Chapter 78: Chapter 74

Keep in mind while reading this that this book is a mystery thriller, so when you read and have read so far keep the little things in mind as it'll play a bigger role later.

For the beginning for flashback in this chapter I've used this [••••] symbol. So look out for this and don't get confused.

Lastly, I love you all. Thanks for the amazing reaction in the last chapter.

Alex

This can't be happening.

Clueless and indecisive, the merciless beat of my anxious heart pounded like never before is all I hear among the rush of doctors and howling med assistance as they cram in an out of her room.

This can't happen.

Keira can't leave me.

Not when I wanted her to wake up so bad. I want to tell her about so many things.

To make her see how much I've changed after she went into the sleep of her choice.

To tell her about how I found the love I never believed in. That I found a girl just strong as her.

To make her realize how sorry I am.

And that it wasn't her fault.

"Dr. Brendon wait" I got on my numb and lifeless feet as soon as the man who had been on a timeline rush to aid the ascending condition of Keira came out "Is she going to be okay?" breathless it came out.

He halts, the brown worn out eyes which always gave me the hope. Now sympathetic and professional. Not a sign that I expected. That I wanted.

He tries to soothe me by placing his hand on my shoulder.

"We are doing out best Mr.White. The trauma that we believed had healed has ruptured. Internal bleeding. Not a good sign" he fixes me with a scanty push of a gaze "But don't lose hope. Okay"

I couldn't even find the power in me to nod. I watch him, not with faith but a fear masked by anger. Tight jaw and gritted teeth that even my gums felt the pain that I controlled with poise.

This can't happen.

"She's going to make it" I say quietly to myself as the nurse calls on the attention of doctor.

When the hospital had called me to notify the condition of Keira it was like what I thought to have been my best night flipping into a nightmare.

The worst part was I couldn't even remember driving here. Just some series of flashes and the feeling of hollowness to know that I won't be there for her tonight.

My posture falls to the waiting chair. Leaning my back I let my head rest against the wall as my eyes glares at the bright square blocks of celling lights.

I blink, the lids now heavy and endorsed with a burning need to sleep.

It was way past three.

The stressing lights again. That's were my gaze stayed glued to.

I wished the sleep would consume me, because if it doesn't I know I would have to relive it. The night, some revelations, some guilt and lights.

••••

Lights. It came from the minute crack from the study. The house was eerily silent and dark except for the gurgles of water filling up the mug.

That was the intention. To grab a snack and hydrant and leave, leave before your sorry excuse of a father crosses path with you, who was here on vacation with me on the advise of Keira. The aunt who would do and plan nonsensical attempts to mend my relationship with Leonard White.

Little was she aware of having him and I in a single room would either result in a marathon of who would scream louder, and probably a selective count by the maid the next morning of how many furniture survived.

But it was the week to her birthday and to my own surprise here I was. In Miami, spending the day in beach and night in my room. Pondering over what was I thinking when I said yes?

Frowning at the trickle of mumbled conversation in the room I discard the mug by the counter as I walk in the direction of study. The waves from the beach carrying a static of windy and scattering sound. Eerie, but better that my father's voice that seem to increase from inside.

"I know how to handle Thomas. He's my son so I expect you to stop brain washing him with love and care, because its not going to help him survive this world." Shifting my shoulder to the opposite wall, I peek through the crack. My hand pushing the door ajar infinitesimally. A bit to get a better view.

"I can't believe you just said that. The boy grew up without it, he's a human and not your puppet who is insensitive jerk like you Leo" Kiera, only my aunt can talk to my father like that and get away with it.

The man in accusation walks into view in his dark green Italo Zuchelli sweater and grey trouser with a glass of champaigne looking ridiculous as ever as he looks down at Keira with eyes that reflected the kind of displeasure that I bet I always have when I see him.

I am not like him. Inhaling I assured myself.

"He's my son" is all he says. His words a superstitious jab to her condition. My hand fists up on either side as I could sense the tears that welled up in her eyes.

It always had. The topic of kids and children.

Since years ago when her Fiance called off the wedding because she confessed to him about her infertility.

"And I've witnessed him get abused. You do know what this could do to your reputation don't you?" but tonight Keira was vividly stubborn. She was standing up for something that she felt was right. Years later for me. Unlike the other times when she dimmed down because of my Fathers fame and my Mothers cheerful personality.

The mother who lived for the status, smiled for the camera but never for her son. Was busy attending the charity events when her son's case was worse than any.

A fake woman.

"You think you are capable of doing that?" he chuckles sarcastically stepping closer to her by a half circle as he eyed her challengingly.

