I can't help but think about him. Aaron that is. My heart aches as I remember last night when I ran away after he kissed me. He must be more hurt than me; he probably thinks I hate him. But at this moment, I hate myself more. Mostly because I am a coward, in fact the biggest coward of all cowards.
All day long I can't help but look at my phone, somehow hoping he would message me. But I know he won't do that, and I am so unsure as to why I would even expect that, especially after last night. I also don't fail to notice that Sage hasn't been out of his room all day. My dad sends me a questioning look as we eat brunch but I merely shrug, unsure of what happened with him either. After I am done eating I wash the dishes and then make my way to Sages room. I knock on the door once, then twice, and when no answer comes I turn the doorknob until I realize he locked it.
"Sage," I say, loud and clear, "are you okay?"
When no answer comes I repeat his name, this time louder than before.
"Go away," he finally yells back.
"Are you-"
"Go away Lux," he shouts and I am startled by the anger in his voice. I let out a sigh and go back to my room. For the rest of the day I continue looking at my phone and I try my best to distract myself by turning on the TV or playing games on my computer, but nothing stops me from staring at it every five minutes. Around eight, I had enough, the guilt and gut wrenching feeling in my stomach causes me to grab my phone and without thinking I call Aaron.
Not even seconds pass before the call goes into voicemail and my heart drops. I call again, hoping maybe he'll answer this time, but again the call goes to voicemail. After the third call I give up, getting the point. He doesn't want to answer.
And I know I shouldn't, I know that this pain in my heart is because of me, but even so I can't help but let the tears roll down my face. And just like that, I regret it. I regret being afraid, but I realize it is much too late for regrets.
Days pass and by the morning of the eighth of January I find myself in front of the school building. Winter break is now over and the second semester of the school year begins along with the dread I've been feeling the moment I realized that I'd probably bump into Aaron.
I make my way to the cafeteria in slow steps, cautiously trying to avoid Aaron but luckily when I reach Nat at the tables, I don't see him.
"Hey," they say and I greet them back.
"Where's Sage?" Nat asks.
"Sick," I respond, "Or so he says. Ever since the party he's been in such a bad mood and just the other day he got a really bad cough and fever."
"Oh," replies Nat, "Have you talked to Maru?"
Truth to be told I have not talked to her since the incident with Bianca. Despite her drunken state what she did was wrong but of course knowing her she would think otherwise.
"No," I say, "and you?"
"A little," Nat replies, "she's really mad at you."
I let out a sigh. "I figured."
Nat frowns. "Cheer up," she says, "If you want afterschool we could go to that cookie place in the plaza, get some chocolate chips ones and coffee. It'll be fun."
I force a smile and nod.
"Thank you," I say.
"For what?" she replies confused.
"For being there for me no matter what. For cheering me up when I feel down and just overall being the greatest friend ever."
Nat smiles. "Of course," she says, "I'll always be here for you."
And of course it's cheesy what I said to her, but I can't help but feel so thankful for her. When I told her what happened with Aaron she didn't criticize me or made me feel like what I did was a mistake. Instead she hugged me, let me cry on her, and reassured me that things would get better. And even though I knew that neither of us would be sure if things would really get better, at the moment her words felt so true that it made me feel better. My thoughts are cut off by the words of a random girl, not so far away from the table Nat and I were sitting on.
"Oh my god! Did you hear? Aaron Reeves just arrived on a motorcycle!" the girl exclaims. My stomach drops.
"The one that he just stopped using?" the girl's friend questions.
"Yeah! He looks so hot! You should've seen the way he arrived, all cool with his leather jacket and messy hair. I swear I love him."
"Are you guys talking about Aaron Reeves?" some random girl asks them.
"Yeah! Did you see his motorcycle?"
"Yes, I heard he raced a gang of riders!"
"Again? Oh my god, he's so brave."
"Yeah but get this. The riders were so mad that he won against them again that they fought him. The poor guy has a black eye, but he said he's fine and that he totally kicked their asses."
"No way! Is he okay?"
The random girl nods and says, "Yes, he's actually in the hallway right now telling other people about it."
"Oh my god, come on let's go talk to him," the girl tells her friend and together they get up excited to go talk to him.
"Lux?" Nat says, "Are you okay?"
I get up from my seat.
"Totally fine," I lie, "I just...I need to go to the bathroom."
Another lie. I just couldn't help myself, and before Nat could tell me anything I grab my bag and walk the same direction as the other girls.
And there he is, standing in the middle of a crowd, with a wide smile on his face as he boasts about himself. Sure enough as the girl in the cafeteria said, he has a black eye, purple all around his left one. And I can't help but think of that day, so long ago, when I felt annoyance take over me as I watched him walk the hall the same way as today. But now instead of annoyance all I can feel is pain. Pain so harsh, so unbearable, that I am unsure if I am even breathing.
