Alex
I pushed myself out of the bed. It's been half an hour since I came home and did nothing. I did ignore texts and calls from my friend back there in Florida.
Edmund Sargent. A part of me was glad. He would never give up on me. But do I want my friends to root for someone like me?
Friends.
Why do I still call them that?
They are better off without me. And I was fine without them, they were Naive enough to trust me in the first place.
I know It was selfish, adamant of me to blame everything on someone else though I had a choice. But then who doesn't?
It's a reflex, wheels turning in one's head when they are too guilty of their actions. They blame a part of it on others so that the least they could breathe.
My thoughts dive back to the boy in Elaine's doorway. He could be her brother for all I know. Care.
But something bugs me that he's not. Not from the way he hugged her and the way she hugged him back.
It was none of my business to divulge on her personal life. I only want her friendship.
And then what? Ruin her, destroy her along with you like the curse you are?
Taking lazy strides towards the balcony I lean over the steel railing, the flat glass presses down my lower half as I rest my elbows on them.
My fingers brush against the drowsy green leaves that fluttered within my touch. As if coming alive.
Mom insisted I take this room owing to its adjoining space that she thought could help me improve my botanical skills. They were like the only implement that kept me sane these days.
But I know why she did it, by providing me the best room she tried her best to provide me with the luxury I was used to.
A strangled voice erupts at the back of my throat, I hate not knowing things. I accepted I felt alone in this new town where people tried to be nice to me but I had pushed them out. But got pushed away by a girl while all I wanted was her to let me in. Even a little.
"What do you think Aloe, should I call her?" I enquired the opinion of the thick Aloe vera strands, to which it stared me back with a pure look of boredom.
As if egoistically quoting. Since when did Alex white become so insecure?
Scowling over my stupidity I scroll across the contacts, my fingers hover right above the lane of her name. After a long fight of assuring myself that I was not being a creep and this is what everyone else does in order to grow a friendship. I texted.
Hi, got your number from mom;)
Shit.
Where did that wink come from? She must think I am an official sucker who keeps sticking to her like a piece of gum. That's what I would think if someone texted me like that.
The teen dramas and high school movies present teenage boys as tough and know it all's. Who are not a bit insecure about what they do. Confidence radiating from them.
But I sure felt like punching a hole through the wall. And that's was not something a confident person does.
Says the boy who's consumed arrogance for breakfast and pride for dinner.
Can my subconscious be somewhat supportive? At least pretend that it was encouraging me when I was struggling to change for the better.
But no, it still has to cling to the old self.
Where was I again?
Yeah, the real life. Which Is a different story. No seventeen-year-old can master the art of fighting, be a good-looking jackass, and generous at the same time.
That's why movies are called fiction for a reason.
I wait for her reply. Strongly hoping she doesn't. A minute or two later my phone bleeps. Unfortunately. But fortunate.
Elaine: you are not going to let this go, are you?
Me: Never!!!!
E: :/
A: Meet you at school tomorrow?
E: whatever. Like I have a choice.
I smirk at no one in particular, as I finally have her opening up to me. Even a small text feels like knowing her more, she's just so damn conservative.
I was surprisingly worried as I scan over the whole school the next day. It was like my senses could pick up the glitch in a normal atmosphere as IÂ Waited for her in history class and for her response.
She was not in school today.
No reply to my texts either.
The Katy or kitty girl, I used my profound and listed ways to freeze her with my hollow cold gaze. Silently as I glared at Elaine's empty seat.
Used to Elaine's silence and her witty remarks. I kept my chaotic head steady so I won't end up snapping at the annoying girl next to me.
My suffocation ended when the final bell rang.
At home I was still distant, hardly paid attention to what Mom kept saying. But a segment of it alerted me.
"I have an appointment today and I wanted to ask you if you're free for the evening. Or else should I call the babysitter? Elaine was her name, right? What a lovely girl she was." She unconsciously crinkled her eyes as I squint mine at her.
