Elaine
It began in sophomore, before that I was nobody. Drowned in gloom and darkness, a loner fourteen-year-old new student in a hazardous school. An image of perfect society since I was not, I was bound to stand out like a sour thumb.
And I did.
Everything was stable and I was determined to get through this and out of it in four years. It was much to ask when you get somehow involved with Tyler Wren.
All it took was a night, an encounter, and my selfless bone which cared for humanity surprisingly even after what happened years ago. It changed everything.
He made sure my life was a living hell. Wait! Correction, breathing hell.
It started the very next week after that night.
The hate, the push, the humiliation engulfed me.
Surviving each day under the school became an everyday measure, the voices and whispers followed me wherever I went. The eyes on me were like a second skin. The hate, sadistically it made my future intention easier. I can't link myself to anyone, I cannot afford the strength to befriend that vulnerability again.
Two years passed, I managed to outlive those moments in a change of losing sanity, piece by piece.
And now two weeks into senior year, it was calm. Too calm which was too good to be true. Maybe just maybe they realized how worthless it was to spend their time on me.
But boy was I wrong. It was calm before the storm. A simple proverb with such honest and bitter implementation.
"Hey bitch, you smell like piss. Ever heard of the word shower?" Melinda's voice bloomed over the corridor as I heard students chuckling.
Citrus.
I smell like citrus. Whatever she inhaled was probably within her nostril. Oh, I wish I could say that to her face.
"Trust me, even thrift store will be disappointed to have a customer like her" another girl added giggling.
That was creative, I must give her that. But yet not deeply scarring.
I alternately turned when I realized I left a book on my locker required for the next class. I met a pair of legs intended to stumble me down. I fell on the tiled floor hitting my hips on the process.
I coughed a wheeze of pain. That was a pretty hard fall. My hair gathered by my shoulder as I squinted my eyes wincing.
"Woah" a few spineless boys hooted as they kicked my binder around. My eyes stayed glued to the black shoes in front. I don't have to crane my face to know who it was.
Tyler never misses an episode of Hate Elaine For Fun. Funnily he doesn't even require to tune in. He can binge-watch it anytime he aspires. I was indeed a Netflix.
Or a girl who was too far gone.
I got on my knees and stretched my hands to reach for the notes near me, The pair of very shoes I had been glowering on stepped on it, one at a dramatic time. Crunching the sheets cruelly and imprinting a dusty mark in the process.
I cringe, mere by the thought of the backup assignment resting on my locker which dare I say could bring me my first B ever. It was a grimace-worthy rough draft of the original grand copy, the very one taking its final breaths beneath Tyler's feet.
Sorry, I did my best to save you.
The apology was short-lived.
After a fruitless attempt of gathering my belongings and muting out the laughter, I got up.
In the process I meet the cold eyes of Tyler, he stepped closer to me as I retreated one back.
I glared but failed since he was better when he has his way around. He hated when someone talked back to him. And he wants me to break down and confess my fear towards him. He feeds on them.
But I won't give him such bliss and satisfaction. I was way smarter than that.
Yes, he intimidates me. But running away from problems was not what dad thought me to do at the stage of blatant rage and humiliation.
'When life throws lemons at you, you might just bear it. At times lemons do act as a good acidity regulator'
Don't judge him, he might have been terrible at bits of advice. But it helped me nevertheless. The mediator and sensible decisions had always been my Mom's department.
Since I don't have a burning acidity, for now, I tried ignoring and walking away when he grabbed my arms and pulled me to him, his lips dangerously close to my ear lobe.
"Last year huh? I will make sure to scar you for a lifetime" hate. So much hate in his words made me feel sick to the stomach as I shuddered, Shiver running down my spine. One thing I know well about him was he kept his words, I learned that hard way round.
With that he left me, biting my lips and frowning I made my way out of the crowd only to get hit by a soccer ball, right on the crook of my nose.
This time the groan was real. The hurt was real.
I blinked away tears of pain as my nose burned with each passing second, each intake of breath. Pictures were clicked, snickers were heard.
A trail of warm liquid dripped out from my nose.
Trembling fingers reached my upper lip as I touched it, hissing I brought them to my eye level to watch what they made of me.
Blood.
We all bleed the same. Hurt the same. Yet. Don't. Feel.
It disgusted me.
It made me dizzy for a bit as my eyes fluttered. A girl gasped aloud. Karly came into view, she carried the ball with her, caressing it between her palms. Her nails made rugged noises as she ran them across.
The perplexed crowd held their attention upon us. Her eyes trailed to my bleeding nose, then back to my eyes. I breathed heavily and bit my cheeks inside. It hurts, was all I could muster up.
"Oh my God, guys. She's bleeding" her eyes were wide and scared, everyone was quiet.
"Shit" her friend added. No remorse. Nothing.
Seconds passed and the worried look on her perfectly sculpted face changed into an evil smirk.
"You bleed, who cares" My ears rang with the hysterics that followed.
I swallowed a choke as I pushed through the active corridor. I ran away from there, not because I couldn't take it anymore, But because my nose required aid.
How long are you going to fool yourself?
As long as it takes for me to find the truth.
Will you be able to survive?
I don't have choice.
What about your life here?
This town was a break. These petty issues can't hold me back. This is nothing in front of what I had planned for my future. This was nothing compared to what I had been through in the past.
But why the humiliation?
I can't stop them. It was too much attention.
You don't deserve it.
Nobody does.
I cemented my answer. Closing the strings of questions inside my head.
On my way to nurse I could still feel a tiny part of me wishing for Alex to not have witnessed this messed up part of my life, I still selfishly desired to know him more. Maybe a friend is all I need to bring me back to my rationality.
He heard me sing, but never insulted me.
When I saw him smoke all I wanted to do was to rip that package away and flush it in the toilet. I did try them for fun, but the way he used it. It was an addiction.
He laughed at my attempt to get the invisible spider off me, But it was genuine, friendly even. Until I decided to creep in my insecure delusional mode and walked away.
It was a justified thing to do, my choice to keep him away. For my own good.
But it felt wrong.
So wrong.
***