Chapter 29
" Everything changes when the sky snows. "
Rochelle Quinn's POV:
I'll never outgrow the excitement of looking out my window and seeing fallen snow on a Christmas morning.
Snow tends to beautify every single thing it covers. Even the most ugliest parts of nature can turn beautiful once covered.
It shows the collision between coldness and beauty.
And that is why I loved it.
I see Christmas in a similar way to Thanksgiving- Unnecessary and stupid. A pointless excuse to be kind to people who don't deserve kindness.
Perhaps some people would argue that my mindset is negative, but I would argue back; What is the point of Christmas?
To give presents? Receive them? To be kind? Family?
People love Christmas because they love the presents. They love spending time with their family members and rejoicing in gifts.
I love Christmas because I love the snow.
Everything changes when the sky snows.
The world stopped screaming.
~*~
"Can you pass me the mashed potatoes please?" Kane interrupted the awkward silence by gesturing for his father to pass him a bowl. He complied silently and no other words were exchanged.
I rolled my eyes as the boredom became overwhelming, catching Keegan's knowing gaze. I raised my eyebrow at him, smirking when I realized he was thinking the same thing as me.
Boring ass traditional dinners.
I examined the table hesitantly, my eyes lingered on certain things I noticed.
Kace and Kenzie sat as far away from their father as possible, while still trying to avoid their mothers judging stare.
Kade sat next to me, curling in on himself every time his mothers eyes met his body. A part of me realised that unless his parents were completely oblivious to their son's lives, they must've known about the constant bullying in school.
The thought that his parents didn't do something about it sickened me to the core.
I never had parents, or older brothers to care for me. I had to take care of myself, because in the end I was the only person I could rely on.
But Kade had older brothers, he had parents. And they still didn't protect him.
It's fucked up.
Your family is supposed to care for you, have your back through thick and thin. So why didn't they?
Kace had the nerve to ridicule me for classing Alec, Ivi and Sky as my family but if I didn't have them, I wouldn't have family.
My Mom isn't my family. She never cared for me or Rowan. She was an addict who chose her next high over her children's next meals. Her boyfriend was no better, an alcoholic with no life and no motivation to get one.
Alec is my family for teaching me how to defend myself, for showing me how strong I could be. Ivan is my family for the constant emotional support he provided. He always looked out for me and I payed the favour back as much as I could. Sky is my family because he taught me the importance of childhood and not rushing into life because it'll just bounce back and bite me on the ass. Bodhi is family because he always showed me it was okay to be me. He taught me to care for those who cared for me, and not waste my life with irrelevant people who meant nothing. Reagan taught me humor, and how to love. Lana is my family for teaching me it's okay to fight back against the world.
If Christmas was about family, what am I doing here?
In a way, Kade is my family because he taught me how to care for another person again. Keegan is my family for showing me kindness even when I didn't show much back. Kenzie is my family for showing me that I might not be as bad as I want others to believe. Kane is my family for teaching me acceptance. And I guess Kace is my family for showing me the significance of anger management.
Why haven't I seen most of family in years? Would they even want to see me?
I caught Keegan's stare again, breaking off from my chain of thought.
Everybody was looking expectantly at me. I shook my head at them, "I'm sorry, what?"
"Would you like to be excused Rocky?" Mrs Jensen spoke disdainfully, looking at me with a look of distaste on her delicate features. I don't miss how her lip curled up as she said my name.
"Yes." I stood up, brushing any fallen crumbs off my jeans.
I left the dining room silently, walking straight up to my room and checking my phone.
2 New Messages
Jess
Tell Ivan I said Happy Christmas, I want to see them.
Also, Happy Christmas Rock. Have a good day.
I scrolled through my contacts, smiling as I found the name.
"Happy Christmas bitch, what do you want?" I grinned as Layton's sarcastic voice spoke through my phone.
"Just wanted to see how my favorite friend is doing." She scoffed at my answer, I could practically see her shaking her head at her phone.
"You trying to flirt with me, Quinn?"
"You wish."
"I gotta go, Satan's calling me." She huffed, shouting an 'okay' to the muffled voice. "I better be seeing you soon." She hung up without giving me a chance to reply.
A overwhelming wave of loneliness hit me. I had people who cared for me and I have people I care for, but I still feel alone.
Is that normal?
I don't belong in a massive house, with a phone and a laptop just sat waiting for me to use and a group of people downstairs. I belong in the South, with nothing to my name and nobody with me. This isn't me. I'm not the girl who comforts people when they can't sleep at night, I don't stop people from getting hurt. I was the girl who fought anybody who dared harm me. I was the girl who never let anybody tell me what to do because I was a rebel that couldn't be tamed.
I don't care about people. I don't give a shit about what people think of me.
So why did I suddenly care whether Kenzie went to bed with nightmares or not?
Why did I care when Kade was being hurt by his brothers?
"It's fucked up." I muttered under my breath, pinching my finger nonchalantly.
" What is?" My head jumped up as Kenzie spoke, looking at me with a solemn expression decorating his features. He leaned on my door-frame, his arms crossed.
"Life." I raised my eyebrow at him, daring him to disagree.
He didn't.
Instead he nodded his head at me, tilting his head to the side. "Life's just a fucked up party that we wait for to go wrong."
"It's a game, it's always been a game and it'll always be a game." I concluded, mentally wondering if he saw this shit excuse of an existence the same way as me.
"How do you win it then?" He asks, looking at me curiously.
"Easy. You be a good person, you sort out your education, you get a great job and then you get money." I stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Looks like I've already won then." He shrugs.
"You haven't." I say matter-of-factly. "You can't win the game if you don't play."
He nodded his head again, accepting the statement. "I got you a present."
What?
I didn't say anything back, waiting for him to continue.
He looked nervous, scratching the back of his neck. He pulled a bag out from behind him, "It's a book. I....You like Shakespeare so I thought you'd like something to do with metaphors and words."
"Thank you." I cut off his rambling and took the bag from his sweaty hands, a sincere and soft tone took over my words. "Which book is it?"
"Looking For Alaska, by John Green."
My heart swelled as I realised the depth of his considerations. This was the first Christmas present I had received in years and it wasn't some meaningless present that meant nothing. He thought carefully about what I would like.
No one's done that for me in years.
"If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane." Kenzie quoted quietly, a certain edge overtaking his tone.
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Thank you for reading!
Love to you allâ¤ï¸