It took me a second to register what she said. I lied next.
"No, I have got some work to do. It'll get late for me to get back" I do hate lying to her. Now that we're giving ourselves a chance. But It was the only way I could see Elaine and make sure she's fine.
Mom left and half an hour later the bell rang. Ash and I paused the movie we were watching. A surge of something unexplainable inflamed within me as I got up.
Opening the door I faced a sight I'd avoid watching. Most certainly would not want to.
"Are you okay?" The question stumbled out as I reached for her shoulder. She moved a bit to the side avoiding my gaze. Her red nose still looking bossy while She was a mess. Her hair was all over the place and her eyes bloodshot and watery.
She wiped the sweat off her face and glared at me. Valid glare since I was holding the door and she's been outside by now for a minute.
"I am so sorry, Please come in" she stomps in and Ash soon runs over to her. She picks her up into a tight hug and raspily chuckles.
"Missed you, Elsa," she says in her wobbly voice.
I frown and Elaine's face masks my feature as well.
"But shouldn't he be named be Elsa, his hair is White. Not mine" She points at me. Even though the conversation was addressed towards me, she was persistent in avoiding me.
"No, he's not cool. But you are so cool like her." Ash confronts giggling. My frown deepens.
"Do you know what even being cool is?" I asked surprised.
"yes, I do. You said so yourself Buzz last night Elaine is so cool" she even goes as far as to mimics my voice "-And Elsa is so cool she can make an ice palace with her powers"
Lazily my teeth graze the tip of my lower lip.
A warning encloses my previous slip to stay beware of what I share with my little sister in the future.
Throughout her time here Elaine ignored me like I was thin dust in the corner.
Calmly I let her do it. Heck was I going to make it easy for her.
When she was about to leave I force her into a talk.
"You were not in school," I state. Inserting my hand inside the bulkhead of my jeans pocket.
She nods biting her cheek. The coldness back in full force. At times she was like a mirror. I saw the pain, struggle and regret in her eyes, the emotions I carried with me like breathing. Except I learned to mask it well.
Well until I don't lose myself to the impulse of the moment and destroy every restraint I have delicately concealed.
That's when things get worse to the point that there was no return to it.
Because that's when people see what I am.
she had built walls around her. I wanted her to let me help her. Maybe I was selfish. Helping her might be a way of redemption is what I seek.
"Are you alright?"
"No" her voice gruff. Devoid of emotions.
I frown. Confused.
"I won't be until you leave me alone, I don't want you anywhere around me. You get this. Just. Stay. Away."
It was there again. The seething aggressive need to punch something or crush them under my feet, but there was also this faded segment which very much felt like hurt. But who was I kidding, hurt was too precious of emotion for me to feel?
But I know well to hide what I feel. Maybe being a kind person was a bad decision of mine. Maybe she just doesn't deserve a friend.
"Your paycheck will be sent at the end of the month. Be here every Wednesday and Friday. On-time" the old Alex was rooting its way out. The one I was not proud of. No one was. But it was the need of the moment. "You can leave now"
She looks taken aback, licking her lower lip as she blinked, But nods anyway. Then leaves hugging the coat tight around her.
It felt void a second. Colder the next. It felt familiar.
I liked it.
For the next few weeks, I hang out with Tyler and his so-called gang.
Gang. That's what the student's here call the clique of people who are well known. It was quite cringe-worthy, the stupidity of it.
It made me wonder at times if I had taken my days at Stuart Academy for granted. The education hub which was one of the best, condemned to be prestigious and most luxurious in the world, and I, the most, feared and respected boy to walk in those corridors.
But right now, I couldn't care less about who I was. The boy carved by the devil knows the worth of determination.
When I made this decision, I know there was no turning back.
And the ignorance of a girl with grey eyes wasn't going to make me rethink my choices.
Hence to forget them all-
I learned that the blonde girl's name was Karly and up close she was desirable.
And as for Elaine. Who cares about an outcast.
Right?
Right?
***