I bit my tongue as I stared blankly at the computer, trying my hardest to not bash my head against it. While Lafayette was in a meeting, for whatever reason, Marcus Kingsley sat perched on the edge of my desk. He was going on and on and on about anything and everything going on in his life. I had no idea why he was sitting on my desk talking to me. We had barely exchanged words since the first day he infiltrated the office.
"Anyway, what's going on with you? Are you seeing anyone?" he asked.
"No," I said, surprised he was acknowledging me. "I'm not seeing anyone and I'm not super interested in seeing anyone."
"Ok, well are you getting any?" he asked, looking at me up and down.
"Is that question appropriate for the workplace?" I asked, my neck flushing red.
"For gay people in the fashion industry it is," he said. "God, you're boring."
"Is there anything I can help you with?" I asked.
He rolled his eyes. "Jesus, I don't know why Lafayette said I should talk to you."
"I don't know why he would say that either," I said, trying to not think about it.
"He's like, so obsessed with you, and I literally don't know why. I mean, he's kind of boring too so maybe that's why. You're both boring together."
I looked up at him to gauge the expression on his face. Lafayette was not obsessed with me. "Well, boring is fine with me, so," I said.
"Ugh, you are so annoying."
"I can't believe how brazen you are," I said, but I was almost envious of it. I wouldn't be brazen to be rude like him, though.
"I literally don't know what that means," he said, pulling out his phone.
I rolled my eyes next but didn't say anything. I was hoping he would leave, but of course he didn't. He sat next to me and played on his phone. A moment of silence passed, and then Lafayette walked in from his meeting. "How did it go?" I asked.
"It of course could have been an email," Lafayette said, standing in front of my desk.
Marcus eyed him over his shoulder and then went back to playing on his phone.
"Marcus, is there anything we can help you with?" Lafayette asked.
Marcus glanced at me and then to Lafayette. "No," he said.
Lafayette nodded, smirking at me. "Well, don't mind us then," he said. "I'm sure whatever you are doing you are hard at work."
"I'm on Grindr, actually," Marcus said.
"How's that going for you?" I asked. "I wasn't paying attention earlier when that's all that you would talk about."
Marcus rolled his eyes. "Oh my god, and you think I'm rude," he said. "You know, Lafayette said you were a good listener. I don't know about that."
I smiled up at Lafayette. "Oh, I see, Lafayette had to find a way to pawn you off onto someone else."
Marcus huffed. He looked between the two of us and went back onto his phone, still sitting perched on my desk. "Lafayette, don't you have work to do?" he asked.
Lafayette sighed, and said, "Yes, I will go ahead and go work then," he said. He nodded at me and then walked into his office, shutting the door.
Marcus turned off his phone and glared down at me. "Are you two fucking?" he asked.
"Oh my god, no, of course not," I said. "And again, this isn't appropriate for work."
"He likes you," Marcus said. "Trust me, I was with him for a few years, I can tell. He kind of hated me and I kind of hated him, but you two. Totally different vibes. Too bad for you, though, he is adamant that he won't fuck one of his employees."
"You're right that he won't fuck one of his employees," I said, but regretted it. It was a good jab at Marcus, but I didn't like talking about Lafayette that way.
"Haha, very funny. But you're really missing out. He's great in bed." Marcus hopped off the desk. "I'm meeting up with someone. Have fun being boring."
We fake smiled at each other and then he left. Even though he was annoying, it was kind of entertaining. Still, what he said about Lafayette was so inappropriate. I mean, I know they've had sex before, but the idea that it happened recently struck a nerve with me. It made me a little jealous. I mean, Marcus was so gorgeous. Of course Lafayette would be interested in a guy like that. He wouldn't be interested in a guy like me. It's not like I was every going to have sex with him, but it wasn't the first time I heard he was good in bed. Sometimes, the thought of how he would treat me if he took me to bed was a hard thought to forget about.
I pranced into Lafayette's office, opening the door without knocking like normal because that was an everyday occurrence at this point. However, when I opened the door all willy-nilly this time, I walked in on Lafayette shirtless. He was looking in a closet for another shirt to wear. I actually had never seen him fully shirtless before, and oh me oh my. He was fine. The abs, the back muscles, the hidden tattoos I had never seen...it made me want to hunt for other secret tattoos I had yet to discover. So seeing him shirtless right after trying to dispel thoughts of him in bed made me a little hot and bothered. He was so...
"Sorry, I spilled coffee on my shirt," he said, making me snap my eyes off of his torso. "Every time I wear white it seems to happen." Did it though?
"Oh, no, you're fine," I said. I shut the door and tried not to stare at him as he looked through his closet. "Can I look at the tattoos on your back?" I asked, hoping it wasn't obvious that I just wanted a closer look at his half naked body.
He chuckled, saying, "Sure. Help me decide which one to wear, too. I'm tired of all of my clothing."
