Chapter 22: Finding Forever: Chapter 21

Cade was startled when Iris Abbott sat down on the sofa next to Fern, her pretty, round face alight with sympathy.

“Hey, Fern?” she said, her voice quiet but authoritative. “C’mon, look at me, love…”

Fern lifted her head, to meet the other woman’s warm gaze. Iris handed her a glass of water.

“You’ll be fine. Honestly? This is mostly new to me as well. And I can’t say I love it, but it’s not all that bad. Mike will make you feel right at home, and you’ll have Cade there to pick up the slack if you find yourself nervous or freezing up.”

“Yes. Anacondas and great whites,” Fern muttered half to herself, and Cade grinned. Iris looked confused but nodded nonetheless.

“If that’s what gets you through it, picture everyone in there as anacondas and great whites, by all means. Mike’s huge, gleaming teeth alone would put him in the great white category.” Fern snickered at the other woman’s words. “You don’t even see the audience, I promise you. The studio is too brightly lit and the audience isn’t. Your segment will fly by and before you know it the focus will shift to Trystan and his new movie.”

“This interview’s supposed to be about promoting your new book,” Trystan said, mild protest in his voice and Iris rolled her eyes.

“Please, all anybody ever wants to talk about is whatever new movie you’re working on. Mike’ll devote two minutes to my book before it becomes the Trystan Abbott show.”

“You’re writing a new book?” Fern asked, the information seemingly dragging her out of her panic.

“Yep.” She popped the P before adding, “But nobody’s going to care about that with Mr. Hottest Man on the Planet in studio.”

“I care,” Fern said, a frown marring her brow as her disapproving gaze flitted to Trystan Abbott.

He saw the look and grinned before holding his hands up in surrender.

“Hey, I care as well,” he said. “And I’ll be steering the conversation back to that anytime it strays off the point.”

“Don’t worry, okay?” Iris reiterated. “You’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t great. But it wasn’t terrible either. All Fern was aware of was Cade’s hand tightly enfolded around hers for the duration of the interview.

Mike Holmes was a warm, welcoming host and had a way of making one feel at ease.

His questions were quiet and designed to encourage further discussion. It was different from the other interviews they’d done. Those had mostly been about financial repercussions, with very few questions aimed at Fern. This was more intimate, and a lot of it was focused on her.

After a few establishing questions about who they were, and what was happening with Granger, he dove into the more personal stuff.

“One of your stepfather’s main accusations, of course, was that Niall somehow manipulated you, Fern. Could you tell us, in your own words about your first meeting?”

Fern licked her lips and sent a quick panicked glance at Cade before saying in a quiet rush, “I thought he was the most dangerously beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life.”

The audience laughed almost gently and the unexpected sound made her jump nervously.

“He is rather easy on the eyes,” Mike Holmes agreed with a laugh, effortlessly diverting her attention back to him. “In fact, you two make a rather striking couple. Night and day almost. What about you, Niall, what were your first impressions of Fern?”

Cade shifted easily beside her, hiking an ankle onto his knee and sprawling out comfortably on Mike Holmes’s famous—massive—dark blue crushed velvet Chesterfield sofa. Always so at home in his own skin.

His eyes raked over her face with what looked like affection—who knew he was such a good actor?—and he smiled.

“She was different from everyone else there,” he said. “Shy, quiet… and that was what drew me to her. Peaceful, serene moonlight, in the middle of all the clashing colors and chaos.”

The audience aawed and Mike Holmes smiled.

“You’re more poetic than I gave you credit for,” he said.

“What can I say?” Cade asked with a careless shrug. “She brings it out of me.”

“Fern, do you want to continue?” the host invited and Fern chewed on her lip while considering what to say next.

“We were drawn to each other, I knew who he was. He didn’t know me. Nobody knew me. My stepfather ensured that I was always heard of but never seen. If you’ve done any research into me before the show, I’m sure you found little to no pictures of me online from before my marriage.”

“You’d be right about that,” the man agreed with a somber nod. “Did you tell Niall of your connection to Granger Abernathy that night?”

