Edited on 14th November 2015 (04.15 at morning lol)
Final edits: 21st August
R-rated parts have been taken down. Anyone interested in them can read the old version edited by fan here:
https://www.wattpad.com/story/63563312
Link is also in description of the book.
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Never judge a book by its cover. Especially when someone else gives you opinion on it.
The girl in front of me had perfectly curled blonde hair. Her lips were dyed red and she looked so pretty. Her black dress went along her skin and her waist then freely fell down to her mid-thigh. She wore black heels to match it perfectly. This was not me.
"I swear, if I weren't a girl, I would so bang you," Melissa said. I moved my gaze away from the mirror to look at her. I asked for her help to prepare because honestly, I didn't want to look desperate when I met with that guy. Thankfully, Melissa gladly accepted.
"Thanks, but I think that I'll be having nightmares because of that sentence." I told her I was going on a date tonight, not wanting to tell her the real reason behind me going out. That guy, I think his name is Blake, told me to be ready by half past six, and it was a bit by then at the moment.
Honestly, I thought that the whole reason I asked for help from Melissa was because I was scared to do this alone and somehow hoped that she'll get what's going on and prevent me from doing it. But she didn't. Another part of me was telling me to put on a fake mask for Ayden's sake and get through all of this. I was a coward. I won't deny it. One part of me wanted this for Ayden's sake while the other was telling me to run and to forget everything. Though the fear would always win the conflict in my head, I still couldn't voice out my worries to Melissa. One way or another, my thoughts would always come back to that one single person. Ayden.
After saying goodbye, Mel left. She said that she had some important business to deal with and I was left alone for the next fifteen minutes to wait until he arrived. If he even will.
I might have been a virgin and I might have always planned on having my first time with a guy that would be my husband, the one that I was going to love, but fate had a funny way of trampling on our wishes. I could choose to follow the traces of my dreams and lose Ayden or give up the future I planned out and have the most precious person stay by my side. Truth to be told, the choice was simple. It was so simple, but I was afraid. What if it was all fake? How could I know for sure that he was going to keep his word? It was stupid of me to trust so easily. What if he never even came?
I was angry at first, but now I no longer cared. It's give and take. The guy wanted something I could give him, and I needed something he could give me. Perhaps I was numbed by life so much that I actually didn't really care about anything. I like to think that I'm more mature than others of my age, but it seems like I'm still being unreasonable like a child.
When that Blake guy asked me for a one-night stand, I wanted to slap him. I really did, but then I remembered Ade. I had to be strong for him. There's no way in hell I'm going to let him down. Even if I was still nervous and insecure, the only thing that didn't waver even for a second was the fact that I wanted Ayden to live. It all became clear after remembering that. Even if I tried to run, I'd always come back for Ayden. I'd always stay unchangeable and determined for his sake because he was precious.
Melissa told me that she managed to contact her brother she hasn't spoken with in years, but she wasn't sure as to how she should confront him. Not wanting to bother her as I knew that she had cut off her connections with her entire family, I only told her that I've found a friend from a long time ago that was willing to give me the money. I then proceeded to lie that he introduced me to some nice guy who wanted to meet with me and talk about Ayden. This guy would be so passionate about donating money to help him that I just had to accept. She was glad that my life went well.
One lie after another. I made up a story that seemed so rushed that it was difficult to believe, but it's precisely because of that that she bought it. Perhaps she was pampered a bit and didn't know the cruelty of life, so Melissa actually bought my story. It was for the best. It was the only choice I had.
My thoughts again drifted to that guy. I couldn't understand him. He seemed to be rich since he offered me half a million for one night as if it were a few cents to him. He never really bothered to ask something or consider my feelings. Were all people who had money like him and my aunts?
I wiped my lips with a napkin. I no longer cared about the picture I'd leave on him when he sees me. If he really overheard my situation, then why?
No. I shouldn't be unreasonable. After the incident with my aunt, I understood a simple truth: no one has a responsibility to help you. If that guy decided to give me money, why should he be a saint, and give it away for nothing? If it's for a one-night stand, then let it be a one-night stand. Although I don't like that kind of person, I shouldn't act like a hypocrite and demand justice. We both are adults. Again, it's just a simple give and take. Give and take.
