Chapter 41: Fourty-One

Her emotions were spiralling out of her control, and she couldn't seem to find the boulder that could prevent her from plunging into the abyss of uncertainties.

Only God knows how she'd been able to construct a façade of happiness in the car on the way home just as she should be after winning the competition. Playing with Amy and holding an unusually lively conversation with her aunt when inside and behind her walls she felt like she was dying.

God, she was in love with two men at the same time. How twisted was that? She'd thought those things only happened in movies and novels, and the fact that it had happened to her was a shocking scariness she was still not prepared to deal with.

Knowing her princess was exhausted after such a night, Emma immediately took her to her room where she helped her take a bath before tucking her in bed.

“Mummy, tell me a story.” Amy requested, a sleepy, expectant and lazy smile on her face.

Smiling down at her daughter, she searched her mind for stories, but only one dreadfully relatable one popped into mind. “Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl who loved each other very much. But they couldn't be together because the girl was always afraid of getting hurt. Eventually, when they got together, they got separated for a very important reason.”

God this was crazy. “After the separation, the girl decided to move on with her life. She fell in love again and got married this time around. But shortly after her marriage, her first love came back. The girl realized she still loved him.”

“What happened after that mummy?” Amy asked, tugging on her hand after Emma hadn't said anything for some time.

“That's it.”

“That's it? So she love him too?” Intrigue and disappointment laced Amy's voice.

“Yes.” Emma replied, sighing, feeling the emotions spilling. And yet she couldn't even cry in front of her daughter. “Now go to sleep, sweetheart.”

Drawing the blanket up on Amy's body, Em kissed her goodnight and switched of the lights as she exited. As soon as she stepped out, her eyes fell on her and George's bedroom door which faced Amy's somewhat directly, and her knees buckled instantly. How was she going to face George alone after what she'd done today? Most especially, would she be able to hide her emotions from this very perceptive man who really loved and cared about her?

Taking a deep breath, she entered the room, and a low growl from behind the door made her gasp and jump, uncharacteristically startled.

Tilting, she sent George a glare. “Don't do that.” She realized her voice was much sterner than intended, such a contrast to the usually mock angry reprimands.

“Hey, I'm sorry.” He chuckled softly, and despite the rich sound making her stomach flutter, she ignored him as she made her way to the dresser and begun removing her earrings.

Hugging her from behind, he intertwined his fingers on her abdomen. She shivered as he pressed a soft kiss to her neck, which made her feel disgusted and pathetic. Hadn't she been feeling these same sensations with another man about two hours ago?

“Hey, I've missed you.” He said and purred on her skin, eliciting a sensation that scattered goosebumps on her arms.

His tongue drawled to tingle the shell of her ear. She thought of feeling the same thing alone with Zain and guilt assailed her immediately. “George, stop. I'm very tired.”

“Hmm.” He mumbled noncommittally, and his caresses increased in momentum, like a starving lion who'd just found food.

Before she knew what was happening to her, she'd already tore apart his intertwined fingers and stepped away from him. Turning, she saw the confusion in his eyes and nearly cringed, realizing her action would just provoke questions; questions she still wasn't ready to answer.

“Coconut I'm so sorry. It's just that I'm so tired after today.”

“Of course you are tired!” George fired lowly with a bitterness that nearly took her off guard, but she could sense that the emotion wasn't because she had just refused to make love with him. “Just like everyday, right? You are always tired after returning home late. And today you're tired by just supervising models and walking down and up the walkway.”

She realized with instant alarm that George had never used such a frustrated tone on her before. “George, why are you speaking to me like this?”

The anger in his eyes disappeared and he softened as he stepped closer to her. “I'm so sorry, sugar. It's just, you've grown so distant nowadays. For sometime now it feels like you're prioritizing your work over us. I told myself it was probably the stress of working for long hours, but I realize now that's not the case.”

Then he took her hand as he gave her one of those soul searching looks that almost made her flinch. “Love, what's bothering you?”

She immediately snatched her hand and spun around to face the mirror of the dresser, pretending to be taking off her necklace when in fact she merely wanted to cut off the link he had to her emotions through her eyes. “What makes you think something is bothering me?”

A blatant sigh came from behind. “You never have time for me after work, and you've turned evasive. You avoid my eyes whenever I try to look into yours. Like you are hiding something.”

She met his gaze briefly through the mirror and immediately looked away. “What could I possibly be hiding from you, George? You're reading too much into it. It's just I've really been pretty stressed lately.”

With an impatient guttural sound, George held her by the arm and spun her to face him. His eyes burned with a disappointment that prickled her skin. “Okay, let's just not include the past few days and just specialize on tonight. Emma, you don't look like someone who's just won the most prestigious award at a fashion show. Normally, you're all giddy and proud and frisky. Today, you seem to be forcing it; your smiles, your laughs. And you got upset just now because of something we usually do. Emma, please tell me what is wrong. What is bothering you? Is somebody bothering you? Is that it?”

“Nothing or nobody is bothering me. You're just exaggerating, George.” Her own lie stabbed st her heart with guilt, and so did the look of pure hurt she glimpsed in his eyes.

