Chapter 1: Chapter 1

, overwhelmed by his confession, our breathing ragged from…making love? We’d made love. Nino had told me he loved me, really loved me, no fake emotion, nothing false, just love.

Nino raised my hand and pressed a kiss to my wrist. “Your pulse picked up again,” he said, regarding me closely. “Are you okay?”

I smiled, couldn’t help it. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest, as if everything I hadn’t even dared to dream, much less hope for, was suddenly in my reach.

“I’m just happy. For a while I thought it was something about me, something inherently wrong with me, why I couldn’t be happy, why bad things kept happening to me.”

Nino swiped his thumb over my pulse point. “Life doesn’t work like that. Bad things are not fate, or punishment of an almighty power. Sometimes bad things just happen.”

I shrugged. “I know that now, or I think I do. But when I was a young girl, Father always blamed me or Mother when something went wrong, and so did my brothers even when they had messed up, and I believed them. If you’re told something often enough, you just take it for the truth. When Father hit me, I thought I deserved it.”

Nino’s body became tighter, his gray eyes sharper. “Your father got what he deserved. Luca didn’t give him an easy death.”

I pushed myself up onto my elbow. That was news to me. Felix and Egidia always told me Father had been killed by a bullet to the head. “Luca tortured him?”

Nino’s dark brows pulled together, his fingers on my wrist tightening once more. “You didn’t know?”

I shook my head. Nobody had bothered telling me the details. I wasn’t sure if it was to protect me, or because they thought I had no right to know as a mere girl. I bet my brothers knew. “I thought Luca shot him.”

Nino’s mouth twitched, something dark and eager flashing in his expression. “He shot him in the end, yes, but before then Luca did what he does best.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt with the knowledge. My father hadn’t been a good father, or a good man. He’d hit me and made me feel like I was worth nothing, had shot my mother, but other than Durant, who’d destroyed my innocence, I never wished for him to suffer. “You respect Luca for it.”

Nino looked at me in surprise. “Of course. Luca destroyed an entire MC chapter by himself, chopped them to pieces, skinned them. He loves the personal kill, the close kill, and doesn’t mind getting his hands bloody. It’s easy to give a kill order or shoot someone from afar, but killing them when you feel their terrified breathing, when you smell their cold sweat, see the terror in their eyes, that’s something entirely different. Luca crushed his cousin’s and uncle’s throat, how many people could do that? Not just on a physical level? When Remo and I were still on the run and our father was still alive, we’d sometimes talked about how we wanted to kill him, and Remo’s dream was to do it like Luca…”

For a moment I only stared at the man before me. He looked so relaxed, so … approachable. Not harmless, not nice, but not as monstrous as his words made him sound. They reminded me of his nature. Maybe that was why he had the tattoos of roaring flames and screaming grimaces, as a warning of what lay beneath his beautiful exterior. “That sounds as if you and Remo admire Luca.”

“I wouldn’t call it admiration, but he’s one of the few men who might be able to kill me, and it wouldn’t be quick or clean.”

I touched his chest over the inked image of a screaming skull that seemed to be swallowing a knife, feeling his calm heartbeat, and wondering if only their past had turned Nino and Remo into what they were today, or if it had always been in them. Savio harbored darkness as well. Even Adamo had killed, and I wasn’t sure if he was really bothered by it or only bothered by his lack of regret. Would our children harbor the same darkness? And even if they did, what would it matter? I’d love them regardless, like I loved Nino.

“Did your brothers ever hit you like your father did?” Nino asked, throwing me off with the change of topic.

“Father occasionally made it their task to discipline me, yes. They are seven and nine years older than me, so…” I considered Nino’s expression. “Nino,” I said quietly but firmly. “I don’t want you to kill them because of what they did when they were children.”

“They must have been teenagers, Made Men, when they disciplined you. Grown men, by our standards.”

I pressed up to him, touched his cheek and shook my head. “Don’t. Promise me you won’t dish out punishment for me.”

Nino’s face remained the beautiful, cold mask. “Did they ever ask how you were doing here? Did they worry that I might abuse and rape you? Did they talk to you at all at our wedding, or since then?”

I swallowed. I tried not to think of my old family. All the memories connected to them carried the weight of hurt and sadness. “They congratulated me.” I could only remember seeing them for a few seconds during the champagne reception when everyone had congratulated Nino and me on our marriage, but I didn’t remember much else of the day. I’d been too caught up in my terror. They hadn’t contacted me since, and it wasn’t because I was part of the Camorra either—we’d barely seen each other when I’d still been part of the Rizzo household. “Promise me you won’t hurt them. It should be my decision, not yours.”

Nino released a low breath and finally nodded. “I won’t hurt them.”

“Remo either. And no one else from the Camorra.”

A small smile tugged at Nino’s mouth. “All right.”

