"Just eat, Phu. I cook plenty of food for us. You too, Pond," my mom said. I glanced at Pond, and he looked back at me, smiling, which I returned.
I didn't know how to act around my parents and Gemini. I couldn't even look my brother in the eye. After the conversation I had with Pond last night, I felt completely awkward.
All I wanted was to enjoy breakfast with my family, but I was surprised to find that Pond had spent the night here. It shocked me even more that he was the one who woke me up for breakfast. I was more surprised by him than by the fact that I had slept straight through the night without dinner.
"Let's go out later, Phu," Gemini suggested. "You should come too, Pond. Bring Aou along so he can get out for a bit."
"Sure, I'll call him later," Pond replied with a smile, even adding some food to Gemini's plate.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Anywhere. No particular place in mind."
"I'll pass. I still have jet lag. Plus, I need to submit some documents for my job."
"Job? What do you mean?"
"Before I came home, I applied at a convenience store. I got a message last night that I was hired, and I need to submit some documents. Pond already knows about it; I thought you did too."
"Pond didn't mention anything to me last night. But why?"
"Why what?" I couldn't bring myself to look directly at Gemini.
"Isn't the money we send and your allowance from the academy enough?" Dad asked.
"To be honest, no. But I can manage. It's just that the cost of living in America is too high, so I decided to work instead of asking for extra money from you. Earning my own is better."
"What about your studies?" Gemini asked.
"What about it? Of course I'll still study."
"Are you sure you won't neglect them?" my twin pressed.
"No."
"Being a working student is tough, Phuwin."
"I know, Gem. But I can handle it. Both of us are studying and in different schools. This way, it won't be too much of a burden for Mom and Dad."
And it gives me a reason not to come home for a while. A way to forget about Pond.
"Fine. When do you start?"
"Next week. I'll be back in America on Friday. I've already asked the school to reschedule my flight, and they agreed. I'm just waiting for their update."
Gem just nodded in response and then looked at our parents. I followed his gaze and saw how sad my mom looked.
"Mom, Dad, I'm sorry for the sudden change. I didn't know I would get accepted. I just acted on impulse when I applied for that position. Besides, I want to lessen your burden. Both Gemini and I are studying, and unlike before, our allowances are separate now."
Seeing my mom's sadness tugged at my heart, but I needed to do this before things got complicated. While Gemini was still unaware of my feelings to his boyfriend.
Breakfast went smoothly. I didn't say much and just enjoyed the food because I missed Mom's cooking. Only Gem, Dad, and Pond were talking. I would laugh when it's need so suspicion will not arouse.
After breakfast, I decided to stay in Mom's back garden. She loves plants, so our house is filled with them. We have two gardensâone in the front that I landscaped myself, and another in the back that Gem arranged. The back garden looks more like a greenhouse because it has a roof and air plants hanging everywhere. There are also many varieties of orchids, and almost all of them are blooming.
I sat on a bench that Gem and I had argued over the design for. It's always been my favorite spot in the back garden because it was the first time I made Gem cry just by refusing to use his design. Because of that bench, we both got in trouble with Dad. It was the first time Gem and I were grounded together. And until we made up, we weren't allowed to leave the house.
Gem and I don't usually fight. That was the only time I had an issue with him about the bench design. Other than that, we've never had any real conflicts. It was the first and last quarrel we had.
Gem always adjusts for me. Whenever I want something, he readily gives in. He understands my tantrums. Gemini loves me more than I love him. We're not spoiled by our parents, but I am spoiled by my twin. Not all the time, though. If what I want is bad, he'll explain why it's not a good idea and make sure I understand the pros and cons.
I love Gem. If anyone were to hurt him, physically or emotionally, I'd be the first to confront them. No one can hurt my twinânot on my watch.
But I never thought I might be the one to hurt him emotionally. It's a kind of pain that's hard to heal. I hate myself for that. Why did it have to be that we both fell for the same guy? Why did it have to be Pond? It could have been Fourth, or anyone else, as long as it wasn't Pond.
Guilt is consuming me.
I don't know how to act around my twin. I don't know how to be normal in front of him, especially now that I found out Pond will be staying at our house because he's alone. His parents are out of the country for business, and Pond didn't want to be by himself, so he will stay with us for a while.
Five days. I'll be here for five days. I have no idea how I'll handle being around them normally during that time. I also don't know how I'll avoid Pond. Our house isn't big enough for us not to run into each other. Plus, we can't avoid eating together. I also want to bond with my brother and parents. I can't just hide in my room until my flight. Mom's already upset about my decision to work, which is why I'm returning to the U.S. so soon. I don't want to upset him more.
I sighed deeply and looked up at the sky. Why does my life have to be so complicated? I just fell in love, and it turns out I fell for the wrong person. No, I love someone right, but he loves someone elseâand that someone is my twin.
"Didn't you say you still had jet lag? Why don't you rest?"
I turned to see Gem walking towards me.
"My back hurts from lying down too much," I replied, shifting slightly so he could sit beside me.
I missed Gem. I want more time with him, but how can I do that with how I feel right now?
"Is something bothering you, Phu?" he asked. I looked at him, surprised by his serious tone, and quickly averted my gaze. Gem can read me too easily when he looks me straight in the eye.
"Not really. Why?"
"I just feel like there's something off with you."
"It's just your imagination, Gem. I'm fine."
"Phuwin, don't forget, I'm your twin. I can tell when something's wrong, no matter how far apart we are."
"I'm really fine. Maybe I just feel guilty."
"Guilty about what?"
"Because I'm going back to the U.S. so soon. Mom expects me to stay for a month. She's probably already planned some outings for us."
"Why did you decide to work?"
"I already answered that, didn't I?"
"Phuwin, you know you're not good at lying."
I looked at Gem. "I'm not lying, Gem. What I said earlier was true."
"But that's not the whole story."
"Is there more?"
Does he know? Has he figured me out? Please, no.
"Yes. There's another reason you want to go back to the U.S. Aside from your job, there's something else. Actually, that's your main reason, and the job is just your excuse."
"Tell me what that other reason is."
Gem placed a finger on my chest, right over my heart. "This. You're in love, Phuwin, and it seems there's a big misunderstanding happening right now. You're misinterpreting things, and you're afraid to confirm it."
"You're crazy, Gem. Who could I possibly be in love with?"
"With my friend. Pond."