His nostrils flared disbelievingly. “Why, sugar? Why won't you talk to me? We're supposed to confide in each other. I thought we promised not to let any secrets exist between us.”

George sounded quite resolved, and Emma realized she needed to distract him before he tormented the truth out of her which would only wreck pain out of both of them, and the only way she could was to give him what he'd asked for.

“Fine, let's make love.”

She pulled close to him and begun unbuttoning his shirt, but the look in his eyes made her realize that was the worst thing to say in this situation. He stepped away from her, body crackling with indignation and eyes blazing with an emotion bothering on offense.

“What kind of husband or man do you take me for? God Emma, you've changed. What has come over you? You refuse to tell me what the hell is wrong with you, and a second later you want us to make love.”

“George, what's the big deal if...”

“What's the big deal?” He stepped away even further and gave her a once over like he didn't recognize her. “You don't even care how this makes me feel.” He mused and chuckled bitterly. “Well, I'm very sorry. But if we're going to make love, it will be because you want so willingly. Not because you feel it's your obligation.”

His voice held a wealth of hurt and bitterness, the kind that spasmed her heart. She reached out to touch him, feeling torn apart by his hurt, but he shook off her hand. She should've perhaps tried better, but in that instant, all she really wanted to do was to escape the guilt of her betrayal.

So after watching him get under the sheets and face away from her side of the bed, she didn't even bother to take a shower first as she too got under after removing her heels, facing away from him as well.

***~***

Emma picked one of her most seductive self-designed lingeries, the one that turned her husband on the most and laid in bed, counting the seconds and hoping this approach would help clear the tension for both of them. Once again, she hoped more intimacy would at least help her assuage her feelings for Zain.

The last two days had been more agonizing than she could've expected. George had dealt her his silent treatment almost to the point of hostility, and frankly, he not speaking to her at all was much worse than him simply complaining or venting out his frustration.

And Emma had lived through the guilt of her silence and her emotional treachery, feeling her whole world closing in on her.

At breakfast and dinner, or when they were with their daughter, he would act perfectly like nothing was amiss. But alone in their room, he would barely spare her a glance, all the while exuding so much disappointment and hurt for her that it tugged painfully at her heart.

It was saddening how they'd reached such a point in their marriage when everything had been so perfect in the beginning, and she had only one man to blame.

Sometimes he would look at her when she called his name, a ray of hope in his eyes, seemingly thinking she was ready to divulge her problem. But when fear sucked the courage out of her body and she tried to broach a whole new topic, the ray would be replaced by shimmering swathes of hurt and bitterness and he would immediately switch back to hostile.

She couldn't do it, she couldn't tell him that she hadn't been honest about her relationship with his business partner. That Zain was still insisting on getting her back no matter the circumstance, and worse of all, that she was still in love with Zain as much as she loved him.

She wasn't prepared to see the disappointment and pain in George's eyes as much as she wasn't prepared to face what that would entail. It would only evoke so much pain, and the fact that she'd lied about her connection with Zain in the first place would only make her situation compromising.

As soon as George stepped out from the bathroom, he sucked in a breath as his gaze fell on her exposed flesh. Immediately, an impressive tent begun protruding in his towel. Satisfied, she slid of the bed as sensuously as she could, walking towards him with the intent to seduce.

Reaching where he stood, she maneuvered to his back, and when he muttered “devil” under his breath, she knew she was doing a great job. Hugging him from behind, she glided her hand along his perfect torso, then up to squeeze his nipples, taking in the coconut scent of his skinned mingled with that of shampoo.

“I miss you.” she said sultrily, huskily.

He held her hand, and then tore it from his chest, getting out of her hold as he walked away from her. She immediately went over and held his hand, stopping him. Then sliding her hand down his stomach, she reached his member and begun stroking it. He gasped and sucked in a breath. “Please stop this Emma.”

“Why make things difficult?" She questioned.

He immediately pulled her hand away from him and turned to face her. “I won't make love to you when there are still unresolved problems between us, Emma. In the past we never slept until we had every minor issue resolved, but it's been almost a week now, and you don't seem to care an iota about how I feel. It's like I don't know you anymore. Where is my sugar?”

“George, things would be great between us if only you would stop this obsession of me hiding something.” She mused sternly, starting to get upset by his aloofness.

“It would be even more great if you were honest with me about your feelings.” He shot back. “Goodness, what did I do to deserve this distrust? Why is it so hard to tell me what is bothering you? Why are you always pulling down the shutters on me? What is making you change so much? It really hurts to know that you don't trust me enough anymore to confide in me.”

It's the guilt, George, but I can't tell you because you don't deserve to get hurt.

“George I'm not hiding anything from you! Stop being so presumptuous. You can't always be right!” She fired at him as well, hoping that would finally change his mind.

She was wrong. George looked at her as if he'd been expecting her outburst. “You've changed so much.” He shook his head and proceeded to change into his pyjama pants after removing the towel.

___________________

What are your thoughts about everything that has been going on?