I don't know how long I sat by the empty river with Xavier. Speaking about nothing and everything at the same time. Both of us were cut from the same cloth, both of us betrayed by mates who did not see us worthy of anything. I don't even know how Xavier managed to sneak on pack lands but I didn't hate it. It was nice speaking to my sister's mate, she was lucky. He was a good guy and she chucked that away.
My sister had not only ruined our lives but she had ruined the life of her mate's brother, she had interfered with fate on so many levels that I couldn't help but feel sickened by her deprived acts. The sun had set and the stars were shining bright, Xavier had left not long ago, so I once again was left on my own. After so many years of being alone, it didn't bother me. I found myself at peace with my own thoughts.
As I looked up to the night sky, my eyes were closed. It was then that I could hear the crushing leafs beneath someone's steps. I could sense they were trying to be evasive, I could tell that they didn't want to be seen or heard, but it was too late. My nostrils flared and the aroma of strawberries wafted through the air. I didn't even have to guess who it was by now.
"What are you doing here Jacob?" I questioned.
A small chuckle released from his lips. "Thought I could sneak by and talk to you on your own." He replied lightly. I heard his steps quicken and quickly sat in the space which was once occupied by Xavier. I could hear him sniff loudly, like he could scent Xavier in the air.
"What is that stench?" He growled.
"That is the stench of a Rogue. I thought you were smarter than that Jacob. I mean that is after all what I am." I said nonchalantly, hoping he does not realise that I have essentially spoken with his sworn enemy.
"Your not a Rogue Louise." I growled as my name left his lips. I hated when he said my birth name, it gave me a tummy ache. Part of me was giddy and the other part was sickened by it. "Sorry Loretta." He sighed.
"Jacob, I am a Rogue. I have been for years. Eight years to be precise." I exasperated.
A heavy silence filled the air. Although Jacob had spoken his truth to me when I was a mere stranger, there was so much that had already been said and then on the other side of the spectrum there was still so much more to say. Neither of us knew what to do, he couldn't comfort me because he had all but betrayed me. I couldn't fall into his arms like I knew he wanted because he had chucked me away.
"What the hell happened to this place? It looks nothing like it did when I left." I murmured.
"A lot started to change after you left. Did you know that I was the first Alpha known to reject his true mate?" He said with a shake of his head. "I mean I wasn't the first wolf to reject his mate but I was the first Alpha. I truly thought I was doing what was right for the pack when I marked and mated your sister. When I look back I think what a stupid child I was. My parents were ashamed of me when they found out what I did. My mother still can't even look me in the eye."
"Do you think about the lives that you and Leanne have ruined because of your selfish decisions?" I bravely ask.
"Everyday. Although, the only one I care about is your life. I thought you were dead at first, by wolf said you were silent that he couldn't sense you, but he knew you weren't dead. He said he didn't feel you die. That's why I never stopped looking for you." Jacob admits.
"I don't solely blame you for your decision. I mean there was a bigger mastermind at foot. Unfortunately she was very good at covering her tracks. But I mean, you both did ruin her mates life as well." I responded.
He let out a growl. "He killed my son."
I looked at him in his eyes. They were shining brightly but behind them was a darkness, a pain that lingered. "Jacob, please don't take this the wrong way, but how do you know he was your son? I mean we both know what Leanne was like? Well I hope you know what she was like? How are you sure that she was pregnant with your child and not her mates?" I whispered.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes as my words became like daggers. I could sense he was angry at what I was saying but I could see that I had spoken something out loud that he didn't want to hear. It was a truth that he didn't want to believe. He would rather believe a lie because at least what he was fighting for was worth something.
"Don't..." Jacob whispered in reply.
"Jacob, please tell me you didn't believe her blindly after everything. Please tell me that you haven't been following Leanne's lies after all these years." I shouted.
"Please don't..." He said as the tears began to gather in his eyes.
