Chapter 90: Volume 3 - CH 4.6

“I missed it…?” I was taken aback.

No, no matter what, I still have to keep walking.

It was Christmas Eve, the roads would be jammed, and there was a chance I could catch up if I tried. So I gnashed my teeth and was about to start walking again when—unexpectedly—the rain stopped.

No, it was still raining, but not against my body. Someone was holding an umbrella over me.

“What are you doing being so desperate there, boy?”

From behind me, the voice I had always wanted to hear echoed.

“…Well, it’s pretty much a given that the only reason a boy would be so desperate during Christmas Eve is to get a girlfriend,” Fighting back the urge to cry, I replied without looking back.

“That’s funny. I thought you had a very cute girlfriend.”

“Yeah. But that girlfriend was a fake one. We weren’t dating, nothing had ever started between us.”

From here on out was uncharted territory and neither of us had possessed the courage to venture there. We had kept it vague by obscuring things with jokes; hiding our feelings behind pretences and logic. Our relationship had been pleasant, but static and fated to fall apart.

“…Yes. I chose to support Aki rather than be with Yamato-kun. Turns out, we’re a fake couple after all.”

When I finally looked back at her, Yuzu showed a lonely expression.

“That was because I didn’t hold you back.”

I denied what Yuzu said but she shook her head.

“You know, I really hated it when you didn’t stop me back then. That shouldn’t be, right? I was the one who asked you to do the impossible.”

Yuzu quietly revealed the feelings she had kept hidden inside her. Saying nothing, I listened to her.

“I imagined falling in love with someone would feel more dazzling and fantastic. But, the reality was different. I felt furious and frustrated over why you didn’t stop me, and I was worried that it was just my own misunderstanding after all,” Yuzu turned her head down and chided herself.

I understood how Yuzu felt so painfully.

“Even now… When I spotted you, I was actually going to hide myself… But before I knew it, my body went the opposite way.”

She felt like she was not herself and losing control of her emotions. This made her ill at ease.

“Somehow, I’m starting to feel like I don’t even know myself anymore. Inexplicable emotions and thoughts I should never have kept gushing out of me… I’ve been slowly hating myself. I never thought that falling in love was such a scary thing.”

Then she looked up and looked straight into my eyes. Her eyes that locked with mine were firm and resolute as if all emotions were fully repressed.

“That’s why, I made the decision that I don’t want anything beyond that… Just staying as a fake couple is enough.”

“…”

Most likely, I was currently being rejected. She was saying that she was fine staying as a fake couple; that was the same as giving me a warning not to confess.

“…I see. But in my case, it’s the opposite.”

Despite what she said, I started to make my case.

“You know, I’ve always disliked being swayed by other people. I disliked that I needed to be considerate of my surroundings and act good-natured in odd situations. In order to liberate myself, I thought the only way forward was distancing myself from people.”

Even at this moment, I still believed so. I had finally reached a point where I discerned the right distance for me to deal with people.

And yet, there was an exception.

“But, I changed a little after meeting Yuzu. Even if I had to do things that I felt weren’t worth it, I thought it would be okay if they make Yuzu happy. I enjoyed them no matter how stupid they were.”

Even the things that I used to sigh at and consider just a waste of time when I was alone changed when Yuzu was next to me.

This kind of feeling was novel, interesting, frightening—and dear to my heart.

“Even now I’m not trying to be friends with everyone. But I like the time I spend with Yuzu, and I’ve come to like myself for being able to think that way.”

If it’s now, I can say it. With this feeling I’m having right now, the current me can properly tell her.

“That’s why, I love you, Yuzu.”

And so I blurted out my feelings as it was.

For a moment, Yuzu’s eyes widened, but immediately she had an exasperated expression as though she was holding back tears.

“…..What the heck is that? After listening to what I said, you actually told me that?”

“Sorry to say, I’m that kind of introvert who cannot read the mood.”

As soon as I replied like that, Yuzu pressed her forehead to my chest in an attempt to hide her facial expression.

“…You idiot. I’m saying that was fantastic.”

“Yeah.”

“…Even after I warned you by saying I’m fine with fakes.”

“You did.”

“Yamato-kun, you’re always like that. You never do what I want you to. You make me anxious, you’re bad on dates, you only have games in your head.”

“…When you deliberately say that, it makes me sound like a bad boyfriend.”

Listening to this list of my idiosyncrasies, I was appalled at myself.

“Really, you are. But… but I actually feel this happy, doesn’t that make me look like an idiot too?” Yuzu grumbled, yet her hug tightened around me.

The clear plastic umbrella fell. Droplets of rain once again hit my cheeks, but I paid them no heed as I firmly hugged Yuzu back.

“…If you want to retract your words, it’s now or never. Surely, I’ll slowly become a loathsome girl. Yamato-kun, you might regret this later, “ Yuzu muttered while still not showing her face to me.

I chuckled in response.

“You say that now? I already know a lot of your shortcomings. A narcissist who never stops praising herself, yet fakes who she is when in front of people, and chickens out at critical times.”

“…When you deliberately say that, that makes me sound like a bad girlfriend.”

“Indeed. Nevertheless, even after knowing all that, I still fell in love with you.”

I liked her smug face when she managed to pull a surprise on me and also her narcissistic self who always thought about others and became timid when it came to her own problems. She worked hard in order to like herself and worked even harder for others to like her. I thought that was cunning of her, but sometimes that became a drawback for her. But in the end, she still deemed all of that to be alright.

I was inexplicably attracted to her like that.

“…For real?”

I nodded my head vigorously to Yuzu, who was still questioning me anxiously.

“For real. Do you know? The secret to continuing a relationship is not to expect perfection from the other person. So even if you have one or two things I don’t like about you, I still love you.”

When I replied like that, I felt Yuzu forming a smile on my chest.

“Then, say that you love me again.”

“I love you, Yuzu.”

“Again.”

“I love you, Yuzu.”

“Again.”

“I love you, Yuzu.”

After I said it three times, the request came to a halt.

Then, she slightly moved her shoulders to take in a deep breath before she raised her head to face me. Finally, with an expression of a tear-streaked smile on her slightly reddened face, Yuzu opened her mouth.

“I love you too, Yamato.”