Chapter 47: 22: Sky Haze

SHAY

Dr. Alexis looked at Shay with a gentle gaze. “How have you been holding up lately?” she asked, her voice soft and comforting.

Shay shrugged, her fingers nervously twisting together in her lap. “I’m embarrassed to say that I’m doing better,” she admitted. A heavy sigh escaped her lips.

She felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. Guilt for feeling better, for feeling lighter without her husband around. Guilt for the relief that washed over her when she realized she was okay without him.

“What are you embarrassed about, Shay?” Dr. Alexis asked, her voice steady and calm.

Shay looked up at her, meeting the doctor’s soft gaze. “I’m doing okay without my husband. I’m comfortable without him. I can survive without him.” She paused, letting out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “I’m happier without him,” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

Dr. Alexis nodded, her fingers tapping away on her iPad. Her face was a picture of calm, as if she had heard it all before and nothing could surprise her anymore.

It had been a month since Shay and her husband separated. This was her first individual session with their therapist. They had attended sessions together before, but they always ended up arguing more than resolving their issues.

His love for her was the only constant thing in their chaotic relationship. He still wanted to be with her, to be married to her. He claimed to love her more than anyone else he had ever met.

Dr. Alexis asked Shay a few more questions, and Shay did her best to answer them as honestly as she could. She felt a sense of relief wash over her as she opened up to Dr. Alexis. No one else knew how she truly felt.

After her session, it was time for their couples therapy. Adam was invited in, and it was his turn to talk. He went on and on about his love for her, about how much he wanted to mend their relationship.

“In our earlier session, you mentioned that you don’t feel like you’ve cheated. Why do you think that is?” Dr. Alexis asked Adam.

Shay’s eyes widened in surprise, her gaze shifting to Adam. He squirmed uncomfortably on the other end of the sofa. Shay knew that whatever was discussed in their individual sessions could be brought up in their couples therapy.

“I wasn’t getting sex from my wife, and I wasn’t feeling satisfied, so I just felt like it was justifiable,” he said, his words making Shay’s eyes bulge in disbelief.

“What the fuck?” Shay scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. She was stunned by his audacity.

“Shay,” Dr. Alexis tried to calm her down, but Shay wasn’t having any of it.

“No,” she snapped, her gaze fixed on Adam. “Did you or did you not sleep with someone else while we were married?” she asked, her voice cold and hard.

Adam stared back at her, his face blank. He didn’t say a word. Shay rolled her eyes in disbelief.

“Did you or did you not stick your dick in another woman while we were married?” she asked again, her voice laced with anger. She was furious, and seeing him only fueled her anger. She wanted to punch him for being such an idiot, for cheating on her, for causing her so much pain.

“Shay, let’s calm down and talk about this rationally,” Dr. Alexis tried to intervene.

“No, what’s rational about this?” Shay shot back. Without waiting for a response, she continued, “He had an affair. Yes, I might have played a part in it. I might not have been in the mood, especially after I had a miscarriage. But how does that justify his actions? I was struggling alone, while my husband was sleeping with someone else. We were still having sex when our son had to be rushed to the emergency room. So that can’t be his excuse. He fucking cheated on me! End of story.”

“Why don’t you tell me who she is and how long this has been going on?” Shay asked, her voice shaky.

“Adam,” Dr. Alexis prompted him to answer.

“Fucking coward,” Shay muttered, turning her head away. She couldn’t bear to look at him.

“I’m done with your berating attitude,” Adam exploded. “Yes, we had problems, but you don’t get to call me a fucking coward,” he retorted, clearly agitated.

“If we had problems, you should have come to me, your wife, not stick your dick into someone else,” Shay shot back, her eyes blazing with fury. “What the fuck were our problems before the miscarriage?” she challenged him.

Adam shook his head, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“Adam, what do you think were the problems in your marriage?” Dr. Alexis asked, her voice calm and soothing.

“The sex,” he replied.