For the first time I felt the air around me drop down degrees with chillness. It wasn't anything or anyone else, but my own harvested coldness that wanted nothing more than to see this man destroyed.

But Keira had other ideas, or should I say other ways to get to him.

"I cannot" I frown at the defeat in her tone. Small and impaired. But just like the last straw she adds "I cannot bring justice in this house just like the way no one could do anything about Winstons"

At that Leonard White's eyes hardens, I watch my father go calm to controlled hyper in seconds. A drastic change of uneasiness in his persona, that kind that I've never seen.

Winstons.

The partners.

The family who died in a car crash Four years ago.

The death which felt like a blessing for the twelve year old Alex, the one which left Leonard White alone, his only competition gone. The death of Leonard's insecurity, which bought me the peace.

But today, the sixteen Year old Alex reevaluted the insensitivity of my young self. I hated it.

But more importantly I hated the fact that I was in the dark just like the place I was standing now.

"We don't speak about Winstons" it was an order by him. Stern and unmoving.

But Keira had non of it. As she straightened her shoulders and craned her neck to even out the intimidating stance of my dad.

"Why? Afraid of what will happen if Thomas finds out? You and I, we both know what happened that night. But we still kept quiet." By now she was sneering, with hurt and thick anger eloping her tone. "We know how they died and why, but yet we kept quiet for the cause of your reputation" she spits the words out as if it were too bitter inside her mouth.

He doesn't answer, merely gazes her with stone cold eyes it goes on until.

"Thomas doesn't know who Winstons are, he won't care" he takes a sip as keira retaliates her posture.

But on the other side, I felt the pattern aesthetically arrange themselves.

What I had heard for now was enough to conclude that the accident of those Winstons was a taboo for him.

Was it even an accident?

Before the dread of the possible theories could vex me up, I heard Keira speak again.

"He doesn't know. You are right" sarcastic and frustrated she throws her hand in air "But you know who he knows?" she sneers at him, it had a little to no effect on him, but it changed soon.

"He knows his mother Leo" at his point I could sense the crack in her tone. As I she was tearing up with guilt? But why?

"She's not here. She left him" he declares.

"You made her. It was all you Leo". She shakes her head, I could only see the back of her short blonde hair, sandy and golden. But I know she was crying. And what she said confused me to the core. My mother left me for another man, that's what happened.

Or. That's what I have been told.

"Thomas never knew his mother because you kept her busy all the time. You tried to discipline him in a way that was just so wrong. And when she knew about what happened all this time when she was gone, she wanted to leave you and take her son with her. But you, you were drunk that night. That night. You both fought while I made sure Thomas was not there to see or hear any of that. But when it got too intense, in the state of intoxication you pushed her. You pushed her off the stairs"

"It was an accident" he growls, as I feel my hand fist tighter. The silence in the room drops lower. Dense – but nothing could've prepared me for what came next.

"The accident paralysed her legs Leo" she says it. But then she adds something so low that if she hadn't been the subject of my focus, I would've never believed at it.

"She was pregnant"

Her whisper. Follows the silence. The silence in my head. The silence that was too loud for me to interpret what it screamed.

I don't know what happened to me. But I do know I had taken a step back, my body inert and passive. And the beats of my heart only thing that I could hear.

But I still stayed, my eyes fixed at the two people who were now nothing but a semblance of evened out lies.

Leonard White turns his back to her insensitively, but it was wrong. It wasn't insensitivity when the glass that was once in his grasp collides against the wall. Smashing and scattering into million pieces.

Then I saw her, turn. Her eyes sharp on door. On me.

She knew.

Her eyes glistens with unshed moisture. As her lips parts quivering.

She wanted me to hear this.

My step stumble's against the thick edge of rug.

So many lies.

She lied.

I could feel the anger and emotions dismantle the control I had.

She lied.

I trusted her.

Tugging at my hair, I gritted my teeth to stop the scream. Keira wasn't there to comfort me. She could never, not when she was the reason behind this.

I never expected anything from my father. but her?

She was the closest thing I had to a family.

Her past words resurfaces.

"Not aunt Keira, just Keira for you. because I am your friend. Right kiddo?" she warmly smiled flipping her blond hair behind her shoulders and extending her hand for a shake. Leaning so that she could rule out height difference.

Friends don't lie Alex.

"You can tell me anything Thomas. I won't tell anyone. I'll just help" her lips rolls in as she gasps slightly when I wince, hissing in pain as she tended the cut down my ankle. I never wanted to tell her my weakness. Father hated a weak son. He loathed it. But then she said something that made me heavy and light all of a sudden. "I won't hurt you Thomas. I promise."

I know I was hurting some were.

She broke her promise.