I kept chanting to myself: it's just one night. One night and I will never have to see him again. I can do it. Sighing, I sat on the chair waiting, twirling my fingers in anxiety. All the courage I've just built up inside of me disappeared when I heard my doorbell. It meant only one thing: he's here. I glanced at the clock as my eyes widened. Just when did time pass so fast?
I tried not to look so shaken when I got to the doors; instead, I just took a deep breath and opened them. There he stood, in black jeans and leather jacket over a plain white V-neck perfectly matching his black messy hair. He was leaning on the doorframe and gazed at me with his blue eyes that has been taunting me for the entire day. I only saw him once. He was in a suit and he was definitely the most handsome man I encountered . . . or so I would have thought had I not discovered his personality.
"Are you ready?" he asked, but his voice lacked interest. I nodded. I was not exaggerating. To be honest, I really didn't think that it was worth paying a stranger to have a one-night stand, but the guy was rich so whatever.
"Good, come." He headed to his car and I went back into the house to turn off the lights and then locked the door. As I turned around, I bumped in something strongâhis chest. Was I really that unlucky?
"You live alone?" Blake asked and I nodded, ignoring the fact that I lived with Ayden. Why would he care anyway?
He just rolled his eyes and once again instructed me to follow him. I did as I was told. He led me to a black Maybach and I wondered just how much money he really had. Starting the car, he pointed to the backseat where a black bag was placed.
"There's your money, you can check it if you want, or would you prefer a bank transfer? Check?" He took out a piece of paper and handed it to me. My eyes trembled as I realized that it was actually a check. I shook my head, praying that the night would end soon so I could be with my brother.
"This will do." Ayden. He will be alright. He'll have his future.
I actually didn't want that bag, it looked out of place. Perhaps because of the shame of being seen by others with it, the inconspicuous check that won't be noticed by anyone seemed more attractive in my eyes.
"We are going to the hotel in Vancouver. My house is not really available at the moment." Blake did not take his eyes off the road as he drove off. He probably used this as an excuse. I doubt that he'd like to be seen with the likes of me, poor people without money that needed it urgently to save their families.
Not only did my aunts take all the money and sell our house, they didn't really give us anything unless it was extremely necessary. I started working at Ryan's place and even sold some pictures I've been drawing for income, still keeping quiet about the mistreatment from my aunt and uncle. I didn't want to be separated from Ayden, but now that I thought about it, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad to let go of him back then. Maybe he'd have been adopted by some loving family and wouldn't have had to go through this. As I allowed myself to get lost within a forest of thoughts, time once again passed without me noticing it.
We've been driving for over thirty minutes, neither of us saying a single word. It was then that his phone started ringing and he answered through the Bluetooth earphone. I suddenly remembered that I left my phone at home. Damn, if I got kidnapped and sold tonight, I really would only have myself to blame. This situation really made a mess out of me.
"Blackburn here." His eyes softened when he heard the person speak on the other line. So his full name was Blake Blackburn? Somehow it rang a bell, but nothing came to my mind when I tried to recall. But then again, I might have heard his name from some newspaper or enterprise.
"Sorry, I can't tonight, I have some . . . business to do." He glanced at me and I returned my head back to look through the window. We were in Vancouver now. I remembered this place. It wasn't far from the place where the accident happened.
I sighed. I never thought that I'd be passing through that area again. I actually haven't liked cars much since that day. How strange. I actually didn't feel nervous anymore.
"I see. I'll be sure to call you tomorrow. Want to take a bite or something? It's been a while after all," he continued, then sighed. Why would I even care who was he speaking with? I didn't. So I zoned out.
When we got to the hotel, I was breathless. He got out and pointed to me to follow. Exiting, I saw him give his keys to another guy, probably to park cars.
He walked like he owned this place, I guessed that hotels were nothing new for him. But I had to admit that the place was gorgeous, like a castle made for kings and queens. The Victorian style that could be found around every corner of the hotel was only proving my point. I was so out of that place. Did he want to brag about his money and influence by having me brought here?
