It took me two hours too long to get there.
It wasn't that I got lostâthe address on the back of the picture, though faded, was clear enough to read and my mom's GPS worked miraculously. It was just the fact that I drove like a turtle.
I was being too careful with my driving, but this was the best I could do. Especially that it had been almost two years since the last time I'd been in the driver's seat.
My phone was blowing up with unanswered calls and text messages from Jonah. I didn't read the messages at all and decided to turn it off so I wouldn't get distracted. Thankfully, he didn't try to follow me or anything, because there was no way I could get away from his sight at this rate.
A part of me was curious and wanted to turn the phone back on, but I didn't. My parents probably had arrived home by now and were freaking out by the fact that I was gone. Leann was also home with them, and I felt a bit guilty for running away since I hadn't seen my sister in a while.
But this was something that I had to do, and I wasn't letting anything stop me. Not even my deathly fear of driving.
I stopped by a café when I started to feel anxious again. According to the GPS, I was about ten to fifteen minutes away from my destination, and I was slowly freaking out. I didn't want to keep driving when my hands kept shaking violently. I needed a break.
I didn't know what to expect from this visit. Would I be disappointed? Would this actually lead me to what I had been wishing for?
Good thing I still remembered how to park the car, because it would be one hell of an inconvenience. I got out of the car and rushed into the café before the cold wind hit me.
The café was crowded and busy, and I had to get into a long line of queue to order my drink. Being in the line helped me calm my nerves. I looked around the room, studying the people inside and making up their stories in my mind to keep my brain occupied.
There was a lady sitting with two of her little hyperactive kids, and I could tell that it exhausted her to keep up with their children's antics. There were dark bags under her eyes. Maybe she was a single mother. Maybe her husband divorced her or died, and she had to take care of her kids by herself.
That girl in the corner of the room with a steaming mug in front of her kept on staring outside with a frown on her face. Maybe she didn't have any friends in this town and was feeling lonely.
Across the room, there was a young couple who looked like they were in the middle of an argument. Their eyes were ablaze and the girl's arms were crossed in front of her as the boy spoke with a heated expression. Maybe they were breaking up, just like Jonah and I.
Were we even breaking up right now?
I looked away from the couple and focused on the line in front of me. It was getting shorter, and there were only two people in front of me. My eyes followed the man who just got his orderâhe was carrying a cup carrier filled with four cups of warm beverages in one hand while his other hand was holding a plate of two slices of rainbow cake.
I curiously watched as he approached the table with the lady and her two kids I had stared at. He sat down next to her with a smile and the lady responded with a grin as the kids jumped excitedly at the sight of the rainbow cake the man was bringing to the table. My cheeks burned when I remembered the story I had made up about her. She had a happy family, unlike my previous assumption.
There was a sound of ringing bells from the entrance of the café as the door opened, and a group of girls walked in, toward the corner of the room where the girl with the steaming mug was sitting. Her face immediately brightened when she stood up to hug her friends, and they immediately sat down and began to chat animatedly.
Another wrong assumption.
I held my breath as I looked to my right, toward the fighting couple, and couldn't help but smile once I spotted them. The boy was now sitting next to her as she laid her head on his shoulder. He ran his fingers down her red hair and whispered something to her, and she nodded at him before smiling to herself.
They weren't breaking up.
Maybe I was the only one feeling so dark and gloomy.
Someone nudged me from behind, and I blinked.
"You're next."
"Oh, sorry," I said apologetically, before stepping forward. A guy, who was probably as old as me, smiled at me from behind the counter, and I start to regret going into the café as I began thinking about Jonah again.
"What can I get you?" he asked kindly.
"Um," I paused as I tried not to stare at his gray eyes. "Can I get black coffee?"
"Plain?" he confirmed as he typed into the register. "No sugar or cream?"
I shook my head. "Just plain." I thought it over for a while. "Maybe just throw in a little sugar there."
He nodded and I waited as he worked in silence. He asked me how much sugar I wanted in my coffee, and I ended up telling him to add a few more spoonfuls of sugar because I was afraid that it was going to taste too bitter. He smiled amusedly as he slid the mug toward me on the counter. "You don't drink black coffee a lot, do you?"
