Chapter 11: : Chapter 11

Bundled up in the warmest coat that I owned, I blew into my glove covered hands and attempted to warm what I knew were blue-tinged fingertips. It was springtime, and the cold front coming in from the north was severe. Still, there was nowhere else I would rather be than right here.

Bright eyed and bushy tailed, my best friend Claire jumped up and down beside me, cheering for our school rugby team. I knew the jersey number Claire was most interested in, as she screamed and cheered on Tommen College’s infamous flanker; Gibsie.

As for me?

Well, I only had eyes for 13.

The team captain.

The Irish international.

The boy wonder himself.

Jonathon Kavanagh.

It was the first time I’d seen him since he’d been called up for the Six Nations. His schedule during the tournament was insane, which meant we had spent barely any time together since February. Of course, we texted and phoned each other daily, but it wasn’t the same. I missed him at school. I missed him at home. I missed him in my . Sometimes, I think I even missed him when I was him.

‘This is your cue to cheer,’ Claire chimed in, nudging me in the side. ‘Clap, Shan. The match is over. Your boyfriend just scored the winning try.’

‘Huh– oh… Good job!’ I squealed, quickly rising from my seat and clapping furiously along with all of the other Tommen supporters. In truth, I still had no bloody idea what was happening, but the game was over, Johnny was still standing, with minimal blood on his jersey, so that was a win for me.

My heart hammered wildly in my chest when a boy from the opposite team signaled to Johnny that they should swap jerseys. Now, even with my minimal knowledge of the sport, I knew this didn’t usually happen during school games, but Johnny nodded and whipped off his jersey before handing it to the other player.

A chorus of female screams erupted nearby, so loudly that I had to put my hands to my ears. Disgusted and burning with jealousy, I huffed out a breath and climbed out of our row before following Claire down the steps towards the pitch.

When I reached the bottom step of the stands, Johnny was already moving straight for me, blue eyes locked on my face.

‘Oh no,’ Claire groaned, holding her hands up. ‘You guys are going to suck face, aren’t you? Ugh. And I’ve just had a large lunch…’ Shaking her head, she quickly scampered off, calling out the words, ‘Gerard, come save me,’ as she moved.

Like the habit of a lifetime, I clumsily raised a hand and waved at him, heart racing violently in my chest as I watched him close the space between us.

Ignoring the fans and reporters surrounding him, Johnny made a beeline for the bleachers, clearing the wall in one swift leap, and not stopping until he was standing in front of me.

‘Hi, Shannon,’ he said with a smile, as he hooked one muddy arm around my waist and pulled me up against his chest.

‘Hi, Johnny,’ I breathed, shivering when I placed my hands on his stomach and felt the heat of his skin through my gloves. ‘You’re back.’

‘I’ll always come back to you, Shannon ,’ he replied, voice thick and gruff as he tipped my chin up with his fingers and lowered his mouth to mine. ‘It’s all about you, baby.’

The moment our lips touched, something settled deep inside of me. All was right in my world again because Johnny Kavanagh had come home to me.

Ignoring the screams, wolf whistles, and cameras flashing around us, I kissed him back with everything I had in me.

‘I missed you so much, Johnny,’ I whimpered into his mouth as his tongue dueled with mine, swallowing up my breathy moans. His hands were rough and calloused from years of playing the game, but he still held me with a tenderness that only Johnny could possess.

‘I missed you so fucking much, Shan,’ came his urgent reply, as the arm he had hooked around my waist tightened. ‘Like you wouldn’t bleeding believe – Christ, you feel like coming home.’

‘You are home, Johnny.’

‘That’s not what I mean.’

Yeah, I knew what he meant.

‘Congratulations on the game by the way,’ I breathed against his mouth, lips moving against his. ‘You, uh, you were –’

‘Good?’ he offered, pulling back to smirk at me knowingly.

‘Yeah.’ I blew out a shaky breath and grinned up at him. ‘More than good.’

‘Good.’ His smile deepened, dimples popping adorably. ‘Come on –’ he draped an around my shoulders and tucked me into his side, ‘let’s go home, Shan.’

