...what the heck is that image above and why can't I remember ever writing about it??? Was this my alternate idea for ONSWB??? WHAT IT WAS, AAAAAAAAAAAAH I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER!!!
* * *
Kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when the words become superfluous.
â Ingrid Bergman
Unraveling people is something human beings are keen on doing. Why do we want to understand others? Why do we need to understand them, for that matter? Couldn't we just accept them as they are and live with it?
No. We couldn't.
Humanity is a race that relies on bonds. Though some of us may prefer loneliness, not a single one is able to deal with it alone. It's not in our nature, we simply need to interact with others like we need to breathe. But with diabolical people nowadays that could betray you any second, we need to choose who to have by our side. That is why we slowly try to understand people as our trust towards them slowly progresses, for the moment we stop trusting is the moment we cease to understand. Be it because we finally trust them with our lives or because they betray us, we stop. We give up.
I believe that it was precisely the reason behind my need to unravel Blake as he continued to tell me about the darkest pieces of his past. No longer did his office seem like a nice and comfortable place to stay. It was witnessing painful truth. It couldn't allow itself to stay a pure observer.
I could hear the sharp breath coming from Blake and suddenly, the whole study became engulfed in thick darkness once again. Though, it might've probably been just my imagination.
The sandwiches I prepared for him were still untouched on the plate, all but one on which you could see a few traces of bites. It was the one Blake started eating before he gave up on. My tears were now gone as I bravely stared at his face, patiently waiting for his next words, never uttering anything until I heard another word from him.
I waited for a bit longer, his lips parted a bit, he didn't know what to say. I knew that I surprised him by telling him that I wanted to know more, but I thought that he couldn't say anything because he didn't know what to do or because it was just too hard.
No, forget it. Since he won't say, I won't inquire any longer. Believing that I went too far, I decided to change the topic, he was not ready. I couldn't force him to come out of his shell that fast.
"You should eat first," I found myself saying. I had started to act weird, first forcing out the answers from him and now demanding from him to eat. Maybe I have finally gotten mad. I didn't know but I was genuinely worried about him and it was currently the only thing I was now sure about.
"Demanding little munchkin, aren't you?" he chuckled, but this time it was his amused chuckle, not some lifeless like the last two.
"Sorry, I'm just worried about you," I admitted sheepishly, fully aware of the pink color that crawled on my cheeks.
"Fine, fine, Mom. I'll be eating first." As he rolled his eyes with amusement, he also moved his arm towards those sandwiches.
"You better!" I jokingly slapped his chest seeing as he was back to his normal self, and I felt relieved I didn't need to know the rest of the story yet, I was fine with what he had already revealed to me.
"Here," he chuckled, taking the sandwich he already started before staring at it. In the next second he pinched my hip which led me to open my mouth in order to scream. But Blake used that chance to put the sandwich in my mouth and I no longer wanted to scold him.
"C'mon, bite." Did I look like I had a choice? Seriously? "I won't eat until you do," he said, amused by the situation I was in and I wanted to slap him so hard, but went against it. The taste of this so-called dinner was simply too strong and inviting for me to resist. Blame it on me being a pro at making sandwiches or on them coming from Blake's hand, but it had much better taste then any food I've made before. Or maybe blame it on my tears. Damn, I won't be hungry because I cried too much, right?
"There, was it that hard?" he asked before taking a bite himself as I still munched on the one that he gave me. His lips were so inviting, I suddenly remembered the feeling of his lips pressed against mine, instantly missing them. They were so soft and just calling for mine to reunite once again.
Since I seemed to be doing crazy things today, my hand moved on its own. No, this time I wanted it, and so I raised my hand to touch his lips so soft, so inviting, so good. He was stunned at first. He tried to say something, but nothing came out of them. I took that as a good sign, the way his eyes would linger on my lips as well.