I shook my head. "Never tried it before."
"It's very strong," he warned as he took the money from my hand.
I shrugged. "I need it." He gave me the change and I took the coffee from the counter, along with the paper napkin he offered me. "Thank you."
He smiled at me. "You're welcome."
The only table that was empty was a table for two smack dab in the middle of the room, so I sat down there. I stared at the cup in my hand for a while before lifting it up and taking a very small sip, and I immediately made a face as the bitterness hit my tongue.
I've decided that I don't like it at all.
I felt someone's eyes on me and looked up to see the guy at the counter grinning in amusement at the expression on my face. I forced a smile and looked away, keeping my head down and avoiding his eyes as I continued drinking.
That was humiliating.
Too many things were reminding me of Jonah. I didn't know what to think about. I tried to stop thinking about him and the accident, and it only led to negative thoughts about what this trip would bring me. When I tried not to think of the address written on the back of the picture and the fact that I was only ten minutes away from my destination, I would only think about Jonah and his coffee and the rings that felt heavy on my fingers.
And then my chest began to hurt again. I wiped my eyes that started to brim with tears and held back the sob that fought to come out. I needed to stop thinking about it. I needed to stop thinking about his stupid and selfish actions that led to this. I had to stop thinking about him.
By the time I finished the coffee, I was feeling better about myself. The coffee definitely had reversed effect of calming me down, yet it still kept away the exhaustion that I had started to feel.
I wiped my lips with the paper napkin and paused when I saw the boyish writing on the corner of it. I puffed out a breath through my mouth when I read the phone number and the words below,
Have a nice day â Andrew
I looked up again to see him behind the counter, and he caught my eyes before smiling at me. I couldn't return the smile and just sighed as I stood up, leaving the empty cup and the napkin with traces of my lips and the handwriting on the table.
Well, Andrew seemed like a nice guy, but I had something important to do, and it didn't have anything to do with his number.
I jumped into my car and sat there in silence for ten minutes, until I felt ready enough to start the car. So I did, and I listened intently to the GPS as the feminine robotic voice told me to make a U-turn before turning right.
[]
I stood in front of the door, contemplating turning back around and leaving before the door opened.
There were voices behind the door, so I knew that someone was actually there. It sounded like a loud metal-rock music and I cringed as I imagined how loud it must have been that I could hear it all the way here.
I closed my eyes and took a few long deep breaths, and finally reached out to knock on the door with my trembling fist.
A minute went and the door remain closed, so I knocked again, harder this time, and the volume of the music lowered down until it was completely silent, which made my heartbeat increase.
The sound of the clicking of the doorknob made me open my eyes, and a twenty-something year-old guy opened the door with a confused look on his face.
"Can I help you?" an unfamiliar voice asked, and I felt disappointment rushing into me when I realized that this wasn't who I was looking for.
"Sorry, I was justâ" I bit my lip and looked at the photograph in my hand. "I think I got the wrong address," I murmured to myself, even though I knew this was the right address. The apartment building, the floor, the numberâI knew I had gotten it right. I'd even asked a girl I passed by at the front door and she confirmed that this was the right building.
Maybe I was too late. Four years too late. And I'd driven all the way here for nothing.
"Never mind, uh," I took a step backward and turned around before I started crying again. Damn, I really needed to stop doing it. "I'm sorry."
'"Wait!" he called out to me and followed me before I could get into the elevator. I turned around to see him furrowing his eyebrows as he caught up. He didn't say anything else for a moment, but he had his eyes on the photograph I was holding dearly in my hand. "What's that?"
"What's what?" I said with a light sniffle.
He pointed at my hand. "That." I held it up so he could see, and this time, it was me who stared at him in confusion. He stepped forward to get a better look at the photo, then he looked at my face for a while and his eyes widened. "No way," he whispered, "Hannah Taylors?"
I frowned, but slowly nodded. "Yeah..."
"It's me!" he exclaimed, his face lighting up like a puppy that had gotten a treat. "Jason West! Do you remember me?"
The name sounded very familiar, but at my hazy state of mind, I couldn't place it correctly.
