It wasn't going to be easy walking out of the hospital after being humiliated like that. Somehow, I had to fight back. I had to have some kind of victory. I slowly moved my hand towards the tray and was about to take one of the scissors when Nancy held my hand.
"Tola stop. You are not a murderer. Just stop it okay?" She quickly took the tray away from me and kept it far from my reach.
"There's no need for that, Tola." I faced her unable to control the tears that were falling from my eyes.
"Nancy why me?" I asked her, "why me?"
"You wanted answers. Now you have it."
" It wasn't meant to go this way. Never." I looked at Ola and then at Nancy again. I opened my hands and looked at the ring he had put on my finger. It was a reminder of the vow we took to be husband and wife.
Now, as much as I still wanted to keep it, it wasn't going to be useful to me anymore. I had to take it off. I breathed hard as I took it off-It was the end.
"Nancy, it's the end." Nancy could hardly recognize me in what I had just done.
"Everything ends here." I told her. She looked away only to turn and tell me,
"And yet you said you missed him."
"I know, but now? I don't care." I put the ring down on the side drawer. Just then, the nurse that had attended to Ola came in.
She had come to pick up the instruments that she left. I used the opportunity to ask her if I could get a pen and a paper. She told me to follow. When she gave me the pen and the paper, I wrote a simple note to Ola which read, thank you for a wonderful life together-Tola.
I went back into the ward and placed the note I had written on top of the side drawer. I then put the ring on top of it. Nancy couldn't believe her eyes when she saw me placing the ring on top of the note.
"Tola are you sure it's what you want?" Nancy asked me. Looking at Ola I nodded.
"Nancy, I once told him that if he ever followed another woman, his life would never be the same again. As you can see, he is a mess I picked up and brought here, probably dumped by some other woman." I shook my head wiping my tears. "He never listened. My words never meant anything to him."
"Take it easy, Tola and be strong as you have always been."
"I keep trying, Nancy. But I've just realized, I never meant anything to him."
"It's okay, Tola don't stretch yourself too far in thinking like that." I tried to force a smile at her but it was evident that I was hurt. I had to leave the hospital. I had to leave Ola. But before leaving, I took one last hold of his hand again. I probably wasn't yours right from the beginning, but don't worry. I'm out of your life now, I said to him without speaking.
"Ola have a nice life. I'm out of your life now and won't bother you anymore." I let go of his hands and told Nancy I was going out. She followed me and as a courtesy, we went to see the doctor. We talked briefly to the doctor who told us Ola would soon be discharged from the hospital. We thanked him and left.
Once outside the hospital we got into my car.
"Nancy when was the last time you went to the house?"
"You mean the second house?" I nodded.
"Since the last time we saw each other there, I've been there only once or twice." There was the bag with the money in it that I had hidden.
Could I trust her with it, without being arrested? I asked myself. I stared at her. It made her uncomfortable.
"Nancy I want to show you something." I told her.
"What is it?"
"When we get to the house I'll show you." We drove out of the hospital and down to the house. Once we got there, I opened the front door and went in. Nancy followed me in and once I closed the door, I told her to sit and wait for me. She sat down while I went to get the bag from where I had hidden it.
"Nancy, I don't know why Ola told me to take this bag and bring it here. But there's a lot of money in it." I put the bag down and opened it.
"Tola, so dis kine money naim you keep for house?"
"Nancy on the day he was shot, his last words were, Tola take this money and go to our usual place and wait for me."
Nancy put her hands to her jaws. I guess she must be thinking how Ola came into possession of all that money.
"Tola did he tell you where the money came from?"
"He never told me anything. And I don't know where he got it from. Maybe when he gets better you can take it to him or open an investigation."
"Tola this is too much money, I can't keep it."
"Neither can I. But I've given him back his ring. Now here is something else he gave me that I am giving back." I closed the bag and gave it to her. I then took the few belongings that I had and put them into one bag. I took the bag to the front door.
"Nancy, I'm through, we can go now." Nancy may have thought I was out of my mind and told me so.
"Tola what are you doing taking your things. This house belongs to both of you."
"I know. But I don't need it. I'm not with him anymore."
"Tola you are overreacting to what happened at the hospital. But think twice. I'm not sure if you don't have a place to stay Ola will refuse you to stay here." I closed my eyes and looked up and down.
"Nancy no good will come to me staying with this man. I don't want to be reminded of what I went through because of him."
"Fine you don't want that. But just hold on a minute. I mean you have parents that love you. And sure their house is your house. But arguments do happen in families."
"And what arguments would I have with them?" I asked her.
"Look you are still married by law. Which means you still have a husband," I shook my head in disagreement.
"Tola, until you annul the marriage by getting an official divorce you are still legally his wife. And where does the wife stay? Under normal circumstance in the house of her husband." I looked at her silently.
"Tola, think twice before giving up this house. You may always be welcomed in your parents home but the day you agreed to take Ola as your husband, you are not their responsibility anymore."
Hearing Nancy talking like that gave me the impression that along the line, my parents would one day remind me I have a husband. If this was the case then it meant she was indirectly pushing me back to Ola again.
"Nancy, you are trying to send me back into the arms of the man I had just left."
"You left your ring and the man at the hospital. Not your heart. Your heart still breathes that man."Â I sighed and closed my eyes.
"Nancy, a man was lying on the road helpless. I told you let's help him and you said no. I wanted to sign so he could go through surgery and you said no. Now I want to leave his house and you are telling me no."
"I must confess, I'm angry at the way you have been treated. I'm a woman, I won't be able go through what you went through. I will never have your courage to go after a man like that."
"So?"
"Tola as hard as it is to tell you this, I just have to tell you. Whatever decisions you take leaving this house and everything about Ola, might change your relationship with your parents."
I was about to panic when she said that. My parents had always shown me love and support. I couldn't imagine them behaving differently.
"Nancy, if it comes to that, I may hang out at your place for a while."
"No you can't." She said shaking her head. " You have a house, your own house. It would be foolish of you to squat."Â I looked thoughtfully at her. She had a point. I have a house. Why was I leaving it?
"Go back home to your parents and tell them you're not in the marriage anymore and that you're giving up everything. Then come back and tell me how they reacted."Â She came forward and took the bag with my belongings in them.
"Tola this house is yours. No matter what happens, don't give it up. You still have a place to run to and hide should things go bad."Â I took what she said and went back home. It was close to dinner time and I had just got home. I greeted my father who was in the sitting room.
My mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner. I greeted her and went to my room briefly before coming out again. I decided to help her set the table just to keep myself busy from thinking of all that had happened at the hospital. My mother kept looking at me probably to see if I was alright. She must have had the feeling I wasn't. But she couldn't get herself to ask me either.
When everything was set, I had to tell my dad food was ready. He came and we all sat down to a quiet dinner. But while I was eating, I kept thinking of Nancy's words, hoping that what she told me would never happen.