âShould I?â she interrupts.
I donât know how I expect her to know that by now, when I have done so much shit. âYouâre right . . . but be quiet,â I say, and she rolls her eyes.
âMy party fucking sucked, and I wouldnât have even gone if you didnât want me to. I didnât drink at allâwell, actually I did have one drink, but thatâs all. I didnât talk to any other girls, I barely spoke to Molly, and I sure as hell wasnât hanging out with strippers. Why the fuck would I want anything to do with a stripper when I have you?â
Her eyes soften slightly, and sheâs no longer glaring at me like she wants to chop my fucking head off. Itâs a start.
âNot that I have you . . . but Iâm trying to have you again. I donât want anyone else. More importantly, I donât want you to want anyone else either. I donât know why you would run to Zed, anyway. I know heâs nice to you blah blah blah . . . but heâs full of shit.â
âHe hasnât done anything to make me think that, Hardin,â she insists.
âHe texted you from my phone pretending to be me, he purposely told you about the strippersââ
âYou donât know that he texted me, and Iâm actually glad to have learned about the strippers.â
âI would have told you if youâd answered when I called you. I had no idea what was going on. I didnât know you made me a cake or that you were waiting on me. Itâs already hard enough to get you to see that Iâm trying here, but then he has to come in between us and plant these ideas in your head.â
She stays silent.
âSo where do we go from here, Tess? I need to know, because this back-and-forth shitâs killing me and I canât give you space any longer.â I kneel down in front of her, and her eyes meet mine as I wait for an answer.
Chapter one hundred and twelve
TESSA
I donât know what to do or say to Hardin at this point.
Part of me knows he isnât lying to me about the texts, but I donât think Zed would do that to me. I just got finished talking to him about everything with Hardin, and he was so kind and understanding.
But this is Hardin.
His voice is low and slow, but he presses: âCan you give me an answer?â
âI donât know, Iâm tired of the back-and-forth, too. Itâs so exhausting and I canât do it anymore, I really canât,â I tell him.
âBut I didnât do anything; we were fine until yesterday, and none of this is my fault. I know it usually is, but not this time. Iâm sorry I didnât spend my birthday with you. I know I should have, and Iâm sorry,â Hardin says.
He rests his palms on his thighs as he sits in front of me on his knees, not begging like before but just waiting.
If heâs telling the truth about not sending the texts, which I believe he is, then this really is just a misunderstanding.
âWhen will it stop, though? Iâve had enough of all of it. I had such a great time when you took me out, but then you wouldnât even stay until morning.â Itâs been bothering me that he left like that, but I hadnât fully realized it, I guess.
âI didnât stick around becauseâper Landon, who I also consultedâIâm trying to give you space. Iâm shit at it, obviously, but I thought if I gave you a little space you would have time to think about all of this and it would be easier for you,â he tells me.
âItâs not easier for me, but itâs not all about me. Itâs about you, too,â I tell him.
âWhat?â he questions.
âItâs not only about me. I mean, this has to be exhausting for you, too.â
âWho gives a shit about me? I just want you to be okay and for you to know that Iâm really trying here.â
âI do.â
âYou do what? Believe that Iâm trying?â he asks.
âThat, and I give a shit about you,â I tell him.
âSo what are we doing, Tessa? Are we okay now? Or at least on the road to being okay?â He lifts his hand and brings it to my cheek.
He looks at me for approval and I donât stop him.
âWhy are we both so crazy?â I whisper as his thumb runs over my bottom lip.
âIâm not. You surely are, though.â He smiles.
âYouâre crazier than me,â I tell him, and he inches closer and closer.
Iâm irritated at him for yelling at me and for making me wait for him last night even though he supposedly had nothing to do with it, Iâm upset that we canât seem to get along, but more than all of that I miss him. I miss the closeness between us. I miss the way his eyes change when he looks at me.
I have to admit my faults and the role I played in all of this mess. I know how stubborn I am, and it doesnât help anything when I assume the worst about him when heâs trying, I know he is. Iâm not ready to be in a relationship with him, but I have no reason to be upset with him over last night. I hope not, at least.
I donât know what to think, but I donât want to think right now.
âNo,â he whispers, his lips mere centimeters from mine.
âYes.â
âShut up.â He presses his lips against mine with extreme caution. They barely touch mine as he uses both hands to cup my cheeks.
His tongue grazes along my bottom lip, and I lose my breath. I open my mouth slightly to try to get some air, but there doesnât seem to be anyâthereâs nothing, only him. I tug at his shirt to bring him off of his knees, but he doesnât budge as he continues to kiss me slowly. His torturous pace is driving me mad, and I move from my spot at the end of the bed down to meet him on the floor.