I crossed my arms on Nino’s chest, scanning his beautiful face. A few strands of his hair had fallen down his temple and I pushed them back gently then ran my fingertips over the undercut. “How do you feel? So much has happened in the last few days.”

“Remo can handle himself, and he’s not alone. Fabiano will make sure my brother keeps his emotions in check.”

“I didn’t mean Remo leaving. I meant your emotions. Are you getting used to them?”

“After the first flood, it’s calmed down. I feel emotions, not always, not all of them, but they are there.”

I kissed Nino softly. “I’m always here. If you need me, I’ll help you.”

Still, I hoped that Nino wouldn’t have another breakdown like that one night, especially now that Remo wasn’t home to calm him down. “When will Remo and Fabiano be back?” I didn’t ask for details because if Nino wanted to share he would, but so far he’d been rather closed-off.

He sighed. “Hopefully in a few days, depending on the success of their mission.”

Curiosity burst through me, but I pushed it down.

,” Nino said, startling me as I lay curled up on the sofa in the game room. It was three days after our conversation.

“What’s the matter?” I asked. His expression was tight, as close to anger as I’d ever seen it. I set down my book and stood, putting my hands up against Nino’s chest. “Is it about Remo?”

Remo and Fabiano had been gone for almost a week. Nino still hadn’t revealed the details of their mission, only that it had something to do with the Outfit.

Nino’s eyes held a hint of weariness. “I’ll explain later. Now I need you to go to our room, Kiara.”

I frowned, feeling like I was being treated like a child. “I’m not weak. I can handle most things.”

He touched my cheek and kissed me briefly. “I know. But this …” He shook his head. “I’m not sure if it’s something you should see.”

My chest constricted. There was only one thing I definitely had a hard time handling.

“Don’t ask,” Nino said. “Not now.”

I nodded reluctantly, grabbed my book and headed into our wing. Dread settled in my bones as I closed the bedroom door. What had Remo done?

The sound of a sports car pulling into the driveway caught my attention and I went to the window. I only saw a very small part of the front yard and couldn’t make out anything. Despite my promise to Nino, curiosity gripped me and I went back out, creeping to the main part of the house and peering through a window facing the driveway. I froze, my pulse throbbing furiously when I saw Remo walking into the house. He was carrying a blonde woman, and they were both completely naked. The woman hung limply in Remo’s grasp, either unconscious or in shock.

My throat tightened, my hands began to shake, and remnants of dark memories bit at my consciousness, wanting to burst forth and grip me.

That’s how Nino found me. Still motionless before the window. “Damn it,” he whispered. He took my wrist, his fingertips pressing into the soft flesh. His other hand tipped my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. “What did you see?”

“Remo carrying a naked woman,” I said tonelessly.

Nino shook his head. “Come,” he said, tugging me toward our wing. I resisted, needing answers.

“Nino, what’s going on?”

“I’ll explain in our bedroom.”

“No,” I hissed, ripping out of his hold, breathing harshly. “Explain now.”

Nino regarded me, his arm still raised, surprised by my vehemence.  Slowly he lowered his hand. I usually always tried to comply, to follow his decisions, but with this I drew a line.

Nino had said it himself; he wouldn’t get angry if I stated my opinion.

“Remo went to Outfit territory and kidnapped Dante’s niece. She was supposed to marry an underboss yesterday, but Remo and Fabiano caught her on the way to church and brought her here.”

I shook my head, unable to believe what he was saying—and even worse: how he explained it as if telling me about the weather. “What did Remo do to her?” I began shaking, wondering if he’d submitted her to the same horrors I’d gone through. I’d come to like Remo for what he’d done for Nino and his brothers, but for this I wouldn’t be able to forgive him—ever.

Nino held my wrist again, tighter. “Nothing. Now come.”

“Nothing?” I said incredulously, digging my heels into the floor. “It didn’t look like nothing. Why was she naked?”

“I don’t know everything yet. Savio mentioned that Remo stopped one of our soldiers from assaulting her and now she’s here. That’s it.”

“That’s it?” I snapped. “So he didn’t … he didn’t … rape her?” The word felt like thousands of cockroaches crawling over my back and I shuddered.

“No,” Nino said. “That’s not part of Remo’s plan.”

“Are you sure?”

Nino hesitated a heartbeat and that was too much. I tried to storm past him but he grabbed my arm. “Don’t. Let me handle this.”

“Let me go.”

Nino shook his head and pulled me toward our bedroom again, ignoring my protests. I had no choice but to follow. The second we were inside, he stepped in front of the door, barring my way. It was the first time he had used his strength against me, and it made me unreasonably angry.

“Stay here until I’ve talked to Remo.”

“I won’t let Remo hurt a woman like I have been hurt,” I whispered harshly.