“No, it was the first taste of freedom I’d had in fifteen years. I wasn’t going to ruin it by bringing my stepfather into the conversation. Cade knew my first name only.”

“Cade?” the man asked blankly.

“That’s my uhm nickname for him.”

“Oh?” The host still looked puzzled.

“It’s my second name,” Cade elaborated with an easy chuckle. “Fern likes it.”

“Right, of course.” Mike Holmes nodded, his smile back. He glanced down at his notes, before continuing, “So what happened that first night?”

Fern blushed and shook her head, lowering her eyes to their linked fingers.

“That’s personal, Mike,” Cade inserted smoothly and Mike, along with the audience, chuckled as if on cue. Inferring, quite correctly, what they refused to speak of.

“Right. And were you in contact after that?”

“Not at all,” Fern said. “But when Cade and his father showed up at my stepfather’s home two months later, and we saw each other again…”

“I’d been thinking about her non-stop since that night,” Cade inserted quietly and Fern slanted him a swift, amused glance, knowing he’d mostly been cringing at the memory of the bad sex. “It felt like a bizarre dream seeing her there again.”

“You got married the very next day,” the host pointed out. “How did that come to pass?”

“Two reasons,” Fern said and now Cade was the one who side-eyed her, looking alarmed because she was going off-book. This time she squeezed his hand, hoping he’d understand that it was a plea for him to trust her. “We saw each other and the sparks were still there, as powerful as the night we’d met. And… well, I’d been trying to find a way to contact him rather urgently since that night but our interlude had ended without us exchanging any personal information. He didn’t have my full name, and as you can imagine, it’s not very easy just finding contact details online for a man like Cade Hawthorne. But I was desperate to speak with him, because I’m pregnant, you see? And when we saw each other again, and realized that we still had all these feelings for each other—added to my pregnancy?—we knew the only next step for us was marriage.”

The audience—more captivated by their story than she’d ever imagined they would be, along with Mike Holmes—gasped in unison to her revelation.

“You’re pregnant?” Mike Holmes repeated. Fern imagined that not many things shocked or surprised this man, but she could see that her words had absolutely thrown him for a loop and he glanced up at his teleprompter, then down at the cards in his hands. Before eyeing the camera wryly and making a big show of tossing the cards up in the air.

Fern, as well as Cade, whose lips had tightened—his only outward show of disapproval at what she’d done—laughed at the dramatic gesture.

“And I take it this is your official announcement then?” Mike asked and Fern kept her eyes on the host’s face, while trying to ignore the way her husband’s grip had tightened to the point of pain around her hand.

“Only Cade’s family knew. So yes, this would be our first public announcement.”

“Congratulations!” the host proclaimed, while the audience applauded enthusiastically. “Do you know what you’re having?”

Fern canted her head genuinely befuddled by the question before replying without thinking, “A baby, Mike.”

The audience hooted in appreciation and Fern went bright red as she belatedly understood what the man had meant by the question and recognized that her response must have seemed facetious. Not that Mike Holmes or his audience seemed to mind.

The host eased over her awkwardness like the consummate professional he was, by mugging for the camera and then angling his gaze toward Cade quizzically.

Fern sneaked a peek and was relieved to note that her husband’s eyes had sparked with reluctant amusement and a small, wry grin lifted his lips.

“We don’t know yet,” he clarified. “But, as I’m sure you’ve gleaned from Fern’s response, it doesn’t really matter to us.”

She appreciated Cade inferring that her gaffe had been intentional.

He reached into his back trouser pocket, and produced a brushed platinum credit card holder. Fern watched in utter shock as he opened it, and produced the most recent ultrasound image of her pregnancy. It had been carefully folded, and looked a little worn around the edges, as if it had been handled regularly. She hadn’t known he still had it, much less that he kept it on his person at all times.

He held it up in one capable hand, and Mike Holmes leaned forward to have a look, smiling brightly, before he indicated toward the camera.

