Chapter 57
" Heart Of A Killer. "
Rochelle Quinn's POV:
- Major trigger warning on this chapter: Detailed description of Mental/Physical/Sexual Abuse. Explicit Self Harm and Suicide warning. Mention of Alcohol and Drug Abuse.-
"Where's your brothers?"
My head shoots up once all the Jensen's, minus Kenzie, walk into my room.
"They've gone home, but knowing them they'll be trying to track down Kyle." I explain, hesitant to tell them their dad was now a target.
"Good." Kace muttered, taking a seat on the end of my bed. I raised my eyebrows as they all sat on either my bed or my chairs.
"How are yous doing?" I ask, taking in their solemn expressions.
"I want to kill him." Kane spoke up, catching my eyes. "Like actually kill him. I want to rip him apart limb from limb. Is that normal?"
"Yeah." I shrugged, "If you want him dead, let me know and I'll get it sorted."
"You'd kill him?" Keegan raised his eyebrows at me, "Seriously?"
"If you wanted it done, yeah." I bit my lip, not entirely comfortable with discussing mine and my families past with them. "It helped Ivan to know Bulldog wasn't coming back. But I wouldn't kill Kyle myself, I'd get someone else to do it."
"But you've killed someone before?" Kane spoke, "What difference would it make if you killed someone else?"
"When I said my Lawyer pulled some strings, he wasn't exactly lying to get me an easier sentence." I bit my lip, explaining. "I don't remember much from that night. But in my toxicology reports, they found a lot of alcohol and traces of cocaine and ecstasy. He said they probably caused hallucinations, paranoia and the severe anxiety, leading me to visit Bulldog and eventually kill him."
"You asked me once if I have the heart of a killer," I say to Kace, "And honestly, I do. But I have the heart of a lover as well. I never believed I had any good in me for such a long time, Kenzie helped me find it again."
Kace's expression softened at my words, a ghost smile lingering on his features. "What was Juvie like?"
"The food was shit. I think I ate Taco Bells and McDonald's every night for a month after getting out." I chuckled, before my expression morphed into one more serious. "It wasn't easy. People got jumped everyday, and most of the Guards were dicks. I was in there for 7/8 months, I think. I got let out early for good behaviour. While I was there there were 12 suicides, one being my cellmate. I found her." I drifted off.
"The best thing for me was probably when they needed to do the repairs. Some of the girls rioted in a higher cell block and everyone got split up. I was moved to the guy area for a month. Made some good friends while I was there, as well." I grin, "I barely went to school as a kid so Juvie gave me the chance to focus on learning. As soon as I was released, I took my GED and obviously got the best score possible."
"What was it like in the guys area?" Kane asks, curiosity lingering on his face.
"It was wild." I smile, "You get a lot more free time in Juvie than Adult Prison. There was a game room and I became friends with some of the toughest guys there. We looked out for each other. My name was quite well known back then so we would swap stories about all the crazy shit we'd done."
"Do you still speak to them?"
"Nah. I went to London with one of my old foster families and I dropped my phone down some hole in the road, their numbers were in it."
Everyone quietened down then.
"I'm going to find Kenzie." Kade told us, getting up and leaving the room.
Keegan spoke up hesitantly, "Do you ever feel guilty?"
"Honestly? Sometimes." I sign, "Despite what he did to us, he had a wife who adored him and a son who idolised him. But he was a bad person. I get these waves of guilt at times, but then I remember what he did to us and it disappears. The punishments, what he did to -"
I cut myself off, taking a deep breath. I gaze up, meeting all of their eyes.
I can trust them.
"Ivan never told me what happened with him and Bulldog. It was continuous, and no one knew until it was time for my punishment. The girl in the house, Raine, she accused me of attacking her. Bulldog got tired with me, and decided to fuck me up more than I believed possible. He tied me up, chained me to a wall and made me watch as he....as he raped my best friend."
They all gasped, Kace's eyes narrowed on the silent tears on my cheeks.
"Taking a life never feels justifiable, but what I did was right. He can't do that to anybody else, and I believe that with every fiber in my body. I can deal with the guilt, and his son's hatred. I can bear it, because I know no one will ever suffer in that way ever again by his hands."
They didn't get the chance to reply, because at that moment Kade ran into my room.
He was pale, all color drained from his face. His voice came out in pained and shaky breaths. "Kenzie's going to...to hurt himself. There's...There's a note on his bed. I...What do I do? Please, you need to stop him."
Shooting up, I sprint to the bathroom door and pounded on it. I could hear him sobbing inside of it, and it just made me hit harder.
"Kenzie, open the door." Kade demanded, a rush of fear in his voice.
"Kenz, let me help you." I begged, hitting the door again harder. "Open the fucking door."
"Leave me alone." Kenzie's voice cracked from behind the door, my heart shattered as I heard his desperate, pained sobs.
"Please don't leave me, Kenzie." I leaned my head on the door, letting a tear fall silently. "Please."
"Kenzie." Keegan spoke gently, rattled by silent sobs. "You're my big brother, I love you. Please don't do this to yourself."
Kace paced just steps behind me, clenching and unclenching his fists. I caught his eyes and almost flinched as the pure hatred locked inside of them.
"I'll fucking kill my dad for ever touching him. Arrange it, please. Get him tortured for doing this to my fucking brother."
Kane placed a hand onto his twins shoulder, shaking his head at him. "It's not about that anymore, we need to get Kenzie out of this."
"I'm sorry." Kenzie's voice broke out, before the clattering of metal could be heard. I could only guess it was the blade hitting the sink.
Kade pounded on the door, not being able to hide the pain in his voice. "We love you, Kenzie. Open the door! Don't you dare do this, Kenz. Open the fucking door."
"Kade, move out the way." I commanded harshly, stepping away from the door. As soon as Kade moved, my leg shot out. Kicking the door until the wood fell through.
Climbing through the gap, I almost gasped aloud at the sight of the bathroom. Kenzie lay in the bathtub, blood decorating his wrists and the water. He looked lifeless.
I moved quickly to him, feeling one of the brothers follow close behind me. I put pressure on his wrists in a bid to stop the blood flow, while Keegan tried to find the pulse in his neck.
"Call 911!" I called out, taking a deep, fearful breath.
The blood kept flowing.
I climb into the bathtub with him, not caring when the water began overflowing in the bath and soon hit the floors.
"Kenzie." I pull him in between my legs, holding him close to me as the tears decorated my cheeks. He mumbles faintly, eyelids fluttering slightly. "Hey Kenz, whoa. Hey! Let me look at you! It's not that bad. We're gonna fix you right up, okay? Hey! Wake up, Kenz. You're gonna be okay. I'm going to look after you. No. No, no, no, no. Don't you dare die on me!"
I grip him harder, making sure I held his wounds tightly.
"I can't lose you, okay?" I won't survive and that'll be your fault." I begged. I cried. My voices choking on themselves. "You made me like you. You made me care about you. You let me in. You don't get to leave me now, Kenzie."
"Please, don't leave me."
I look up to see all the brothers watching me closely, even Keegan who was using his shirt as a temporary bandage from Kenzie's weeping wrists.
Kace stood rigid in the doorway, tears rolling down his cheeks lifelessly as he stared at his little brother.
I knew from that moment that our lives were never going to be the same.
********
3 Chapters left.
Suicide should never be an option, and my heart goes out to everyone who has ever suffered with mental illness and/or suicidal thoughts.
Despite what you may think, you are not alone.
If you need any support, please message me and I will try my best to help.
Always keep fighting.
All my love,
Alaska xx