WE LAY TOGETHER, HOT, sweaty, and panting as our hearts beat against one another in our chests.
I lift one hand to stroke the side of Meganâs face.
âThat was amazing. Youâre amazing.â
I lean in and press a kiss against her lips. Sheâs still flushed from her orgasm, her pupils dilated, and her hair spread over my pillow like a glowing flame.
I donât think Iâve ever seen a more beautiful sight.
âI canât⦠my ears are ringing.â She giggles. âYou sound far away.â
âIâm right here, Megan.â
And I mean it.
Iâm right here with her.
All the reasons I thought I had for needing to keep away from her donât matter right now. Nothing else matters, except this feeling, this moment, watching her as she smiles up at me.
I know Iâm coming down from an intense high, but I canât spoil it with thoughts of Joanna, thoughts of the million things that could be about to happen in my life that means I shouldnât be here, involving Megan. The sickening thought that if my control is ripped away from me, she could get dragged down too.
âWhatâs wrong?â she asks, her brow furrowing.
I slide out of her and dispose the condom, then lie back down and wrap her in my arms, forcing the frown off my face.
âNothing. Iâm just thinking how fortunate I am right now.â
âBecause you got laid by a younger woman?â She giggles, resting her head against my chest.
I wind a copper curl through my fingers, relieved she isnât going to pry deeper.
âExactly. Although saying it like that makes me sound like a dirty old man. Iâm forty-four, Megan. Iâm not dead.â
âYou have a son four years younger than me.â She looks up at me, her eyes bright, biting her lip.
âDo you want to date him instead?â I ask, lifting my thumb to pull her bottom lip free.
She kisses the tip of my thumb.
âI donât know. Is he as sexy as his dad?â
I narrow my eyes at her and put my hand around the back of her head, pulling her lips to mine for a deep kiss, which should erase any thoughts of other men from her mind, joking or not.
I groan when she breaks contact and rests her chin on top of her hand thatâs found a home on my chest.
âWhat was it like? Having him so young? If you donât mind me asking?â
âIt was⦠a surprise. Me and Penelope, we were only eighteen, kids really. It was a summer fling before we went to university. Neither of us thought it would last. We were just having fun.â
âWhat happened?â Megan traces circles across my chest with her free hand as she looks up at me.
âShe started feeling funny, sick mainly, tired.â Meganâs hand pauses mid-air for a moment before continuing its caressing. âThen her period was late, and she took a test, and that was that.â Almost twenty-seven years later, I still remember the craziness, the disbelief, the reaction from her parents as if it had happened yesterday.
âWhat did you do?â
âWe both deferred university for a year, and she had Christopher. My mum helped a lot. We couldnât have done it without her. I think it gave her something to focus on again after losing my dad. My brother was twelve then. He was going out with his friends more, and mum was lonely.â
âAnd then you got married?â
I blow out a long breath. âWhen I graduated. It seemed like the right thing to do. People kept asking when we were going to, and we just kind of got swept along with it.â
âHow come you never had more children?â Megan asks. I pull her tighter against me and lean down to smell her hair. It smells like berries, forbidden fruit. The irony isnât lost on me.
âWe talked about it, but we werenât in love. Itâs hard to explain. I mean, we loved each other. Sheâs an amazing woman and mother. But we werenât in love. Family is important to both of us, so we agreed to stay together for Christopher. I will be forever grateful to her for making that sacrifice for him.â
I stare up at the ceiling, waiting for Megan to respond. This got heavy quickly. How did we go from mind-blowing sex to me laying my past out to her? Itâs not that I donât want her to know these things. Itâs nice to find someone who I can talk to so easily.
But if she knew everything⦠if she knew what she might be letting herself in for, maybe sheâd be less inclined to stay for âpillow talkâ.
âI think you both made a choice to do what you felt was right, out of love for someone else.â She raises her eyes to look at me. âI donât think thereâs a better reason in the world than that.â
I roll my lips as her words sink in. âNo, no better reason.â
âSo, are things going to be awkward at work now? Now, this has happened again.â She waves her hand between the two of us, gesturing at the âthis.â
âOf course not. It wasnât awkward before, was it?â I ignore her raised brow and smirk and instead slide my free hand up to stroke her breast. Her rosy pink nipple hardens the moment my thumb grazes it. âBesides, I wonât be making the same mistake as last time.â
âWhatâs that?â She sucks her breath in as I slide down the bed and draw her nipple into my mouth.
âThis time, Iâm not letting you go.â
She squirms underneath me as I switch to suck the other side.
âDo I get a say in any of this?â Her hands fist in my hair as I slide lower, rolling her onto her back and parting her legs with my hands.
âYou can say all you want, Princess. Right now, Iâm busy.â
As I swipe my tongue through her wet skin, tasting her sweetness, my determination grows.
I shouldnât be here with her.
At least not until I sort some things out.
Speak to Joanna for a start.
But then, maybe all this head-fucking is for nothing.