“Do you mind if we—?” He allowed the question to taper off, his meaning clear and Fern and Cade exchanged uncertain glances before he shook his head. Fern knew him well enough by now to recognize that, while still not a hundred percent happy about the development, he was resigned to the fact that the cat was well and truly out of the bag.

“Zoom in so everyone can have a look, Gus,” Mike invited one of the cameramen and Cade held the grainy image up a little longer, before carefully refolding it and putting it back in his credit card holder.

“I wish I could say that’s the cutest little blighter I’ve ever seen, Niall, but…” the host said with a regretful shake of his head and Cade chuckled warmly.

“I get it, but if this kid looks anything like their mum, I’ll be more than happy,” Cade said, and the audience once again aawed. He really had them eating out of his hand.

Who knew he could be so charming? Definitely not Fern.

“Niall and Fern, thank you so much for sharing your happy news on Holmes@Home first. I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say that I hope your wonderful, fairytale romance continues to go from strength to strength. Thank you for joining us tonight and sharing your inspirational love story with us.”

And just like that it was over. The spotlight shifted to Trystan and Iris Abbott. There were a few asides thrown their way to keep Cade and Fern engaged and involved, with Mike laughingly pointing out the fact that both men had once dated pop superstar Laura Prentiss. But the focus remained mostly on the Abbotts who were fast becoming Hollywood’s golden—yet most reclusive—couple.

Fern sat in a quiet daze, smiling at the right time, hand still lightly clasped in Cade’s, acutely aware that her husband, for all his easy smiles and chuckles, was absolutely livid.

The second half of the show passed in a blur, Fern even managed to gather herself enough to rave about Iris’s last book and squeal with excitement at her announcement of her upcoming release. Despite her shyness, Fern found it easy to talk to Iris, whose reassuring and encouraging gaze bolstered her courage.

Mike Holmes, quickly clueing in that Fern was a fan, encouraged her to ask a few fangirl questions about the sequel to Iris’s bestselling werewolf detective novel Lunar Storm.

After going off the air, they were all ushered back into the green room, where Fern sat quietly on the sofa, while Cade, Iris, and Trystan chatted with Mike Holmes.

Everything about this evening felt completely surreal and she wasn’t even sure what coming on Holmes@Home would possibly achieve that their past interviews could not. All she knew was that Cade was angry, and she wasn’t sure why.

Yes, they probably should have discussed announcing the pregnancy beforehand, but it had been an impulsive decision and, since he’d already told his siblings and father, she didn’t see what harm it could do. It would lend credence to their “happily married” lie.

Wouldn’t it?

Oh God, what if he knew something she didn’t? And she’d somehow made everything worse?

Suddenly riddled with doubt and guilt, she gnawed at her thumbnail, while the others continued to chat amicably.

Iris dropped down on the sofa next to her and cozily hooked an arm through Fern’s.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Tired. A little shell-shocked. Glad it’s over.”

“Well, you handled it like a pro,” the woman said with an encouraging smile “Listen, Fern, would you like to have lunch or something sometime?”

“You want to have lunch with me?” Fern stared at the woman in surprise.

Iris Hughes was a bubbly woman, with wavy black hair, a generously curved figure, and warm brown skin. She was about Fern’s age, but seemed a lot more confident and outgoing than her. Why she’d want to have lunch with someone as boring and shy as⁠—

“Yes, I’d like that very much,” the woman said, with a shy smile. Her words effectively cutting off Fern’s intrusive and insecure thoughts. “I was bullied too, you know? And please don’t doubt that what your stepfamily has done to you is a form of bullying and coercion. I know how it feels to doubt yourself and your value. I’d like to get to know you because I’ve heard some of your story tonight and I’ve seen your bravery and I think we have a lot in common. And I know how hard it can be to make friends when it feels like you’re starting over.”

“I’d like that too,” Fern said, a tentative smile blooming on her lips.

Iris grinned and held out her hand. “Fantastic! Give me your phone.”

“What?” Fern was confused by the abrupt demand.

“Come on, hand it over,” Iris said, wiggling her fingers. Fern reached for her purse and pulled out her phone in bemusement, unlocking it before handing it to the woman.