‘Oh, I have good news about that,’ I replied, wrapping my arm around his waist.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Smirking to myself, I said, ‘Your Mam told me to tell you that she’s really sorry that she couldn’t be there when you came home, but she got roped into some parent’s association fundraiser down at Ollie’s primary school, and that she’ll see you later tonight.’

Johnny’s step faltered and he swung around to gape at me. ‘And you’re only telling me this now?’ I laughed as he shook his head in disbelief. ‘Come on,’ he said, more anxious now, as he practically dragged me towards the club house. ‘I’ve got the car.’

We were singing in his car, all caught up in the moment, as the windscreen wipers worked to the max to clear the rain from his windshield. It was all fogged up in here, even with the heater on full blast, and I could feel the damp in my bones, but I never felt more careless and .

Unable to stop myself, I leaned over and pressed a kiss to the bare skin of his neck. I was rewarded with a low growl, and then his hand was on my thigh, fingers entwined with mine.

I decided with a contented sigh.

Kings of Leon’s blasted from the stereo as Johnny, still in his match gear, threw the car into fifth and put the pedal to the metal.

With my heart racing erratically in my chest, I tried and failed to focus on the blurred sights of fields and houses as we whizzed past, with only one destination in mind.

He was acting reckless, driving too fast, and still, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

Drunk off hormones and freedom, I unfastened my seatbelt, leaned across the seats, and slipped my hand into the waistband of his shorts.

‘Shan,’ he groaned, bucking his hips upwards when I closed my fist around him. ‘Fuck.’

‘Do you want me to stop?’ I purred in his ear, tugging his earlobe with my teeth. ‘Hmm?’

‘Fuck no, Shan, don’t stop,’ he groaned, hips moving with the rhythm of my hand as I stroked his hard erection. ‘Don’t ever fucking stop, baby.’

Less than ten minutes later, we were back in my bedroom, with the door closed, our clothes scattered across his floor, and Him’s metal version of blasted from the stereo.

The haunting lyrics filled my ears, drowning out the sound of my pounding heart, as my back hit the mattress, followed swiftly by his big body landing on top of me.

He was built like a fighter, he had a frame that was built and primed for violence, but showed me nothing but love. With hands as big as shovels, he cupped my face with a gentleness that I had come to trust.

It was an extraordinary feeling, to be this in love having lived so little of life. It didn’t matter though. I had peaked with him. Never would I stray or wander.

Johnny Kavanagh was the boy I was supposed to be with. I had never been more sure of anything in my life. He was the other half of me. And I loved him. I loved him with everything I had in me.

Consumed in my feelings for him, I let my legs fall open, reveling in the feel of his big body nestled between them, the hardest part of him moving against the softest part of me.

He was hard, thick, and straining against me; every muscle in his impressive body coiled tight in anticipation as he teased my entrance with the head of his thick shaft.

‘Love you, Shan,’ he whispered against my lips before pushing deep inside of me. ‘Love you most in the world, baby.’

‘I love you, too, Johnny,’ I cried out, grasping his broad shoulders and reveling in the way that, even though I was so much smaller than him when our bodies locked together, it was . We perfectly. It was so right.

He was giving me everything I needed and more. With his lips, he gave me love. With his hands, he showed me how desirable I was to him.

When he was inside of my body, our movements were a frenzied mixture of pain and pleasure, an intoxicating concoction of sex and love. The connection we had ran deeper than words could begin to depict. It might have taken us awhile to figure it out, but once we had, I trusted that it would be the love of a lifetime – that would be the love of my lifetime.

I was so disgustingly in love with this girl that I was fairly sure that nobody on the bleeding planet had ever experienced the emotions that coursed through my heart when she was near me.

Fuck, Shannon didn’t even need to be nearby for her to my every waking thought and decision. My happiness was tied to hers. It didn’t matter how far I went with the rugby, or how successful I became, if Shannon wasn’t happy then neither was I.

Being inside her, feeling the walls of her heat close around me, pulling me in deeper, to the only place I wanted to be, was everything. Her hands on my body, touching me, grabbing at my flesh, demanding I give her all of me, was fucking heaven.

I was more than willing to give her all of me.

I would have kept telling her how much I loved her if it didn’t make me sound like such a fucking vagina, so instead, I showed her with my body. Kissing her deeply, I moved above, pushing deeper inside of her, feeling like I wanted fall into this girl and never come back.

