Elaine
I wasn't bothered about the fall, not even the humiliation that I was sustaining as a circle of snickers and giggles applaused for me.
Neither was he.
From the floor, my elbows propped up to hold my weight as I watched him, the way his eyes regarded me, it made me want to crawl up in to a ball and export myself to a black hole.
His reticent gaze then shifted to the tile beside me, then he paused to look back at me, as if he grievously expected my visage to disappear. From behind me the faint words of concern from Lee and Riley drifted past me, But we were too fixated on each others deceitful fracas to reward a heed to anyone else.
His eyes closed for a brief second, I blinked breathing sharply through my parted lips and When he opened them, I was at lost. They say the eyes of a human is the window to their soul, to claw your way through and you find them, their real self veiling in a hope for someone to understand them, love them for who they are.
But his were walls of steel, they had nothing in them. Even after what happened, the shit he put me through, his words that wonded my heart open, the very heart that he helped me heal, I desperately struggled to find tenderness in them. To find My Alex in him. But he was gone, with not even a trace or residue left behind.
The sight of him like this, It didn't scared me. It terrified me.
Virtually my gaze dropped down from his blue eyes to his legs, as he took dominating step towards me.
And that's when my nerves began to panic, I swirled around and got up on my knees as I felt his presence beind my back as I elicited the simple process of getting up, which felt harder than said as I stumbled. Before I know what I was doing my legs took the action on its own as I ran.
Without stopping I weaved through the people, muttering meaningless apologise as I dashed through them.
I know he didn't followed me, it was like a portent. A self proclaimed instict, and a relief. For now.
Girls washroom was my choice of hide out, unlike common counters and sinks, the warm glow of light illuminted from right inside the opaque tiled walls, bathing the room with a hue of luxury.
My reflection was contrary to the atmosphere, it was pale and confused and angry. Sighing I removed my dry paint shrunken apron and washed my hands. Grabbing my P.E attire from the backpack I lazily changed into them in the adjoing room made for the sole purpose of changing.
Who ever built this place, had put on a grave thought in to it. I'd give them that.
Once I was done refreshing my face with sprinkles of cold water I simultaneously watched the way the black t shirt that hugged my body, the pants which I assure you are not lululemons, but it was enough for it to appear sophisticated and classy.
I braided my hair to side, and for once I realized how much I've started to look like these people.
Physically I was the same, but my eyes. It was like it has lost it's hope. There was this shameful warmth and light in my heart which expected him to feel or see some kind of apology in Alex's features. He knows me, heck he's the only one who knows what goes through my mind. Not because he's as much as good observer as me, but he was one I had poured my heart to the point it has left me bare, almost.
And he, crushed everything. In a second with his delusions. With his ego, with his wrath.
He destroyed every light and expectations I had gathered so delicately, and now when it's all gone. I am no longer afraid of any consequences I have to face because of him.
He is not greater than my purpose.
But I would make sure to avoid him as much as possible. I don't have an alibi for his ruthless confrontations.
With determination pumping in my veins and converse laced tough on my feet I walk to my destination.
The evening sun Is harmless and tolerable on my skin. But the brightness still bothered me, I took a deep breath, taking in the cold trance of oxygen.
"You look pale" I snapped my head on side, the fidget spinner guy who I sit beside in most of my classes stood there with his hands causally shoved inside the bulkhead of his pockets.
"I know" I give him a tight lipped smile, more like a grimace. Though it's been a week since I started the school he never striked a conversation with me. The highest he ever grumbled was when he wanted a pen. More like everyday.
He even forget to bring his bag pack to the class once. And was often carried away with the flutters of his spinner.
In short he was weird.
"No problem, you look sick every other day" my mouth gapes open as he shrugs nonchalantly.
"I do no_"
"Aren't you too old for P.E" my defense was cut short when I saw Jared jogging towards my right, apparently calling me an ancient hag.
"Never call a woman old kid, not if you don't have a dying wish" though I wasn't that bothered by his comment, the spinner guy automatically fostered me.