"Why did she leave?" I wreaked out the roots from soil, choking the stem like the questions I longed answers for that suffocated me. I was cold and ruthless to the world.

But Keira? She knew I waited for her.

For my mother. Her love and care. The way Edmunds mom does. The way Lee's Eomeoni sends him presents and foods from his homeland. The way they hug, the way the live. The way they laugh.

"She left because she found a better world Thomas" Keira places her hand on my shoulder, and when I try to shrug it away she pulls me into a hug.

The kind that I expected, wanted and wished from someone else.

"Stop slouching around. I am there for you. Your mother"

It was getting louder- the demons and the voices in sync so I leave, the house.

For some reason Edmund and Lee tagged along with me. Probably because Keira wanted them to come so I would've someone to hang out with.

But right now I know why I was heading towards their hotel rooms.

Banging the Fist again the door, I run thin on patience. Edmund opens it. And I push it up, throwing it ajar as I watch Lee in his pyjamas come out of his own suite rubbing his drowsy eyes.

Edmund frowns concerned as Lee blinks.

"Alex. Is everything Okay"

I Breath heavily.

I know why I was here. Lee smuggled and Edmund approved. And tonight I thristed of it.

"Still got the drinks?"

And through to that three hours later were the drunk sixteen year old teen, with one among them sober enough as monitored us and the remaining one stoned to the core.

I chuckle thinking of how I was metaphorically and sometimes, literally look like a stone. I was aware.

"You should stop me Ed, don't you think it's time?" I let my head fall low, gazing up at him through the mess of hair falling upon my eyes.

He sits by the couch as I relax my neck by resting my head at the foot board of his bed. The very bed in which Lee laid upon. Fast Asleep.

"I won't" he says much to my annoyance. His sharp brown eyes trying to nip at my soul. The one which is tattered and gladly too messed up to care. "You look like you need this"

I look away taking the swig at the content in my hand. The neck of the curved glass ware would have crackled over at the pressure I gripped it with. But it was stubborn, like me.

"What happened?" his words were straight. Like for the first time he wasn't serving me a diversion to escape.

When I don't answer and fix my gaze to the floor. He brings it up again after a moment of silence.

"Is it Mr. White?"

I down an another swig at the mention of him.

Mom was pregnant.

She never knew what he did to me.

Keira lied.

It was all him.

Can't Breath.

"I need to go" with wobbly legs I try to stand up. Failing once I plant my palm atop of bed as Edmund helps me get on my feet.

"I'll take you"

"No"

"I'll walk. The house Is just two streets away"

Edmund takes a step back, nodding.

Don't agree.

"Okay"

Why? You know I'll do something wrong.

"I'll leave now" I sniff.

Stop me Ed.

"Let me walk you to the Lobby"

The next morning I woke up by the pool, threw up as soon as I got to my room. Felt the extreme need to take shower but the eerie silence in the home without Keira's chatters held me back.

I without the knowledge of my doing found myself walking in the direction of her room.

"Keira" when there was no answer, I call out again.

"Keira" the shattered glasses crunches grainily beneath my shoes as I take in the havoc I had caused.

What I do last night?

With trembling hand I pull out my phone. But before I could call her my gaze lands on the edge of the foot of the bed post opposite to where I stood.

Rounding the corner, I come to a stop, a dead heave of my breath.

Her lifeless posture on the ground.

"Oh god" I chanted repeatedly kneeling by her side. Raising her head to my lap. "Wake up"

The screams didn't work.

Neither did the water.

My body shivered with fear and the silence that consumed the room once I had stopped trying.

But then ever so lightly I felt the crackle of something roll down from her loosened clutch.

It was the canister of her Anti-depressant.

And it was empty.

And then the night was a series of blur. I recall the flashes, the screams, the pain and numbness. I remember wrecking her room.

I remember her screams asking me to stop.

The blinks of hateful words, the hurt in her eyes.

The hangover this morning.

And the regret.

"It wasn't my fault Thomas, your father made me do it" she begged standing by the corner, terrified by the shreds of broken glass pooled beneath her feet. They were from the mirror I destroyed by throwing a vase at it.

It felt great, to see them wither and crash down while I held the power.

I wish I could do the same to so many people, visually watch them break. It would be so satisfying to witness it.

"Blame" gritting my teeth I laugh, a sound so sick and vile it was even sinister to my own ears. "Stop blaming others, it was you who I trusted" I take a step forward, with each my voice racing and raising an octave high. As I watched Keira tremble and grab the curling rod from the dresser.