Fuck rugby.

Fuck school.

In this moment, the sky could fall down around me, and I wouldn’t leave her.

I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

‘I’m looking forward to the summer,’ Shannon said several hours later, as we lay curled up on her bed, watching Fair City – her choice, not mine. ‘Less rain, less cold, longer nights, no school, more time with you…’

Smile faltering, her words drifted off and I knew why.

It was because we wouldn’t have more time.

Because I was leaving again.

I wouldn’t be at home this summer.

And come September, I wouldn’t be around at all.

‘Shan…’

‘It’s okay,’ she hurried to say, tightening her hold on my hand. ‘I forgot for a minute, but I remember now.’

I wanted to ram my fist down my own throat I was so pissed with myself for the choices I had made.

‘I’m sorry,’ I groaned, twisting onto my side to look at her. ‘Shan –’

‘You have nothing to be sorry for,’ she replied in that small voice. ‘This is how it is. I understood what I was getting into.’

‘Yeah, but I’m still sorry.’ Reaching up, I tucked a curl behind her ear. ‘For how it has to be. For how hard it is being with me. I know it’s not easy. I know I’m not giving you a normal teenage relationship.’ A pained sigh escaped me. ‘I wish I could, Shan. I wish I could give you the world.’

‘I don’t want normal, Johnny,’ she replied. ‘I only want you.’

‘And I only want you back,’ I whispered.

She offered me a bright smile. ‘Then we’ll figure it out.’

‘Yeah.’ I hoped so. ‘Because I’m not giving you up.’

‘Speaking of giving up –’ Springing into a sitting position, Shan grabbed the remote and flicked off the television. ‘I’m about to,’ she continued, leaning over the edge of her bed to grab her schoolbag. ‘On maths, that is.’ Scrunching her nose up, she hoisted her bag onto the bed and gave me an adorable puppy look. ‘Mind saving me one more time, Captain Fantastic?’

Feigning an exaggerated sigh, I nodded. ‘Last time, Lynch.’

With The Goo Goo Dolls’

playing softly on my stereo, I listened intently to every instruction Johnny gave me. After all, the boy was the closest I had ever come to meeting a mathematical genius in the flesh – and that included every member of faculty at every school I had ever attended.

‘Where’s your ruler, Shan?’

‘Pencil case,’ I replied, spitting out the pencil I had been balancing between my lips, while I desperately tried to solve equation 2.B of my maths homework.

‘The fuck?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Shan?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Shannon, .’

Brows furrowed, I tore my gaze off the page I was working on and looked at Johnny.

He was as pale as a ghost, still clutching my pencil case in one hand, while gaping at what he was holding in his other hand. ‘The fuck is this, Shannon?’ he said, voice deathly quiet.

‘I…’ Stumped, I gaped at the pregnancy test in his hand and stared blankly back at him. ‘I don’t know.’

Johnny looked at me in disbelief. ‘You don’t ?’

‘No.’ I shook my head and grabbed the test, feeling completely dumbfounded. ‘I don’t.’

‘Don’t lie to me,’ Johnny bit out, running a hand through his hair. ‘Please don’t fucking lie to me, Shannon. Not now, and not about something like .’

‘I’m not lying to you,’ I shot back as I sprang off his bed and backed away, eyes still glued to the stick in my hand. ‘This is mine.’

‘You’re pregnant,’ he whispered, still sitting on my bed, surrounded by textbooks. ‘And you didn’t tell me.’

‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘No, Johnny, I’m not.’

‘You were sick before I left for camp last month,’ he accused, clearly frustrated now. ‘You threw up.’

‘I throw up,’ I countered, unable to refrain from rolling my eyes. ‘You know that. I can’t help it.’

‘Stop lying to me.’

A laugh of pure astonishment escaped me. ‘I’m .’

‘Shannon, you’ve got a fucking baby in your belly!’ Johnny hissed, turning a scary shade of purple, as he jerked off the bed and paced my bedroom floor, hands flailing. ‘Jesus Christ, you’ve got baby inside you. This is not a laughing matter, baby!’

‘What are you about?’ I choked out through fits of laughter, gaping at him in horror. ‘I don’t have a inside me!’