And as he's walking his eyes go on me. And he still has his smile on his face. And just when I think he's about to frown, about to make an angry face, he doesn't. The brief moment we locked eyes created no reaction from him. It was like he looked right passed me. And I continue to watch as he walks with girls surrounding him and he passes right by me, as if nothing ever happened between us. As if he didn't even know me.
And that's when I realize why he did that. Because I deserve it. Because in way, this is exactly what I did to him. The one thing that broke whatever we had. Rejection.
To my surprise Ethan wasn't there during lunch time, and just like in the morning, it was only Nat and I. And of course Mandy, whom had come with all her drama and gossip that I'd normally ignore, but today I chose to listen, hoping it would keep my mind off of him.
"Can you believe Jason would do something like that to Rebecca? I mean sure they've only been dating for a month, but I expected him to at least be faithful," Mandy says.
I wasn't sure who Jason or Rebecca were and I didn't really want to know. I just wanted Mandy to continue talking so I wouldn't get up and go search for Aaron.
"Oh," I say, "That sucks."
"I know," Mandy replies, "I swear I pictured them being together for a long time and now, well, it's all over between them. Jenna told me she heard Rebecca crying in the bathroom this morning. She wasn't sure it was her, but Jenna said that the bag on the floor definitely belonged to Rebecca. Anyways I guess now that it's over they won't be able to win prom king and queen like they wanted to."
"Sure," I reply. I'm picking at my sandwich, taking off the crust slowly as I continue to listen Mandy blabber. Nat is beside me on her phone, probably texting Chris, the boy she met at Maru's party. They've been texting nonstop since that night and although she gets all shy when I bring him up I could tell that she has a crush.
"So anyways," Mandy says as I continue taking off the crust of my sandwich, "what's the deal with Aaron Reeves?"
My body tenses up at the sound of his name and I look up at Mandy who is giving me an expectant look.
"Are you asking me?" I question and she nods.
"Obviously, you two have been together for a while now."
Been together. Is that what people thought?
"We were never together," I interject, "we were just friends."
"Were?" Mandy questions intrigued and I roll my eyes. Of course she would intently listen to each word I say.
"Yes," I respond, hoping to put an end to this, "were."
"Why not anymore?"
I let out a sigh, realizing that of course nothing would stop Mandy and her never-ending questions.
"Just because," I say.
"Because what?"
"Because that just how life is Mandy. Friends come and go," I say, my voice sharp.
"Geez, chill, I was simply asking a question."
I roll my eyes and decide not to answer her anymore and decide to finally eat my crust-less sandwich.
"There's a get together at the park today," Mandy says.
"Today? It's only Monday."
"So? It's not like anyone goes to sleep early. You guys should come."
"Maybe some other time," Nat finally speaks.
"Why? Those things are always fun. You guys should tell Maru and the boys. By the way where are they?"
The boys? I'm not so sure. Sure I knew where Sage was-home moping-but as to Ethan I had no clue. As to Maru she was sitting at a different table. Nat and I noticed when we first got our lunch and were on our way to sit down. She sat with girls from her Spanish class and if I turned my head to my left at this moment I'd have a good sight of her.
I merely shrug as an answer for Mandy and take out the math homework that was assigned this morning. Sure I'd have time later tonight but I felt the need to be constantly doing something, constantly distracted.
"I still think you two should come. I heard students from Greymoor are going."
At this Nat perks up, I turn to look at her but she immediately feigns loss of interest.
"Really?" I question for the sake of Nat.
"Yup."
"Maybe we'll go," I say.
"Great," Mandy replies and the bell rings so she gets up and walks away after bidding goodbye.
To Nat I say, after we've gotten up from the table and are making our way to class, "We should go."
"Are you sure?" she asks.
"Of course. I mean after all Chris will be there, won't he?"
"I'm not sure, I haven't asked."
"Well ask him so you guys can hang out. I'll try to get Sage out of his cave and call Ethan so that we can all go."
"Okay," Nat replies and I can tell she's excited. And because of that I am excited for her.
Sage says he can't go with us because he still feels sick and doesn't make an attempt to get up from his bed. What causes me to worry more is the fact that I haven't heard a word from Ethan and he doesn't answer my calls which makes me wonder what the hell happened at that party that I don't know. I decide to ask Sage later seeing as which whatever happened is a big deal that has cause his mood to go sour for six days straight.
I get ready at Nat's house after begging my dad to let me go, and he did, with the exception of being home by ten which I agree in. When Nat and I get to the park it is crowded with people from school and other people I do not recognize but assume to be from Greymoor High School.