“What do you think was lacking in your sex life?” Dr. Alexis probed further.

Shay waited, her heart pounding in her chest, for his response. “Everything,” he said. Shay was taken aback. She had no idea he felt that way.

“Why don’t you explain to Shay what you mean by that?” Dr. Alexis suggested.

Shay watched him, her head throbbing with the onset of a migraine. He looked at her, his eyes different. He was almost unrecognizable. She had known him for years, had married him, but she had never seen this side of him. It surprised her.

“Unsatisfying,” he said. Shay felt a sharp pain in her heart. She swallowed hard, refusing to let her tears show.

“Since when have you felt this way?” Shay asked, her voice barely audible.

“Since the beginning,” he replied, his voice devoid of any emotion.

Shay nodded, her mind buzzing with questions she was too afraid to ask. Questions that could change everything. “Then why did you marry me? If you were so unsatisfied with our intimacy,” she asked, her eyes searching his for an answer. She knew that whatever he said would hurt her more than he could ever imagine.

“I love you, Shay. I always have, and I always will,” Adam confessed, his voice tender and full of emotion. “From the moment I arrested you, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I wanted to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night.”

“Why didn’t you voice your concerns before we got married?” Shay asked, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside her.

“Because all I could think about was being with you,” Adam admitted. “Even when I was with my ex, I dreamed of you. Seeing you all over social media, being adored by everyone, it only made me want you more. You’re kind, warm, and simply amazing.”

“So, you cheated because you wanted better sex?” Shay’s voice was barely a whisper, her eyes downcast as she fought back tears. “You wanted to fulfill your fantasies while staying married to me. You wanted it all.”

“Is that true, Adam?” Dr. Alexis interjected, reminding them of her presence.

“Do you feel guilty?” Shay asked, her voice barely audible.

“Let’s take it one question at a time, Shay,” Dr. Alexis suggested.

Shay nodded, trying to regain her composure.

“I don’t feel guilty,” Adam confessed.

Shay’s eyes welled up with tears as she stood up. “I don’t feel like I betrayed you or did anything wrong. But I would do anything for you, Shay. You’re the love of my life, and I’d give up anything to be with you.”

“Are you still seeing her?” Shay asked, her hand hovering over the doorknob. She suddenly became acutely aware of Dr. Alexis’s presence, watching their exchange like a spectator at a play.

“Shay,” Adam called out softly, standing up to approach her.

“Did you ever wonder if I was satisfied with our sex life?” Shay retorted before storming out of the room, leaving Adam and Dr. Alexis behind.

Shay got into her car and drove aimlessly, letting her tears flow freely. Her mind was a whirlwind of questions as she replayed the therapy session over and over.

She drove to the outskirts of town and parked near the forest. She got out of the car and screamed until her throat was raw, grateful for the solitude. She screamed until she felt a little better.

Shay didn’t know how long she stayed there, but it was long enough. Once she felt better, she returned to her car. She rested her head on the steering wheel, her cheeks wet with tears.

Leaning back against the headrest, Shay felt numb. She stared at the trees in front of her, taking deep breaths to calm herself.

She couldn’t understand why her love life was so tragic. But she knew it was more tragic than anyone else’s in her life.

Starting her car again, Shay decided to confront Adam. She needed answers, closure. She couldn’t sleep with all these questions swirling in her head.

She quickly texted Josephine, their nanny.

Shay Haze

Jo, I’ll be back late. Please take care of the kids. Order food if you need to. I’ll pay you triple for the inconvenience. Tell the boys I love them.

She drove to the familiar apartment, speeding as the rain began to fall. Her mind was a whirlwind as she parked her car and ran up the stairs.

She was panting by the time she reached the door, soaked from the rain. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She needed to talk to Adam, to decide whether to stay married or file for divorce.

~Knock knock~.

The sound of footsteps signaled that he was home. As the door opened, she steeled herself to face him and decide their future.

But instead of Adam, she found herself staring at her own reflection.

Her twin sister.

Sky.