Staying in the dorm was good. Very, very good.
For two months, I don't have to wake up so early, unless my class is at 7:30 in the morning. I can stay in bed up until 7 am if my class is eight in the morning. I can't hear Gem's voice, and him being persistent to wake me up, so we can go to school as early as it can be. I don't need to rush in or hurry to get myself ready. The dorm is only a five-minute walk from the engineering building.
I also don't have to sleep in the rain tree aisle just to distress. I can sleep in the dorm every vacant hour. From time to time I still sleep there, especially when we only have 30 minutes of spare time, but most of the time, I sleep in the dorm. I also don't have to travel back home every day. I have a lot of time to do my assignments and paperwork.
I made the right decision for this.
Aside from those I mentioned, I also have time to with Pond. I see the other side of him.
Pond is a caring guy which I never thought he was. He always makes sure that I have food for breakfast. He is often the first to leave every morning because his class starts at seven. When I wake up, there is food on the table with a note saying that I have to eat it before I go to my class.
At night, Pond would come home with food. It's not every day though because Gem often brings us something to eat at night. Gem also often eats in the dorm because she doesn't have anyone to eat with at home. I feel sorry for him that's why I didn't complain when he had dinner in the dorm.
Besides, I can see Pond smile whenever Gem is with us.
I am not that stupid though. It's been two months since I stayed at the dorm with Pond, and he never smiles so happily when Gem is not with us. I can clearly see it. It's as clear as the sky during summer Pond like my twin brother. His smile speaks for everything. The way his eyes light up sa tuwing nakikita nya ang kapatid ko, tell me all the words that his mouth can say.
I am not stupid but I think I am martir one. I mean, I am always in pain seeing them so sweet every time Gem is with us. They sleep in the same bed and cuddle each other, but here I am, always saying that it's okay. That I am fine. That it was okay because it was my brother.
Actually, I never expect any of these. When Pond said that he would stay with me at the dorm, I got so excited. Never in my wildest imagination that I will be with Pond. That we will stay together in one room. I never imagined that I would experience the feeling of opening my eyes and he is the first person that I would see. When I close my eyes, he is the last person I will see, and his good night and sweet dreams are the last words I will hear before I close my eyes.
But, then, everything turned into a nightmare when I slowly saw the sweetness between my brother and Pond. Their laughter is like a noise that always irritates me as days go by. I tried to ignore it, but as days passed, pain consumed me.
I always tell myself that I should be happy. I should be happy for both of them. It's okay because it's my brother that he loves and not someone else. By that, I can still see him and secretly love him. But I came to the point that I got mad at Gem.
I came to the point that I didn't go home during the weekend. I sleep at Fotfot dorm every time my brother sleeps in our dorm. There are times that I have to lie that I have to go somewhere else, meet some friends, and have dinner, just so I don't go to dinner with the two of them.
I always think, how long can I hold the pain? How long can I endure it? How long will I cry myself to sleep?
I'm so in love with Pond that I can't even save myself in pain. I'm so down bad, that I can't get up at all.
No one knows the pain I endure. Only the pillows know how long I cry every night. The moon is the sole witness of the pain I am suffering every time.
When I start questioning myself. Until then I'll be like this. Will I be able to save myself? Will there be a way? An answer suddenly came in.
I was chosen to be an exchange student at one of the schools in the US, and I have to study there until I graduate.
I was surprised, but that moment, the dean told me about it, my mind already said yes. No questions, no buts, nothing. Just yes.
I consulted my family about it. No. I didn't consult them. I informed them about it and my decision. I firmly said I wanted it with a reason that it would be a great opportunity for me.
But the truth is, I want to save myself from pain. I want to save my relationship with my brother and the friendship between me and Pond.
Love should not ruin any relationship that comes before it. So, I will save it as early as it can be.
"Will you be okay there Phu? It's the US." Aou asked me. We are at the restaurant for my farewell party. Aou and Fotfot hosted the party in a restaurant owned by Aou family.
Gem and Pond are also with us. As usual, they sit together. Pond's hand is on my brother's shoulder while Gem's hand is resting on Pond's lap.
"Of course. The students there are still human." I answered jokingly. I laugh out loud to cover my pain.
"Phu it's US." Gem said
"I know and I'll be okay. You don't have to worry. You should worry about your love life." I answered.
"What love life?"