"Let's have a meal first?" His words didn't allow for disobedience, and I suddenly noticed that he was closer to me than I expected. I could feel his breath on my neck, which made me shiver. When did he come by my side?
"You should speak up a bit more. Or, do you feel wronged with this situation?" His blue eyes seemed like they could penetrate into my soul.
"No, it's just, I am still in a daze. I never thought . . . that I'd do this one day."
He didn't say anything else as I followed him into the elevator. It was only when we were left alone that I could breathe again. Looking at our figures reflected in the mirror, we even appeared like an actual couple.
"Are you an adult?"
"I am." His sudden question took me by surprise. What was that supposed to mean?
"Exactly. So you're responsible for your deeds, just like I am for mine. If you don't want to do this, I will not force you. I'll just consider it as wasting time and forget that this night ever happened. I do not need you to analyze my actions nor have grievances. The things that I, Blake, want aren't something that need other people to decide for me. Likewise, I need not know why you made this choice, but if you want to see it through, then act like the adult you are."
Silence. I couldn't find words to say as I heard him say that. He was right. I might be a bit too conscious of this deal. I was no Mary Sue and did not need anyone's pity.
"Sorry," I breathed out. "I'll just treat this as a date from now on."
Whatever opinion I have will have to wait for tomorrow. Just treat this as a simple dinner and one-night stand. Like he said, we both were adults. I had long grown over the age for crying. Just do things, and forget it ever happened tomorrow. The elevator doors opened, revealing a luxurious restaurant. I followed after Blake, but this time there was less stiffness in my movements. The fake couple reflected in the mirror of the elevator before it closed seemed a bit more real at this moment.
"How can I help you?" the girl working at a counter asked. There was no rich drama that I expected. People here were professionals.
"Reservation for two under the name of Blake Blackburn," he replied as the girl showed a glint of surprise before glancing my way. Still, she didn't say anything else nor check before calling someone to lead the way for us. Weird. Was this guy the boss of this hotel or something? Why else would she not bother checking anything?
"Let's go." His hand was on my back and I didn't really resist. Once I calmed down and accepted this situation, I understood that grudges are pointless and childish. In any case, I knew what we came to do here tonight, so I wouldn't be pretentious like he owed me something.
Before I noticed it, I could make small talk with him as we had our meal. But I could not taste anything at all. This situation only made me more aware that the two of us belonged to two separate worlds. Was this meeting a blessing or curse? I still couldn't tell. I couldn't even remember what I said nor how the time passed. Only the mellow aftertaste of red wine remained in my memory of this night. If nothing else, the daze brought by the alcohol was more than enough to boost my courage for what's to come. I still couldn't read the man in front of me, but I no longer had an opinion on him. Neither was I judging, blaming, nor being grateful for his offer. Perhaps, this was for the best. We'd never meet again anyway.
When we were done and went to the room he booked in advance, my dazed eyes were almost blinded by the extravagance of the suite. But I could not admire it nor did I have time to relax. I just froze. It was now or never.
"Take a shower first?" Taking off his jacket, he turned to me.
"Alright." I actually had no idea what's the proper way to do this, but I still went along with his suggestion and went ahead of him. Once again, I could not tell how I did everything, perhaps because the wine still affected me. By the time I finished, I donned the bathrobe provided by the hotel, waited for him on the bed as he showered and when he came out, it all seemed like a vague dream I would forget when I opened my eyes.
Even the next few hours tangled with a mess of unwillingness, pain, pleasure and surrender became a scene that would normally never appear in the scenario of a girl called Kaley Evansville. Even now I may wonder if it was all just an illusion, but as I watched the sunrise in a daze, holding the check with his signature, I knew that I could not lie to myself any longer. I really had a one-night stand.
I slowly rose from the bed, feeling slightly sore between my legs. Glancing back on the bed, I saw my blood; a sign of my taken virtue. I surprisingly didn't feel sad. To be honest, I actually didn't feel anything. There was no going back anymore. I understood and I accepted. Life is but a bunch of coincidences and events happening one after another. Once you're faced with the unknown, you panic, but once it all passes, you feel nothing. My current state was just like that. It happened, so it happened.