"Who are you?" Jared focused his attention on the tall green eyed boy, before his mouth parted slightly in recognition as he nodded
"You are mike, the yearbook photographer" Jared declared, raising a brow I looked at him.
"That's surprising, I never saw you with a camera before" I state scratching the back of my hand in anticipation, the coach was still not here. Non of the staffs took a second more or less to get to their classes, what made him an exception to breach the religiously pursued protocol?
He arrogantly chose not to answer, instead he thoughtfully gazed at the freshly mowed grass. But atleast this conversation led me to know his name, now that's a plus.
Suddenly a low groan erupted from the prepubescent throat of Jared as he scrolled through his phone, which he does a lot.
"What happen?" I ask, the feeling of unease creeping in.
"Coach took a day off, it means we have to face the substitute" he clutched the front of his shirt, wrinkling it in his fist, as if the thought of the substitute was painful in itself.
The group behind me whined and some girls even bothered to contribute a high pitch wail at it.
"Good luck kiddos" Mike smirked as he bent down to tie the lace of his shoes.
"What? You are not in this class?" I squeaked, as he scoffed looking at me from down, still fumbling with the other shoe.
"Do I look like I am?" With that he got up and jogged the other side of the ground.
"He was doing his evening routine" Jared informed, but still the colour from his face hasn't been retained.
"What's the deal about this substitute?" I ask him tugging at the tip of my braid, imaging a steroid consuming bearded man in his late fourties.
"You'll know soon" was his enigmatic answer. As if on cue a loud whistle teared through the air and everyone began shuffling to form an ideal line.
The entrance to the bleacher is were everyones gaze nested as did mine. Then the source of the long wait strides in.
"What on the earth" I whispered as Edmund sargent in a simple black hoodie with white shirt underneath and a dark blue jeans regarded us coldy. The source of the sound hanging losely around his neck from a chain.
"Not earth, welcome to hell" gritting his teeth Jared hissed leaning towards me.
"Is there some problem with your waist Mr.Rivers? You seem to have a hard time standing straight" Edmunds sharp voice caused Jared to blush a shade of embaresment as he stood up straight, with his hands thightly locked behind his back.
I watched bewildered and confused as Edmund intently read the file board in his hands, shaking his face ever so often in disapproval.
"Your advancement in fitness is next to a dying sloth. We are going to start from begining." A round of whines and even a cry erupted around as I watched in awe and shocked stirred togeather.
He basically barked orders, divided them into groups with a leader. Each had four member and a head. Soon each faction was dispersing to their allotted activity and when my turn came, the fate decided to redefine it's level of fun. Why would it not? I am down right its private netflix show.
"Leave the new girl, she with me" he waved his pen dismissing the others nonchalantly as his eyes trained on me.
Jared gave a comforting firm compress to my shoulder.
"Stay alive" he said.
"Please don't leave me" I begged internally as his silhouette got engulfed by people around him.
"Are you done staring at their back Miss winters?" Startled I turned to face him, only to come face to face with a chest, during my conquest on inner pathetic self he had already managed to tower over me.
I looked up, my face contorting into one of a bitter yet sweet smile.
"Yes" I know i was being sarcastic, with the wrong person and at a terrible time. But for some reason he irks me. A lot.
And are you sure it's not because he's the best friend of certain someone?
Shut up!
"Are you being sarcastic?" he raised his perfectly sculpted eyebrow to which I rolled my eyes.
"No sir, I was being courteous" I can never get the hold of how this school works. I mean who let's a student teach the student?
"I don't see why that bothers you? I am qualified for this. So now use that noodles like arms of yours and strengthen up your push ups" my mouth opened ajar, as I watched him blink at me.
"Did I_"
"Yes, you said that out loud" I bit my lower lip as I avoided looking at him, my eyes narrowing into slits. Why me?
His lips ever so lightly twitched as if a smile was in the process of waking, but it died the next second.
And then it began.
The torment and affliction on my weak brawn went on, and on, and on till my arms felt like they would flexure in to an actual spaghetti. With each exterted force on my palm my throat made an embarrassing sound, similar to that of a mute dying hyena.
