Alex
It was her.
My eyes took over the position she was in. A golden stiletto clutched in her right hand raised as if ready to hit.
Dumbfounded was the word I would prefer to describe myself, But I don't let it show, I don't let anything show. I opened and shut my mouth, I wanted to say something but what came out was entirely else than how I pictured our first conversation to take place.
"What are you doing in my home?"
Seriously?
Of course, she was here for a reason is what I will assume. Though trying to hit me with a shoe scenario is quite suspicious.
"I_ I we-" she stuttered. Colour rushing to her face.
"Buzz is back" I hear Ash scream and jump on the couch. The creases it made on the sofa were such a nuisance, against the etiquette I was raised with. But again I look at the little girl. My sister.
She was happy. I don't think I want to ruin that for her.
"You know him, Ashley?" The girl asked confused, and the girl is all I could address her with, I still wasn't acquainted by her name.
Though I tried following her around the classes she did her best to avoid me. I am not a fool, I know she even saw me wave at the cafeteria.
All this hard-headed cat and mouse kind of chase forced me to almost believe in Tyler's words, just maybe she was obnoxious and a freak.
But now seeing her in my home act like a normal perplexed girl, I wanted to know her more.
"I am her brother" I caught her attention and her eyes widen. Those grey eyes.
"I-i am sorry about this. I thought you were some intruder" she said blinking her embarrassment away. With the tip of her ears turning red she shuffled on her feet.
I smiled at her. As genuine as it could get.
"Buzz, meet Elaine. She will take care of me when Mom is away to do her fishoterpy" Ash introduced us while clinging to my legs. I took her up and carried her inside leaving Elaine still surprised.
It must have been startling to meet the guy she has been avoiding since morning only to face him at his own home.
I smirked at my thoughts.
I put Ash back on her feet and advised her to go to her room promising to be back there in a few. She agrees as I tried to get used to how she accepted those promises so easily. Only if she knew who made those promises to her. So naive to know who her brother was.
She kisses my cheek and warns me to take care of her amazing new friend and not to scare her away.
My exact thoughts.
My conscience mocks me. The previous history making it impossible for me to accept that I can change.
I want to.
Once Ash was gone I turned to face her.
She gave me a forced smile. Locking her hands behind her back. A posture of anxiousness mixed with the behavior of an introvert.
"Hey."
"Hello," I reply. Scanning her once again, trying best for it to be friendly and not to come off as judgemental.
"I think that now you're here I should get going" she points at the door with her thumb, unsure.
"No, you can't"
She raises a brow. Suddenly looking like a feisty kitten.
She wasn't confident, rich, and wore fortune to carry herself like the ones I used to know.
Instead, she looked like she could care less about them.
Justifying them to be the reason for my interest in her I took a step forward.
"I mean let's have a cup of coffee or something. I am new here and in desperate need of a companion" I requested. An emotion so alien. I can't even think of the last time I had used it.
I was never good with beating around the bush. I got what I wanted, always. So when she started a string of excuses. I was quite surprised.
But then again I wasn't the same boy I was before. And she still doesn't know me.
No one does. This town was dead, but my expedition here gave me a new life.
"Alex, trust me. I am not the companion that you should be looking for" she sighs. She remembers my name. That's a start.
"Then what kind of friends should I hunt?" I ask her as she pauses to look at me. A sliver of doubt and an analytical glint in her eyes. As if trying to read my intentions. Which was for once pure.
"You will know that soon" she looks away. I was disappointed but not discouraged. I know the kind of people I want to be with. This time I do.
"And one more question. Sorry if I am being personal here, you are Alex White aren't you?" She continues as I nod at that.
"But Ashley's mother happens to introduce herself to me as Mrs. Bryson"
Under my gaze, I could see that She was not uncomfortable for asking that question. I hate it when people use to notice this and try to ask me indirectly about it, coiling it into a mess, or just kept making up guesses instead of enquiring us.
"My parents divorced a few years ago, I kept my Father's name" I reason thoroughly controlling not to spit the term that involved him out to which she nods, a complacent understanding in her eyes.
"I'll let Mrs.Bryson know that you are here. I should leave. It's getting late" she moves towards the door while I stop her.
"Elaine"
"Yes?" She stops to look back, confused.
"You can leave the shoes there" I grin as she realizes that the shoe was still in her grasp. She chuckles nervously. I take time to observe her.
Her hair was pulled back in a pony and her clothes much more revealing. No one would exactly call it revealing, It was more of a nun dress compared to what girls wear at school, but she was the kind of girl who made a dress look pretty on her rather than relying on the dress to make her beautiful.
