me. Not to mention that he was also engaged to me. It's not like he would have had time. At that moment I decided to go along, to check if her words had some truth or not.
"What? No way, he was so sweet! There's no way that he could do something so cruel," I fake gasped. A small smirk came up her face that I immediately noticed. I worked in a family dinner restaurant. I knew how to read the moods of people to figure out if they like what I brought or something.
Betty, my good ole blonde comrade, would give me a tip whenever she was in a good mood to help me understand people better, which she used to hook up with men, but still. Anyway, thanks to the woman that's always in PMS, I had a chance to learn how to not get cheated and scammed. Except for Blake. Blake, I couldn't read him.
"I know, I tried so many times to stop his womanizing ways, but it was useless. I don't even know why I became his girlfriend. We even got engaged last night." Yeah, right and I got engaged with his twin on the same night. I was sure with that statement that she wasn't saying a single ounce of truth.
"Oh, God, poor you. I would break up with him immediately. You know, you must be a really nice person to endure all his cheating." The thing with couples is, they don't cheat. If they do, that's not a relationship. They don't care about each other. They just like the idea of being in a so-called relationship that didn't end yet, so they choose to cheat. If you, after all, love someone, then you wouldn't even think of sleeping with someone else.
Trying to get an excuse by saying that it was just a little accident? It takes just as much to cheat as it does to get into a relationship. You met, you chose to talk, kiss, keep silent about it, see behind your partner's back, still hear from each other, make a deal, choose the place, go there, take off clothes, kiss again, sleep. And you call that a single mistake? No, that's all planned thoroughly, you don't keep secrets like it's a normal thing to you! Especially from someone you supposedly care about, especially as you make secrets little by little.
"What can I say, I'm head over heels with him." She sighed dreamingly, that was maybe only the truth she said, but then again if she was willing to talk peacefully to the girl Blake brought aka. me, then I'd say that she doesn't even love him, just the idea that she's with him. "I'm Regina, by the way," she stated, my eyes slightly widened.
Hearing her name only confirmed my doubts about her, she really was the girl Mel and uncle Al talked about days ago.
"Oh, such a pretty name." Surely, but Regwitch is much better. I had a weird habit of giving people funny names when I disliked them. Blake's was BlaBlator one time. Don't ask, I warned you; and he was talking too much.
"I'm Kaley by the way." I lifted my hand forwards to her, she took it before shaking it as I smiled. She glanced at my hand and I followed her eyes to see my engagement ring before my eyes widened. Oh, I forgot that one.
"Oh, are you cheating on your fiancée?" She had that smug grin on her face I so wanted to wipe off. Not only did I not cheat on him by never sleeping with others but I didn't even sleep with him either after we got engaged. I'm practically a nun.
The one that lost faith, at that matter.
I only gave her a fake smile I was sure even she would be able to see through and before I could say anything, Blake's voice came booming loud from the entrance. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Talk about Prince Charming and his timing.
"Oh, c'mon you know why I'm here, sunny." I cringed. Sunny, no just no.
That nickname and Blake just didn't go together no matter what. Blake was more of the moon than sun if we're gonna be honest. He isn't cheerful or bright like the sun, nor is he trying to get attention. He was more of the silent, yet bright type, carefully observing yet unknowingly alluring. I could draw that scene. On the balcony. No clothes on Blake. Full moon behind him.
Damn, I so did not go there, did I?
For a second, I pushed my thoughts away focusing on the two of them. I decided to play a bit with him. Just to peak his interest.
"How dare you Blake? Cheating on your lovely fiancée here, just look at her. How sweet and charming she is?" I mocked, for some reason in the most serious voice I had while he raised his eyebrow staring at me like I grew another head. He crossed his arms before switching his attention to me, confusion getting more to him as he finally spoke.
"What thâ"
"That's it, our engagement is over, I'm leaving."
It hurt. I don't know why but it hurt so much to say those words out loud as my voice quivered, his face broke down the mask as he stared at me helplessly. I didn't know what I'd done, I was about to correct things when Regina chose to make her presence even more known.
"What?" But her voice didn't bother me as much as his eyes did. I shook my head before choosing to get away, unable to spend another second by his side, believing that I broke something while I shouldn't have.
"Goodbye," Was all I said before I brushed past him as I got out of the kitchen, heading towards the first place I could be left alone.
I messed up. I messed up. I messed up.
Hearing rows and yells from the kitchen, I turned further ahead. Seeing the familiar doors of his office, I chose that place. I chose to hide there, why and how, I don't know.
I think that I just wanted to make Blake control his exes, maybe it dawned on me that he trusted them enough to give them keys to his house when he didn't even bother to give me a chance before labeling me as a gold digger he paid to sleep with. At the beginning, I thought that if he found me, I could go babbling about how he hurt me with the way she treated me, more lies will make him feel guilty and then he'll learn his lesson, I didn't know.
I no longer knew anything.
Was I, actually, jealous or that girl? To be jealous, I had to like or love Blake, but no, I didn't. It was simply liking him as a person and having gratitude for giving me a home, nothing less and nothing more.