"Is that all you got?" his smooth yet teasing tone riled me up, sweat dripped from my forehead as my skin burned with each movement. Edmund crouched down next to me, with one of his elbows resting upon his right knee while he had his other knee balanced to the ground.
"Even a toddler does it better than you" I refused to see anywere else but the ground, but suddenly a large hand pressed up against my waist and other at the small of my back.
I would've shrieked away if it didn't felt so soothing and the tiredness was too overwhelming.
"Back straight Miss winters" this time it was soft and sympathising. He had made me run three lapse around the tracks before he asked me to get back to push ups. And after so much of physical exertion I felt the water dehydrating from my body and heart rate shooting sky high.
His press on me left when I sat up on my knees, my trembling palms tightly idling upon my thighs, taking in deep breaths.
"I c_can't" I stuttered, closing my eyes before he could see me tear up. Not because of him or anyone, but because I can't. My inability to stress my body more than I could was something that was the result of trauma I had received after the accident.
It took me a month to learn how to walk, or eat with my hands or do anything in general.
It was like, I had a brain which over functioned because my body couldn't respond with the strength I wanted it to.
And today, I felt them again, the helplessness, the pinnacle of being useless, to my parents, to the cause, to my own freaking anxious mind. My try to break through the boundaries were futile as I accepted my defeat.
"Hey, it okay. I am sorry I shouldn't have _" his words blurred as I felt his fingers curl below my chin lifting it up so I could see him.
But that was the problem, when I opened my eyes, a curtain of grey clouded my vision and soon it went black.
_______________
Ache, it was the individual syllable that my blank brain could conjure up when it was capable enough to think.
I wiggled my toes, squirming over as the soreness travelled over my nerves. It reached till my neck and suddenly my eyes snapped open.
The peach colored ceiling was the first thing I noticed. Moderately, gingerly I craned my tense neck to scan my room.
Sighning I closed my eyes, rubbing it to clear the foggy vision.
"At that rate I won't be surprised if you would accidentally tear off you lids" at the intervention of such brutal statement I stopped my movements.
Thats when I saw him, Edmund stood by the door of my washroom, droplets of water cascading down his face.
"What happened?" Frowning I sat up, ignoring the nausea, I clamp my lips shut. Helping a bile to quit inside.
"You fainted" he took a seat on the chair adjoining my computer desk, next to my bed. His chocolate brown eyes cautiously but firm, stared at me intently.
Feeling liberal solicitude for being the present subject of his intrest, I look away.
"Are you okay?" I hear him sigh, as he ran his hands over his slightly damp hair. He was still wearing the clothes from P.E. And the darkness behind the window indicated it was night already.
"I am"
Thick silence fell upon us as I kept staring out, pulling over the lose thread of my comforter.
"You brought me here?" Clearing my throat I ask, turning to look at him.
But he sat there with his head slightly tilted to side, peering over the image on desk , it was comprised of Noah and Nathan with me in between.
It was from halloween, before everything went down hill. Noah had it framed and gifted it to me a day after I told him about my decision to leave for the city.
Though it wasn't the best profile for either of us, we look like our mouths has been forced stretched with a hanger within. But it was the carefree happiness in our eyes, like the one when you don't care about tomorrow or yesterday. A sense of euphoria, thats what reflected from us.
"Yes. It was my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you on your first class." He said still lingering his attention towards the image.
"I am sorry if I was heavy" my small voice seem to have a big impact on him as he swiftly looked at me, his lips tugged to the very first honest smile on his face.
And it was also the foremost realization when I watched him in daze, the smile lit up his whole face even though it was meager. He was handsome, no doubt. But the worries had him age way before than he grew up in his body. But now he looked so young so free.
"You weight less than this baseball bat" he said still smiling as he grabbed my bat from the small space I had it tucked between the furniture.
"You play?" He asks making a motion of dodging the invisible ball with the bat.