And she wasn't exceptionally attractive. But I could see that she tried to hide it well, she could steal consciousness if she wanted to. She might be weird, but her intentions were wired. She wanted to be invisible.
That's what she rooted for.
She did it pretty well.
And during this internal monologue, much to my dismay she had already left, leaving behind the sweet utterance of a faint Bye in her wake.
I stood there with the air cold again.
The coldness that was once me.
Now slowly melting.
Hopefully.
***
I woke up the next morning with fresh determined thoughts.
when I entered school, I was greeted by many. I answered them equally enthusiastic.
I am a new man. The assholeness I had now lain deep in the grave.
What about the way you aspired to amputate the hand of a certain guy who patted your back for acknowledgment?
That was just a thought. I reasoned.
This is not your world. Your people.
They don't know you, when they do they'd fear you. Of your influence and power.
They'll like you for your status.
But envy you for who you are.
Yet will pretend to love you for what you are.
Cementing my feet in the middle of the corridor I close my eyes, tuning out the senseless chatters around. Even the mass reverberation of conversations sounded different than what I was used to.
All the empathy, care and hope that I learned from past months blurred.
A seething nonchalance surged through my veins as I fisted my palms.
But then, I see her face. Somewhere out of nowhere. Elaine's troubled yet strong demeanor gave me hope again.
I don't know what it was about her, but like a ton of brick was lifted off my head, the dust of doubt clears off.
I can do this.
With that, I make my way to the last two empty seats in history. And then I wait.
After too many minutes I see her. Black hoodie and dark grey sweatpants. She comes to an abrupt stop when she spots me beside an empty seat. Her seat.
She was anything but happy.
I latch my amused gaze to each of her moments as she walks, the gentle way the corner of her lips pulled down in sour annoyance as I smirked.
A smirk void of the predatory coldness.
A smirk so warm. Unlike the true Alex.
So fake.
How long do you think you can keep this up?
I peek at a glimpse of her again.
As long it takes for her to let me in.
I decide.
She makes her way to me as the whole class looks at us. A look of many negative emotions in their eyes. whatever it is, I don't like it. Nobody deserves this. Especially not her. It doesn't take a genius to realize what's going on.
I kept my thoughts aside for now as she sits beside me.
I am not like them. I want to assure her about it.
What about the time when you were worse?
"Hello, Elaine" excitement in my voice is all I could focus on. I had a lot of free time to scowl with disappointment with the way I was behaving these days.
"Why are you here?" Her voice was cold. That sound spikes countless emotions that you can't put a finger on.
So similar yet so different. I smile
A belief with regards to experience. A sturdy imprisoned barricade formed by the person who feels too much hurts too much and aspires to escape from them so much, till the point of blurring them all to nothingness. It's when he chooses to be cold.
A facade. A wall of ice to cover up the burning emotions.
"The last time I checked it's a free country" My lame comeback buys me a magnificent eye roll.
Last night Ash won't stop talking about how cool and sweet Elaine was. She even blabbered off about how she wants to knight her with a title, bestowed after her favorite Disney characters as she named me Buzz.
I still regret taking her to that creepy movie on possessed toys.
We stayed in silence as Mr.Carmen resumes his lessons from yesterday. In meantime I see her take a black notepad and scribble points.
"What are you writing?" I lean down to whisper. As far as I know, there was nothing to write, the way this man teaches, you could hardly make out that it's even a history class, to begin with.
"Noting down a major historic event," she says, not sparing me a glance. I look at the class to see if they are involved in seriousness like she was. But to my dismay, none even bothered to look at Mr.Carmen.
There were hardly ten students In class including us two. The other two were asleep and the rest were on their phone.
This man was too easy to deal with, attending his class was nowhere on the list.
I turned to face her.
"I get it. Nerd" I said in a teasing manner. I was quite enjoying putting my voice to use.
"I won't exactly call it being nerdy," she says clicking her tongue with a shake of her head sassily, and With that, she pushed the note in an angle for me to read.
31.8.17
Today the history repeats itself. Mr. Samuel Carmen, our beloved history teacher with a mysterious ancient accent that trains us on how not to understand a thing has done it again.
For the second time this year, he came to his workplace
With his flyer open.
I took a sole deep breath as I forced a glance at Mr. Carmen's fly. Sure enough, it was open.
I tried hard not to. But the sudden emotion of lightheartedness tingles me inside, and then
I burst out laughing.
A laugh that never felt so real.
***