Iris flashed her a quick grin, swiped and tapped on the screen before handing the phone back

“There you go. I’ve saved my number into your contacts and given myself a missed call so I have yours. How long are you staying in London?”

“I don’t kn⁠—”

“Not long,” Cade said, coming up to join them, leaving Trystan and Mike to continue their conversation. His easy interruption told Fern he’d been listening in on her and Iris’s discussion for a while.

His reply startled her though, she’d been under the impression that they were back here for good.

“We’re heading back to Cape Town in a week.” Fern tried to hide her surprise from him.

“Nice! Trystan and I met in South Africa. We’re looking to buy some property there. In the Cape. We’re mostly based here though, but I’m hoping we can make that our home away from home.”

Mike and Trystan joined them a moment later, with the talk show host thanking them all effusively for being on his show. He shook the men’s hands warmly, Iris got up to give him a quick, affectionate hug, and he bent down to drop air kisses on Fern’s cheeks.

The unexpected gesture shocked Fern so much she didn’t have time to react before it was over. She wasn’t used to strangers getting so close to her.

But Mike was upright seconds later, and after few more words of farewell left them—and Chance, the bodyguard—in the green room.

“We have to get going as well, baby,” Trystan told his wife with an affectionate smile. “Got to feed Luna. We’re already an hour late. She’s going to hold it against us.”

“Luna’s our dog,” Iris explained with a laugh. “And she can get a little stroppy if we’re not home on time to feed her. Gives us a handy excuse to escape any unwanted social interactions.”

Her face reddened before she groaned.

“Not that I think this is an unwanted social interaction,” she said and Fern laughed.

“I know what you meant.”

“Oh good, because I don’t want to hurt your feelings or offend you and I would love for us to be friends.” She sat down again to give Fern a quick, hard hug that—once more—took her by surprise. But she found that she minded this genuine show of affection a lot less than Mike Holmes’s practiced air kisses. “I’ll text. I’m so happy we met.”

She was up a second later, and Trystan claimed her hand before he gave Fern a friendly nod and then shook Cade’s hand.

“Good to meet you both,” he said. “Since my gorgeous wife has decided that Fern is going to be one of her besties, I have no doubt we’ll see each other again. Good luck with all that other shit. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

With that the other couple and their hulking, handsome bodyguard were gone.

“That was…” Fern inhaled deeply, still a little shaken by the surreal evening and everything that had occurred.

“Our driver is waiting,” Cade cut her off abruptly and she winced, as she recalled the other thing that had happened tonight. She moved to get up and he was beside her in an instant, his hand on her elbow to help her up.

The drive back to Cade’s exquisite five-bedroom townhouse in Knightsbridge was completed in strained silence and once they were back in the privacy of his home, Fern turned to him.

“I know you’re upset and that we probably should’ve discussed it first but, it felt like the right moment,” she said hurriedly.

He grasped his nape and squeezed, shutting his eyes for a moment.

“You keep doing shit like this,” he said, his voice a low, menacing growl. “That business with my name. Telling Beth that you’re pregnant without even considering how I would feel about you doing that. Now this. It would be a lot more helpful if you’d just⁠—”

“Keep my mouth shut?” she finished in a tight voice, fighting to keep her tears at bay, but refusing to show him that weakness. “Stay docile and quiet…that’s how everyone would prefer me, right? An obedient little mouse without an independent or intelligent thought in her brain. So much easier to use and manipulate someone who’s too afraid to speak her own mind.”

“Christ almighty, stop putting words in my mouth.”

“Cade, I know you’d rather not think about it, but I am pregnant and I’ll be showing sooner rather than later. There’s no point in hiding it or never speaking of it. I can’t be a biddable little puppet any longer.”

