Chapter 32: 7: Expecting Again

SHAY

“Promise me you’ll be good, okay? If you need me, just tell Jojo to call and I’ll be right there,” Shay said, pressing kisses to the twins’ cheeks. They nodded in unison, then glanced over their shoulders to give Ethan a quick nod of acknowledgment.

Ethan had carved out some time to hang out with the boys, and Shay was grateful they hadn’t started asking questions about who he was. They seemed to enjoy his company and their time at the park. But Shay couldn’t shake off her unease about leaving them alone with him—not because she doubted his ability to care for them, but because she feared he might take them away from her.

It was an almost irrational fear, but it was there nonetheless. Ethan flashed her that familiar smile—the one she’d fallen for years ago. Swallowing hard, she turned her attention to Josephine, their nanny.

As the twins scampered off to the playground, Josephine busied herself with the baby stroller, where baby Nate was sleeping peacefully.

“Call me if anything happens,” Shay instructed Josephine.

“I’ve got everything under control, Shay. Don’t worry,” Josephine reassured her.

With a nod, Shay straightened up, turned on her heel, and walked away. She unlocked her car, slid into the driver’s seat, and started the engine. She stole one last glance at the scene—the twins were already having a blast, and Josephine was settling in with baby Nate on a nearby bench.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled away, heading for her doctor’s appointment. That morning, she’d taken another pregnancy test, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t pregnant. The night before, she and Adam had talked about the pregnancy.

He was supportive, but also seemed a bit overwhelmed by the idea of another child. Shay was torn—she was thrilled to be bringing another life into the world, but she was also unsure how she’d manage two babies under two. It felt like too much, and she needed more support.

Plus, she had the twins to look after. But she decided not to dwell on it—she knew she’d figure it out. When she arrived at the OBGYN’s office, she got out of the car.

It hadn’t been long since her last visit—just a few months ago, when she’d come in for a check-up after giving birth to Nate. That was almost three months ago, the last time before they’d given her the all-clear to resume sexual activity. As she walked into the clinic, the familiar scent hit her.

She scrunched up her face slightly before heading to the nurses’ station. The waiting room was filled with other pregnant women, all here for their appointments, just like her. She recognized a few of them—some from around town, others from their monthly prenatal check-ups when she was still pregnant with Nate.

Judging by their weary expressions and obvious discomfort, she knew they were due any day now. She remembered all too well how that felt. In the final stages of her pregnancies, she’d been desperate to give birth—the discomfort was overwhelming.

When she was pregnant with the twins, it had been the worst. She could barely walk, her belly was so big, and the doctor had ordered her to bed rest.

“Hi, I have an appointment. My name is Shay Haze,” she told the nurse, who smiled in recognition.

“How are you, Rachel?” Shay asked as the nurse typed away on her keyboard.

“I’m good. How’s little Nate?” Rachel asked, showing genuine interest.

Shay smiled and chuckled lightly. “He’s doing well. Growing fast, getting heavy,” she half-joked. Nate was indeed getting heavy—he was heavier than the twins had been at his age.

“That’s great,” Rachel said, looking up at Shay. “Take a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly.”

Shay nodded, turned around, and found an empty seat.

***

^ Flashback^

Lying in bed, Shay felt like a beached whale. She’d been put on bed rest—her belly was growing too large, and she was only in her second trimester. She was growing restless, frustrated by her inability to do much of anything.

Without social media to scroll through, she was bored. She’d already read two books, and was growing tired of reading. She longed to go out—to eat at restaurants, to live a normal life.

But ever since the sex tape leak, she’d been hiding out at her stepmother Billie’s apartment. She’d been laying low for months, and now, confined to bed rest, she just wanted her life to go back to normal. As she lay there, her thoughts kept returning to Ethan.

She was still angry with him, still hurt. She hadn’t seen him since the night she’d ended things, though she knew he’d tried to reach out. She knew he’d been looking for her, but she didn’t want to see him.

She didn’t want anything to do with him, not after he’d played her and used her. The last thing she’d done was send him the recording. She hadn’t even bothered to return his things.

