Chapter 9: Chapter 9

the night, because Nino was in bed with me when I woke and the sun was already rising. Blinking back sleep, I turned around in Nino’s arm. Slowly his eyelids peeled open and as always the gray of his eyes sent a wave of calm through me.

I raked my fingers through his longer hair at the top of his head, loving the silky feel of it. Nino released a small breath then rolled onto his back, and I put my head down on his chest. “Did everything go well?”

It was strange asking this, considering we were talking about the painful end of a man.

“Scuderi is dead. Remo and Fabiano killed him together.”

“Fabiano really considers you his brothers.”

“He does, but so do we.”

“So, you’ve forgiven him for everything that happened with Leona?” It seemed impossible that Remo and Fabiano had really faced each other in a death match. I was glad I didn’t have to watch it.

“Remo considered it betrayal and so did I, but my view on things changed,” Nino said slowly. “We gave Fabiano an impossible choice, one we shouldn’t have given him, I realize that now, and maybe Remo does too.”

“To choose between loved ones is cruel.”

Nino tilted his head with a small frown. “I can’t imagine being given that choice…”

Goose bumps rose on my skin. “It won’t ever come to that.”

“I know.”

The look in Nino’s eyes sent a small shiver down my back. He kissed my forehead then sat up. “I need to set up a death fight for Remo.”

“What?” I blurted, stumbling out of bed after him. “Why?”

Then it dawned on me. Remo couldn’t deal with his emotional turmoil. The only way he knew how to handle it was by causing and receiving pain, by spilling blood and killing. “You can’t allow that.”

Nino pulled a shirt over his head and combed his hair back with his fingers. “He won’t let me talk him out of it. I tried.”

I got dressed in a hurry and followed Nino downstairs and into the kitchen. He talked to Roger on the phone, the man who owned the fight arena, while I prepared breakfast. My stomach was in knots as I listened to Nino discuss the details of the upcoming fight. Remo was going to fight two opponents at once, which was pure insanity even by his standards. “This is madness,” I said, when Nino ended the call.

Nino sighed. “This is Remo.”

Remo’s brutal fight, he acted almost like his old self, but sometimes there was look of longing in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. I couldn’t help but wonder how Serafina was faring back with her family.

I was playing the piano when someone knocked against the French windows. Looking up, I saw Adamo with the hood of his sweater pulled over his head and a cigarette dangling from his mouth. I waved him in. He never took the direct route through the adjoining corridor, always through the garden to get a smoke in. He came inside after having disposed of his cigarette, then shoved down his hood. His hair half covered his eyes but I saw they were red.

“Are you okay?”

“Can I listen to you play?”

“Sure,” I said and started playing the song I was working on. Adamo sank down on the floor right beside the piano and stared down at the Camorra tattoo on his forearm. Questions burned on my tongue but I held them back. He’d tell me what bothered him if he felt like it. Turning away from him, I focused on the song. It was for Remo and almost done. I wanted to write songs for Adamo and Savio as well by Christmas, and give each of them their song as a present. They had everything money could buy, so maybe they’d appreciate the gift.

I’d been playing the song twice when Adamo interrupted me in dark whisper. “Nino talked to me about our mother today.”

I froze.

Adamo looked up, his eyes full of misery. “Did you know?”

I swallowed, got up and made my way over to him before sinking to the floor beside him. “Nino told me what happened. He had to because of his emotional state.”

Adamo nodded. “Why didn’t they tell me sooner?”

“They wanted to protect you. The truth is difficult to stomach.”

“I can’t believe she tried to kill my brothers.”

“And you. She would have killed you by taking her own life.”

Adamo nodded. “I don’t get it. I want to understand.” He looked at me.

“Some things are beyond comprehension.” I covered his hand with mine.

“She’s still alive. I thought she died years ago. I … I don’t know how I feel knowing she’s somewhere.”

I didn’t know what to say. It was hard to imagine how Adamo felt. How would I feel if I suddenly found out my father wasn’t dead but locked up in a mental institution?

“I said so many shitty things to Remo because I just didn’t understand how he could be that way, but now I get it.”

“Some things change us, and no matter how hard we try to forget the past, some things just stay with us.”

Adamo wrapped his arms loosely around his legs and regarded me with a small smile. “I’m glad you’re part of our family. You never judge me when I talk to you.”

“I have no right to judge you or anyone.”

Adamo laughed. “That doesn’t stop most people from dishing out judgement all the time.”

“I know,” I said quietly, remembering how I’d been judged for my father’s betrayal in the Famiglia, and how many still judged me for being Durant’s victim. Many people tried to make sense of it by blaming the victim. I understood that now.

