Throughout our conversation tonight, Iâve started feeling more at ease with Gabriel, but Iâm struggling to bring my point across, and it frustrates me.
âYou saved me,â I repeat, not knowing how else to explain to him what impact heâs had on my life.
âDid you hear what I just said?â He tilts his head. âIâm the one who shot you. I almost killed you.â
It still feels wrong arguing, but I canât keep the words back. âBecause you shot me and brought me here, my whole life changed.â
âJesus, Lara.â He stares at me as if Iâve lost my mind. âJust how fucking bad was it living at Mazurâs that you see being shot and almost killed as a blessing?â
My eyes lower to where heâs still holding my hand. I canât keep my voice from quivering as I admit, âYouâre the first man to hold my hand.â
Instantly he pulls away, and I lift my eyes to meet his. âYouâre the first man who hasnât hurt me.â Every good emotion Iâve felt since coming here bursts like fireworks in my chest. âYou saved me.â
Gabriel stares at me, and I watch as worry tightens his features. âWhen you say hurt, what does that entail?â
Traumatic flashes of beatings and whippings shudder through me.
Once I laid unconscious for a whole day after a beating. I couldnât use my right arm for two weeks, and my eyes were swollen shut.
Another time some skin came off with the shredded blouse after Tymon gave me fifty lashes for being five minutes late with his tea because the bus ran late after school. I couldnât sleep on my back for weeks and never returned to school.
Iâm so lost in the hell I endured that I startle when Gabrielâs palm cups my jaw. âTalk to me, Lara.â
Not wanting to relive the hell Iâve been through, I shake my head and lie, âI guess Iâm tired after all.â
He tilts his head, his gaze searching mine before saying, âThen Iâll let you rest.â
We stand up at the same time, and Iâm instantly overly aware of how close weâre standing to each other. My head tilts back, and my stomach does the weird flip-flop when my eyes rest on his face.
âMaybe one day youâll feel comfortable enough to tell me what happened?â he asks.
Itâs on the tip of my tongue to apologize, but knowing he doesnât like it when I do that, I just nod.
Gabriel brushes past me, then I turn to watch him leave my bedroom, silently wishing he had stayed and slept on the armchair again.
For a moment, I just stand between the table and the bed, not knowing how to process everything that happened tonight.
Then the importance hits like a ten-pound hammer, the air whooshing from my lungs. I wrap an arm around my waist as I slump down on the side of the bed in total shock.
Gabriel has accepted me. More so, he was friendly, understanding, and even supportive. He went out of his way to set me at ease.
Lifting a trembling hand to my mouth, I shut my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks.
He was willing to give me my freedom. Even though Iâd never leave because I wonât survive a day without his protection, just the thought that he was willing to give it to me means so much more than heâll ever know.
Gabriel has shown me a man can be gentle.
In his house, Iâve learned strangers can become family and enemies can become saviors. Iâve learned what itâs like to be cared for, and I donât think Iâll ever be able to live without it again.
The more affection Iâm given, the more my soul craves it.
I never have to leave, and he wonât kill me.
A peacefulness I havenât experienced before washes over me. I quickly wipe the tears from my cheeks, and standing up, I walk to the door. A smile wavers around my mouth as I pull it open and step out into the hallway.
Even though itâs the middle of the night, I canât wait for the morning to come. Iâm too excited.
I walk down the hallway and knowing itâs allowed, I go to the kitchen. Just because I can.
Iâm one of them now.
I take a seat at the table where Nisa and I have our meals and replay the conversation Gabriel and I had over and over in my head.
Iâm no longer a prisoner but a part of the household.
The last of the tension leaves my body, and I almost laugh out loud. Itâs hard to contain all the happiness I feel.
This is my home now.
I enjoy my newfound freedom until the sun starts to rise. Getting up, I stretch my body before switching on the stove and setting a teapot on it so the water can boil while I get ready for the day.
With a smile spread over my face, I quickly go back to my room and change into a pair of jeans and a yellow blouse. The color fits my happy mood.
When I return to the kitchen, I start baking the recipes Nisa taught me so the pantry will be full. I ground pistachio nuts and place them between layers of phyllo pastry. While theyâre in the oven, I try making some Turkish delights which Nisa likes to have with her tea sometimes.
I wonder what Gabriel and Alya Hanim like to eat? I need to ask Nisa so I can make sure there are treats for them as well.
âAllah Allah, my heart,â Nisa suddenly exclaims, making me jump with fright. âWhat are you doing up so early?â
A smile splits over my face. âIâm baking.â
âI can see that.â She walks closer and opens the oven. I notice the baklava is almost ready. Nisa looks at me again. âWhy are you baking? You should be in bed.â
I shake my head, my smile growing. âGabriel said I can move around the house freely.â Without thinking, I grab hold of Nisa and hug her. âIâm no longer a prisoner. Iâm free.â
She wraps her arms around me, then says, âYou were never a prisoner, Lara. But Iâm glad to hear you can move around freely. Itâs long overdue.â
When we pull apart, she pours us some tea, then asks, âWhen did Gabriel Bey tell you this?â
âLast night. He said I donât have to be afraid of him and even said I can go back to school.â
Nisaâs eyebrows lift high on her forehead. âWhat else did he say?â
I glance down at the gooey mess Iâve made, then scrunch my nose. âHow do you make Turkish delight?â
âThat can wait,â she scolds me. She takes hold of my arm and drags me to a chair. âSit and tell me everything that happened last night.â
âGabriel just told me I can relax and that there are no longer any restrictions.â
Nisa must not understand because she asks, âHow did he say this? What were his facial expressions, his gestures.â
Confused, I shake my head. âThey were normal?â
âAllah Allah.â She glances up at the ceiling as if sheâs saying a prayer. âDid he smile or frown?â
âOh.â My lips instantly curve up. âHe smiled a couple of times.â Then I think to add, âHe was really friendly and patient. It was nice.â
Nisa slumps back in her chair, using a hand to fan her flushed face. âGetting information out of you is impossible,â she mutters. âAnd here I thought Iâd get a juicy story before breakfast.â With a sigh, she stands up to look at the mess Iâve made, then she points at it. âThis is not how you make Turkish delight.â
Getting up, I take the baklava from the oven and set it down on a cooling rack. âWill you teach me?â
âNot today.â She gestures at the mess again. âClean this up so we can prepare breakfast.â
Getting to work, my heart feels lighter than ever. My laughter comes easier. Everything tastes better. The sun shines brighter.
Iâm happy.