When Ethan showed up at her apartment, she was grateful that Dario had handled the situation and sent him away. She’d never gone back to her apartment either—she’d given it up, letting Dario and his crew use the space while she found a new place to live.

She needed to stay out of the spotlight. She knew people were still looking for her. Every now and then, she’d give in to temptation and Google herself. She’d check what people were saying, read the wild theories on gossip sites.

Most of them were still talking about the sex tape and possible sightings of her. She was mortified—she’d brought so much shame on her family, tarnished their name. She never Googled Ethan, afraid of what she might find.

Afraid he’d already moved on, and unable to believe she’d given him her heart. She remembered the last night they’d spent together. They’d talked and cuddled, discussed their future.

She could almost feel his fingers tracing circles on her shoulder as they lay in bed. She closed her eyes, imagining him beside her. She dreamed of Ethan every night.

Sometimes, the dreams were memories of their time together. Other times, they were nightmares—nightmares about the bet, about him laughing in her face, about him using her and discarding her. And more often than not, she dreamed of Ethan and her making love.

She blamed her hormones for it, and she had to take care of herself. Despite the hurt, her body still craved him.

“Mmmmm, Ethan…,” she moaned, her eyes rolling back as heat flooded her body.

A sudden, sharp pain, akin to a punch, jolted Shay awake. She sat up, cradling her belly. Her hand hovered over the spot, her gaze fixed on it. ~Did I just imagine that?~ she wondered.

A minute ticked by, and nothing. She sighed, laying back down and gently rubbing her belly.

“I can’t wait to finally meet you both,” she murmured.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you the perfect family, but I promise to do my best. Maybe one day, you’ll meet your daddy,” she sighed again.

The sharp pain returned, and Shay sat up. Realizing it was a kick, she held the spot.

“Ethan,” she called out his name.

She noticed that they would kick at the mention of Ethan. Feeling a kick on the other side, she burst into laughter. Their first kicks.

She was overjoyed, but only for a moment before guilt washed over her.

“I’m sorry, babies,” she whispered, the guilt of bringing them into a world without their father gnawing at her.

The thought of raising them without knowing their father was daunting.

***

“You’re Shay Haze,” the woman next to her said, her eyes wide.

Shay smiled politely and nodded.

“Yes,” she replied shyly.

“I love your brand,” the woman gushed, rubbing her own belly.

“Oh, thank you,” Shay responded, extending her hand. “I didn’t catch your name?”

“Oh, it’s Ariel,” the woman quickly introduced herself, shaking Shay’s hand.

“I didn’t know you’re from here,” Ariel said, trying to make conversation.

“Oh no, I’m actually from the Upper East Side, but I moved here for some peace and quiet away from the city,” Shay explained, careful not to reveal too much about her personal life.

She knew there were still paparazzi hunting for her and people looking to make a quick buck off her information. Thankfully, the locals she had met were respectful of her privacy.

“Yeah,” Ariel replied.

“How far along are you?” Shay asked, her gaze drifting to Ariel’s belly.

“Twenty-eight weeks, not much longer now,” Ariel answered.

“Do you know the sex of the baby?” Shay asked.

“No, we plan to raise the baby gender-neutral,” Ariel answered, smiling proudly.

Shay nodded, understanding her choice. While it wasn’t the path she would choose, she knew others who had.

“Have you picked a name yet?” Shay asked.

“Ms. Haze?” Nurse Rachel called, interrupting their conversation.

Shay nodded and stood up.

“It was nice meeting you, Ariel. I’ll see you later,” Shay said before following Nurse Rachel.

She followed the nurse down the familiar halls to the familiar room. Nurse Rachel opened the door and smiled, letting her in.

“Dr. Claire,” Shay greeted.

“Ah, Ms. Haze, what brings you in today?” Dr. Claire asked as she took a seat across the table.

“Um,” Shay hesitated, unsure of how to start.

“According to Dr. Lim’s report, you might be pregnant?” Dr. Claire asked.

“My period hasn’t come, but I thought it was normal. Dr. Lim tested my urine sample and it was positive,” Shay explained, sighing at the end.

