" I have friends, dad." It was a new day at the office, just a few days after I had left my parents house. Sitting opposite my father, I was telling him where I was staying. But I just couldn't tell him that I had gone back to the house Ola and I used for our weekend retreat.
"So you decided to leave the house over what your mother said?" I sighed.
"Dad I'm fed up with her way of doing things."
"She is your mother."
"I know, but it doesn't encourage me especially at a time like this." My father was reading a file but put it down and looked at me.
"Tola, tell me what you are going through?"
"Dad, I'm struggling to make sense of my life."
"In what way?" Immediately he picked up the office phone and called his secretary and told her that he didn't want to be disturbed.
"So, now we have all the time in the world to talk. That is, if you want to talk."
I stared at him. He was giving me a chance to tell him what I was going through, as if he didn't already know.
"Dad, I'm struggling to make sense of a tragedy that turned out to be false."
"Your husband, or ex-husband as you now call him, is alive. What more are you going through?"
"Dad why would he fake his death?"
"I see now why you have problems with your mother."Â He said, getting up. He went up to the window and looked outside.
"You wanted answers as to what happened to take him away from you. Now that you know he's alive you want to know why he faked his death." He looked at me and then went to sit down.
"Tell me Tola, how many more questions will you ask just to pursue answers you may sometimes never get?"
"Dad, I think there is an answer to everything."
"Is that why you told me you saved a man's life just like my mother did?" I looked away.
"Tola, as far as I know, I never told you anything like that." I simply couldn't tell him I got this information from the stranger I met at the pub.
"I know, dad."
"So how did you find that out?" I couldn't answer that question as I didn't know what to tell him.
"I don't know, maybe it was a dream, some kind of vision." My father shook his head as he looked at me. I knew he didn't believe.
"Fine, don't tell me the truth...'
"Dad, but that's the explanation." He laughed.
"And how is that possible? You don't even take the time to pray." He said.
"Dad, I do pray." He laughed again.
"When was the last time you set foot in a Church?" I looked at him and smiled.
"Maybe I should start going regularly."
"And would that help you?" He asked. I couldn't answer the question. "Would embracing faith help you?" I still couldn't give him an answer.
"Now as a father I've done my best to give you a comfortable life. I wanted you to have a settled life even in your marriage. And I was lucky that you loved this man. It made everything easy for me and my friend."
"I understand what both of you were trying to do, dad."
"If you understand this, then I don't see why you are worried about your life." I closed my eyes and when I opened them again I took a deep breath and exhaled.
"Dad, I cant live like this anymore. I want to move on."
"Fine Tola. But if you want to do that, make sure you clear away problems of the past."
"What do you mean?"
"It simply means that if you want to make any sense of your life and move on, first clear away the old problems. Your problem should you believe it or not, is Ola." He nodded, "yes, whether you choose to accept him as your husband or not, you have unfinished business to settle with him." With that I got up.
"No dad, this I can't do."
"Why not?"
"Because I simply can't. I'm through with him."
"Sit down and tell me why you can't face your own husband, and sort things out?"
"Dad I saved his life. He is the man I took to the hospital and signed so he could have surgery."
"So there you go. He's the answer you've been searching for. Only he can tell you what happened and why." I breathed hard as I couldn't stand the idea of facing that man again.
"Dad, do you know for over a week, I was going to his office just to see him so we could talk? You know what he told me? He said he didn't recognize me. I showed him photos of us and he told me that he never had a relationship with me. Dad, what more can I do?"
"My daughter, make another attempt. There is still time to make one last attempt. Don't be as stubborn as your mother. Because one day, you may regret this decision." I looked thoughtfully at him.
"I won't regret my decision, dad." He got up again and went to the window. It seemed going there inspired him to talk more.
"Your mother whether you choose to believe it or not, is an angry woman. You may not see it in her, but it is there."
"I know that, dad."
"So don't think she hates you. She's only harsh with you. But I know you see it as anger. Don't see it that way."
"I understand you, but...," I paused. Could I possibly tell my father that it was too much to bear? I couldn't. "Perhaps she is exaggerating." I concluded.
"Maybe, but she's still your mother. Now the funny thing I see here is, you can't settle with your ex-husband. What will your relationship be like with your mother?"
"Dad nothing has changed. She's still my mother." He shook his head in disagreement.
"Something is changing. You are slowly distancing yourself from her."
My dad was probably right. Being fed up with her attitude towards me, I didn't realize how much it was doing to separate us. I looked away for a second trying to think of how to make things right before it got out of control. But her last words still hurt me. I still couldn't digest it.
"I'm not dad. I am only giving her some space."
"How much space? Because soon you might want to extend that space to also include me." I sighed. If I had a problem with my mother's attitude towards me, I didn't want that to happen between me and him.
It would devastate me more. I couldn't think of a better father than him. He understood me better than my mother did. He listened to me just as he was doing now, without shouting.
"Dad, we may have discussions, but I can't think of keeping my distance from you. Especially now that I need to know how to put a direction to my life."
"Thanks I appreciate that, but before we have serious arguments that makes me the third person you will be avoiding, settle your differences with your ex-husband first and then your mother."
I rolled my eyes as this task of settling with Ola was something I just didn't want to do. I had to forget him and move on. But I decided to listen to my father and try one more time.
I got up and told him I was going to the hospital, to which he said I could go. On reaching the door, I was about to open it when he called me. I turned around and looked at him.
"Did I tell you every female in my mother's lineage has been visited regularly by some invisible person or guiding spirit which only they can see?"
"No dad."
"They only appear to you in moments of greatest need. You can't deny you haven't been visited if you are going through difficult moments."
I guess he now knew why I told him that I had saved a man's life just like his mother did. I took a deep breath and told him I was leaving.
"Dad, I want to go now." He smiled at me and nodded.
"Good luck then."
As reluctant as I was to go to the hospital, I had to go. I got there and went to see the doctor who welcomed me into his office. He told me that Ola was feeling much better. I asked him if I could go and see him and he got up and accompanied me.
When he opened the door, I waited outside. I didn't know how Ola would welcome me and so I was seriously nervous.
"Doctor?" I heard him say. I closed my eyes and held my breath.
"How are you feeling?" The doctor asked.
"I'm okay, I feel much better."
That's good. You have a visitor, would you like to see them?"
"Who are they, doctor?"
"Just one person. I mean one of the ladies that brought you here." The doctor came and told me to come in. I took one step forward and stood at the center of the door and looked at him.
"Madam come in don't just stand there." The doctor said. I went in and the doctor excused us and left. I was alone with Ola and this made me feel uneasy.
I just wanted to leave the room immediately. But staring at him, as he sat on the bed, I felt like I was hearing my father still telling me to make one last attempt.
"The doctor told me you will soon be discharged?" I asked. as I rolled my eyes.
Ola just stared at me with his arms carefully folded. I looked away and then walked up to the window and looked outside. Then I heard his voice.
"This ring belongs to you." He said. As I turned, he was holding the ring up for me to see. I didn't say a word but turned and looked out of the window again.
"If it is yours then come and put it back on." Was he joking? I turned and faced him.
"And why should I put it back on?"
"It is a wedding ring. Someone put a ring on your finger and made you his wife."
"That was years ago. Now, I am free."
"Try convincing that person that you are free."
"I am, in every sense of the word."
"Then tell your heart that."Â I took a deep breath while I looked up at the ceiling. At the insistence of my father, I had come to see him. But from the look of things, it wasn't going well.