Like he said, I was an adult already. Since I chose to do it, I shouldn't whine about it. Standing up, I went back to take a shower. Once you get used to the numbness, it slowly sinks under your skin, hiding behind the mask you always don in order to trick people. The me in front of the mirror was no different than my usual self. Perhaps only my eyes seemed to lose the luster I once had.
But I didn't think much about it. It was like this two years ago. It was just another hurdle of my heart that I'll have to hide away. I have to be indifferent. I'm only saving myself by breathing properly. Yes, this is who I always was since the day my parents died.
I did not resent the man in that room. All he did was just to take down the mask I always wore for one night.
"You're here." He came in, pausing when he saw my reflection in the mirror. I quickly changed my expression and acted normal.
"I was about to take a shower." After all, the traces of our one-night stand were still there.
He didn't say a word, but his expression made me somewhat unnerved. He was too . . . indifferent. I, at that time, did not want to acknowledge the fact that he had the same expression as me a few seconds ago. I'd rather just think of him as a cold man who merely paid me to sleep with him once. That way, he wouldn't linger in my memories.
"I see."
What did he see? I had no idea, just like I couldn't understand what happened afterwards. He just left the bathroom for me and headed back into the room, waiting for his turn to take a shower after I was done. Few minutes later, both of us were dressed, treating each other like strangers. I placed the check into my purse, waiting for him to leave.
Watching him dress up, I began to wonder if I could rely on him to go back home or if I should hitch back a taxi? To be fair, the taxi fare wouldn't be cheap, but I seem to have some savings at home. Once again, I realized that today shook me so much that I really could have sold myself without noticing.
He stood in front of me without me noticing, and in the next moment I realized that my body was lifted. "Just pretend that you're sleeping. It will make it easier to pass through them."
Honestly, I was a little tired, so I complied. Seeing him not even bothering to check us out from the hotel, I began to doubt his identity again. He won't really be the boss behind this hotel, right?
As we drove from Vancouver back to Seattle, I seemed to see faint traces of first snow. But we passed by so fast that it almost seemed like an illusion, so I simply shook it off. I did not react even when we passed by the place where I had the car accident. It snowed back then. So I hated snow. It was the first snow back then as well.
"Are you okay?" His question stirred me awake from my nightmare.
"Yes. I just don't like this place very much. It reminds me of some bad memories." Those words simply left my lips. I did not mean much, just casually replied.
"Should I take a detour, then?" Maybe he noticed something, maybe he didn't.
"No." I was fine now. "Some things in life need to be faced no matter how much you want to run away from them. And I . . . I'm tired of running away."
If I didn't run so much, if I stood still and paid attention to Ayden and things around me, perhaps our situation wouldn't be this bad. Honestly, with the money left behind by our parents, I could have dealt with this situation without meeting Blake. If only I was more daring back then . . . No, it didn't even have to be something so grand as going back to the past to correct my former choices. If I sued those two people now, I could perhaps get back the money they embezzled. Or the part of it, at the very least? What a fool I was.
"It's okay to run from time to time."
"Hmmm?"
"You will eventually come back to face the future again. So,"âhis voice turned seriousâ"it's okay to run from time to time, Kaley."
Huh?
Even as I came back home and crashed onto my bed, I still couldn't understand his words. What was that supposed to mean?
I noticed that he was obviously older than me, but aren't we all adults? Are older adults so difficult to understand? Can't they use simple words to express their thoughts? What "running away?" Only children run away! I shook my head as I closed my eyes, slowly being lured to sleep.
Giving ourselves to the current will eventually bring us to the future that fate has set for us. But won't life be just a waste of time if we were to let it be decided by something uncertain as that? We would eventually soil our real selves with colors that we did not choose as we taint our childhood's innocent monochrome. That is the real reason people fear growing up, but that is also the reason why we make choices.
Which is why I strongly believed that my choice was not wrong. Because despite everything, I still stayed true to myself.
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