He didn't seem to mind that I didn't remember him, because the excited look on his face didn't fade away. "Jason West! I hung out a lot at your house back in the day. You were, like, this height," he gestured with his hands, at a height somewhere below his shoulder, before continuing, "Picture me with this hair style," he said, making more gestures with his hands, now around his head. "The blonde hairflip?"
It finally clicked in my brain. "Blonde Justin Bieber," I recalled, and the grin on his face widened. "You're the guy my sister lost her virginity to."
The smile on his face slightly dropped as he blinked at me in surprise, his face turning red. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Before I could apologize though, he was back to grinning. "So you remember me," he said sheepishly. "How's Leann anyway?"
I shrugged. "She's back home for the holidays," I told him. "Doing big in Hollywood."
"That's cool," he said with a nod, and the light in his eyes slowly dimmed. "But you're not here to have a chat with me, are you?"
I forced a smile and nodded.
He tilted his head toward his apartment. "Come with me," he said with a smile, and I followed him.
"I know you're looking for him," he said once we were inside, and my heartbeat started to pick up again. "But he doesn't live here anymore." And my heart fell at that. "Butâ"
"Who's that?" a guy casually came into the living room, and I instantly blushed when I realized that he was half naked, with only a thin towel hanging off his waist. He tsked when he saw me. "Damn it, Jason, you're bringing another girl to our place? I thought Ellie was the one for you!"
"She is! I'm not fucking around!" Jason exclaimed in panic. "Blake, this is Hannah Taylors. Remember her?"
Blake squinted his eyes at me as if he was studying me, and then his mouth fell open. "Of course I remember her," he said as he rushed forward to hug me, but I took a step back and Jason rolled his eyes.
"You're naked, Blake," he said. "Boundaries"
Blake looked down and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. Do you remember me, Hannah?" When I didn't reply, he said, "I helped him build that old tree house in your backyard. I even played along when you needed a guy to play your Ken Barbies." He started to make gestures, holding his hand at the height just below his shoulder, "You know, you were just this highâ"
"I was shorter half a decade ago. Yes, I know." I blushed again, despite the fact that I was starting to feel excited when the pieces fell together. "Right. Blake Ramsay," I murmured to myself, trying hard not to stare at his pecs. "You're so..." I paused, "... grown up."
He grinned and started to flex, but Jason slapped the back of his head and ushered him out of the living room. "Go get dressed, asshole." He turned to me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. As you can see, he has grown quite narcissistic over the past few years. It's a tough task living with him."
"I can totally see that," I replied with a nod.
Then I just stood in silence, my brain failing to comprehend the fact that I was standing inside the apartment where his best friends lived in. The place was pretty neat for a place where a group of guys lived in, but of course there would be a few pairs of boxers and empty pizza boxes and beer cans thrown carelessly on the floor. It reminded me a lot of his bedroom.
Jason told me to sit down while he went to the kitchen to get me some drink, but I stopped him.
"I'm not staying for too long," I said. "I'm actually just going home. I left without telling my parents, so."
He frowned. "Don't tell me you ran away too."
I swallowed and shook my head. "No. I'm not running away from home. I'm just visiting. Or, well. I was trying to."
He sighed and sat down on the couch next to me. "So you're just gonna leave now?"
"Well, he isn't here anyway," I said with a shrug, hoping that my disappointment didn't show. I frowned when he looked at me with what looked like amusement. "What?"
"I never said I didn't know where he was. And you never asked," he told me, and I sat up in anticipation. "But I just had to ask, why did you only come now?"
I bit my lip. "I never knew he left me this address."
"At all?"
"As you saw, he wrote down the address on the back of a photograph. It'd been inside a photo frame for four years until I accidentally broke it, so." I shrugged and he slapped the palm of his hand onto his face.
"That dumbass. Couldn't he just left a note on a paper like a normal person?" He shook his head, and bit his lip. "He thought you hated him, Hannah," he said, and I only felt worse. "The first few months he would just pace around the room waiting for you to appear at the door and he almost fucked up his first year of college. If it weren't for us..."