We meet up with Chris right away and I finally have the chance to talk to him in person. He's funny, cracking jokes here and there that surprisingly don't fail to make me or Nat laugh. He's a junior as well and we talk about college a little before he introduces us to his friends. I could tell Nat liked him a lot already, he was nice to her, really nice, funny and good looking. There wasn't a thing I could find in him that gave me a bad vibe. For an hour we spent it with his friends, all of us talking in a group, his friends asking us questions and after we'd ask them questions as well. They brought their own cooler with a few sodas and lemonades and by the time I'm done with my drink I get up to look for a trash can.
As I'm walking I don't fail to notice the crowd of girls and before the thought of why there would be a crowd of them occurs to me, I catch a glance of Aaron. I can't help but walk closer, hiding within the crowd to see what is going on. They girls are talking among themselves, of course not letting Aaron out of their sight while at it. What strikes me the most is when I see Maru in the crowd and instead of talking to her friends from her Spanish class that I recognize she's staring at Aaron intently. That is of course until she stands up and walks up to him and whispers something to his ear. Somehow, at this point, I've managed to get to the front of the crowd, getting a full view of Aaron, but also letting Aaron get a full view of me. When we lock eyes as Maru tells him something he smiles and nods his head. He grabs her hand and pulls her away from the crowd and me. I can sense the deflated tension around the crowd, the girls probably hoping that Aaron would pick them.
I know I should probably let it go. I also know that I hurt Maru's feelings when I chose Bianca over her along with knowing that I did in fact break Aaron's heart. But what I didn't know is that they would both somehow be pushed together because of this. I never expected Maru to go up to him nor Aaron to take her with him. And it hurt like nothing I've felt before and I wipe the tears that stream down my face. And I'm about to walk away, probably drive back home because watching them go together hurt like hell but I find myself walking towards the direction they left and as soon as I see the huge trash bin, there's no doubt in my mind that they are there.
I probably shouldn't go seeing as which I know exactly what I will find behind the trash bin. But I can't help it and nothing nor no one stops me from meeting another thing to add onto this heartbreak. So I continue walking all the way to the side of the trash bin, just enough so they don't see me but I can hear and see them.
"What are you doing?" Aaron says, his voice flat and face blank.
Maru, who was trying to wrap her arms around him stands back, confused.
"Uh, what do you think?"
"You didn't actually think we were going to do something did you?" he questions.
"I thought that's what you did, get girls, mess with them behind the notorious trash bin and then walk away."
"Why are you here?" he questions.
"What do you mean? I came here to have some fun with you," she replies.
"Isn't Lux your friend?"
"What does Lux have to do with anything?"
"I don't think she would like it if you were here with me."
"Of course she wouldn't," Maru replies annoyed and groans, "I don't understand why everyone cares what Lux thinks. It always has to go her way. Why? Why does she get everything?"
"Are you jealous?"
"Of course not," Maru replies, "Are we gonna do this or what?"
Aaron stays quiet and within seconds he's getting close to her and I force myself not to look away as I wait for the inevitable.
But instead Aaron says, "I'd rather not."
"What? Why not?" Maru asks.
"You really think I brought you here to mess with you?"
"Why else?"
"I brought you here so Lux would think we're doing something."
"What the hell does Lux have to do with us? And if you brought me here to make her think that then why not just do it?"
"Because," he says, "I wanted to hurt her intentionally. But just to her face. I would never betray her by doing something with her friend."
"Oh I get it now," Maru says, "you like Lux and she doesn't like you. It's always that way, if I were you I'd give up now. She told me you'd never be good enough for her."
At this Aaron clenches his jaw and I want to step in and tell him that I never said that but I don't, my feet cemented to the spot I stand in.
"Maybe so," he says, "but despite that I'm not going to betray her."
"Good luck with those unreciprocated feelings of yours," Maru says, "you'll never get anywhere if you act weak like that." Maru turns around, ready to walk away but Aaron grabs her and pulls her back.
"Don't hurt Lux," he says, "she's a good friend to you."
Maru pulls her hand away from him and says, "Mind your own business. If she was a good friend I would've never been here right now."
"More like if you were the good friend you would've never been here right now," Aaron retorts and doesn't waste more time before walking away from her. I hide behind the trash bin and watch as he goes back to the crowd. Within seconds I can hear Maru begin to sob. I look back at her and watch as she crouches down and cries. I'm about to walk to her when someone pulls me towards them.
My eyes go wide as I lock eyes with him.
"Did you hear everything that just happened?" he whispers so Maru doesn't hear.
I nod.
Hello friends and welcome back! I am really enjoy writing this story which is probably why I am updating more lately. But ahhh I'm really happy with this chapter lol. Makes me realize that sometimes the friends we have might turn out to be none other than ð
Anyways what are your guys' thoughts?
Until next time & love & peace to you all
-ari (: