Chapter 4: -2-

I follow James because I have nothing better to do and I’m curious. I certainly don’t want to stay around Roxi, so following the new kid sounds like a pretty sensible and amusing plan. It’s not like he’s going to mind or anything. He won’t even notice me unless I’m really obnoxious and I don’t really want to get his attention, I just want to see him better.

He walks quickly, avoiding everyone and quite managing himself. I wonder if he came before. Art History isn’t our first subject so I wonder where he was during Printmaking. Maybe he was taking a look around to learn where everything is so he wouldn’t need anyone to show him the place. Well that is clever, if that is what he did.

I follow him outside the C block where we have Art History. Our campus consists of several blocks and it is very well equipped. We, Art students, spend most of our time in the E block; sometimes the C block and we go to the rectory for food and other things. We barely see other students like the Beauty students or the A Level ones.

I see him cursing when he realises it’s raining. Big shock, huh? He pulls the hoodie up and hurries to the library right in front. I wonder if he really despises his hair getting wet so much that he pulled the hoodie on. It’s from one block to the other, it isn’t that large of a distance and rain hasn’t killed anyone that I know of. I know everyone complains about it, but they are just being crybabies.

I follow him, not minding the rain at all and if I get wet, I’ll get dry later. It’s natural, after all. I won’t catch a cold or anything of the like so I have no worries, even if I’m just wearing army boots, a dress and my denim jacket. My hair is curly and messy so rain doesn’t do anything worse to it.

I think James is more sensitive about his looks than I gave him credit for.

He goes to the farthest corner in the library, where no one can bother him, I see. He sits down and pulls his backpack on the table and then rummages inside, looking for something. He takes out some pamphlets and other papers.

“Oh, I see. Catching up, uh?” I mumble but he completely ignores me. I take no offence, I’m used to it. “Mate, you’ll get tired pretty soon. Wait until the teachers give you your briefs. You’ll be crazy. It doesn’t even matter if we have Mondays off, you’ll spend it all working,” I keep telling him even if he is not paying attention and keeps reading.

I sit across from him and put my elbow on the table to then cup my cheek with my hand, watching him.

“So, what’s your deal? Are you some misunderstood artist? What are you gonna do with this course? Why did you pick it?” I ask him not expecting an answer to be honest, but because I don’t like silence.

For so many years I used to have people screaming at me, telling me horrible things or just mocking me that I got used to the background noise. I could never hear my thoughts until they stopped and I was finally alone with my own voice.

I couldn’t stand it.

That’s when I started talking so much, even if no one pays me attention. I need to hear something besides my own thoughts or I feel like I’m disappearing. No one has shouted at me to shut up so I guess they don’t mind.

“What are you?” I ask next. “Everyone has such crazy rumours about you, did you know? I bet you do. You probably heard Roxi and Adeline talking today,” I ramble, making all different sorts of gestures with my hands. “I guess I also said things but I wasn’t mocking you or anything, I was mocking those two. I just really dislike them. If you knew our history together then you would understand.”

He is really impassive, isn’t he? In all this time he hasn’t even frowned. My voice is clearly annoying him. Other people ignore me but when I talk so much in front of them it tends to give them a headache and they leave to get some aspirin.

“You’re good, uh? A pro at ignoring others. Congrats! I’m a pro at being ignored.” I smile at him but he does not react.

Well, let’s see for how long you can keep up.

“I’m Paige, by the way. Very nice to meet you, James. Welcome to Strode College and to the Level 3 Diploma in Arts and Design!” I state ceremoniously, stretching my arms to make it more dramatic. “I hope you enjoy your stay here and accomplish what you dream of. There are many talented people in this course and our teachers are pretty cool.”

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I hold my face in both hands now, leaning a bit closer to him, narrowing my eyes hoping to decipher him.

“So, James… what brings you to Street? Are you really son of a mafia godfather or something?” Nothing. “Did you kill someone?” Nothing again. I heave a sigh. “Did you see someone being killed?” Zero response. “Ugh, you’re so taciturn! Don’t you have expression or something!” I rant, frustrated that he doesn’t even blink when I scream at him.

Okay, not screaming, I’m just… raising my voice a wee bit.

“Like this you won’t make friends, are you aware of that? And the rumours will continue. The kids will carry on coming up with crazy theories and then no one will believe you when you actually tell the truth: that you wanted a change on your life and less chaotic life.” Silence.

Ugh, I hate silence! I feel this urge to fill it and that’s why I never come to the library.

“I thought you would be more interesting,” I complain, heaving a bored sigh and looking away. I focus my gaze on the window and the rain I can see pouring outside.

I like the rain, even if it is most inconvenient at times. It’s has this comforting sound and it gives me peace. I can listen to it and feel it like a lullaby. It makes me want to snuggle in a blanket with a warm cup of tea and Luna next to me, purring.

Luna is my cat, a fluffy black cat that keeps me company. And yes I do have to admit that I named her after the cat in Sailor Moon. No shame. It’s a pretty name after all and Luna was amazing and super clever. It’s an honour to be named after her.

“Are you gonna stay here the rest of the day? We don’t have other lessons so it’s just catching up with work. Do you even have work to catch up with?” I speak although I’m not looking at him, I keep my eyes on the window.

I take a glimpse at him and I see him he’s taking a sketch notebook and he’s drawing. “Uhhh, arty things!” I get excited and start watching him drawing.

I tilt my head to the right, trying to see better what is taking shape in front of me. I think it’s some sort of monster, I’m not sure. It looks very creepy with its jaw open and the fangs and saliva drooling. I pull back a bit, repulsed with the drawing even if it’s well executed. I like how he uses ink and gives texture to it, making it come alive. Which is really, really creepy. But he’s really, really good.

“That won’t help you, my friend. If you make those drawings of monsters then people will keep saying you’re some sort of werewolf of creature of the night. They’ll think this is a self-portrait— wait! Is it? Is this how you really look during full moon?”

He finally sighs! It’s not a verbal reply, but it’s a reaction and I clap. He doesn’t say anything else, though and it’s not like I expect him to, but at least I know I got to him, even if it was just to annoy him.

I giggle at that.

“I hope you keep your clothes on when you change, though,” I muse as I stand up. “But just to be safe, I won’t go out during full moon.” Again, nothing. He keeps drawing. “Well, it’s my a real pleasure to get to know you. You’re such a talkative person, did someone ever tell you that? I’ll see you tomorrow, don’t be late!”

And like that I leave him. He doesn’t say goodbye or anything and I’m off. I don’t have anything better to do and I’m bored already. I decide to leave.

It’s still raining but like I said, I don’t mind. I leave the campus and walk back home, taking my time and enjoying the view. People running or waiting for the rain to stop, all the colourful umbrellas, and the animals looking for shelter. No one seems to mind the girl walking in the rain, with a grin on her face. I keep my hands at my back, my fingers laced together and I almost march on the street, although it’s more like a child’s marching, picturesque and silly, not regal and serious.

I find a stray cat on my way and stay there, playing with it. I didn’t like cats before, or any sort of animals. But with time I’ve realised what beautiful creatures they are, always nice and loving. Animals don’t bully, or I think so. I know it’s the survival of the fittest in nature, but that is not made with malice, so I think they are still better than people.

I think I spend hours with the cat because by the time it decides to leave to look for food, it is not raining anymore. I stand up and stretch before resuming my way. I don’t live too far from College, normally a good fifteen or twenty minutes walk, which is quite reasonable and agreeable.

When I get home I’m not surprised to find Mum in the kitchen. Our house is your typical English house, not too big, not too small. Cosy and appropriate for a middle class small family. My room is in the first floor and Mum’s, the kitchen, living room and bathroom are on the ground floor. I don’t have siblings so I practically live alone in the first floor. My window faces the street so I can watch people passing by and other things. Not that much happens, though.

“Hello, Mum!” I call walking in and going to the kitchen. Luna is there and when she sees me she jumps down the table and comes to rub herself against my boots. “Hi, Luna. Did you miss me?” I say stroking her black fur and she purrs. “I missed you loads, baby.”

Mum doesn’t say anything. She’s in working out clothes although I bet she’s barely moved. She’s reading the newspaper but her look is lost. It’s been like that for so long, since Dad left her. I haven't seen him in so long I barely remember him.

“Did you do something interesting today?” I ask Mum but she doesn’t reply. “We got a new classmate. Total bore. He didn’t say a thing and he completely avoided everyone. The only cool thing he did was rejecting Roxi.” I laugh at the memory. “He’s cute, I guess. I’m not fond of his hair, though. I don’t know how to feel about dreadlocks. What do you think? They gave me this dirty vibe.” Mum doesn’t say anything and I sigh. “I’m probably being judgmental, aren’t I? Maybe I should ask him. Like, hey, do you happen to wash your hair at least once a week? Is that too offensive?” Mum only shrugs, but I think it’s a reflex, she’s not really answering me. “His eyes are wicked. Blue but kinda greyish, like storm clouds. You think he’s like those people whose eye colours change according to the weather? That’s cool, right? I wish mine changed. Pff, boring brown eyes.”

I get tired of talking to mum and not receiving reply and it seems it is making her feel worse. Her eyes start to water and she seems about to cry. So I decide to leave her alone.

“Okay, I’ll go to my room. Make more tea, Mum. Yours got cold,” I tell her and lean in to kiss her cheek. She freezes but doesn’t move. When I’m climbing the stairs I can hear her the first sob and I feel bad again.

She is always crying and I think it’s always my fault. It makes me feel horrible that I can’t do anything to make her feel better.

I decide to hide, Luna follows me upstairs and I hide in my room for the rest of the day and night until it’s morning again and I have to go to college.

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I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It's okay if you don't understand and have many questions. That's the idea! Keep the theories, soon we'll understand a bit better.

Shout out to @EmilieKath for best comment on the previous chapter!

Bel, xx