"Oh, God." I buried my face into my hands. "I thought he hated me because he was just gone and I never knew where he was. And whenever I asked my parents, they wouldn't tell me. They wouldn't let me see him," I said, my voice muffled. "After all, it was because of me that he leâ"
"Stop it," he groaned. "You're almost as bad as he was."
"I'm sorry."
He sighed and stood up. "I'm not the one you should say sorry to," he said as he fumbled around the room until he found a pen and a piece of paper. I wiped the tears that had silently fallen and followed him curiously. He turned around and shoved a piece of paper into my hands.
"What's this?" I asked, but didn't give him a chance to answer. An address was scribbled down and I looked up with my forehead knitted together, "Is thisâ"
"His new address," he told me. "He just moved out of this dump two months ago."
The weight of the paper turned heavy in my hand. "This is where he lives now?"
He nodded with a smile. "Go. I'm sure he's home right now."
I didn't waste any second. "Thank you," I told him, expressing my gratitude in the form of a tight hug. He was surprised, but he hugged back. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said over and over again.
He chuckled. "It's only about a fifteen minute drive from here," he said. "I would take you there myself, but I need to drive that idiot to the airport," he added, referring to Blake.
"Don't worry, I got it," I said as I pulled away. "Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me."
He shrugged and continued to smile happily. "He's been missing you a lot," he said, and I felt like I had trouble breathing.
I nodded. "I should go now," I said and began to turn around. "Thanks again, Jason, for this."
"Don't mention it," he said as he opened the door for me. "Good luck."
"Wait, Hannah!" Blake yelled from inside, and I poked my head back in. "You're going now?"
"She's going to his place," Jason answered for me, rolling his eyes as Blake pouted.
"We haven't even caught up on all these missing years," the brunet said. Truthfully, I didn't even remember Blake all that much, but apparently, he thought we were "BFFs back in the day".
Jason whispered to me, "He actually had a crush on you." I raised my eyebrows. "Just ignore him."
"Maybe I'll drop by and visit you again," I reassured Blake. Or maybe not. "Bye, guys."
I couldn't hold the bounce in my steps as I rushed toward my car. I drove faster than I had been driving and I tried not to let my legs go up and down anxiously at the same time. Fifteen minutes felt like fifteen seconds and before I knew it, I was pulling up at a neighborhood, staring in front of a middle-sized house. The GPS told me that this was the exact place from the address Jason had given me, and I finally got out of the car, clad in my coat and scarf.
I played with the loose ends of the scarf as I walked toward the front door. I rang the doorbell and waited, but silence was the only response that I got. I rang it a few more times and the door stayed firmly shut, and after the tenth attempt, I turned around with a heavy sigh.
Was this the right address? Had I gotten lost? I regretted not asking for Jason or Blake's number because I couldn't ask them if I really was at the right neighborhood. I returned to my car and tried to calm myself down.
This was the right address, I was sure it was. I could stay at some motel nearby and visit again tomorrow. Maybe he'd be home by then. There was nothing I should worry about.
My thoughts distracted me as I started to back away from the street, and suddenly, there was a loud honking sound of a car's horn before I tapped a car right behind me. Thankfully, the impact wasn't too big and I only scraped the front of the other car, but I still gasped in surprise and immediately got out to check if anyone got hurt. I heard the sound of the other car's door opening.
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, I wasn't looking," I apologized, staring at the dent I had caused on the other person's car. "I'll pay for the damageâor, or something," I stuttered when I realized that it was a pretty deep dent. That was apparently more than a tap.
"It's alright, don't worry about it," a male voice said as I inspected the damage. "It's just a small dentâ" the voice trailed off and I looked up, only to have all the word die in my suddenly dry throat.
My mouth opened and closed, but no word came out. I could spot this boyâmanâfrom yards away, and not even the slight stubble I never remembered he ever had before could change it. His familiar brown eyes stared at me in disbelief, and we both were at loss of words.
"Youâ" He stopped himself and gulped and I began to wonder if this was only a dream. But then he took a step forward, and I was immediately enveloped in a bear hug I had been missing so bad.
There was nothing that could keep the dam from breaking. I cried into his chest and repeated his name over and over again, and when he said my name, I knew for sure that this wasn't a dream.
This was for real. I finally found him.