After my promise to my wolf I made my way into my assigned bedroom and tried to sleep. I spent the time tossing and turning until I eventually fell into a light sleep. There were so many things rushing through my mind, the most prominent thought was that my wolf was dying and I didn't know if there was anything I could do to help her.
She simply asked me to spend time with her mate and to her it was a simple request but to me all I could was think of the possibilities. What if she takes control and marks his wolf or what if his wolf does the same? After a long conversation we came to an agreement that she could spend time with her mate and if he couldn't change my mind she would accept my decision without a fight. She knew that she didn't have the strength to overpower me and I expressed that if I got any sense of her trying to get marked without my consent I would simply reject him no matter what the consequence was.
With that she agreed. I knew she wasn't happy about my choices, she wants me to forget the past and move on. What she doesn't understand is that past has made me who I am. I knew it was possible for me to fall in love with Jacob but what she didn't understand was that I could never fully trust him. I had spent the majority of my life being betrayed by the people I love which had caused me to build up walls that would never fall. She would argue that was my choice and I would simply reply that it was the choices that were given to me. I would never be able to trust him because he had abused my trust and never gave me a chance.
I think to the past and think what could have been if he got over his pride and ego, giving me that chance. It wasn't that I was unworthy, I knew that I was innocent and there were so many things he could have done before making that decision. He simply chose to believe lies, rather than explore and find the truth. I did feel pity for my wolf for she was collateral but in my opinion she was just too forgiving for what he had done.
As my thoughts were racing the sunlight trickled in through the bedroom window. The sun was rising and I knew that I would have to respect my wolf's dying wish. I quickly got up from my bed taking a relaxing shower and getting ready for the day ahead. Taking deep breaths I straightened my back and made my way out of my bedroom to Jacob's office.
The pack house was quiet this morning, it was empty there was no one around. I presume yesterday was extremely difficult for most members for they had finally found out the truth. From what I had overheard, many members were upset and hurt about the war with the rouges, this was because some had lost mates and family. They didn't know who to directly blame; some placed it with the Alpha, expecting him to know better. Some of the blame was to placed on my parents who had not educated their daughter and allowed her malicious agenda to take place, I even heard whispers that they blamed me for not speaking up sooner. Emotions ran high yesterday and there was a lot anger and sadness that vibrated through the pack.
It wasn't before long that I was stood in front of Jacob's office. I relied on my weak wolf senses and could smell his intoxicating scent and hear the faint beat of his heart. It was difficult for me to tap into his emotions because of how fragmented the bond was. I knocked on the door when the defeated voice of Jacob came from the other side. "Come in."
I pushed open the door and peeked my head through. Jacob was sat at his desk looking a various pieces of paperwork when his head looked up and his eyes widened in surprise to see me standing in front of him. I pushed through the doorway and closed the door behind me. I looked at him and took a deep exhale. "May I sit?" I say gesturing to open of the empty seats in front of him. He gave me a quick and enthusiastic nod.
I sat in the vacant chair and looked at the man who I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was messy, like he had been pulling and tugging at the stray ends. My nose inhaled his scent and I could tell that he had yet to shower. I saw him rub his eyes, almost as if I was a mirage in front of him.
"How can I help you?" Jacob softly asked as he sat back in his desk chair. His eyes and attention were only on me. It was in these moments that I saw what could have been between us. He looked at me as if I was the only thing in the room. His eyes filled with longing and love. The problem that troubled my heart was that this was only because of the bond because he didn't know me any better than he did when we first found out we were mates. The only difference was that he was finally accepting the bond.
"Well yesterday I had a long conversation with my wolf, she knows what my intentions are but she has simply asked for a request that I can't deny." I explain.
"What is that request?" Jacob curiously asked.
"She asked to spend the day with her mate, your wolf." I state calmly.
His eyes widen in surprise and shock. "And you are giving into her request? I thought you wouldn't want to be anywhere near me." His voice was filled with bitterness.
I sighed deeply. "Jacob it isn't about me not wanting to be near you, I simply don't care whether I am with you or not. The damage between us is great and in my opinion there is nothing that can change that. We can't change the past as much as we both wish we could. My wolf and me, well we have our issues but I wanted to give her the one thing she asked of me which was a day with her mate. I simply can't refuse her, no matter what pain she has caused me."
"Louise, I know we can't change the past but we can change our future. You could give me a chance, you could give us a chance." He desperately replied.
"I understand your viewpoint and you are right we can change the future. However that future is affected by our past. Without our past, their is no future. So much has happened in this place that I don't believe I could ever find true happiness here. There are too many bad memories that linger here and with the time we have, I don't think I could replace them with good and positive memories." I sadly replied.
His eyes well with tears and his poker face breaks and I see his emotions linger, there's sadness and regrets. We both look at each other and our wolves slowly connect. His wolf is trying to push images of what our future could look like if I forgive and forget, whereas my wolf shows him what our life could have been if he had been a better mate and Alpha. For the first time, I feel thankful for my wolf showing him what could have been ours in the last eight years. As she projects those images a small tear releases from his eye.