I sauntered over and stood behind him. He actually didn't have that many back tattoos, there were just a few large ones. There was a crescent moon on his shoulder blade and then some symbol I didn't recognize on his mid-back on the right. I glanced up for just a second to see that there was a literal mirror in his closet and that he was full on staring at me gawking at his back. I loved a muscular back. I don't know what it was, but something about all that muscle. It was really the powerhouse of the body. I just wanted to put oil on him and rub my hands over him, sliding down...
I couldn't contain these thoughts even as he kept glancing back at me. Man, I was pathetic. I needed to get laid, but I didn't want to get laid by just anyone was my problem. This was lust. I don't think lust can be for just anyone. Lust is a targeted emotion, brought on by someone. "Let me look," I said, shoving him out of the way to look in his closet to cleanse my mind of impure thoughts. I scanned the closet, sliding hanger after hanger. "I don't like anything you have in here either. It's literally the same. Black button up, white button up, black button up, white button up. I mean, you don't even have a polo."
"I like to cover my arms," he said.
"Why?" I asked. "Covering tattoos is old fashioned."
"Well, call me old fashioned," he said.
"Ugh, then why even get them?"
"I often got them when I was inebriated."
I turned to him, shutting his closet door. "We should go to the closet and find you a nice black turtleneck. You can wear a gold chain with it to match your glasses. Oh! If they have a sleeveless black turtleneck then you should wear that and pair it with a nice jacket or sweater or something."
"Well, as I recall, I did actually have a sweater jacket I liked to wear, but I think someone never returned it to me," he said, tilting his head. "Same with a black jacket, I think some drag queen stole it from me."
I played innocent, side eyeing him. "Well...that's a shame. You can just get new ones."
"You want me to go down there shirtless?" he asked.
I lied, saying, "No, just put on a t-shirt."
He put on a t-shirt he had and we went down to the closet on Marion's floor. Marion was excited to dress Lafayette. He was quick to remove his shirt, even before he was actually ready to hand him any clothing. So it was good to know that I wasn't the only one who wanted to see Lafayette shirtless. Marion handed him an armful of different shirts to try.
"I love playing dress up," Marion said, clapping his hands. "You need to use your charm over Lafayette more often. He can be my little doll."
"Well, I'm not sure I used any charm. He just needed a new shirt," I said.
"Of course you did, I'm certain you've got him around your finger. You can probably ask him for anything and you will get it. Lafayette can actually be more submissive than he might let on. Trust me, when he was mine and Carla's third he was a very good listener."
I didn't say anything, blushing at the idea of Lafayette being with Carla and Marion. I'm assuming that's how they must have met. That explained why they had been sitting very close in one of the photos Lafayette had shown me.
"Oh you didn't know?" Marion asked. "It's how we met, you know. And don't get me wrong, he was a good listener but between the three of us - Carla was the one in charge."
I nodded, smiling awkwardly. I guess if I ever needed to know any more intimate details of Lafayette's life I could just ask Marion. Why was everyone telling me about Lafayette's sex life? Was it a sign from the universe?
"And I am still in charge," Carla said, coming from behind. She planted a kiss on Marion's lips. "What did I tell you about oversharing?"
"Oh, it's fine, I over share all the time," I said, excited at the idea of someone else saying more than they should have.
"See? Emerson and I are very similar, we could probably even swap clothes," he said, laughing, because Marion was much burlier and oddly tall. He was taller than Emilio, Michael, and Lafayette. Carla was short in comparison, and yet she was pretty tall for a woman too. Apparently, she used to be a runway model back in the day in addition to a drummer, in addition to a marketing major at UCLA.
"Here Em," Lafayette said from behind the curtain. He opened it up to show off the sleeveless turtleneck he was wearing.
I almost squealed. He looked so good. "Oh my god, now you just need like, I dunno, a suede blazer in ethereal teal and a gold chain."
"Oh, Emerson, do you want to work for me instead?" Marion asked.
"Hey now," Lafayette said.
"Of course, of course. I have just the thing." Marion pranced down the aisles of clothing and retrieved exactly the type of jacket I described.
I was sad to miss out on Lafayette's arms, but he also looked good in the jacket. Marion put a gold chain around him. He looked so good. I was thirsting for him too much, but I couldn't help it. I swear, I could see his abs through the turtleneck. I just wanted to kiss my lips over them and make my way down...
"Let's dress Emerson up," Marion said, clapping his hands again.
"Me? Oh, no, it's fine," I said. "I don't think I'd look good in half of the stuff here."
"Clothing does not wear you. You wear the clothing. So wear it," Marion said.
"If he doesn't want to then he doesn't have to," Carla said.
"Actually he does have to," Lafayette said. He tilted his head. "I'm making it an assignment of yours today, as your boss."
My jaw dropped. "Excuse me?" I asked.
"It's revenge, for the jackets you stole from me," he said, smirking.
"Lafayette, can you please assign me the task of dressing him?" Marion asked.
