â ï¸Alcohol and suicide thoughtsâ ï¸
6 months laterâââââââââââ
I was sitting in the waiting room for the doctor to come and talk to me about how my mom has been doing. I was nervous but I had a good feeling that everything will be ok. I just know it.
After a while of waiting the doctor finally came out. Enzo isn't here because he had to go back to work at the business building. I told him I couldn't go back to find someone else because I wanted my mom to be my first priority. He understood so here I I'm with no job I mean i have a job at the café but that's it.
"Hello, Mrs. Cesar right?" The doctor asked.
"Yes that's me, is my mom ok?" My hand started to shake I don't understand why I was so anxious.
Well maybe because your mom as cancer dumbass.
"We are so sorry we tried everything we could to have your mom walking and healthy again. We tried different types of medicine to help her but...... her cancer has spread to far in her body...... in my understanding you guys found out to late we can't stop the cancer is beating her...... I'm sorry but your mother as only 1 month to live.." is all that stupid doctor could say. I was... you know I don't even know what I feel right now...
All I knew was before he could keep talking I started to walk away is like all of a sudden I was deaf. Then I started to run to my car.
I opened my car door and slammed my purse in the passenger seat. I hit the steering wheel multiple times putting my head on the wheel and then threw my head back hard. While crying my eyes out.
I was fed up with all the bullshit life was throwing at me, I hated how Enzo had to leave, I hated how I still love Enzo, I hated that my mom was dying, I hated how my sister died and how I had an abortion.
My life can only be describe in 2 words fucked up.
Yes I have a big house, yes my dad is a millionaire, yes I have luxurious items, yes I was treated like a princess growing up.
But not everything is what it seemed. I grew up with extreme anxiety. And when I had my abortion I got really depressed I got help and I was better then before. My sister died 2 years later and I went back to being in deep depression. At some point I wanted to die because I couldn't handle the pain the world was causing me. My regret of the abortion and my end with Enzo ruined me.
I regret a lot of things but mostly my abortion. From this day no one has known I was pregnant yea they knew me and Enzo broke things off. When they asked us we decided to tell them that we didn't understand each other anymore and things between us were changing that we has people were changing.
Real reason was because I had an abortion and I caught Enzo cheating a week after I told him about you know.....the abortion.
Flashbackâââââââââââ
I came home extremely tired of being at college all day.
Until I heard loud noises coming from the bedroom.
Moans coming from a girl.......
My heart dropped and I ran faster then you can say 'k'. When I reached at the room I saw something I wish I never saw...
Enzo, my Enzo, on top of a naked girl while there was a naked boy on top of her. I froze my heart just stopped at that very minute.
"How could you!" I yelled before walking out.
"What do you mean how could I? You fucking got an abortion without my consent do you even know what I wanted? No you don't because you never asked I wanted that baby but you where selfish and when with your way!!!!! SO DONT TELL ME HOW COULD YOU WHEN I SHOULD BE THE ONE TELLING YOU THAT YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Those words hit like a brick. But still he shouldn't have gone and cheated on me I needed him just as much as I thought he needed me. I guess I was wrong. Call me selfish all you want but I'm only 19 for fuck sakes!
Yes part of me felt guilty for doing what I did, actually all of me felt regret and guilt and I think it will last an eternity.
I walked away saying I didn't want to be with someone like him and I quote 'and I don't want to be with someone so careless and bitchy like you!' Enzos exact words said to me.
That's was the night my entire life changed and not for the good.
Flashback endedâââââââââââ
I drove home with tears in my eyes.
I got out and headed to my loft.
I threw my things on the ground. And walked to my kitchen to get a drink.
Not water
Whiskey
Next thing you know I was throwing things to the ground out of anger.
Plates
Cups
Papers
Plants
And picture frames of my family.
I dropped down to my knees and brought my legs to my chest crying. I was tired and I wasn't thinking straight.
I got up and took the whiskey and a glass shot. I went to my living room and sat on my couch while looking at the beautiful view that was ahead of me.
Whiskey after whiskey I started to feel a little tipsy but I didn't care I felt numb and feeling numb made me feel no pain. I was just sitting there looking out at my large window taking shots and crying.
It came to midnight and I was still drinking what can I say I got horrible news a couple hours ago do you expect not me to react because I definitely did.
I feel asleep on my couch I did feel strong enough to get up and change and get ready for bed so I slept on my couch smelling like whiskey. I was tired of crying and tired of life in general.
I hope tomorrow I feel better and not drink as much as I did today. Because I for sure know I will regret drinking tomorrow morning you'll see....
âââââââââââââââââââ
Hi everyone just letting you all know that your girl decided to end the chapter very soon about in a week in half you will see a complete on my page. Please enjoy this chapter, chapter 8 was eventful you got to see another part of Cesar's past. Enzo will be in the next chapter I didn't want Enzo in this chapter because I felt like Cesar needed to grieve about the news she got what a bummer right? I would have done the same as Cesar if I found out my mom was going to die. Well that's all for today you'll soon get a chapter 9,10,11, etc. Oh and just a heads up this chapter might end with 12 or 14 chapters so be prepared for the events I'm about to shot you guys with.
Good night my loves,
-Gaby