I had to admit, he was what I found handsome and that was probably one of reasons why I took a liking to him. I was slightly attracted to him. I found it interesting how he could be sweet from time to time, and it's what made me attracted to him even more, but I didn't love him.
How could I say that I love him when I didn't even understand him at all; maybe in the far future I could fall for him, but not even that was sure. That is not how I envisioned my future, it was not how I envisioned to feel towards Blake.
Hatred. Yes, that's what I thought I would feel, but no. Why? Why was it that my heart tore apart when I saw that look on his face? When I saw how hurt was he?
All I could feel about him was a feeling of thankfulness. All I could do about him is to confide in that man.
I sighed, wondering as to what he was doing to me? I couldn't think properly about anything with him in my mind and it's definitely not because I loved him or something.
"Kaley!" Hearing his voice from outside the office, I wondered if I should stay or go to him.
"I'm here," I realized what I did only after I said that, my voice betrayed me as I called out to him, giving my position away.
How do I face him?
I screwed up. I really screwed this one.
"Kaley! Where?" It was too late anyway to think of it.
"Your office," my voice once again acted on its own. Next second, the doors were opened revealing the reason why my mind has been so occupied for days now.
"Look, I swear I didn't know that she's here, I haven't talked with her even since I found you that day." He didn't scream at me or something, he was the one that was scared instead. His eyes wide, he didn't bother to hide his feelings as he came closer to me, he kneeled down and we were face to face. I was hugging my knees. He didn't know how to approach me.
I screwed up.
"It's alright, I know," I mumbled, my head hung low in shame. He didn't fake it; he was genuinely afraid of my reaction.
I screwed up.
"I swear I don't even know how she got insi- What?" Fear gone. It was confusion that covered his face. How could I say anything to him now? How could I dare to do so? I wronged him.
"I guessed that . . . No, I never really doubted you, but I decided to go along with her lie. I don't know what got to me. I'm so sorry, I made you worried for no reason." No, it wasn't supposed to go like this, my plan was . . . I couldn't do it. I could no longer even remember my plan as I faced him, I just knew that I didn't want to lie to him anymore. He didn't lie to me, he never did,
"Damn it woman, I was scared shi- I mean, don't do that ever again, alright? You have really made me worry." His face softened, I only stared at him. Why? Why was he so . . . "Kaley, oh munchkin." The next thing I knew was that his fingers were on my face, wiping away the tears I didn't even know I shed.
"I'm sorry. I-I'm just so confused." I didn't mean to say that. His hands went around me, embracing me in his warmth. He had so much to give to others, yet he seemed like he knew nothing about that. Like he didn't know how big of a person he really was. Why? Why is it that his face looked so hurt when I said I was leaving him? I was nothing to him, he didn't love me, I was just his arranged fiancée. A mother to his future child, there were no deep feelings between us.
Stop.
My mind went back to what I did the best, forgetting. Letting go of every single feeling I had and focusing on something else. I changed the conversation.
"What is the story behind her arrival here, then?" I asked, he pulled away from me before sitting beside me.
"Oh, that. You see, the two of us had some kind of past," he said and I nodded. I was rather familiar with that story.
"Yeah, Mel told me a thing or two about you before." That one was true, she just never said who he really was when she was talking about Blake. She'd mostly talk about him not being able to settle down and that crap.
"Oh, well Regina was my, regular fling. How should I say it? She and I . . . well, our families kind of got along well, so you can guess how we got to know each other. We would often go back to each other, but actually. perhaps both of us were just lonely. She was a bit pitiful, and I was also a beaten dog so we relied on each other. It's just that she relied on me too much and now cannot let go," he chuckled, but it sounded so hollow and I felt a weird pang in my chest. He had everything, but he truly had nothing. Everything he had was a fake reality leading to a fake sense of satisfaction, his family excludedâno, his bond with his family was also edgy.
I recalled what they told me, they didn't see him laugh in a while. He didn't even have a proper bond with his own flesh and blood.
"Oh. She said that you two got engaged yesterday though, very vivid imagination, I'd say?" I tried to make him smile, if nothing else. Engaged to two different women in the same night, that was sure to take out a playful Blake.
"That's because apparently our fathers made a deal with our companies and that bastard wanted to announce our 'engagement' yesterday at the party in the name of our 'new' partnership. How dare he, he doesn't even have the right to take decisions in my company's doings!"
My eyes widened. Not only did his father make a move in the business field which belonged to Blake completely, but he also engaged him to someone behind his own son's back?
"I . . ." I didn't know what to say. I could never imagine Ryan, as a father figure, doing that to me. I couldn't believe that my parents were able to do something so gruesome.
"She was more than willing to accept that offer, and they thought that I'll agree with it as well. I'm just interested in who the fuck allowed that partnership when Lucas was not, under no circumstances, allowed to step inside my company! I'm going to kill him once I get my hands on him!" He gripped his knuckles, and I immediately reacted as I put my arms around him to calm him down.
"It's alright, nothing's going to happen now, they will stop with that plan." Blake scoffed. I gave a poor excuse of a raised eyebrow making him roll his eyes before he finally smiled.
