Elaine
There is no more heavy nuisance in heart than guilt. A moment of friendship with Alex brought in a package of lightheartedness and rising faith in this thing I started with him.
But every time I let myself be carried out with the current of newfound companionship, this nagging bug never fails to drag me down. He trusts me. But still, I did manage to mess this up before it even began.
I know about him more than he wanted me to know.
Does that count as betrayal?
Yes, ofcourse.
What was I even thinking when I hacked his information?
"What's with that dead look?" while I stared at the couple with their young little boy, unconsciously. The boy I had been pondering so deeply about asked. Apparently his plan to avoid Tyler and his brainless friends was to take the back route. Safe and violence free he quoted.
I smiled shaking my head, implying it's nothing, I skated back as he followed the track.
"If it's about Tyler outside then you have nothing to worry, no one saw. Even if they try anything I am right here" his words brought me to a sudden halt, Alex must've been close behind me as he slammed on my back as soon as I stopped.
Resulting in falling face-first to the ground. Since it was me who was in front, I was gifted with remarkable pain on front and a laden guy on the back.
For a second all I could hear was the greatest shower of curses and apology. Mix in a thunder of howling snorts by Noah who somehow habituated in front of my visage.
I should stop convulsing on Alex's out of nowhere citations.
Grunting and grumbling we both got up to our feet.
"I am so sorry, you halted suddenly and I just-" he trailed off as he scanned, cupping my face he arced it right and left for injuries I guess.
Rolling my eyes I blip his hand away.
On the side, Noah grumbled about being a third wheel or something as he maneuvered away.
"If you don't want to be here we can go somewhere else" once Noah was out of perception he asks, this causes more malfeasance at my doing. Why does he have to be so benevolent? So nice? I wasn't used to being treated like this.
Today when I met him near a trashcan with a cigarette in his mouth I was resolved to lash out. I spent my day perplexed over his zealous acts. He confused me.
And when he explained himself, I had to forgive him. I won't deny the fact I was desperate to meet him. And this scares me more.
"It's just-" pausing I breathed "I don't want to overthink anything. I watch behind my back every time and I am used to it by now. It's a reflex" I live by being ambiguous and with distrust, and it has not much to do with bullying. I wanted to add.
"I have an advise" he said after much thought. "Stand up to them, not entirely to the group. But when they're alone make your point. If it doesn't get through their dickheads, curse"
Surprised, I raised a brow.
"You heard right, swear at them. Tell them what you think about them. Cussing releases much of your inner pain, proven by science" he shrugged his lips twisting down warily.
"What if it makes it worse?" I adjusted my beanie, don't know what prompted me to wear it in the first place.
"I'll take care of it" he smirked. My heart skipped a beat. It was not the ruthless or mischievous boyish smirk. But one of the people with power. Now that I know about his status, I could scrutinize over the scanty details that make him stand out from the crowd.
The way he holds himself, the clothes he wears, and the way he walks prevents him from blending in.
Being different does attract attention. Like even now I see few girls over the corner giggling as they check him out. Shamelessly might I add?
And then I was on square one, overthinking again. No matter where he came from or what his reasons were. He was still a human and a good one on that. Since a good human being is now crucial to come across, I decided to throw away my paranoid thoughts and live the moment off.
For now, I have reliance towards this guy, and I am gonna make the best of this.
"Fine then. I'll try" with a smile and some newfound courage I took hold of his hand and dragged him towards the middle of the rink.
Though the contact of skin felt funny, I kept the topic to overthink about it later.
Right now the night was young and so was i.
***
Life isn't easy when you have one of your foot in anger and the other in the state of repulse.
As I walk the hallway with these bigoted eyes patronizing my every action. I wish I could say after the cafeteria fortuity, the aftermath resulted in less bullying. As I feared, it just increased.
Two days back, I found myself the target of ink spill, as everyone under the radius of view threw ink from their fountain pen on me. To my not so much of a surprise, I detached a note of "throw ink at me" from my back later.
They even increased their vocabulary, name calling was now at its peak dimwit, failure and trash were common among them.
Girls hated me triple times more, for them, I was an entertainment for Alex, he's going to dump me in the most fascinating way possible.
Seriously, the shit these people can come up with.
And now when they saw Alex and I shared a ride to school this morning, the enmity intensified.
The last class of the day ended, but I stayed back to clear some doubts with Mrs.Martinez regarding the assignment due next week. This brings me to the realization that Alex and I still need to work on it.
Mrs.Martinez was a mess. Her nose was red from cold and bags complimented her tiresome features. Having a son like Jace could do that to a strong woman.
She's a single mother, before Jace's father left them they used to live in the house next to ours. Let's just say that their fighting used to keep me up at night and in the day Jace will always threaten me to ruin my life if I breathed a word of it.
Either way, he never failed to do his job of making it hell.
He found a way of jurisdiction over others' weakness which counterfeited his flaws in something that he believed to be superiority.
Apparently Jace still tries to maintain his perfect life image.
I just don't get it, why paint a picture of colours to impress your friends when they can't accept you with your dark side.
But my concern would only multiply when he will be seen again. He hasn't made an appearance in four days. Nobody takes school seriously these days. Or it's just him.
The empty corridor resonates with the pulverized squeaking of my canvas. As I come across my locker I dump the pile of unrequired books inside and close the door.
But before I could move a coerced grip on my arm startles me. The person turns me around vigorously and roughly shoves me, hitting my back to the locker.
The sound of flesh clashing against the metal rings on the hallway as I stare wide at Tylers fuming face.
"You think he is interested in you?" he spits words as I stand still, the vibration of pain slowly humming on my back.
"What are you talking about?" Frowning I ask.
"That guy Alex is playing with you, have you seen yourself in the mirror? No moron would ever want a girl like you to flock around him" It'd be a lie if I said his words did not get to me. It hurt.
"Why are you doing this, what does insulting me benefit you with?" I ask him. I've been trying to figure this out for years.
What I did was not worth this hatred. I don't deserve any of this.
"Oh honey, it provides me with motivation since I am doing good to people by making you realize how unworthy you are, just maybe you'll realize this fact one day and just vanish. Phooff" he sneered moving close as I press up further against the locker.
"Stop talking to him, I don't find it digesting to see you making friends around. Or else you know how I can bring an eclipse in that women's career" his index fingers tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. The trail he leaves feels like burns as I grit my teeth.
He cannot control my life. I reminded myself, again and again, many times this past year. But this time it was blackmail. It was something personal and I am not going to let him play with Diana's career.
Alex's words replayed inside my head.
Stand up for yourself Elaine.
And that's what I did exactly. I shoved him hard on the chest, shocked he stumbled back.
"What the h_"
"Hell? is that what you were going to say? Now hear from the girl you have been making her life a hell." I breathed fire as my chest felt like filling with water. If I won't vomit the words out, I might die.
"You know how it feels to wake up every morning and coming to a place where everybody hates you for no reason at all. To read comments and trolls over social media for just being alive. For just existing?" his face was a mask of stone giving nothing away as he just stared at me.
"If you want to experience hell, try living my life a day you stupid, a moronic little piece of nincompoop. I wish your grave to be filled with green rattlesnakes and worms because that's what you deserve"
As I scream at the top of my lungs, I feel it. The satisfaction. The pressure in me evaporates slowly. I feel lightheaded. I feel free.
But mostly I felt happy.
Without a second glance, I run away as fast as I can. But where? I don't know.
My feet tremble with each step as it automatically drives towards the library. It's Thursday so he has to be there. As I scan around I find the cluster of white hairs on the corner fumbling with some wires near the computers.
I take long strides as I come closer to his vicinity his head which was once focused on wires shifts upon me.
"I did it" I slouch my back lowering my head as I whisper to him. He sat on the ground with a pile of other equipments clubbing on the side.
"Did what?" he whispers back. "And why are we whispering, there's no one else than you and I?" he whiffs.
"Oh, I cursed. I said some really bad words to Tyler." I inform plopping beside him. He stops and rapidly turns to face me, rewarding me with his complete attention. He seems excited even.
"What did you tell him?"
I tried recalling the words but in vain, the waves of adrenaline had me spewing words that I can't even remember.
"It was something along the line of stupid, moron, and nincompoop" I declared proudly.
He stares at me with an indecipherable look before erupting into a fit of laughter "Seriously Elaine, we live in the twenty-first century and you call these harmless innocent words swearing?" He blinks away a teary-eyed laugh as I glare at him from the side.
"You said you'll take care if anything goes wrong." I reminded him to which he just smiles.
"Anything for my lady" he wiggles his brows, I knew it was a bad idea to let him and Noah exchange numbers.
"So I am now a winter's soldier huh?" He says proud of his findings as we sat in contended silence across the empty hall, our back to the shelf resting side by side and legs sprawled in front of us. Staring ahead at nothing in particular.
"Seriously, we are doing puns now?" I roll my eyes but as an afterthought, I smile at him with sweetness lacing my tone.
"Then let's see what this snow-white has in store for me"
Then it was silence again.
But we both were aware of the smile we had on our faces.
The smile. It was a symbol.
A symbol that represented trust.
And a dangerous, so much more's.
***