"Nope" I said scratching the back of my neck "it's for self defense"
He chuckles lightly as I find myself sharing the same action with him.
"Brothers?" He motions at the picture he had been curiously gazing at with the flick of his thumb.
"Best friends" I say nodding side ways. I felt his smile drop a little before he forced it back.
Few awkward minutes passed and we sat in silence.
"I guess I'll leave you to rest now" he said relentlessly getting up, when I was about to follow his lead he leaned in grabbing my shoulders and forcibly making me sit on the same spot I was in.
"Rest" he ordered. A tingling sensation spread in my stomach at his words. His eyes held uncovered concern and I found myself agreeing to him.
But suddenly there was a tap on my door. As if he was knocked out from falling into a trance Edmunds eyes left mine to as we both looked at the closed door.
Tap.
The cycle followed as he walked up to the door, peeling the comforter away from my body I stood up, my muscles whined in disdain at my migration. Ignoring it I stand by his side as Edmund clutched the handle and fissured the door wide open.
"Lee?" I frown at the boy who stood by the doorframe, his eyes close and head craddling timidly back and forth.
Adjacent to me Edmund groaned. As if he had practiced this scenario his whole life he used both of his hands and cupped Lees cheeks, halting his flux expertly.
At that time it wasn't that figurative to know what was going on.
"He's sleep walking. Isn't he?" I grinned as Edmund nodded tiredly , grabbing Lee by his shoulder and meticulously he helped him to their dorm, the door was half ajar so he kicked them completely open.
My grin widened at his caring demeanour. They both vanished inside the room as a lazy but satisfied yawn escaped my lips.
I've had a long day, and a longer one tomorrow. The problems can wait if I have the audacity and will power to sustain the respect and live the life I believe in. And that will only happen when I'll start to love my self.
And I will learn to believe In me.
With determind lists of do's and don'ts swirling under my brain cells I decided to crash the bed.
But that blissful moment of self realization and exhilaration was short lived when I whriled around so that I could get back to my room.
The giddy adrenaline in my feet went stringent, as my bemused grin dropped like a hot coal in mercury.
Approximately five steps away with his hands folded across his chest and face bestowing the ice bergs of Antartica with a tough competition, Alex occupied elites corridor with his dominating stance.
His eyes narrowed at me in utter, complete and down right impatience.
I licked my lips, fisting my palms and calculated the route to my room as I glanced at my door and then at him.
A slight fraction of his brow raises, apparently I was smart enough to decrypt that it was a challenge from his behalf.
As if a siren took off silently on our head we both dashed towards the lonely plank of wood at the same time.
I would've let out a war scream if I had made it, but I was well aware that my pudgy short legs were a draw back. And soon I found my palm reaching for the knob but his protracted arm reached from behind me and pulled the door shut.
So I was now locked outside my own room. I live for days like these.
The close proximity between us did a splendid job of causing me a nervous martyrdom.
So much for being strong and many more of such thesaurus in front of him.
Frowning I rested my forehead on the aperture of the door were a period back Lee had hitted his head against. The hairs on my neck recoiled shivering as his breath fanned my neck.
He planted both of his hands on either side of me, I could only imagine what would happen if I turned to face him.
Probably give him a head butt?
"Are you following me?" Weeks had passed to months, no matter how much authentically I had conflicted my thought to not miss his voice, but I did it anyways.
Now that I hear them from his own lips, it was the strangest feeling to listen to him and yet not decipher the man behind those words at the present time.
He's not the same Elzina
My conscience reminded me.
Clenching my jaws I stood up straight, but still gambled with the idea of facing him.
"That is the most stupid thing that ever came from your mouth" gritting my teeth I answered, I could feel the frosty icicles drilling a hole at the back of my head.
"Then what do you think you are doing here?" His were more clamped and tougher than mine, but I was far from repulsing or going down without a defense.
"It's none of your business" uselessly I shuffle the knob for some miracle to supervene and vaporise me of this situation.
"It is" to my surprise he says, and chuckles humourlessly. Bitterness trailing over his tone.