"What?" The moment he finally found his words, I could no longer resist. I smashed my lips on his, closing my eyes, savoring the moment. I had a feeling that everything was the way it was supposed to be, that my lips belonged on top of his. After a while, he hadn't shown any kind of reaction, so I decided to pull away, but just as my head started moving backward, he grabbed my head from behind and kissed me. And I wasn't stunned this time. The feeling of belonging hit me again as I started to move my lips in sync with his. His other hand found its way around my waist pulling me closer to him and I gasped when I felt him poking me from under.
He smiled, obviously pleased by my reaction and soon slipped his tongue in my mouth instantly winning the dominance of our kiss as he bit on my lip. This was the first time I initiated a kiss with him, and I enjoyed every single second of it.
Fireworks finally worked. I understood now what other people meant when they said that fireworks exploded when the two fated people kissed. I understood the sole concept of being destined with someone as every inch of my skin screamed that it was finally where it belonged.
When we finally pulled away, we were fighting to catch up with our breaths. He watched me with a grin on his own and I gulped. I liked it so much.
"Now that's what I call a kiss," he said. I buried my face in his shirt in response, hiding my steaming head on his chest as I straddled his lap.
"Shut up," I mumbled, making him laugh. That contagious laughter was something only Blake could make.
"Can I ask you why?" His voice became hoarse, silence fell upon us as his face got more serious. "Why did you kiss me?"
I knew that it was my chance I'd never get again. Perfect opportunity to tell him how I felt about him, about us.
"I . . ." But why was it so hard to confess to those you truly love when it's easy to say the same words to those you don't? Probably because when you confess to one-sided love, you know that your heart won't be broken if you confess to those your heart doesn't belong to when they leave. But I already knew that Blake loved me. Yet again he might have said that just to make me stay.
No, it didn't look like that. That's what I assured myself with. Faith, I had faith in him and his words to hold a sincere meaning.
"You don't have to answer," he started once he had noticed how long it was taking me to do so. "I mean, it's alright if you're confused."
"That's the point, I'm not," I mumbled as I averted my eyes, willing to look anywhere but his face; I even started playing with my hair. Difficult, it was so fucking difficult to confess. "I d-did it be-because I . . ." I gulped, I couldn't. No, I could, I reminded myself. "I l-love you . . . too." I shut my eyes. That was much, much harder than it seemed to be.
"I . . . Are you sure?"
I gave him my most what-the-hell expression after that. It was not what you should ask a girl after she had just confessed to you. "Yeah . . . For a while actually." Surprisingly, words seem to roll out perfectly out of my tongue instead as I responded. One was to confess, but changing the point by complaining about his reaction was something I wasn't prepared to do. "Sorry for not replying, when you told me earlier, you know." I bit my lip. I would have liked to know what went on his mind at the moment. Was I right to tell him how I felt so soon? Have I done something wrong by initiating the kiss? My cabbage, are you still edible cabbage?
"I don't know what to say." Why, I see that myself.
"So, I'm just going to kiss you once again to tell myself that what just happened was real," and with that he pulled my chin upwards so that I could look at his eyes that held . . . love? It was the first time I saw his face with that look, and I liked what I saw so damn much. Believing that I could just fall for another side of Blake at that moment, I nodded. I wanted another kiss just as much as he did.
"Are you sure that I can?" he inquired as I grinned. Ha, Child Blake, even you have this moment when you have to ask for my permission to kiss me again! And so I shyly nodded again. This side of Blake was so cute that I wanted to hug him and take his breath away. And soon enough, his lips were back on mine again, at that moment I could only think about never getting tired from kissing him. It was so relaxing, so needy, so right.
It was the way I could convey how I felt about him and unlike other kisses where I was drawn by the lust he had for me, this one was so tender and caring, making me realize a completely different way of kissing. It was as if I could feel all the love he had for me with all the feelings he held in his heart.
And I gladly returned them to him.
Time seemed to stop for us before we pulled away. It seemed like a whole eternity passed while we shared that kiss, but it was probably just around a minute in real time. I moved my head into the croak of his neck trying to calm my heart, but then I heard his own which was like a lullaby, specially beating for my ears only.
