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I had let go, but now, a hint of deep-seated resentment unavoidably rose within my heart. After all, it was⦠three years of my youth. To be honest, his few words were completely watertight, the epitome of a jerk.
âI saw the post you made, how should I put it?â Xu Qingyan set down his teacup, reflected for a moment, âThank you for liking me, but we really are not from the same world.â
âTo tell the truth, even being friends is me aiming too high.â
âHow could that be?â Jiang Yunyao instinctively retorted, but then met his eyes, brimming with a teasing smile, and her voice faltered, âSaying that is a bit too much.â
âJust kidding, but itâs more or less the same idea.â Xu Qingyan glanced at her, sighed, âBack then, I was actually quite tired, my brain felt numb every day.â
âAnd with so much pressure, I really had no mind to think about romance.â
âTo tell you the truth, you donât understand me, having a momentary lustful thought is quite normal. If you truly understood me, youâd probably feel like killing me.â
Upon hearing this, Jiang Yunyao rolled her eyes in silence.
âYou really know how to spout nonsense. You just refused me, thatâs all.â
âItâs not that. You barely came of age and got a house, you have me all dizzy.â Xu Qingyan laughed while changing the subject, âSeriously though, little rich girl, youâre loaded.â
âIf people in university knew how wealthy you are, the crowd chasing after you would break down the classroom door.â
Jiang Yunyao, wearing a speechless expression, propped up her cheeks and said.
âWithout taking the initiative in university, how could there be any romance? Even if I were worth two hundred million, it doesnât mean someone would chase after me. Everyone is in their own world, unrelated to each other.â
âIn our class, you were the prettiest, and no one in the next class over looked better than you. I didnât have many choices, did I? If all the handsome guys in the world threw olive branches at meâ¦â
âWrong, thereâs nobody better-looking in the entire school than this buddy right here.â Xu Qingyan interjected shamelessly, and laughed.
âWhatever, you are truly shameless.â Jiang Yunyao was amused, laughing until her smile slowly turned down, âDo you know when I started to have feelings for you?â
When a secret crush can be openly spoken about as a joke, it means that the crush has already died.
âI donât know.â
âIt was shortly after school started, during the evening self-study, I went to the back to throw away trash. You were dozing off in the second-to-last row. I remember the classroom lights were very bright, and then you lifted your head and stared at me.â
âMy mind went blank, I stood there for five or six seconds. The whole world froze, my heart skipped a beat, and after that, I started to think of ways to become friends with you.â
Xu Qingyan thought for a bit, âI donât remember clearly, I was probably too tired then, confused from sleep.â
âI must have been blind to have a crush on you,â Jiang Yunyao gritted her teeth, then looked down, âI never thought that one day, I would say these things in front of you.â
âMaybe youth is over, donât be nervous, this is what itâs like working as adults.â Jiang Yunyaoâs nose tingled with sadness as Xu Qingyan spoke of youthâs end, and she almost cried.
Three to four years of youth, breezed over with a lighthearted joke.
She remembers trembling as she texted him during a heavy downpour, and many more little things. There was no dramatic plot, but it was nevertheless warm.
But Jiang Yunyao was also very clear, that it was she herself who fell in love, and also she herself who gave up first.
Her mother, upon learning about Xu Qingyanâs situation, strongly opposed and said âLike matches like; bamboo doors should match with bamboo,â believing that a huge gap will not lead to happiness.
I remember that evening, sitting on the sofa stubbornly as my mother lectured sternly.
âWith such disparate family circumstances, itâs one thing to spend money to help, our family can afford it. But your values, let alone your perspectives on life and the world, are different.â
âYou like him now when heâs poor, but are you sure he wonât change his heart once he has money? From ancient times, marriages were among equals; there are many who canât understand their own place.â
âHave you considered, if you two lived together, would you reheat leftovers or just throw them away? Would you buy a luxury car or domestic, is consumption for practicality or happiness?â
âMoreover, he comes from a single-parent family. Have you thought about what you would do if he canât empathize with your pain or meet your emotional needs after being together?â
âIâm not against you dating, but marriage is absolutely not okay. Youâve never suffered since you were a child, why trouble yourself by marrying into a family with a rural mother-in-law and a bunch of rural relatives?â
âYouâre young and you donât understand, love can easily be replaced. Once youâve entered society, youâll know, good-looking boys like him are a dime a dozen.â
That afternoon, my motherâs words wavered Jiang Yunyaoâs resolve. She was infatuated but not foolish; she knew what she wanted.
She pondered for a long time, but indeed she wavered in that moment.
It was just that Xu Qingyan never gave her a chance anyway, it was never her turn to step back. In the end, she gave up willingly, but often couldnât let go.@@novelbin@@
Sometimes, she regretted it. She wondered if he could see her hesitation, after all, she had never resisted her family.
Even though she was clear on these matters, Xu Qingyan could never know. But sometimes, she couldnât help but think, how could she, who had been so adamant, have hesitated?
Perhaps in that moment, she also agreed with her motherâs words.
Suddenly, Jiang Yunyao felt some relief that Xu Qingyan hadnât given her a chance.
At the very least, they could now sit together with dignity. They at least kept those warm memories without being torn apart by reality.
From the beginning, this relationship had never begun. What stopped her was not Xu Qingyanâs family background, but her own countless hesitations.
After entering society, it wasnât like what my mother had said. There werenât countless people who could replace him; all the ones easily found were flawed.
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