"Oh it is" I imagine him shaking his head with that arrogant smirk of his "specifically when it involves you"
Taking in a sharp in take of breath I prepare myself for another jab of ruthlessness from him when
"Is everything alright?" Edmunds voice never felt so delicious before. In fact I found an immediate urge to tape it and listen to it all day long.
The shadow from my back left me as Alex retreated a step back, giving me the much needed space to breath.
I jump to look at Edmund smiling widely, the implimented stretch was so fake that even Edmund squinted frowning. Ignoring the boy next to me I strike him with conversation.
"I locked myself out of my room" the side of my face froze with his probably amused gaze as Edmund took his time absorbing the dense idiotical situation.
"I guess it's possible for you to do that" he gave me a friendly smile then diverted his attention to Alex.
The warmth in Edmund eyes intensified as he watched his childhood friend. But contrary to it Alex's looked like he wanted to shove him inside a container and pack him to Amazonian wildlife till he no longer intrupted him.
"What are you doing here Alex? Anything wrong?" Silence became loud as his question lingered in the air. Since he didn't bothered to make an attempt at explaining, I intervened.
"He- he was here to ask me if I had an apple" I nod, internally cringing at the deplorable choice of lie.
A lie so poignant that even Alex tilted his head to frown at me.
"You wanted an apple? To eat?" I nod my head throwing a discreet pleading look at Alex to act along.
he gulped facing Edmund, his pursed lips a significance of annoyance.
"No Edmund, I want an apple to throw it in your face" Alex said solemnly. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually meant it.My jaw dropped open, but astoundingly Edmunds reaction was far from being offended, in fact he grinned showcasing his perfectly aligned teeth.
"Good to have you back. I missed you" he walked and stood among us, making a small circle.
He then looked at me and opened his mouth to introduce me as I groaned mentally.
"Elaine meet Alex my best friend and Alex meet Elaine, she's new but once you get over her sarcastic mouth she's tolerable" he went as far as to wink at me unknown to the fact that with each words I felt the fragrance of death nearing me. And it was colder than grave.
Though Edmund was a couple of inches taller than Alex and had broad atheletic build than him, physical superiority apart, he was no were near as intimidating as Alex. In fact with his presence around Edmund felt as harmless as Lee.
Drowned over by the enthusiasm on the return of his friend, he ignored the futile virtual war between us as he continued, shuffling out something from his pockets.
"Here, take my spare access" he placed the card on my palms.
"You have the card to her room?" At that we both acknowledged the source of the question.
If a while back Alex wanted to pack him to amazon, now he appeared as if he would personally carry out the task under his supervision.
The frown was smooth on his head, and such a feature was as art in itself.
"Yes" edmunds causal response only did the job of effecting him more. His lips twitched as if some string of words were begging to be freed.
"I think you should go take rest, we have early classes tomorrow" Edmund sighed rubbing his temples tired.
No one budge from their spot until Alex grumbled a fine, taking Edmunds advice in consideration.
My shoulder slumped, I felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Alex arched a perfect brow at me, as if mocking my state of relaxation, something about it warned me that it wasn't over, not for a long sort. I waited for him to vanish from my vision, walk away, or alteast move from his spot.
But all his did was picked up his card from a fancy looking wallet and turned to swipe it on the pad of the room right across mine.
I was torn in between deciding to punch a wall or punch myself in the face.
The door dings open as he walked in but halted when Edmund called him out.
He turned to face us once again, almost in the process of shuting his door.
"I don't have apples for now. But I do have bananas, would you like that?" Edmunds Sincere question was answered with silent icy gaze trading between him and I before we were rewarded with a door banging shut with ear shattering intonation.
Both of us flinched as Edmund sadly stood, his eyes fixated on the wall.
"I wish I know what his problem is" he said so low that it would've liberated if i wasn't so focused on him.
But my nervous mouth rambled with a senseless theory on It's own accompanied by a sheepish grin.
"I guess he really was craving for apples"
And the ridiculously whimsical part was when he nodded thoughtfully.
If only he knew.
***