“And what the hell do you think it’s going to do to me? To my reputation, my life, my-my fucking heart when—after we’ve made this grand announcement about becoming proud parents on a tv show with a massive global audience—we separate in three years and I no longer have any contact with your child? You get to leave here with the kid, mom of the century, aye? And I get to stay behind, a deadbeat dad who appears to have no interest or concern in his child’s well-being! Forgive me for wanting to keep the pregnancy from the world a little longer, when for all intents and purposes—as per your words and wishes—it has nothing to do with me. I see you planning this future, just you and your baby against the world. And I can’t⁠—”

Fern stared at him in slack-jawed shock as he shoved a frustrated hand over his hair, as if he’d forgotten that he’d shorn off the locks that he used to yank between his fingers.

His face was dark, livid, his eyes shining with frustration and something that resembled torment.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted, his voice echoing the torment she’d seen in his eyes. “I don’t. I don’t know how to feel about your pregnancy. It was just thrust onto me. One fucking faulty condom, and suddenly there’s this massive looming consequence. I’m happy it gave your life some meaning and purpose, Fern… but all it’s done to mine is create havoc and confusion.”

“Cade, I told you…”

“Don’t—” he gritted out, slashing his hand violently through the air and she flinched slightly in reaction to the sharp command in his voice. “Don’t you dare tell me it’ll have nothing to do with me. That it’s your child. Maybe you’re comfortable relegating me to nothing but a sperm donor, and I know I’m supposed to be this enlightened man who respects and acknowledges that this is your decision. But when you decided to keep that baby, and then decided that it was yours alone, you cut me off at the knees, Fern. You married me knowing full well that I’d have to watch you grow bigger with that child, then be around him, getting to know him for the first two years of his life… and after that just—what?—forget he exists?

“I don’t know how to be that man. I can’t…” His voice broke and he shook his head in helpless frustration, shifting his stormy gaze from her. “Meanwhile you’re happily telling the whole world about your impending motherhood, and everybody is congratulating me, like I did something so fucking amazing. And I have to grin and bear it while knowing that I’ll be nothing but a stranger to that baby. So, fucking forgive me for having the perfectly normal reaction of not being thrilled whenever you make these little surprise announcements to the world at large. It’s hard to put on a convincing act of happiness when you feel like there’s an axe suspended from a rapidly fraying rope hanging above your head.

“And for the love of God stop comparing me to your fucking stepfather. I’m nothing like him and you know it. I’m so sick of watching my words and my mood around you for fear of being compared to that bastard.”

“Cade… do you want to be a part of the baby’s life?” Fern asked, not knowing what else to say.

She didn’t know what to make of this incomprehensible rant? It certainly sounded like he was unhappy with the arrangement as it stood. She wasn’t sure how she felt about sharing the baby she’d thought of—up until this very moment—as hers alone. Cade had shown an interest in her health, but never in the baby.

“Yes,” he shocked her by snapping. Then he clenched his teeth and screwed his eyes shut. “No! Jesus, I honestly don’t know what the fuck I want. I don’t have all the answers yet. I don’t know how I feel. I’m sorting through that. All I know is that ever since I met you my life has been complicated by this mess of confusing emotions. I don’t do emotions, Fern. I don’t do confusion. But I can’t tell up from down at the moment and it’s driving me insane. Sorting through these tangled feelings is an ongoing process, and when you ambush me with shit like this… I just feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train and whatever happens, I know that my life will never be the same again. And I hate that.”

The last four words emerged on an almost defeated whisper and his shoulders fell.

“Do you hate me?” Fern asked reluctantly, not sure she was ready to hear the answer. Her voice was made nasally by the painful lump lodged in her throat and the tears clogging gup her nasal passages. “And the baby?”

He opened his eyes and met her gaze with tormented eyes and she felt herself recoil at the sight of his obvious turmoil. He looked so unhappy and she’d done that to him. Fern always seemed to make everybody else’s life that much worse just being in it. And it was more than apparent that she’d done the same to Cade.

He didn’t speak and she tried fill the silence with her own inadequate words.

“Cade, I⁠—”

“No.” He shook his head, scrubbed a hand over his face and, before she could say another word, swiveled on his heel and strode toward out of the living room. He was gone in a second, taking the stairs two at a time until a short while later she heard a door upstairs slam shut.