Maybe I can have my Megan-cake and eat it. Sink myself into it and spread it across my face, indulge myself, like Iâm doing with her pussy right now.
Because I know one thing for sure, Iâve never wanted to be selfish as much as I have since meeting Megan. I canât get her out of my head. I donât want to get her out of my head. Just like earlier when I kissed her on the terrace, I know with certainty this could end badly. She could get hurt, and I would never forgive myself.
Yet, I canât stop myself.
She moans as I sink two fingers inside her and suck on her clit. My cockâs already hard, insatiable, screaming to be inside her again.
âJaxon.â Her voice is light and breathy as I draw another moan from her, and her bodyshudders.
Iâm definitely going to hell.
âHave dinner with me Monday night?â I ask, catching Meganâs hand in mine as sheâs about to disappear through her front door.
She turns back to me and gives me a smile that lights up her entire face.
Weâve been playing this game for fifteen minutes.
Each time sheâs about to head inside, I touch her or kiss her again.
I canât help myself.
âI would say tonight, or even tomorrow, but I have some work things on that I canât reschedule,â I explain, holding my breath as I wait for her answer.
We spent all of Friday night together. She slept in my arms, which was a first for me. I canât usually sleep so close to someone else. I like my space. But somehow, I didnât want to let her go. Having her there felt right.
I swallow down the doubt thatâs niggling at me, threatening to ruin the previous, perfect twenty-four hours. I donât want to think about anything else at this moment.
Except for what her answer is.
âI donât know. That sounds awfully like a date,â she replies, leaning against the doorframe and chewing on her lip.
I reach up and pull it from between her teeth.
âIt sounds awfully like one because it is one, Megan.â
Her eyes glitter at me, and I know sheâs teasing. âOkay, I accept your invitation. As long as thereâs dessert.â
I cock a brow at her and open my mouth to answer.
âNot like that.â She smirks, pressing her fingertips to my lips. âI mean the sugar-filled, calorie-overload type.â
I kiss her fingertips as I draw her hand into mine, twisting it, so my mouth brushes the silky skin of her wrist. âDo I sense some kind of disapproval of my nutritious sustenance choices?â I wink at her.
She giggles and lets out a contented-sounding sigh. âNot at all. I love that you take such good care of yourself.â
âBut?â
âBut sometimes itâs fun to bend the rules, Jaxon.â She smiles as she steps forward and presses a gentle kiss to my lips as she says goodbye.
I go back to my car and sit there, staring at Meganâs closed door.
Bend the rules?
Iâm pretty sure Iâm breaking every one of them right now.
Mixing work and my personal life is something Iâve never done before, but that doesnât bother me. Megan is a professional, and we arenât always going to be working together. We will finish the White Fire project one day.
Itâs the other rule Iâm worried about.
The one that should have kept me away from Megan.
The one that should protect her, preventing any chance of her being hurt.
I still donât know exactly what it is Iâm playing with here yet. Itâs like thereâs a fucking game of tennis going onin my head. One minute itâs all fine, and I believe thereâll be nothing to worry about. The next, Iâm a selfish jerk for letting it get even this far with her, pulling her into something she didnât consent to.
Maybe sheâll decide Iâm not worth the trouble. That will probably be the best thing to happen. Itâll hurt like a motherfucker. Iâve only known her a short time, but I know enough.
Saying goodbye to her wonât be easy.
My grip tightens on the steering wheel as I start the engine.
Thereâs only one way to find out just how this shit-show is going to go down. I pull out into the road and use the carâs Bluetooth to make a callâthe one Iâve been putting off for almost two months.
âWell, itâs about time.â Joannaâs tone drips with sarcasm as she answers.
My stomach sinks. If she hadnât picked up, I could have avoided this.
But what good would come of delaying the inevitable?
I clear my throat. âYes. Iâm sorry. Iâve been busy with work.â
âSo busy that you thought you could put this off?â She tuts, and I imagine her holding her hand out and inspecting her nail polish for chips. The way she does when sheâs thinking.
âThere is no this, Joanna,â I snap. If I say it enough times, maybe it will be the truth.
âJaxon!â I can tell sheâs getting angry; she rarely raises her voice. âYou need to sort this out. You canât bury your head in the sand and pretend itâs not happening.â
âThatâs not what Iâm doing. Iâm calling you, arenât I?â I reply, my voice level, calm. It seems to infuriate her even more.
âYouâre exasperating. If Pen knewââ
âBut youâre not going to tell Penelope, are you?â
âOf course not. I could never do that. What do you take me for?â She lets out a big sigh. âLook, Jaxon. Just come and see me, please. We can talk about this. And who knows, maybe youâre right. But you made me promise you, remember?â
My shoulders drop, and I unclench my fists. Sheâs right. I made her promise.
âFine,â I force out.
âGood. Iâll text you a time, okay? Make sure you show up.â
âWhen do I not?â I say, but sheâs already gone.