God did I love this man.
"I don't think I'll get tired of this," he said, his breaths still harsh on my ears as I could only nod. Tired of kissing him? Not in this life nor another.
"Me neither," I replied, finally calming down my own heartbeat, my breathing normal like nothing ever happened. I learned to hide my real feelings around Blake, not wanting to reveal that I have started falling for him before, so I knew how to hide those effects he invoked in me.
Even so, his embrace was my favorite place. Sure, he had made me cry before, but it was definitely worth it. Never in my life did I think that I'd be happily engaged, before twenty at that because I honestly never had a time to spare for those fantasies. Before my parents died, I used to live recklessly, not appreciating the life they gave me. After the accident, I only thought of surviving with Ayden. So at the moment, even if it was unexpected, I was so glad to have gotten a chance to love someone, especially someone like Blake.
"Finish with your meal," I gently scowled at him and he made a horrible attempt to pout, but sounded cute nonetheless. Should I have named that version of him Lovesick Blake? No, he probably wasn't in love with me that much.
"Fine, woman. I will," he said before lifting up another sandwich, and I grabbed one as well. Fed belly, happy life. That was what my mother used to say for family dinners.
"I must say that I'm glad I'll be marrying you," he said, chewing down with an open mouth. I gasped. Pig.
"Where are your manners, Sir?" I taunted him, who only raised his eyebrow in return.
"I already told you that I'm no gentleman when there are no ladies around," he countered and I laughed. Some things never changed, especially Blake.
"Isn't it a bit dark in here?" I asked him and he raised his other eyebrow making me glare at him instead. I didn't think that I'd ever stop being jealous of his ability to look intimidating. Why didn't I have eyebrows like his?
"Once we're done with this meal, let's go upstairs. I believe that you're tired," he said. "Wanna cuddle and chill?"
I couldn't suppress the smile on my face for his choice of words.
"Are you sure it's not you who's actually tired?"
He only shook his head, excitement written all over his face as he winked at my way.
"I believe I have already told you that I have lots of stamina, munchkin," he said. I playfully smacked his chest. "But you're right, let's go to sleep, you're good to cuddle with if nothing else," he added. We finished eating in some fifteen minutes, leaving behind an empty plate as we ate everything before we went to our room. Blake said to leave the plate in his study and that he was going to take care of it later or tomorrow, probably too lazy to deal with it now.
"So, I guess that you want to hear the rest of the story now, no?" Suddenly, he nervously patted the back of his head and after a moment of silence, I shook mine. It was more than enough, knowing that he gathered enough strength to even try and tell me the rest of his history. I was fine with slowly unraveling him layer by layer. He wasn't that bad, really.
"There's no need for it. We'll have plenty of time in the future for that. Besides, I believe that we should go to sleep already, I can't wait to cuddle," I told him my sincere thoughts, earning a genuine laugh from him in return. Our day started crazily, so hectic and now we were closing it with cuddling.
"Sure," was his reply as he came in the bed before taking off his shirt and patting the place next to him for me to lay down.
"We don't change our clothes?" I asked and he rolled his eyes before laying down and covering himself.
"Take whatever you want from my wardrobe. I won't look, I promise," he said, covering his head as I nodded before turning to his wardrobe to look for something to wear. A single shirt and trousers of his seemed enough for me as I changed into them frowning when I remembered that Blake went to sleep without his shirt. Was he not cold? It was January, after all.
Glancing back at the bed where Blake remained as I left him, I saw that he really wasn't looking at me, hidden beneath the blanked. Smiling, I slowly joined him before he pulled me closer to him, the warmth his body radiated made me not want to pull away as I gladly embraced the sleep that consumed me.
True, maybe we young ones rush to know the future too soon and that might've really become our downfall. But it takes a single person on our long journey called life for us to learn to brake and pull us back when we stray and lose our pace.
That's why we seek love. That's what true lovers and people who care for us do. That's why, we know of trust.