“He won’t,” Nino said simply, trying to touch my cheek, but I took a step back.

“You knew about his plan all along, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. The kidnapping is meant to bring us Scuderi in exchange for Serafina.”

I blinked back tears. “Serafina? You killed Durant because of what he did, but you allow your brother to kidnap an innocent woman?” My voice broke, but I didn’t let the memories of the past resurface; I was stronger than that.

Nino cupped my cheeks. Always so gentle when he handled me; it was at odds with the things he did to others. “Kiara, it’s not the same. I know Remo. Don’t compare Serafina’s fate to what happened to you. Trust me.”

I searched his eyes, beckoning and soft. I wanted to trust him and I did, but I wasn’t sure if I could trust Remo, not around a defenseless woman. Too much was broken inside him. “Okay,” I said quietly. “Talk to Remo and tell me exactly what he said. I need to know. No more secrets, please.”

Nino kissed me. “I’ll head downstairs and have a word with him.”

I nodded as he stepped back and left the room. The lock clicked and my eyes grew wide, realizing what he’d done. I couldn’t believe he locked me in. Storming toward the door, I rattled the handle, but it didn’t budge.

I paced the room, my thoughts whirring. Nino had kept Remo’s plan from me to protect me, but also because he knew I would have tried to talk them out of it. I knew Nino and Remo had few morals, but Nino had to realize that what they were doing was wrong.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but I was getting more and more agitated. When the lock finally turned and the door opened, I was close to exploding.

“Why did you lock me in?”

Nino seemed as if my anger startled him. “I knew you were upset, and I didn’t want you to go into a confrontation with Remo like that.”

I turned around, still angry but also touched, because Nino was trying to protect me, care for me in his own way. I felt him behind me before he touched my shoulders. I said, “Don’t lock me in again. I don’t like it—it makes me feel powerless and trapped.”

Nino’s fingers tightened. He leaned down and kissed the crook of my neck. “I won’t.” He paused, choosing his words carefully, which in turn raised my worries again. “Do you have a few clothes and a white nightgown for Serafina?”

I raised my eyebrows. “Why the white nightgown?”

“Kiara,” Nino’s voice was strained, carrying the unvoiced please with it. His eyes begged me to trust him.

Trust. I went over to my closet and took my silver nightgown out of a drawer. “I’ve got this.”

Nino nodded and took it from me. “That should do.”

I gathered a few floor-length dresses, shirts and shorts, and then hesitated in front of my underwear drawer. It was kind of icky to wear someone else’s underwear, but I assumed Serafina preferred it to not wearing any at all.

Nino took everything from me. “Promise me to stay in this room and I won’t lock it. I’ll make sure the girl is safe, all right?”

“All right.” The word tasted bitter in my mouth, like a betrayal of the old me, like I was failing myself. Trusting Nino when it came to my wellbeing was easy. Without a doubt that he’d never hurt me intentionally, but Nino didn’t feel pity, even now. Not for others, never for others.

long time. My resolve to stay in the bedroom was slipping away with every passing second when he finally stepped back in, a deep furrow of displeasure between his brows and much of his hair fallen out of his short ponytail as if he’d ran his hand through it one time too often.

I asked immediately, “What’s going on? What did Remo say? And what does he need the nightgown for?”

Nino closed the door.  “Remo will keep her here for now. He thinks she’s safer in the mansion.”

“Safer? She’s a captive. Who says she’s safe so close to Remo?”

Nino didn’t say anything. I could tell that he wasn’t happy about this development, but he was loyal to Remo, nothing would ever change it. I doubted Remo could do anything that would make Nino ever go against him.

“You have to stop him, if he tries to force himself on her. Promise me,” I said fiercely.

“Remo can’t be stopped if he’s made up his mind, not even by me. But as I said, I don’t think you have reason to worry about that.”

“What happens if the Outfit’s Capo doesn’t do what Remo wants? What is he going to do to her then?” I didn’t know much about Dante Cavallaro, only the rumors I’d picked up when I’d overheard Felix and Egidia discuss the Outfit, or the few times Remo and Nino had talked about him in my presence. He seemed to be a logical man who based his decisions on facts, not emotions, and that didn’t make me hopeful about Serafina’s fate. It went against logic to exchange a mere girl for a Consigliere, a man who carried the secrets of the entire Outfit, and probably Cavallaro himself. But Remo and Nino must know that, which left the question—why Remo had kidnapped the girl anyway?

Nino opened his watchband with steady fingers, getting ready for bed. “Kiara, this is Remo’s game. He hasn’t been as forthcoming with information as he usually is.”

“Are you sure? Or are you trying to protect me again?”

His face locked down as he put the watch on the nightstand. “I’m telling you the truth. And you have to remember that this war was initiated by the Outfit. They attacked our territory. They tried to kill all of us, even Adamo. Remo won’t stand back and have his territory breached like that. Dante will have to pay the price for it.”

