I was sitting in the living room, playing Scrabble with Gabby when Mom walked in.
"Hey Sadie," Mom had her purse slung over her shoulder, keys jingling on her index finger. "I need to go get Richelle's meds. Make sure Richelle has everything she needs while I'm gone and keep Shasta out of her room. Her blood won't clot. It took an hour to stop her bleeding last time Shasta jumped on her."
"Uh, got it," I stammered.
"Great," Mom said, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Check on Richelle every five or ten minutes. Love you, Princess."
"Love you Mom," Gabby and I echoed.
I looked at the board. "Man, I can't believe I'm getting beat by a ten year old."
Gabby smirked. "I can."
I rolled my eyes. "You're so annoying."
Gabby beamed. "I know I am. I pride myself on that. Hey, pass me the popcorn."
I sighed and handed her the bowl of popcorn.
She took it eagerly and started munching happily.
"What about the game?" I asked.
She shrugged. "We all knew I was going to win. Plus I'm bored." She got up with her bowl of popcorn and walked off.
I swear, ten year-olds are weirdos. So I put away the Scrabble stuff and went to go check on Richelle.
"Hey," I said, poking my head into her room. "How are you doing? Do you need anything?"
"Sadie, I feel really bad," Richelle said, her voice weak. "Can you go get Mom?"
"Mom went to the store," I said. "What do you need?"
"Can you get the thermometer?"
I left and returned with the thermometer, running it along her forehead. When it beeped I took it off, and the number displayed was seriously not good.
"What is it?" Richelle asked.
"Uh..." I stammered. "It's, ah, one hundred and eight." I looked up at her. "That's not good."
She shook her head. "That's not good."
Richelle started coughing and gasping in air like she was sucking in air from a plugged straw. She coughed and a spurt of blood came out.
"Richelle?" I asked, panicked. "What's wrong? Do I need to call Mom?"
Richelle shook her head. "Nine-one-one," she choked out.
"Gabby!" I screamed and my little sister came running. "Call nine-one-one," I ordered. I hadn't even finished my sentence before Gabby was running to find a phone.
"Can you sit up?" I asked, touching my sister's shoulder.
"It hurts," she managed to get out between breaths.
"Where?" I asked.
"Chest," she wheezed.
"They're coming," Gabby said, appearing back in.
I glanced behind me. "Good, now call Mom."
Gabby nodded, dialed, and clicked my phone's speaker.
"What do I do?" I asked, bending down next to my older sister.
Richelle shook her head. I could by now, she was in a considerable amount of pain, and having a considerable amount of trouble breathing. But I didn't know what to do.
The next twenty minutes were crazy hectic. The ambulance showed up, I held Gabby the entire way there while they put Richelle on oxygen and stuck her with a bunch of needles. Mom and Dad both dropped everything to get to the hospital and I had to just do what everyone told me to and take care of my little sister.
I was sitting in Richelle's hospital room, watching her get blood drawn and holding Gabby close to my chest, because we both needed the comfort, when my mother walked in. She ran to Gabby and I and gathered both of us in her arms. "Are you girls okay?" Mom's face was tired and worried.
"I think so," I said into her chest.
Mom held me at arm's length, smiled, and kissed my forehead. "Good job, Princess. You did everything you were supposed to."
With that she turned and started talking to Richelle's doctor and demanding that her oncologist be brought down.
Richelle was sleeping, nasal cannula wrapped around her face, three IVs running in and out of each arm.
"She's on oxygen therapy," the doctor said. "We're giving her Bronchodilators, antibiotics, broad-spectrum antimicrobials, and a blood transfusion. We need this out of her system before it gets any worse. This is very serious. She's extremely immunocompromised."
"Okay," Mom nodded. She looked at Richelle and the look on her face almost made my heart break, then she hurried us out. She looked at Dad. "Can you take the girls home?"
"We want to stay," Gabby interjected.
"No Gabby," Mom said.
"Mom, please," I said. "She's really sick and we want to be there for her."
"No," Mom insisted.
"Please?" Gabby begged.
Mom sighed and glanced at her watch. "It's ten o'clock. If you girls go to sleep, you can stay. But go to sleep? Am I clear?"