"What do you want me to do?" Jacob sadly exhaled.
I give him a sad smile and continue speaking. "I would ask that you give control to your wolf and I will give control to mine. We will both give them the day together. I have given my wolf conditions such as she can not mark you or your wolf and there will be no sex or intercourse. I have explained to her, should your wolf try to mark us without my consent then I will reject you and accept the consequences." I gulp my words as I twiddle my fingers. I feel my wolves nerves as she is worried that Jacob will refuse or withhold his wolf from her.
I look at Jacob and I can see he is communicating with his wolf. His eyes keep shiftI got from dark to light. I see the clogs ticking as he makes a decision on what he wants to do. Before I know, Jacob places his hand over his mouth and coughs. "We agree to your terms. My wolf has agreed to the conditions and I have given him permission to spend the day with your wolf."Â I give him a nod and I can feel my wolf sigh in relief before her excitement starts to buzz through my bones. "When do you want to start this?" Jacob asks.
"Now?" I respond.
"Okay." He stops for a moment and then I see him concentrate on something while I ask my wolf whether she is ready for this. She gives me an excited nod and she whispers with happiness. "Thank you."
"I've just mind-linked Beta Lewis and he will take charge of the pack today. Are you ready?" He asks.
I nod my head in reply and close my eyes as I allow my wolf to take control. This is the first time I am not fighting with her for power over my body. She slips in the front of my mind with ease and grace. While I watch in the background as Jacob eyes darken permanently. It's then that I feel my wolf run into Jacobs arms as she snuggles into his chest. The sparks light up across my skin, like the forth of July. The safety and security engulfs us. I feel her emotions and all she is feels is pure happiness at having this contact with her mate.
Both of them hugging each other like they are each other's life line. There hands gripping onto each other like the other is going to disappear into thin air. Jacob's wolf whispers in my ear "Are you ready?" His voice is deeper and huskier and all she can do is nod at his words. He clasps her hand and pulls her out of the pack house. My wolf picks up my feet both of them running into the forest.
It's then that both of them forgets about our clothes and the breaking of bones, the clicking of limps and the contortion of our bodies start to shift. There is no hesitation, there is no questioning, both are eager and excited to be in their wolf form together. It was something that neither of them had experienced before. The shift completes as our skin disappears into a thick coat of fur.
My wolf yips with excitement as she sees her mate in his wolf form for the first time in her life. His fur is thick and brown. His eyes are larger and black as the dead of night. My wolf runs to him and nuzzles into his neck, she licks his nose and he lets out a soft growl of excitement. Both of them yelping with joy at getting the chance to play with each other. My wolf prances around him and she quickly nips his tail flirtatiously, Jacob's wolf swiftly turns in her direction as she starts to run off. I can feel her want and need for him to chase her through the forest. Jacob's wolf follows the chase, I can hear his padded footsteps through the forest.
I don't know long they chase each other but both are happy and filled with joy. I feel connected to my wolf and allow her positive emotions to fill my body. It wasn't because I was accepting Jacob it was simply because I didn't want to ruin her time with my negativity. I refrained myself from thinking about the past and just enjoyed the present.
For the rest of the day, our wolves roam the Redbridge territory. They played, they ran together, they hunted together and shared the spoils. It wasn't before long that both had forgot that their time was coming to end. I could feel my wolf's sadness slip through every now and then, only for me to encourage her to enjoy it. By the end of the day, both our wolfs were sat in the clearing where our ill fated story began.
Jacob's wolf laid on his belly, in the one place of the pack where the greenery was alive. The tree's were tall and majestic, the grass had a soft evening dew on the ends. The wildflowers were blooming and poking through the bushes. My wolf took slow and calculated steps as she laid on her belly and snuggled around him. Her body was like a vine wrapping around a tree. There was an unspoken peace that settled between them. My wolf closed her eyes, the pain in her heart was no longer something she could not ignore.
Jacob's wolf had tears in his eyes, I could hear him whimpering at the pain he was feeling. It was also something he too, could no longer ignore. The sky that was once a light blue was now filled with pink hues and orange streaks as the sun began to set. Both of them doing nothing but whimpering at their fate. My wolf didn't have to ask me whether my feelings had changed.
She knew that my plight was not with his wolf but with his human host and with my explanations yesterday she started to understand and comprehend the complications of us starting a relationship. All she could think was that their time was coming to an end. I could feel Jacob's wolf's emotions as mine had opened up the bond. He was sad and disappointed but he too understood the damage that his human had caused.
Both had no words to share as they watched the nightfall hit the sky. The only thoughts running through their mind was what could have been. Thoughts of marriage and a lifetime commitment as my wolf became Luna floated through their mind which then led to thoughts of pups together that ran around the pack, bringing nothing but joy and laughter. Their final thoughts drift to what their life would be like as they grow old together watching their pups give them grand pups as they take their final breaths in each other's arms.
It's in that moment that not only my wolf is crying but I too release tears at the life that we could have had together.