"Thanks Kay," I think that I finally got to understand Blake's resentment for his father, even for a little bit. That man seemed like he was doing things that would benefit only himself, without even thinking about other people's feelings. Thinking back, Blake also said something about his sister and not being able to talk about her with Lucas around, could it be that his father had something to do with his sister's death?
I didn't even want to think about that.
"Alright, food. I'm hungry! We're going to cook, or I am, and I'm going to teach you in the meantime." Blake said before getting up and giving me a hand to take as he pulled me on my feet.
"I'm not responsible for burning down the house then."
"Sure, munchkin!" I was going to kill him, nickname was sweet and all, but too much. It's like I was just a kid! My height has limited me!!!
"Die!" was the only thing I could say as he just laughed at that.
"Who'll you cuddle with then?" Blake asked mockingly, I pouted. Pillow.
"Ayden." Ha, come, Child Blake made his appearance.
"Oh you brat, come here." And with that he threw me across his shoulders again, and I sighed. "I'm not letting you cuddle with someone else."
"What am I, five?" I yelled, hitting his butt that I willingly admired. They looked great from here. Did he always wear tight pants?
"Something like that, munchkin," he chuckled. Now that I thought, he actually did.
"Put me down!"
"Only if you say that you won't cuddle with anyone besides me and that I'm the sexiest and the best fiancé in the world whose bones you'd like to jump on!"
I kind of want to kill him, actually. "It's more like I'd like to dump your bones on some junkyard to feed the dogs with." I'd rather die than say that.
"Then stop complaining and let me take you to the kitchen, have you ever had a midnight snack night?" What, no? Did that even exist? Has Blake done something unbusinesslike in the past I was not aware of? I just couldn't imagine him eating in the midnight with joy. He's more like all serious types of CEOs.
"I'm usually dead asleep at midnight." I had a lot of work in the past so I'd always go to sleep earlier.
"In that case, it's a deal, we're going to make food to eat at midnight."
"You ate like three hours ago, it's only ten o'clock now!" Where did all that food go? I loved conversations like this with Blake, they truly made me alive and happy.
"So what, I'm still hungry. Let's give you your vitamins and go to the kitchen to prepare some food." But this was also why I hated him, he would suddenly make a decision then make me join his silly train of "one leads, the rest follow" like I won't even complain.
"Why are you so possessive? Are you into BDSM or what?" Seriously. I don't know if I was more surprised at myself for asking that question or because he actually might've been. Blake is Blake. You could never know?
"I'm surprised you know about this thing, are you interested in it, so you chose to inquire about it from me now?" His steps were slower. It's obvious that the Fatherly Blake couldn't accept the fact that his cubs weren't as pure as he thought.
"Why, you do know that the same goes for you?"
"Truth, but to answer your previous question, I'm not," he said. I sighed in relief. "Why are you asking, are you into it?"
How the hell did we get to this, anyway?
"What, no! Not my innocent self." This conversation and its outcome were definitely not what I had in mind when I first saw Regina earlier.
"Ha, you're the devil's pawn." He threw at me before he put me back on my feet. I was grateful that I could use them again. Not really an interesting thing to be carried like a sack of potatoes.
"I am not!"
"Yeah, yeah. Keep saying that to yourself, maybe you'll get convinced in that lie," Why was he so difficult? I loved the Child Blake, but not when he turned against me.
"If I'm the devil's spawn, then you are the devil yourself," That's, in terms of our status and evil, true.
"That means that I'm your master, so you have to listen to me," he grinned. I let out a tired groan before I entered the kitchen and sat on the first chair I saw.
"You do know that most of the slaves in the past used to kill their masters?"
"That was the past, they aren't doing it now anymore."
"The only relationship between slaves and masters now is the BDSM."
"How did we get back to this point?" he groaned and I shrugged in defeat, he just took the words from my mouth.
"Beat me if I know."
"That sounds so wrong, considering what we're talking about." He sighed.
It was the "I was so stopping here before we dig ourselves an even deeper grave" type of sigh, before he took the bags with ingredients for food and gave me my new pack of razors, as pure disbelief crossed my face. Blake was really something else. Only he could be so relaxed with women's stuff. I however, smelled when he turned his back on me. Now I knew why I felt so bad when I saw his face. Now I knew why he was so hurt when I said I was leaving.
People betrayed him all the time, closest coming from his father, worst from women he once hoped loved him for being himself alone. I could reject it all the time, but I knew it was precisely because I was so sure about that one thing so much. Blake cared for me. Because I was one of those that didn't stab him in his back, betrayed him or tried to use him.
And then my thoughts drifted to another matter as I shook my head, immediately rejecting the idea as impossible. It was impossible that the same applied to my whole "I don't love him" thing as well, right? Right?
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Why is Sunday called sun-day when it's raining so hard here? That aside, I got a great idea of how I'll end this story (don't worry end is still far away), remember how I said I'll hook this story up a few chapters ago? Well, now I'm going to make it mind-blowing you'll probably destroy your phones or computers (whatever you're using) while reading it ;-)
Anyone know how to dedicate a chapter through the phone? I want to dedicate them to many of you, but don't know how
I really want to tag everyone here sigh, it would add a few ten thousand... or hundred thousands in word count haha