Gabby and I exchanged a look and nodded vigorously. "Yes ma'am."
"Sadie," someone was shaking me. "Sadie!"
I opened my eyes and stretched.
"Where am I?" I asked, looking around. Then I caught sight of Richelle and reality came rushing back. I glanced down at my phone, which read 7:15. I bounced up from my chair, knocking Gabby on the ground. She got up and glared at me.
"Ow," she said. "Not the best way to wake me up, Sadie."
"Sorry," I said quickly. I turned to Mom. "How is she?"
Mom pursed her lips. "Not great. They put her on a ventilator last night because she was having so much trouble breathing. Her white blood cell count is still dangerously low. Right now, we're just hoping she'll make it to tomorrow." Mom glanced behind her at Richelle. She leaned forward and planted kisses on the tops of our heads. "But you've had a long night. You girls need to go home. Dad's taking you. I love you."
I knew I couldn't argue with that. Not while my mother was under this kind of stress. So I squeezed Gabby's and and we walked out.
"Sadie?"
I turned around. "Charlotte?"
"Sadie!" Charlotte ran toward me and wrapped her arms around me. "I missed you."
I squeezed her back. "I missed you too. How's Cici?"
"She's a lot better," Charlotte smiled. She cut her eyes to the window into Richelle's room. "I'll pray for her."
Charlotte knew. Of course she knew.
"Charlotte?" Dad said, walking up. "Don't you need to be with your parents?"
Charlotte knew what that meant. "Right. Sorry, sir." She turned and scurried off.
When we got inside the door, Gabby ran into my arms and started full-on bawling. I understood the feeling of not being able to hold it back any longer.
I picked her up and sat down on the couch, rubbing her back.
"Is Richelle going to die?" Gabby asked. "She's not right?"
Just like I couldn't lie to Charlotte, I couldn't lie to her. "Gabby I... I don't know."
Gabby and I just sat there in the living room on the couch, her crying and me just holding her.
Finally, Gabby stopped crying and went to her bedroom.
That was when I wandered into my parents' bedroom to ask my dad something. I had a feeling it was a no, but I had to ask. For Cici and Charlotte, for Richelle and Eva, I had to ask. Because I thought I might be able to do something.
"Dad, I need to talk to you," I said.
Dad nodded solemnly and turned to face me..
"Is this about Richelle or Cici?" Dad asked.
"It's not really about either of them," I said slowly. "But it's about both of them at the same time.
"Well what is it?" Dad asked.
"I want to talk to Shane."
Dad's eyes narrowed. "What?"
"I want to-"
"I heard that," Dad said sharply. "I'm just stuck on the fact that I told you to leave this alone. Let me handle Shane, Sadie. I don't want you near him."
"Dad, please," I begged.
"No, Sadie," Dad said. "Absolutely not. Never. I can't believe you would have the audacity to ask that."
"I think he might listen to me," I said. "And you would be there and-"
"Sadie," Dad held up his hand. "Richelle is in the hospital. And you choose now to ask that? On top of that, you chose to not tell me about Charlotte and camp. How can I trust you when it comes to them? I'm trying to keep you safe and yet you keep walking into situations like these."
"You'd be there, Dad," I said. "I can't let him do what he's going to do. So many lives would be lost. Lives we could save if you let me talk to him."
"I'm not trading your safety for this, Sadie," Dad said. "Shane is unpredictable. I don't know if he'll try to hurt you or do something else. I'm trying to keep you safe."
"I'm trying to save thousands of lives just like my sister's," I said. "Dad, he told Richelle and I about his sister and he asked if we could try to convince you to side with him-"
"He did what?" Dad demanded. "To you and Richelle?"
I fell silent. I shouldn't have said that.
"Sadie, if either of you angered him, do you have any idea what he could've done to you?" Dad demanded. "Yet another thing you neglected to tell me. And with Richelle? She's already sick. Do you really realize how much he could've hurt her? And you! That's not something you can keep from me, Sadie."
"Bu he didn't," I insisted. "He didn't hurt us."
"And when he grabbed Gabby?" Dad asked.
"He didn't hurt her," I insisted.
"Sadie, you can't keep these things from me," Dad said.
"I thought Richelle had told you," I muttered.