I just shrugged my shoulder. He can deny it to everyone, but not to me. I am martir, but I'm not blind or stupid.
Besides, he is my brother, my twin to be exact. I know him more than anyone else.
"Will you update us?" Pond asked. He is seriously looking at me. I can see the sadness in his eyes.
Is he sad because I'm leaving? Or because my twin is also sad.
I think it's the latter.
"I will, of course, but maybe throught post on my social media account. Different time zone you know."
"Okay. Take care of yourself there, okay."
"I will. Thanks."
How I wish Pond would stop me. Just tell me not to go Pond. Just say it and I will cancel everything. I will give up this opportunity and will stay here.
But of course, that will be one of my ungranted wishes. It will remain a wish.
The next morning I got ready early. My flight is at 1 in the afternoon so I have to be at the airport before 10 am. My parents will drop me off. It's just my parents because Gemini didn't say anything about whether he'd accompany me to the airport. He also slept there in Pond's dorm.
I want to sulk with my twin. I'm leaving and will stay in the US for two years. I wanted us to bond last night, but he chose to sleep in the dorm with Pond instead. He chose his lover over his brother. But, I think, that's how it is, right?
If you have a lover, he or she will be your new world. Your life, your air, your best friend, your everything. You will choose him over everyone that comes first in your life.
Is that how it works?
It's sad and painful if it works like that.
My parents and I were quiet until we reached the airport. No words came out of our mouths but Mom hugged me and Dad held my hand the entire ride.
Nang makarating kami sa airport ay nagsimula ng umiyak si mommy. Dad hold him tightly, try to calm him down while he calm himself also.
I know, that if I asked them, right now, right here, they would immediately say no and drag me out of the airport to go back home. But they also know that my decision is firm since I don't ask for their decision and permission at all.
"Be careful there. Update us from time to time, okay. Call us as much as you can." Mom said as she cried.
"I will. But calling you regularly is impossible. Different time zone, mom."
"I know. But still, call us from time to time."
"I will mom. Don't worry."
"Also, call your twin. He will surely miss you."
Will he? I doubt. He's not here.
"I will."
"Will you?" We turned around at the same time. Gemini is standing beside us with Pond. His hand was crossed on his chest. "Your eyes say something different, Phuwin."
"You're here." I said in a cold tone.
"You don't want me to be here?"
"I thought you're busy."
"Busy of what?"
"It should be BUSY WITH WHOM, brother."
Gem chuckled and shook his head. He pulled Pond closer to him and whispered something, making Pond blush and smile.
Their audacity to flirt in front of us.
"Stop sulking, Phu." He came to me and hugged me tightly. His warm and sincere hugs melt the pain a bit.
I hug him back. Seriously, I can't get mad at him for long. He is my brother and my twin after all.
"I thought you were not coming to see me off." I tried my very best to hold my tears but my voice cracked, betraying me.
"How can't I? My twin is going to the US. Somewhere so far away from me. How can I not see you off?"
"But you were not home last night. You stay with your boyfriend."
Gemini laughs hard, pushing me gently away from his hug.
"You and your overthinking attitude always got the best in you." He flicked my forehead and hugged me again. "Stop overthinking Phu."
"I'm not. You choose him over me."
"Consoling two babies is hard, seriously. Haist."
Two babies? Pond is his other baby.
"Be happy Gem. I'll be happy for you."
"Phuwin. Phuwin. One day when you learn and know everything, you will tell yourself how stupid and unnecessarily dramatic you are today. When that time comes, let me smack your head, okay."
"Whatever, Gem. Just be happy okay."
"Hahahaha I will."
"Phu."
Gem broke our hug when Pond called me. I immediately wipe my tears and look at Pond.
"What?" I smile at him. He smiled back but it didn't reach his eyes. His smile didn't overcome the sadness in his eyes.
"Take care always. Update us from time to time. Get sleep as much as you can. Don't stress yourself too much. You know that you will get sick if you are too stressed. Eat on time. Always smile but don't act cute to anyone."
"Alaiwa, Pond." I laughed because he suddenly cried.
"Just take care there, okay."
"I will." I wipe his tears. "Stop crying. Gem will be sad."
Pond chuckled and shook his head. He, then, pulled me towards him and hugged me tightly, making me shock. My brain suddenly froze, unable to process what just happened.
"I will miss you, Phu. As much as I want to stop you, I can't. This opportunity is good for you. I'll wait for your return. Promise."
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