“But he isn’t,” I said softly. “An innocent woman is.”

Nino didn’t contradict me. I wished he had.

“What about the nightgown? You didn’t answer my question. If it was only so Serafina had something to sleep in, he wouldn’t have asked for a specific color.”

“He wants her to wear it when he records a video message for her family tomorrow.” His emotionless eyes searched my face. “We ordered pizza, should I bring you some up?”

For a moment I could only stare. Sometimes I tended to forget how Nino dealt with matters, how easily he could push aside the bloody part of the business from his mind because they didn’t bother him. “I’m not hungry. I’ll take a bath. I don’t feel so good.”

Nino didn’t stop me when I walked into the bathroom, but his eyes followed me. I drew a bath, slowly slipping out of my clothes. When Nino had told me he loved me, I’d thought about bridging the subject of having kids. I’d started taking the pill before my marriage because I hadn’t been sure if I could risk getting pregnant as Nino’s wife. Now I knew that I and a baby would be safe in the Falcone mansion, well protected and even loved, but this new development with Dante’s niece raised new doubts. Nino had only recently discovered his emotions, and Remo had a woman locked in his wing.

Neither fact made me want to bring a baby into this world—this house.

I turned off the faucet and tested the water with my fingertips before I stepped in. Nino entered the room, his eyes roaming my naked body. I didn’t hide myself from him. There was a longing in his gaze that went straight into my heart. I sank into the water, flinching at the hot temperature. “You can join me if you want.”

Nino tugged his shirt over his head then slipped out of his pants and boxers. The muscles and colorful tattoos that had scared me not too long ago now brought a familiar warmth to my belly, but it was only a brief burst. I was too torn and emotionally drained to be up for that kind of physical closeness, especially not when a young woman was scared out of her mind in another part of the house.

Nino joined me in the bathtub, then opened his arms. I shifted until my back was pressed up against his chest and I was nestled between his strong arms. He kissed my throat. I could feel him growing hard against my backside, but I ignored it. Nino nibbled on my shoulder and his hand stroked my knee, then slipped up my thigh, higher and higher until I stopped him with a soft touch. I sensed his unspoken questions. Could he really not understand why I wasn’t in the mood for sex?

“Don’t you feel guilty?” I asked quietly.

Nino leaned back, his hand moving back to my knee and rubbing my skin lightly. “Kiara,” he said tiredly. “I’m not a good man. I’m not a decent man either. I don’t feel anything in regards to other people, which makes me so good at what I’m doing for the Camorra. And no matter what you might hope for, that won’t change.”

A small shiver passed down my spine. Nino didn’t only supervise the finances of the Camorra, he was also responsible for many acts of cruelty. Fabiano wasn’t the Camorra’s best torturer even if he was their official Enforcer, that much I’d figured by now. I’d seen small glimpses of Nino’s and Remo’s demons when they’d dealt with Durant, but it was only the tip of the iceberg. “But you care about me and your brothers?”

“I do,” he murmured. “But that’s the extent of my feelings.”

I swallowed. “What about children? Would you care for them?”

It was awkward, but I turned in the bath to face him.

Nino became still. He nudged my chin up so I had to meet his gaze. “You mean our children?”

“Yes,” I said quietly. His face stayed impassive. Could he ever love our children?

“You’re taking the pill.”

“I do. I’m not pregnant … I was just wondering.”

Nino nodded. I wished I knew what he was thinking, but his face didn’t give anything away. “I don’t know what I’ll feel for children. But I think I’d care for them as I care for you.”

I leaned forward and kissed him lightly, then retreated to turn and relaxed back against him. This was enough for now. My thoughts returned to Serafina. She must be terrified—how could she not be? I had been terrified when I’d been given to Nino, and I’d had time to prepare for my wedding. This girl had been taken by force, ripped away from her home, her family. What she knew about the Falcones, about Las Vegas, was likely even worse than what I had been told. After all, the Outfit and the Camorra were still at war, and after this kidnapping that would never change.

I shuddered.

Nino caressed my arm “Kiara,” he said quietly. “Don’t let this drag you back into the past.”

“It won’t, but it’s difficult for me to bear the thought of the girl’s terror.”

I felt Nino nod, trying to understand my pity but unable to grasp the concept. He didn’t care about Serafina. He couldn’t.

I linked our fingers. I’d try to be our conscience.

The water soon grew cold and Nino helped me out of the tub then proceeded to rub me dry. His touch left tingles in its wake as always but I didn’t allow myself to relax into it. We settled in bed, both naked, wrapped in each other. Nino was still aroused, but he made no move to initiate intimacy again.

I fell asleep in Nino’s arm, marveling at the power of love. Despite what I knew of Nino, of what he was capable of, I loved him.