Phuwin's POV
I sat quietly, watching Gem, who was staring down at his hands, fidgeting nervously. I wanted to ask him everything, but I knew deep down that I wasnât ready to hear the truth. I didnât even know where to begin or what my first question should be.
Silence enveloped us. We were both trying to sense each otherâs emotions.
I could feel his sadness. He was panicking, his hands already picking at his fingers. I wanted to reach out, to comfort and calm him, but I couldnât. I couldnât even calm myself. I wanted to scream, but all I could do was let my tears fall.
I sighed deeply and looked up at the ceiling. Both Gem and I were hurting, but he had endured the pain far longer than I had.
"When did this start?" I broke the silence.
"Since our third year of college. I caught dad on a date with his mistress," Gem replied, his voice breaking as tears fell.
It had been going on for so long. All the rumors in the neighborhood were true. I had even fought to defend my parents, yet it was all real. What was even more ironic was that Gem had caught our dad, and I had caught our mom. Maybe what Gem saw was less severe since Dad was just on a date, but the pain we both felt was the same.
"Iâm sorry I didnât tell you... earlier," Gem said, his voice trembling. "I was scared. Scared of... what you might do. Scared of what might happen to you."
I didnât respond. I wanted to be angry with him. He kept me in the dark, but at the same time, I understood. My temper was far worse than his, and I knew exactly what he was afraid of.
"And... what about mom?"
"I donât know. I just found out she has someone else too."
An eye for an eye, huh.
I couldnât speak. I cried quietly. The pain was overwhelming. My anger was hard to control, and although I wanted to know everything, I was terrified. Terrified of how broken our family truly was. Terrified of how deeply my twin was hurt.
"Are you mad?"
I looked down at Gem. He was gazing back at me, his eyes filled with so much pain.
My heart sank. His suffering was so apparent. He had taken on all the pain from our parents, just to shield me from it, to keep me emotionally stable. He had hidden everything, carrying the weight of it all alone.
"Iâm not mad, just... upset," I answered.
"Thank you."
I hugged him then. The relief in his eyes was immediate. He let out a loud, relieved sigh, like a massive weight had been lifted from him.
"Thank you. Thank you for not being angry with me. Itâs okay... Itâs okay if youâre upset, just... just donât be mad at me."
"I could never be mad at you, Gem. If anyone deserves my anger, itâs mom and dad."
"Dad tried to fix everything last year, Phu."
"Donât defend him to me, Gem."
Gem idolized our father. I had witnessed how much he wanted to be like him when he had his own family. He always envisioned himself as the kind of father our dad had once been to us.
"Iâm not," Gem said as he pulled away. "Iâll never do that, not after what he did."
I nodded. "What happened?" Seems like there more than what I am thinking of.
"Last year, I ran into Auntie Godji at Pondâs club. We talked. At first, it was just a casual âhi, how are you,â but then she opened up. She told me why she left home. As you know, she moved out and went to live with her boyfriend. It was because of mom. Mom insulted her for being gay and preferring to be called Auntie instead of Uncle. Mom was homophobic. The insults were cruel, even attacking Grandma because of it. Mom even threatened to kill Aunt Godji if she didnât leave. Out of fear, Aunt Godji left with her boyfriend. But after all those years, she ran into mom at a restaurant owned by her boyfriendâs brother. At first, she thought the man with mom was just a client since she knew mom had a business. But when mom started acting affectionate with him, Aunt Godji got suspicious. She brushed it off at first, but a week later, she saw them together again. This time, she stayed and watched. When they left the restaurant and headed to a motel, thatâs when she knew it wasnât business."
"When did this happen?"
"After our second periodical exam in our second year of high school."
I closed my eyes. So it wasnât dad who cheated first; it was our mother, the woman I respected so much.
"So, it was mom?"
Gem nodded.
"And dad... retaliated?"
"No and yes. Dad was hurt, and someone else comforted him. He found love and peace with another woman."
"But mom said dad was the one who started it."
"She said that because she wants custody of us."
"What do you mean?"
"The same year I met Aunt Godji, I broke down in front of them. I couldnât take it anymore. I felt like a ping pong ball being passed between them. Mom was always calling me, asking me to get dad to come home. The rumors about our family were growing in the neighborhood, and mom couldnât handle it. She kept trying to get dad to come back, but he refused, saying he wouldnât return unless I was there. That made mom furious because she felt dad didnât care about her anymore. Dad asked her if she thought about him when she cheated, and if she ever considered his feelings while she was with another man. I broke down in front of them, made it clear how much their actions were hurting me, and told them youâd be just as hurt if you found out. I begged them to fix our family, but mom refused. She said she could give you a family with a different father, that youâd be easy to convince if she made you believe dad was the bad guy."
The audacity. What did she think we were? Investments?
"Thatâs when I cut ties with her. I told her she wouldnât see me unless it was absolutely necessary and that she should pray you never found out because sheâd lose both of us."
I closed my eyes and cried. I hugged Gem tighter. Our family was beyond repair, broken in ways I couldnât comprehend. Momâs mindset, her logic, was unfathomable.
I didnât mind supporting her, giving her money. I believed it wasnât our responsibility to care for our parents, but my love for them pushed me to want to provide for them, to make their lives easier now that I had graduated.
But now, it was all gone. If mom didnât have another man, maybe I could still bear it. But knowing she had someone else, the thought of her spending the money I worked hard for on her lover made me furious.
"Iâm filing a case against mom, Phu. Iâll send her to jail."
Gemâs firm voice sent a chill down my spine. Thatâs what I had heard earlier when I woke up. It shocked me that things had escalated to that point.
I pulled away from the hug. Gem wiped my tears as he looked at me seriously.
"Why? Why did it reach this point?"
"Havenât you wondered why mom sends you such a large allowance? Why we have a condo?"
"What do you mean?"
"Weâre not as wealthy as Pondâs family. We live a fairly average life. Dadâs salary is enough for us to go to a good school, but itâs not enough to buy a condo."
"So where did mom get the money for the condo?" My heart pounded with fear. I didnât want to imagine the worst, that she was involved in something illegal.
"Mom has a business, but itâs not a regular business. Itâs illegal."
"Is she selling drugs?"
Gem looked at me sadly and handed me a piece of paper he had been holding.
I took it and read its contents. I laughed bitterly at what I saw. I couldnât control my anger. I was beyond furious.
Our mother was a big-time drug dealer, one of the top five on the policeâs list.
What a life. What a messed-up life. Dying would be easier than this.