"She didn't," Dad pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
I took a deep breath. "But Dad, he confided in us. I really think he'll listen to me. I don't know. I just feel like I have to do this."
"There are a lot of things you feel that you have to do these days, aren't there?" Dad said. "Sadie, I know you want to help Charlotte. I know you do. You've done so much for her already, really. You don't need to go talk to a mad man for her."
"It's not just for Charlotte," I said.
"Then who's it for?" Dad asked.
"Cici," I said. "And Richelle. And Eva. None of them would ever be born if this Shane has his way. I want to do it for them."
"That's very noble, but not something you need to do," Dad said. "Let me handle this."
I pressed on. "You'd be there, Mom would be there, and whoever else you want," I protested. "Please Dad. This is something I need to do."
Dad sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sadie."
I smiled at him hopefully. "Please? I need to do this."
"I don't even know if he'd agree to it," Dad said. He sighed. "Let me think about it Sadie," Dad said. "I'll have to talk it over with your mother. Shane might not even do it. And I need to be at the hospital with Richelle and take care of Gabby," Dad looked at me. "I'll think about it."
"Okay," I nodded. "Did they diagnose Richelle? I know she was having breathing problems."
"She has pneumonia," Dad said. "Thing is, she doesn't have a whole lot of white blood cells to fight it off. That's why this is such a big deal."
"Mom said they were just hoping she made it to tomorrow," I said.
Dad nodded. "Right now, that's the plan. They've moved her down to ICU now that there's a bed available."
"ICU?" My voice cracked.
Dad nodded. "She needs critical care. She's really sick."
"Is she going to..." my voice trailed off.
Dad shook his head sadly. "I don't know Sadie. She can't even breathe on her own right now. I don't know. I really don't know."
A couple hours later, I found Dad in his office, rubbing his temples. "This may be the worst decision ever," he muttered.
"Dad?" I asked.
"Sades, I've got news," Dad said.
"Is it about-"
"It's not Richelle," Dad interjected.
"Oh," I quieted. "Is it..."
"Yes," Dad answered.
"Wait, so I can-"
He nodded. "Yes. But I'm going to be there, you're going to distance yourself from him, and you're going to let me know if you want to stop." He looked me in the eyes. "If he starts getting to you, you will immediately tell me. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Am I clear?"
"Yes sir."
Dad nodded. "Okay then."
Ten minutes later, Shane was sitting in our living room.
I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath. Shane had backed Richelle and I into numerous corners and never let me say what I wanted to. Now it was my turn. This was my chance, but now I wasn't so sure I could do it.
But when I thought of kids like Charlotte and Cici, Richelle, and Eva, and many more like them, I knew I had to do this. Daniel's test could save Charlotte's life and countless others like Richelle and Charlotte and Shane's would kill them.
I just knew I had to do this.
I turned around and sat down across from Shane and looked him straight in the eyes.
"I've been thinking about what you said about your sister," I said. "But... I also think you're wrong."
Shane's expression hardened and it made my stomach turn. But I took a deep breath and I could hear Eva's voice in my head pushing me on. So I did what she said. I took a deep breath and pressed on.
"I think you're wrong because my sister Eva died and I don't know what I'd do without her," I said. "My sister is dying. The exact same way yours is. She was getting better. We thought she was fine. Now they're just trying to keep her alive."
"See?" Shane said. "Now you get it. Now you know why I have to do this."
"I can see why you would do it," I said. "But I also think you're wrong. Look how long it's been since your sister died and how much you're still doing for her. Do you think what you're doing is good?"
Shane lifted his chin and glared at me out of the corner of his eye. It was kind of creepy. "Yes..." he said warily.
"Would you be doing it if you had never met her?" I asked. "If she was never born?" If it weren't for Eva's voice in my head pushing me on, I wouldn't be doing this. I took a deep breath.
Shane made an angry noise and Dad shot him a warning look.
"I'm done with this conversation," Shane got up and walked toward the door.