“You’re part of the Camorra now. Nobody will judge you openly anymore,” Adamo said.

decorating our wing and the main areas of the mansion and the garden with Christmas lights, baubles and tinsel. Savio and Adamo had bought a Christmas tree and set it up in the gaming room at my request.

“This is the first time we’ve had a Christmas tree in … fuck … I don’t even remember how long,” Savio said as he stood in front of the tall tree.

Adamo nodded. “I think I was six or seven, and Remo got that ugly silver plastic tree.”

“The stupid thing almost burnt us to the ground because the cable was broken,” Savio said with a laugh.

“Yeah.” Adamo laughed too, and they exchanged an amused look.

My heart swelled. “Will you help me decorate it?” I pointed at the box with baubles and tinsel.

Savio looked at Adamo, then both nodded.

“What do we get in return?”

“Cookies?” I suggested.

“Deal.”

Adamo frowned. “I don’t get how you can stomach all that sweet stuff. And you call me pussy.”

Savio gave him the finger. “The fucking cigarettes probably burnt away your taste buds.”

I pushed the box over to them. “Hey, focus on the task at hand. Can you get the ladder for me, Adamo?”

He trudged off toward the storage and returned with the ladder and set it down in front of the tree. “How about you two decorate the lower part while I take care of the top?” I climbed the ladder. It shook and Adamo quickly steadied it. “I can hold it while you’re up there.”

“Thanks.” I climbed up more, trying to decide how to arrange everything.

Savio scoffed. “I get cookies and Adamo gets booty.”

I glanced between him and Adamo whose face was turning red.

“What?”

Savio gestured at my backside. “Adamo checked out your ass. He seems to enjoy the sight.”

“I didn’t …” Adamo glared at his brother then smiled apologetically at me. “I mean … I didn’t check out your ass … but it’s fine, your backside I mean …”

Savio cracked up. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, shut up,” he got out between laughter. “You really need to grow a pair. Kiara knows she’s got a fine ass. I think we can all agree on that.”

“I’m glad my wife’s behind meets your requirements,” Nino drawled from the doorway, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

I blinked and my shoulders started shaking as I fought giggles and almost fell off the ladder. Adamo tried to steady me and grabbed my hips and briefly brushed my upper butt. He quickly released me and Nino was already at my side. “I’m sorry,” Adamo said quickly.

“It’s okay. Thanks for your help.”

“Nice catch,” Savio said. “Next time it’s my turn to hold the ladder.”

Adamo hissed something under his breath, causing Savio to grin even wider. I watched the two brothers walk off, bickering.

Nino regarded the tree then touched my waist. “If Savio or Adamo do or say something that bothers you, tell them.”

I shook my head. “I don’t mind, honestly. In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how to handle Savio. Now I’ve gotten used to his sense of humor.”

Nino gave me a small smile. “I’m glad that you get along so well with my brothers, even Remo.”

“They are my family and I care about them.”

Nino wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against his chest.

The way he looked at me, I finally gathered my courage. “I was thinking … maybe I can stop taking the pill in the new year.”

Realization settled on Nino’s face. “You want to get pregnant?”

“Yes. I always wanted to be a mother. I know we’ve been married for only eight months but it can take a while so…” I suddenly worried about having brought it up. Things with Remo still were difficult after all.

Nino’s face was frozen with surprise. Then he kissed my mouth. “If that’s what you want, then we’ll try for a baby.”

“Really?”

I pressed my face against Nino’s chest, smiling.

Nino touched the back of my head and murmured, “But you need to know something about me before you decide to have my child.”

I pulled back. “What do you mean?”

Nino’s eyes reflected hesitation. “Even before the thing with my mother, I wasn’t quite normal. I had emotional deficits from the start.”

I regarded Nino curiously. “You were closed off?”

“That, and I had trouble understanding and reading other people’s emotions. I was a quiet kid, and got stressed when I had to deal with crowds. I preferred to spend hours figuring out mathematical problems.”

“Were you ever tested?”

Nino shook his head. “You mean for some form of Aspergers or something similar?”

I nodded. Some of what Nino described could maybe be associated with something of the sort.

“I don’t see how that would have changed things for me. My emotional deficiency became an advantage, and it wasn’t as obvious before the incident with my mother.”

“Okay,” I said softly. “And you worry that a child might inherit your condition?”

“It’s possible. We could do a test.”

I touched Nino’s chest. “No, I’ll accept and love our child no matter what. This is part of who you are and if a child inherits it, then that’s how it’s meant to be.”

Nino looked at me for a long time and then he tilted his head, bringing my hand up and pressing a kiss to my wrist.