"Afraid of what I am now?" tilting my head I step back, insanity roaring from with the way I talked, moved or even breathed. "You created this, you all did"

"I am sorry Thomas. Let me explain"

"Shut up" I raise a finger at her, my words clamped and barely over a whisper. I was tired and dead from inside. A stone from out. I can never be good for anyone. I was beyond gone.

"Please" she whispers, trying to grab my shoulder, but flinches as I hastily push it away.

"Don't show me your face keira" I warn her, I begged her from inside. And then I say something that left me with the sour reality. That I can control the world of disaster I made, but not myself. "It's good that you can never become a mother. Mothers are not liars, and you are messed up"

Her eyes goes wide and glassy, with unshed tears. As I walk out.

"No Thomas, don't leave" she says, defeated and weak as I look her over my shoulder. She slowly lifts her gaze from the ground to look at me. "I'll regret doing something if you do"

I listen to her words, but refrain from divulging the meaning behind it.

I leave her, for once not caring how toxic her intention were that night.

I lost her to my anger.

•••••

With sudden alarming gesture I woke up, still on that uncomfortable hospital seat to see the doctor walk out in time.

Rubbing the sleep off my heavy eyes, I focus on him as I walk over to where he stood instructing the nurse. How was I able to sleep at times like this?

"Mr. White" he smiles when he inclines his head in my direction, noticing me "You're awake, seemed like you needed that rest" confused but a bit less crazed I inspect the doctors cheerful nature, the news has to be in favor.

"How is she?" sweeping away the conversation to its core I ask.

"Fine for now" he says with his lips thinning. "But her probability of waking up is now lesser than before"

I close my eyes, feeling the pulse and ache in my head. Just how much do I have to suffer to trek through this guilt. Why won't she just wake up?

"You can go inside and see her if you want" he advised as I nod, pinching the bridge of my nose. The cold hospital air freezing my hands and nose to dryness.

I don't go in, instead I venture my gaze to her room through the tinted glass In the door.

Nothing changed, the sullen dreariness. The golden shade of her blond hair paling into lifelessness, her skin now sticking to her bones. Monitors and ivs pricked through her veins.

And I couldn't help but be the reason behind her present condition.

If only I hadn't left that night, if only I had let her speak, Explain and justify her situation and reasons. If only I had treated her and waited for her to tell me the truth, like I did with Elaine.

I would never deny that my friendship with Elaine started as a repentance. She was like a mirror to what Keira went through. She fought through her monsters, the one that annihilated her thoughts.

But she is stronger than Keira, I saw her emerge through them. Better each day. The way she fought for her, for me.

And that was just one of her demeanor that made me fall in love with her.

I had no one, despite living with my mother and trying to mend things with her only made me realize that what had happened was left too long to be recreated into something pure. I pitied her more than I loved her, I never got to know her because I never opened up, I was afraid to let her in. And then when I found Elaine.

A girl who knew nothing about me, but yet was somehow was there for me. The girl who gave me countless chances to prove myself better, the one who loved me for who I was.

She became my everything.

And even the thought of losing her was as close as welcoming death.

I cannot live without her.

Just the way Keira couldn't if I would have left her. I was her son, brother, friend and the only hope she could hold on to. She would never tell me, but I used to see the spark in her eyes when I would ask her to attend the parents teachers meet.

Or when I would simply pass by her room to ask if I looked good for the party, even if I didn't gave two shits about it.

I always thought that it was the small happiness she craved for. Similar like Elaine.

But that night I realized that Keira had her own bag of secrets as well. The pages from past that even held my father terrified.

The words that involved Winstons. There was so many things I wanted to ask her, but she slept peacefully as I struggled. The answers silenced inside her.

I do recall Ian mentioning their daughter being in critical condition, until she took her last breath a month later to her Parents demise. I didn't felt pity for her, at least she escaped this cruel world.

But now I feel the pang of guilt coil me in, she must've been someone like all of us. The same age, the varied dreams. Her hobbies, her goals.

Would she had turned out to become a beautiful woman? I remember Ian calling her a charmer even when she was a toddler.

No one ever would know her or truly treasure her memories. Because Elzina Winston was gone. The name with no face, a girl that I would never try to find out about. The girl whose death would never meet justice because I am a coward. And even after what I heard my father and aunt argue that night, I let it be.

My thought bared to reality as I felt my phone vibrate. It was Lee.

"Lee?" I frown as I felt the silence from the other end of the line. It was still late at night, probably four, and the blank reaction from his side left me with a frown.

"Lee are yo-"

"Alex" he breaths, the way he said my name was calculative and hesitant. At that moment I could feel the dread in my veins. Before I could confront he speaks again, and then i was barely able to hold myself together "Alex, It's – it's Elaine"

***