"I was angry when I lost Eva," I continued, calling after him. "And if I'm honest I'd be even more furious if I lost Richelle too. She's my best friend. But I'd have to admit that I'd loved her with everything I have and loving her was more than worth it. When Eva died Richelle could barely handle it, but still she was like this light. And she had this smile that you couldn't help but smile too. My parents knew Richelle and Eva might get sick, like Daniel knew, and they had them anyway. And let me ask you this. Doesn't Richelle... and Charlotte deserve a chance to live?"
Shane stopped moving and looked down.
"Richelle is my everything," I said. "And I will do anything to keep her here with me. Sometimes she's the only voice I want to hear and I don't know where I'd be without her. And if your device is implemented, millions of kids like Richelle and Charlotte will die. Millions of kids like me won't have the sisters and brothers they need. They won't have friends. Parents. Siblings. Don't they all deserve a chance to live? Even if they died, wasn't the impact they made on people worth it?"
Shane stopped, his hand on the doorknob and looked back at me. "She was a lot like you, Sadie. My sister. If she had something to say it got said."
Then he was gone.
Dad put his hands on my shoulders and looked down at me. "Sadie, you sure are something."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"That was amazing," Dad said. "I'm proud to call you my daughter."
Over the next few days, they kept Richelle in the ICU, trying to keep her alive.
I was playing Scrabble with Gabby again, and she was kicking my butt again. We loved Scrabble, but I'm not the best at words. Richelle's the family's wordsmith.
Gabby and I had barely gotten started on the game when my phone started ringing with Mom's ringtone. I quickly answered and put it on the Speakerphone so Gabby could hear.
At first I thought it was Mom calling to tell us she was coming home since both our parents were supposed to be home with Gabby and I but when I heard how anxious her voice was I knew she wasn't coming home any time soon.
"Mom, what's going on?" I asked. I put my arm around Gabby, who was shivering very nervously and biting her nails all the way down to their cuticles.
"It's Richelle," Mom said. When she said my sister's name I got butterflies in my stomach.
"Her fever spiked again this morning," Mom said, her voice nervously shaking. "One hundred ten. She has sepsis. It's really bad right now. They're doing surgery on her lungs right now. She's really sick. With little to no white blood cells left to fight it off, this is highly dangerous. Your father and I are staying with her overnight. Can you handle Gabby or do I need to call Jazmine's parents to watch you two for two nights?"
I looked at my little sister, who gave me a nervous but strong nod.
"Okay," I breathed slowly. "We'll be fine, Mom. Just give me updates, okay?"
"Of course, honey," Mom said. "I love you girls. Remember that."
"Okay, well thanks Mom," I said. I quickly hung up before I started crying.
I couldn't help asking God why He did this. Tears welled in my eyes and my mind flashed back to the day Eva died.
Gabby ran out and returned with two lockets-one blue and gold and the other blue and silver. I took the blue and gold one and fastened it around my neck. I reached up for the locket as if I was worried it would disappear into thin air. I held the little heart-shaped pendant in my hand and sat down. I looked down and started to cry softly.
Gabby sat down beside me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "I love you, sis," she whispered.
I looked down at Gabby, who looked back at me with her azure eyes that seemed to know more than normal ten-year-olds should. She leaned her head against my shoulder and whispered in my ear," I know everything is possible through Christ who gives me strength. You should too."
Sometimes Gabby seemed like a goofy, normal ten-year-old girl but it's times like these when it seems like her heart and head are so much older, and in a way, it is.
But when I stopped crying Gabby started. "I don't know what to do, Sadie."
"Trust," I said. "It's what God's been telling me to do."
Gabby looked up, her brilliant blue eyes glistening with tears. "Sadie? What happens if we lose her-Richelle?"
If we lose her," I said, carefully picking my words. "Then we will trust God and know that He works in all things." I gave my little sister a small squeeze.
She looked at me and there was a spark in her amazing azure eyes that I had only seen in my own eyes when I looked at Richelle and Eva.
"You know, since Richelle's not here to do it, I know Shasta would love to be played with," I said.
Shasta slinked into the living room and jumped on the couch in Richelle's spot. Gabby giggled and petted Shasta's head.
"She's missing Richelle so much," I said, reaching over and rubbing her belly.
Gabby rubbed behind Shasta's ear and smiled up at me. "So is everyone else."
That night Shasta, Gabby, and I spent the night in the living room, all together. I loved my family.