‘Oh, you don’t?’ Furious, he grabbed the pregnancy test out of my hand, scanned it quickly, groaned loudly, and waved it around like a mad man.’ I can’t fucking believe you were going to let me go and not tell me,’ he spat. ‘What did you think I was going to do? Leave you here on your own with my kid so I could go play rugby? Are you fucking insane?’ He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. ‘Do you know me at ?’

‘Johnny, I have never seen that before in my life.’

‘It was in pencil case,’ he growled, livid. ‘It’s in your .’

‘I know,’ I replied, stumped. ‘But it’s not mine.’

‘You’re lying to me,’ he snapped. ‘Again, Shan!’

‘I’m not,’ I choked out, tossing what I realized was a , pee-covered test on the floor. ‘Ew, my pencils,’ I groaned before my eyes widened. ‘Oh my god, who’s ?’

‘

, Shannon.’ Johnny blinked in outrage. ‘You’re pregnant!’

‘No, I’m not!’ I snapped, just about done with this madness. ‘We’re not having a baby, so just calm down!’

‘Oh my god!’ he strangled out, rubbing a hand over his face. ‘You weren’t going to keep it, were you?’ He groaned and bit down on his fist, pacing resumed. ‘That’s why you didn’t tell me!’

‘You are having a panic attack,’ I told him calmly. ‘You need to and you need to .’

‘I’m keeping you!’ he snarled, not listening one bit, as he stalked towards my door. ‘And that thing inside of ya!’

‘Where are you going?’ I called after him, smothering a laugh with my hand. ‘Johnny?’

‘To buy a bleeding ring,’ he called over his shoulder. ‘And maybe hide the knives because I’m not going to have a dick for much longer, baby!’

He slammed my bedroom door closed behind him and I flopped back down on the bed, mind reeling.

Less than a minute later, my door flew back open and in he stalked like a man on a mission. Stomping over to where I was still sitting on the bed, Johnny dropped to his knees in front of me and pressed his ear to my stomach.

‘What are you doing?’ I laughed.

‘I’m trying to get a sense of what the fuck I’m dealing with here,’ he muttered. ‘Jesus!’

‘Oh my god, stop – stop!’ I pushing at his head, unable to contain my laughter. ‘I’m going to wet myself.’

‘Incontinence,’ Johnny wailed, wrapping his arms around my waist and clinging to my belly. ‘That’s a symptom of pregnancy.’ A comical yodel escaped him. ‘Ah shite, Shan, I’m so fucking sorry for putting a baby in ya!’

‘You put a in her?’

The fear of god spiraled inside of me when my eyes landed on Mrs. Kavanagh standing in my bedroom door.

‘I’m sorry, Ma. I’m bleeding sorry –’

‘I’m going to cut the willy off you, ya little toe-rag!’

Springing to his feet quicker than a cat, Johnny lunged towards the far side of my bed at the same time his mother lunged for him.

‘How could you do this to me, Jonathon!’ his mother wailed.

‘Don’t kill me! I need to be around for my baby, Ma –’

‘It’s not me! It’s not me!’ I began to exclaim, hurrying to save my boyfriend from the wooden spoon his mother was trying to maim him with. ‘Edel, Edel, wait – I’m pregnant!’

Both mother and son froze in place. ‘You’re not?’ they asked in unison.

I shook my head. ‘No, I’m not.’

‘Then who the fuck does that belong to?’ Johnny demanded.

‘April fool’s,’ a familiar voice snickered from the doorway of my bedroom. ‘Best two-euro investment at the joke shop ever, Johnny lad. You should’ve seen your face. Fucking priceless.’

‘Tadhg Lynch.’ I narrowed my eyes. ‘You little shit.’

‘Language,’ Mrs. Kavanagh scolded, lowering the wooden spoon and then discreetly tucking it back into the front pocket of her apron. ‘That was a terrible prank, Tadhg. I almost throttled poor Johnny.’

‘Sorry, Dellie.’

‘Ah, Jaysus,’ Johnny heaved, relief evident, as he flopped down on my bed and clutched his chest. ‘Thank Christ for that. I’m so fucking relieved that I’m not even mad.’