I shook my head. "No Jacob, please tell me that you checked to see that child was yours. That you didn't listen to a pathological liar. What is your wolf telling you? What truth is he giving you!?" I screamed.
"ENOUGH." He shouted. His eyes closed tightly. "You don't understand." He shook his head.
"Then help me understand!" I demanded.
"I HAD TO BELIEVE THAT HE WAS MY SON BECAUSE THEN ALL OF THIS WAS FOR NOTHING." He screamed. A loud sob left his lips, his shoulders were hunched over, the palms of his hands were covering his eyes as Jacob wept. "It would mean that everything. From rejecting my new mate, to getting into a war with the rouges, to losing a child, was all for nothing.It was all for a lie that your sister wove." He sobbed uncontrollably.
I closed my eyes tightly. "Jacob, I won't ask you again. What does your wolf tell you?"
He sobs and sobs, the sounds escaping his lips are heart wrenching, the pain that lingers in his voice is nothing but apparent. He doesn't even need to voice the answer, I can already tell what he is about to say but he does not want to speak the words out loud. It's like they are forbidden secrets that he wants to hold onto.
"It wasn't my child." He whispers.
I let out a loud sigh. How can this man in front of me be an Alpha? How can he keep making mistake after mistake? He's led a pack down a road of revenge that he has no right in seeking. My brain hurts from trying to work out why he would lie and say that the child that was murdered was his. That the child he claimed was the heir to the pack.
"Why would you do this Jacob? Why would you lie to your pack like this?" I desperately plead with him to give me some answers.
He exhales deeply and begins to speak. "At the start I thought her babe was mine. I truly did, but after you left. My wolf began howling, he was grieving. He kept saying that we let go of the wrong sister, that we betrayed our mate. I pleaded with him that we needed to forget you, we had a child on the way. He would scream in my mind that the child was not mine. That we were claiming some other bastard's pup." He cried.
"But I loved that child. I believed in Leanne's lies blindly. So the human part of me loved that child like it was my own. My wolf refused to accept either of them. That is why he would only mark her temporarily because we were both on different pages. I had formed a bond through my human side." He exhales as his shoulders shrug.
"When the baby was born, my wolf felt nothing but when I saw Leanne in tears after a rogue attack I knew that the baby had died because of the bond we shared. I felt her pain when she felt her bond with the child snap because he was killed."
"Why did you not tell anyone the truth Jacob? Your pack deserves that at least!" I exasperate.
"Because I was ashamed! I had already admitted to denying my true mate! I had already admitted to rejecting the pack's true Luna! I didn't want my pack to hate me more than they already did." He admits.
"So instead you start a war with the rouges for something you had no need to start a fight about?" I question.
"They killed a child! We had a right to defend that child, regardless of what Leanne did, a child was murdered!" He exclaimed, chucking his hands in the air.
I shook my head. If I was ashamed of who the goddess paired me with before, I don't know what I felt now. This man was not worthy to be an Alpha, he wasn't worthy to be a mate. He respected no one and he caused so many problems from his first mistake which was denying his moon gifted mate for someone who was not worthy to be Luna.
"Do you not see what you have done to your pack because of your bad decisions? You've picked a fight with the wrong people? The land is slowly withering away, there is no life here. You are causing your pack to die whether it be at the hands of rogues or because of the punishment you have received for going against the Goddess' will? People are suffering and there is no way in hell that me coming back here will stop anything." I shook my head in disgust and stood up.
"Your pack gives you loyalty and in return you owe them honesty. Not just for what you did to me but for what you are still doing. You are still protecting Leanne, you are still protecting yourself! You can not expect things to get better without admitting your sins." Again my head shook in anger. "You know, as much as you were a terrible mate, I always thought you were a good Alpha. I thought your father would have taught you better. No wonder he nor your mother would look you in the eye. You are nothing but a coward."
With that I left Jacob sitting by the bleak and empty river as I walked away. I can honestly say that I didn't look back, not once.