"He's all yours," Lafayette said, now smiling at me, but kind of like a maniac because in a way he was. How dare he. He's the one who gave me the jackets! He never said when I had to return them. It's not my fault the sweater one is like a part of my pajamas...
Marion put me into a dressing room and in a matter of minutes already had tons of outfits picked out for me. They made me basically have a fashion show, showing off every ensemble Marion put together, but we ended up having one that I liked better than the rest. It was a white, lace button down shirt with a black sweater vest of it, all tucked into my black high waisted pants. I felt cute. Both the shirt and the vest had a bit of a deep v-neck, but I liked it.
"Maybe he should be a model," Carla said. "He's tall enough."
"I'm too lanky," I said.
"You would fit in the androgynous category of models," Marion said.
"Emerson has other responsibilities he has to do for me," Lafayette said. "One of which has to happen right now, back in my office."
"Well, thank you both for letting me dress you like my little dolls," Marion said, hand over his heart. "It is truly an honor."
"Thanks, Marion," Lafayette said, shepherding me out of the room before he could play with his little dolls anymore.
Upstairs, I followed Lafayette into his office. I tried not to eye him too much, but the outfit really did look nice on him.
"That outfit looks nice on you, Em," Lafayette said. He opened his closet and looked in the mirror, pushing back his hair. "It's from last year, so you can keep it if you want."
"I can't do that," I said.
"Of course you can." Lafayette shut the closet door. "Did you never go to the free closet day? We had it just in what - March? Everyone gets some freebies?"
"I went a few times but I am so bad at looking through clothing. The ADHD, you know. I mostly grabbed accessories. But this is just too nice and fashionable for me," I said. "I'm not good looking enough to pull it off."
Lafayette stopped and looked at me, softly. "Do you really think that about yourself?" he asked, a quietness in his voice I was surprised by. It's almost like he was the one who was insulted at my self-insult.
"Well...yeah, sometimes," I said.
He stepped closer to me. "You shouldn't think that about yourself," he said. I was surprised at how soft he was speaking, like he was trying to comfort me.
"I mean, I'm gawky and lanky, not very muscular. So in gay society's standards I'm too awkward looking. In the rest of society's standards I'm not masculine enough," I said. "Like, I don't think I'm ugly, but definitely not that attractive."
Lafayette kept looking at me with this expression I couldn't read. "Come here," he said. He led me to his closet, opening the door so we could look at the full length mirror. "Look at yourself."
I looked at myself in the mirror. Again, I was so awkward looking. My head was square. My eyes were big but almost too far apart. Big nose, big smile, nothing masculine really. A mop of untamed hair. I shrugged.
"I can't believe you don't like the way you look," he said. "I mean, you heard Carla and Marion, they think you could be a model. I agree, I think with the right training you could be a model. I mean, look at your ex-boyfriend. He was probably the hottest man I've ever seen. Hot people don't date people they think are unattractive, Em. Why are you so hard on yourself?"
Why was I hard on myself? I was actually kind of self-deprecating a lot. Why did I always think I wasn't good enough for anything? Not attractive enough, not talented enough, not smart enough... "I don't know," I said, looking down at my hands as I squeezed my cuticles.
"Hey," Lafayette said, making me turn to face him. He had that softness in his face I didn't see often, when the worries and struggles happening in his mind seized. He normally had a tightness, a hardness, to his face throughout the day. Now, he was soft, his eyes looking rounder than normal, or maybe his pupils were just bigger than usual. His furrowed brow was relaxed. Lafayette looked at me, in the eyes, and said, "Em, I think you're beautiful."
I wasn't called beautiful often, rarely. I was called "cute" by a lot of people, especially from my family. Guys liked to call me all kinds of things just to get into my pants. I had been referred to as "unconventionally attractive" before. The last person to call me beautiful was Kenneth. Not even my exes called me beautiful. Kenneth called me beautiful, the day he gave me the ring I kept around my finger today. He told me the ring was better suited for me, and when I had asked him what he meant he replied with the ring is beautiful, and you're beautiful, so it's better suited for you.
Lafayette and I looked at each for too long. He was looking at me the way Kenneth had. It was a warm look, like he was wrapping his arms around me, a look to feel safe in. But we couldn't look at each other like that. I wasn't supposed to search his face for a sign. He wasn't supposed to look at me like he wanted to kiss me.
Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Don entered the room, breaking our eye contact. "I didn't mean to interrupt," he said. "You two look like you were in the middle of something."
"No," I said, turning my back to Lafayette. "I was just about to reply to some emails. I'll let you two be, if that's alright?"
"Whatever you say, my boy, I am just here to bug Lafayette," Don said, taking a seat on the couch.
"That's fine," Lafayette said, quietly, from behind me.
I walked to the door, and I shouldn't have, but I looked back over at Lafayette, who was still staring at me, but the softness in his face was hardening back up. I wanted him to stay soft and warm and relaxed, but I couldn't. So, I left his office, shutting the door behind me.