“Okay, any morning sickness?” Dr. Claire asked, taking notes.

“Yeah, I’ve been nauseous and lost my appetite, but I just assumed it was postpartum and being busy with work and three little boys,” Shay confessed, brushing off her symptoms.

“Okay, how about we do an ultrasound?” Dr. Claire suggested.

Dr. Claire led her to the familiar machine. Shay carefully laid on her back as the doctor called the nurse in to assist.

Shay lifted her shirt, revealing her almost flat belly. Her postpartum belly had disappeared quickly, but it was covered in stretch marks.

She didn’t mind, though. Most of them were from carrying the twins.

The nurse spread the cold gel on her belly and dimmed the lights. Dr. Claire placed the ultrasound wand on her belly, spreading the gel and pressing down slightly.

“Ah, Ms. Haze,” Dr. Claire said, pointing at the small round dot on the screen.

“I’m pregnant,” Shay said, recognizing the familiar blob on the screen.

“Yes, it’s very early, about four to five weeks,” the doctor informed her.

Shay nodded, staring at the screen. She had been unsure before, but seeing the blob, she wasn’t anymore.

All her worries vanished. She was privileged.

She wanted more kids. She loved her babies and had always wanted a big family. This was just one step closer.

After the appointment, Shay sat in her car, quietly staring at the sonogram. One hand rested on her belly, rubbing it lightly.

She couldn’t believe she was pregnant again. Shay’s thumb traced the sonogram, and she smiled.

~Buzz buzz~.

She checked her phone and saw a message from Adam.

From: Adam

To: Shay Haze

How was the doctor’s appointment?

She ignored the message, deciding to share the news in person. She hoped he would be on board quickly, but she knew he might need some convincing.

She put her phone away and drove back to the park to pick up the kids. As she passed familiar buildings, she arrived at the park where she had left earlier.

She spotted them instantly and smiled as she turned off the engine. She got out of the car and walked toward them.

She couldn’t help but smile as she saw the twins running around and Josephine changing little Nate’s diaper on the picnic blanket. She took a seat on the bench and watched them enjoy themselves.

Ethan spotted her and patted the twins on the back, telling them to keep playing before joining her on the bench.

Shay scooted over a bit, creating more space between them. She noticed Josephine watching Ethan, and she chuckled to herself.

She wasn’t surprised. Ethan was handsome. Even after all these years, he was still as attractive as ever, and he still made her feel the same way he used to.

“How were they?” she asked, looking at the twins and avoiding his gaze.

“They were well-behaved,” he answered, nodding. “You’ve raised them well,” he complimented.

“Thanks,” Shay replied, crossing her legs.

“Why did you confront me about the abortion?” he asked.

She had been anticipating this question, unsure of how she would navigate the conversation, but she knew it was inevitable.

“I discovered our whole relationship was a sham,” Shay retorted, her gaze snapping toward him, her eyes ablaze with intensity.

He met her stare, his eyes reflecting an unspoken emotion.

“You exploited my feelings for your own benefit. I was in love with you,” Shay accused him, her chest rising and falling with the rhythm of her anger.

“Let me clarify,” he began, but she shook her head.

She raised a finger, silencing him before he could continue.

“No, not here, not in front of them,” she interjected, shaking her head.

She didn’t want to discuss it, not now, not ever. He nodded slowly, letting out a sigh.

“I want to be more present. I want to be a part of their lives,” he said cautiously.

She nodded, her gaze drifting back to their twins.

“Okay,” she conceded.

“I want to spend more time with them, perhaps arrange more visits? I could just come over and play with them in your backyard?” he proposed.

“I need to sort things out. I need to consult Adam as well,” she responded.

It was true, she knew Adam would understand. He was secure in their relationship, but she felt it was only fair to discuss it with her husband first.

They sat in silence, her shoulders finally relaxing.

It was a pleasant day, breezy and bright but not too warm.

Eli and Liam were engaged in a playful chase. Their giggles filled the air as they wore themselves out.

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out without thinking.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his hands clench into fists.